Marriage - "I do" not see the point

[Fozma]

Ok this is my first ever post on debates so go easy on me and somebody please post something or il look like an idiot. too late...
Anyway.

Marriage- Dont you think that the marrying of two people is old and should be left to die? i heard a few years ago that 1 in two marriages end in a divorce (and that figure has probably increased). For every star struck teenager, there is a tired eyed 30 year old, wondering what on earth she had been thinking.
After recently going through the experience of my parents splitting up i came to the decision that getting married is stupid. Cant two people, live together without having to have wear an expensive ring? I admit that weddings can be alot of fun, especialy the food so why dont people just have a party if thats all they want.
The flaw in the modern marriage is that times have changed and it hasnt changed with them, old marriages relied on the fact that the wife was supposed to be completely loyal to the husband and she wasnt allowed a divorce. You couldnt really call her (im talking generaly here) his other half, more like a pretty tag that was there to look after the kids, clean the house, prepare her husbands food and not ask questions. Nowadays, thankfully, women are much more independent, socialy, mentaly and statisticly.

Maybe people are afraid of change and feel that it is compulsory to go through a Christian ceremony even if they are not religios or maybe they simply dont take marriage seriosly enough and (re)bound into them, without thinking about the commitments. Ive never been truely in love so what do i know.

Post your critisisms and thoughts!

Fozma

[Cookies]

Yes i agree that it isn't necessary for couples to get married, but even if they are not married and have a child then if they break up it will still affect the child, so in that case isn't that like saying don't have children in case you break up??

In another sense some people see marriage as the next stage of their relationship, the thought of spending your whole life with your partner, to some people is pretty special. Marriage can show that you truly love your partner, but as i said it isn't necessary. I just don't know why you are against it, and my parents have split up and my mum and sisters dad split up and my step sisters parents split up and so did my boyfriends so yes i do know the effect it has on people.

[Ouroboros]

Originally posted by Fozma
Cant two people, live together without having to have wear an expensive ring?
Fozma

My parents did it, and they are still going strong. It's simply a religious ceremony that has stayed in the mainstream, and most people probably don't think about it. You just "do" get married, and that's the end of it.

But marriage is useful. Go and watch "Intolerable Cruelty" at the cinema. One of marriages greatest uses :D

[squealpiggy]

I'm getting married. It's something I want to do to express my love for my partner and I want to be in a partnership which has legal and spiritual bonds as well as just conjugal. Divorce statistics can say what they like but noone goes into a marriage thinking that it might fail.

[b_em]

I've been with my partner for four and a half years. We've had our ups and downs and who knows, we may not be together forever. We've agreed that marriage for us won't happen until we are financially stable.

I'm not religious, and I've already shown my commitment to him by emigrating to a country where I have no friends or relatives, simply to be with him. For me, marriage is there to symbolise finally reaching some sense of stability.

I have no idea why, but I would feel wrong to bring a child into our relationship without first having married my partner.

Is it wrong and outdated? It depends who you are. I am not religious, and for that reason, marriage ceremonies and christenings are more something I attend for other people. Yet I respect and appreciate the importance of the ceremony for others. If my partner would like a religious ceremony, and would like to exchange vows in a church 'before God' then so be it.

To those of is without religious leanings, it may well seem outdated, but theres always a section of the population with deep religious beliefs for whom marriage is far more than a legal issue. The one thing that I stand by, however, which I do feel is somewhat lacking in predominantly religious societies, is that for a marriage to succeed, you need to have made your commitment long before you exchange vows.

Living under the gravity of commitment is the hardest thing a relationship can face, and unless you have that sorted out long before you consider a ceremony, your chances of survival are poor.

[cliffhanger]

I think that marriage is important as it is more than just showing commitment it is also the bonding of two families. I do seem to hear that 'times have changed' a lot recently. Yes they have but I think this phrase is an excuse for the fact that there is a breakdowns of moral values in society and that people all want to be able to do what they like with the minimum of problems should it go wrong. This is similar to the comments I have read in the newspaper recently about updating the bible for the 21st century. How in the world can a human update the word of God? It then ceases to be the word of God it is then the word of the editor. Sorry I digress there but I do agree that getting married should be up to the individual as it is a waste of time and money if you don't do it with the right intentions.

[often Ndisguise]

Hmmm I am 20 and sometimes I really want to get married.........then i think about all the fed-up married couples I know and think no way man.

just kidding.

Marriage is not something that will cure all one's ills. It is not something that will PERMANENTLY join a guy or gal to you for life. Some people go into marriage so they feel like they will ALWAYS have their partner's undying love. That is not always the case.

