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Twatybollocks
02-04-2005, 07:31 PM
Did anyone spot the Steam April Fools gag? No, neither did I because I played it yesterday and nothing happened. But now I log in and this news popped up.

Friday, April 1 2005

An update is available for Counter-Strike: Source. The update will be applied automatically when your Steam client is restarted. This update addresses requests for more realism in Counter-Strike: Source. The changes are as follows:


Features/Additions
Doubled player speed when jumping. The effect to cumulative, so the more you jump, the faster you go.
Cut price of AWP by 50%.
Added akimbo Riot Shield to buy menu.
Removed de_dust from mapcycle.
Realism Enhancements:

Knives:
Between rounds, it is suggested that you unsheath the weapon and repeatedly press the attack key to air it out as the leather now collects moisture and creates pits on the blade, making it less effective in the next round.

Shotguns:
1. Firing the shotgun without ammo loaded will now cause it to jam.
2. When the shotgun jams, press F2 to fill out form DA-1823-00/A12-H8.
3. You should then hear a scribbling sound. When it stops, press F3 to send the request to LIDM.
4. Failure to do paperwork before pressing F3 will result in the immediate return of the unrepaired shotgun.
5. The repairs can take 1-2 rounds for completion. During that time, you cannot purchase a replacement firearm and may only use your sidearm or knife.

Player Models:
Several models now feature eyewear. This is a completely cosmetic enhancement with the following exceptions:

Part EP-7829-292-2 must be purchased and worn correctly at all times in order to see during the round.

In between rounds, you may purchase and use part EC-2231-833-H34 to clean your EP-7829-292-2. Note: that this does not clean the eyewear itself!

To clean the eyewear, you need to purchase and use the designated cleaner, EC-2231-233-H34, EC-2231-523-H34, or EC-2231-239-H34a respectively depending on your model's eyewear. You can determine the part # of the correct cleaner by asking someone.

Machine and submachine guns:

At least once every five rounds, press F1 to inspect the weapon:
A musical cue indicates that the inspection has started. Now press F1 again repeatedly to clean and lubricate the weapon.

Your Preventative Maintenance Status (either "cleaning" or "lubricating") is determined by the speed with which you press the F1 key and will be displayed above your head.

To accurately simulate real life maintenance mistakes, pressing F1 too quickly will lubricate either the bolt face or the trunnion block. Pressing F1 too slowly sprays lubricant directly into the buffer tube. All mistakes render the gun inoperable, though this may not become immediately apparent.

Experiment with keypress timing to avoid (and discover!) other common maintenance errors.

In order to balance the improved stopping power of a well-maintained weapon, the reloading process has been made much less reliable.

When reloading, you should listen for two or three distinct clicks over a period of several seconds.

If you hear one click or no clicks or more than two clicks, you've bent the link ejector chute and the gun will most likely explode on the next attempt to fire it, though it may not.



© Valve Corporation. All rights reserved. Valve, Half-Life, and Counter-Strike are trademarks
and/or registered trademarks of Valve Corporation.

Eridanus
02-04-2005, 07:36 PM
When i origionally saw that i was confused by the first bit, then i realised it was an april fools joke. Only problem was i didn't see it until today so it wasn't april 1st

Lewiji
02-04-2005, 08:24 PM
OMG WOW ALL MY SUGGESTIONS ON TEH STEAM FORUMZ CAME TRUE

[/lie]

(You know I still play 1.3 for the uber bunny hopping)

Timmeh
03-04-2005, 10:10 AM
I only just read this (as I haven't turned off my pc or restarted steam in a good few days) to start with and though... oh god what've they done :/ then I noticed the date on the top... thank fook :p

And CS 1.3 was the best version ever, it was so much better than 1.6. Now the game's far to dependant on your system resources and rates. I guarantee that in a straight spray, the person with the fastest computer and most optimised rates wins with only 25 health lost. Sucks.

Twatybollocks
03-04-2005, 10:40 AM
I actually thought it was real right up until the Shotguns section, point 2. How lame is that!! I actually thought the jumping bit made sense! I was also annoyed they had removed Dust...I seriously need help.

Some guy on CS:S last night fell for it all though, he was asking us about how confused he was over the new gun maintaining rules...lol!

Lagmeister
03-04-2005, 10:59 AM
I laughed when I saw it, I read the date first so I knew it was a joke, i still havent found someone who believed it though, maybe they should have made a new 'Fool' symbol appear over their heads if they tried to 'maintain' their guns, that would have made my day.

Cloud
03-04-2005, 11:29 AM
Haha, i knew it was a joke. its not like steam to change a winning formula, and paper work!? hahahaha

SWE
03-04-2005, 11:41 AM
It would be pretty fin to try it with all those things though...

linkasy
07-04-2005, 08:49 PM
it makes me wonder if any of you saw the hl3 april falls joke?

Pilk Man
17-04-2005, 10:18 AM
I actually believed it when I first saw it...

The sending away the shotgun made me twig on...

I was all like "WTF? I don't have time for paperwork in a firefight!!"

And then I was 1337! SO 1337!*


*or something to that effect...