Private Bob
26-06-2004, 12:02 AM
Thought that here would be the best place to post this...I was wondering what people thought of this poem/song that I wrote. It needs some work done to it and I was hoping that the good ole W&B forumites could help me along a bit...Well Here it is...
Btw I've underlined the bits I'm not happy about...
I walked a while with my love today,
Alas she does not know.
She does not know of life or death,
Or of the seed within her head.
They plant it there to 'keep us right',
To question not their wars.
But still the chosen ones they see,
Through the facade, a hypocrisy.
The while we stroll she does not talk,
Although we love she does not live.
Behind her eyes a wall of steel,
To keep her from her thoughts.
A wall, a dam, a fence, a screen,
Behind which, a silent scream.
All have these except a few,
As yet too few to play a part.
That will change, oh comrade true,
It will change before too long.
Soon we'll have a million men,
To cleave that seed away.
The time is near to act our part,
To change our world today.
Break the fence, smash the screen,
Release in all their hidden scream.
Convert that scream to speech, my friend,
And shout it from the roofs.
Kindle in all a living blaze,
To fire their hearts and minds.
The old myth with which they ruled,
That 'might can vanquish right'
Soon shall die with them outside,
The first fruits of the seeds.
I wish to free my love you see,
To save her from herself.
I can't protect her all my life,
But I know I've played my part.
Take heart my friend for we will win,
Quickly without a doubt.
So spread the word of liberty,
So we may all unite!
Btw I've underlined the bits I'm not happy about...
I walked a while with my love today,
Alas she does not know.
She does not know of life or death,
Or of the seed within her head.
They plant it there to 'keep us right',
To question not their wars.
But still the chosen ones they see,
Through the facade, a hypocrisy.
The while we stroll she does not talk,
Although we love she does not live.
Behind her eyes a wall of steel,
To keep her from her thoughts.
A wall, a dam, a fence, a screen,
Behind which, a silent scream.
All have these except a few,
As yet too few to play a part.
That will change, oh comrade true,
It will change before too long.
Soon we'll have a million men,
To cleave that seed away.
The time is near to act our part,
To change our world today.
Break the fence, smash the screen,
Release in all their hidden scream.
Convert that scream to speech, my friend,
And shout it from the roofs.
Kindle in all a living blaze,
To fire their hearts and minds.
The old myth with which they ruled,
That 'might can vanquish right'
Soon shall die with them outside,
The first fruits of the seeds.
I wish to free my love you see,
To save her from herself.
I can't protect her all my life,
But I know I've played my part.
Take heart my friend for we will win,
Quickly without a doubt.
So spread the word of liberty,
So we may all unite!