Basically, I think marriage exists primarily for people to create families and share their incomes. In modern times, marriage has been more about love. But that element of uniting families, incomes and raising babies still exists.

I do not think marriage is useless. I think it is a great stabalizing force in society. I also think that people who are religious are more likely to appreciate marriage. A lot of religions place a great deal of emphasis on marraige.

True, the chances are high that it could end in disaster. But there is also the chance that it will end 'happily ever after'. Personally, my feeling is 'nothing ventured nothing gained'.

[Fozma]

thanks for your opinions guys/gals, they've really made me reconsider :)

[Iffy]

well my parents have stuck together for 22 years this upcoming march. So for some, it does work.
I think bringing up a child in a non marriage could work, but only if the two parents are really committed because theres always the unstability (sp?) that one parent could walk out.
I think marriage is better for some, not for others.

[squealpiggy]

Originally posted by cliffhanger
I think that marriage is important as it is more than just showing commitment it is also the bonding of two families. I do seem to hear that 'times have changed' a lot recently. Yes they have but I think this phrase is an excuse for the fact that there is a breakdowns of moral values in society and that people all want to be able to do what they like with the minimum of problems should it go wrong. This is similar to the comments I have read in the newspaper recently about updating the bible for the 21st century. How in the world can a human update the word of God? It then ceases to be the word of God it is then the word of the editor. Sorry I digress there but I do agree that getting married should be up to the individual as it is a waste of time and money if you don't do it with the right intentions.

Humans have been updating the "word of God" for thousands of years. In fact the bible continued to be updated until the end of the Revelation of St John where he made the literary equivelent of going in and taking his ball with him (rev 22:18-19). The only bit of the Bible which even purports to be direct from God are the Ten Commandments.

[I'm Jim Too]

Cookies
Marriage can show that you truly love your partner...

often Ndisguise
...that element of uniting families, incomes and raising babies still exists...

I agree. I see marriage as both a display of love and a way to strengthen the foundations of a new family.

If I was to marry I wouldnt percieve it as a bond sworn to in front of a god and therefore eternal. Also I feel you must agree that sometimes it is better for two people to split up regardless of children and a legal contract...


b_em
I have no idea why, but I would feel wrong to bring a child into our relationship without first having married my partner.

Perhaps because of the "bastard" stigma attached to children born out of wedlock? :p
I dont think it matters so much anymore - but I do understand how you feel. I'm uncertain what my own thoughts are on this point.
In my mind it would appear better to be married when your children are born.
Odd.
It seems as if "having a child" somehow infers that you are married...

[Ouroboros]

Originally posted by Sock
I think bringing up a child in a non marriage could work, but only if the two parents are really committed because theres always the unstability (sp?) that one parent could walk out.

What about divorce? It's the same thing really. As I said, watch Intolerable Cruelty, to see that marriage isn't always about love abd devotion...

[KualaLumpur1997]

The only point I can see in marriage is that it eases legal difficulties should one of the partners die or something. The French have come up with a solution - the PACS - it stands for something French. (The P stands for pacte, and the s for solidarité, but I forget the rest) It means you have a legal bond with someone which isn't religious or anything but it means you get treated like a couple, and you don't need the courts to organise divorce etc.

[b_em]

Over here, if you have been with your partner for more than a year (since you were both 18 years of age, not before), you are considered DE FACTO SPOUSES. Basically you have exactly the same rights in law as those who are married, the same rights in terms of a will or pension payment, everything.

It works well for my partner and I: we moved to this country unmarried after a year together, but we've never been pressured into a marriage we don't otherwise intend to have.

Why other countries don't do this, I have no idea. Obviously when it comes down to it, you do need to be able to prove you have been together for that time, and this is where digitally dated photographs and joint bank accounts come in handy.


As for the bastard stigma....

My brother was born two months before my father turned 17. His parents refused (quite rightly) to give their permission for my father to marry my mother, and he had to wait until his 18th birthday. So technically, my brother was born a bastard (can still be a bit of a bastard at the age of 31 but thats another matter ;)).

It has never hindered him in any way, noone has ever given my parents any trouble for having a child out of wedlock. Perhaps he is lucky.

To me, the concept of bringing a child into a relationship where the parents are unmarried is more of a personal thing. Our concept of marriage is a turning point...it takes a stable relationship in uncertain times (financially, immigration wise, business wise) and will bring us officially into a more stable future. I know marriage won't change these things...but to us, once these things have turned around, marriage is I suppose the icing on the cake. It's a personal symbol to us, and hopefully thats a good enough reason.