How to get by without a bottle opener

[freddiestarfish]

If you find yourself in the situation where you have no access to a bottle opener, or you just want to impress people you can use those handy dandy things inside your mouth.

Teeth.

(Do not worry about me, my father is a dentist)


Step 1:

Get a bottle of unspecified liquids.

http://www.geocities.com/web_5d/b1.txt



Step 2:

Place bottom pre-molars underneath the cap of the bottle. Making sure that you get a good position, as all the power comes from here. The key is to get the lip of the cap over the forst ridge of the teeth.

http://www.geocities.com/web_5d/b2.txt



Step 3:

Align top teeth so that they are applying pressure to the middle of the cap. This gives maximum leverage, and least chance of embarrasment.

http://www.geocities.com/web_5d/b3.txt



Step 4:

BITE

Do this carefully though, and make sure it is controlled, not a wild bite. Slowly push the bottom teeth up, do not pull down on the bottle. With enough controlled force, the cap can be folded.
http://www.geocities.com/web_5d/b3.txt
Remember it is a bite, not pulling down the bottle. Do this and you get your face ripped open



Step 5:

The cap will have folded by now, and will be easily pulled off, for maximin effect with the teeth.

http://www.geocities.com/web_5d/b5.txt



Step 6:

Drink.
(If you are under 18, let a responsible adult do it for you)

http://www.geocities.com/web_5d/b6.txt



Then, for maximum fun, repeat.

several times.

[oppernaR]

\o/

Well done, that's how a MAN opens his bottles!

Í'm so proud of you!!!

[eleanor]

You look quite a lot like a (male) friend of mine, occasionally!

Good trickery. I thought the boyfriend was the only one silly enough to do this, but it seems not :p

how long is your hair now, Freddie? Post a photo that answers this fine question, in the Pics of You thread, old boy.

[Anti - Squirrel]

I've always had more success with the "Hook the cap over the side of a table and give the bottle a good whack" approach (to give it's Technical name)

I would illustrate, but I'm suffering from a tragic lack of beer at the moment. :(

[Mystical Parrot]

id like freddie to open bottles for me, he could be my party trick.

i find opening bottles with bottle openers or other people works best for me

[freddiestarfish]

The problem with that tactic is when you are at a friends house and decide to do that, you leave a large chunk of their shiny new table missing and have to slide away slowly.

[Smitty]

lol...I used to open bottles like that but I wound up losing a sealant off of one of my teeth so I don't do it anymore. I devised a method to get them off using a cigarette lighter. If I get bored, I might post a how to :D

[Ziptnf]

i'd use that alot.

if i had access to beer.

or other bottletopped items.

[[murray]]

Or theres the alternative for when you're tood runk to know better.

Find a bottle with said awkward top. When you realise you are unable to open it otherwise, foolishly copy your (more sober) friends idea fo smacking the bottle top on a wall.

Miss.

End up with a bottle that has only half a neck.

Drink anyway.

Awake next morning with a bleeding lip, because you cut yourself.

Go to work. Be hungover.

Worked for me.

[eleanor]

Originally posted by Smitty
lol...I used to open bottles like that but I wound up losing a sealant off of one of my teeth
as in a cap or similar? Dammit, that disqualifies me from this coolness too :( I've got a cap on my left front tooth after chipping it years ago.

(it has lasted ages considering it was on the NHS, good ol' free healthcare.)

[BooBooKittyFuck]

I can do the opening bottles with my teeth one but i tend to just hurt my hand if i try using the edge of tables.
My sure fire way of doing it involves finding a random guy and fluttering eyelashes :rolleyes:

[3v1l |\/|1NiOn]

tried a while ago.... and failed

and chipped a tooth in the process

[AntiSheroAshley]

Interesting...
I shall have to remember that.

[Anti - Squirrel]

Originally posted by freddiestarfish
The problem with that tactic is when you are at a friends house and decide to do that, you leave a large chunk of their shiny new table missing and have to slide away slowly.

Sounds like you're speaking from experience, there. Woops indeed. :D

[SWE]

There was an ad in sweden about that a while ago.

[queenofself]

ive never been able to do that...i have to settle with slamming them on the radiator & losing half the contents to fizz

i just had to get the nice man in the shop to open my bottle of wine for me & walk back into halls looking like a wino with it sticking out of the top of the paper bag. i just moved back in & forgot the essentials

[Anti - Squirrel]

This here be my weapon of choice for this kinda situation. It came with a matching pint glass.

It's electronical too. Homer Says "Mmmmmmmmm, beer" when you press it on the bottle cap. Makes me laugh every time.

[fishymcfish]

I have only ever tried to open a bottle with my teeth once, surprisingly I suceeded, I was kind of drunk already, and when someone asks you to do something like that, you do it just to look good, so I did. The only negative point was the tiny chip i got on one of my teeth, but it was nothing really compared to some of the chips I've had in my teeth.

Much respect for doing this successfully without breakage.

[NumptyScrub]

I've resorted to teeth once or twice myself. Like Freddie said, the trick is to use the molars (the big ones at the side) rather than the incisors (the sharp ones at the front) to do it :D

Although I've seen people successfully use the table/radiator trick before I have never managed to get it to work without much spillage of the precious beer :(

[Fick]

In a fairly decent link to the thread there is a way to open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew.

Basically you hit the base of the bottom against a hard (but not too hard) object, a tree is ideal. This causes the wine to slosh around pretty violently inside the bottle, and due to the shape of a bottle impacts with significant force against the inside of the cork. After a suitable amount of whacking the cork should protude enough to be able to be gripped sufficiently and removed.

And viola, wine goodness is ready to be consumed!

Disclaimer: I accept to responsibilty for damage to wine, trees or people caused by impact of bottle or by breakage of glass.

[scram]

with your teeth?

You're weak son.

A REAL man opens it with his hands.

Or on the skull of his child.

[i-am-the-eggman]

lol, pour exemple:

"hey kid, do you like alcohol"

"YEAH, YEAH"

*shatter*

mmmmm..........beer.

alternatively you could just keep a cool funky bottle opener on your keys (then youll be the hit of the party opening everyones drinks - and save lives)

The best drinker pre-empts situations, never reacts :p

[freddiestarfish]

Originally posted by Scrambled
Or on the skull of his child.

You are welcome to try anytime you like.