Homework/Lateness/Missing dead-line/comitting murder* excuses

[Furnie]

*Before I start I'm not encouraging reading through this thread and then committing a murder.

Excuses Excuses. We all need them, whether we've forgotten our playschool homework, missed an important** dead line or killed your boss ***. Of course you could use the excuse, my pet flea ate it, but where's the imagination in that. How about I was training my flea to do triple back flips and rewarding it when it did well [under your breath] Instead of doing my homework [/under your breath]. Unfortunately while I was doing this a sharp gust of wind swept my beloved pet and my homework out of the window well the sheet of paper I had [start sobbing]. I spent hours looking for it and I never had chance to finish my Finnish course work.

I'm sure you get the idea now. Lets here yours for better (and for worse if you're not that good).

**as seen by other people
*** He was the one who decided it was important

P.S. There was a similar thread to this about a year ago but it was old and I’ve taken a different slant on it

[ye olde noob]

"[Insert fattest guy in class's name here] must have eaten it!"

"Oh you wouldn't like it. It's not very good."

And, for murder...

"I told him steel conducted electricity!"

[killsteel]

Well, my personal favourite is 'I forgot', which is suprisingly true on a number of occasions, however doesn't seem to work very well.

I'd just like to use this space to point out the discouragement from telling the truth that we're faced with in society today...

[Littleshore]

Vittu Satani Pèrkele!

No more soup for you!

[Synonymous]

You've just killed someone, you always plea temporary insanity. Or alternatively, you just kill the guy who tries to arrest you for killing that guy, then kill the guy who tries to arrest you for killing those guys...you get the picture?

Or for homework, the best excuse is, "Mnmnmnmnmn I forgot it you retard!"(no offence to retards) And then act like they are the idiot for making you do it in the first place!

But if you want to stay in school...do your homework...:D : :eng101:

[Dick Champion]

Diarrhoea. Works every time. Especially if you lower your voice and describe it in graphic detail so only they can hear.

[Lozzie Stardust]

Real excuses I have done:

I have PMT and in so much pain couldn't get out of bed. - get over it

And i've ever done a bit of homework for you ever.... no? why start now..

and the latest one witten on a scrap of paper.

I'm 18 & can write my own notes, here's a good reason to try it out, have it to you for next lesson. cheers teach.

my drama teach was LHAO, my history teach however... *shudders*

[Synonymous]

I only just noticed the Lateness excuses, if someone says "YOR'RE LATE!" just start limping, they will notice and STFU! You then rib them by saying, "Sorry I was late, a car ran over my foot, but instead of calling an ambulance, I came to work/school/Church."

[mrs_stabby]

I have to say the worst excuse I have used in my entire life would have to be the time we were supposed to make a bag for technology (This peachy little anecdote also shows just how stupid some teachers today can be). Well, I pretended to be sewing in class and then took my bag home to 'finish it.' Of course the teacher asked for it in and I told her that I'd given it to a girl on the bus, because her bag broke and i just so happened to have it with me. I'm pretty sure she believed me because she's usually quite strict and she just said (in a rather harsh tone) 'Well you'll have to get it off her and hand it in next week!' Of course we rotated tech classes so she never got my 'bag!'

[Tiggs]

'I already handed it to you, havent you got it'

That one managed to extend my IT coursework deadline by about a week. Also 'pronter troubles' used to work, but thats starting to become a biy cliché now and teachers have stopped accepting it.

Of course those two don't come close to the best one I have seen. Female studnet, male teacher: 'woman troubles'. Instant get out of jail free card that one. The teacher daren't ask exactaly what

[plattbridger]

I told my (trainee) tutor that my USB stick had snapped in half, and who expects their USB stick to do that! That bought me an extra two months (cos it was over the christmas period) well there y'are!

[Weevel]

I spilt coffee down my last workshirt.. have to wash, dry and iron it... reckon i'll be in around 11(ish)..

Or when my boss caught me being one minute late he called me in the office (clearly enjoying the moment) and started his "how many times have I told you?" speech, I pointed out that by the office clock I was actually three minutes early and that's the clock I come in and go home by... the clock got reset to bastard time that afternoon (and yes I was late the following day).

[Monkor]

I was eating beef, and that takes a serious commitment

[Rush]

One of my friends actually took a bite out of my homework once. The look on the teacher's face was priceless.

[mrs_stabby]

'I already handed it to you, havent you got it'

Yes, I too have used that one before!

[Mozzer]

You would think in a situation where we are limited to one textbook between two people that our teacher would not set us homework on Friday due for Monday when I live nowhere near the person I sit next to in class or anyone in my class for that matter... but no, she says you'll have to do it somehow. "I have to find time to do things I don't want to do so why shouldn't you?" But miss, this is sodding impossible!!! Gah.

But I suppose in any other lesson it would work to get yourself out of trouble and hand it to someone else by saying "[least favourite classmate] borrowed my [resource] and never gave it back."

[Star]

tooth brush, water, paper and ink :D

though it has to be a nice day the day before and it has to have rained.

[kaliana]

An old favourite:

Why are you late?
Because I'm not on time, sir/Madam/Mother/Your Lordship/God.

[Horse]

I used to use the excuse that I got stuck behind a tractor when I was late. Even though I used to walk into work. Never questioned.

edit: You could try it for murder I expect too.

[Bloopo]

My master plan:

I say my printer wasn't working. If they ask if I've emailed it to school, I say yes (to avoid any awkward questions pertaining to my common sense). Then, when they ask me to show them it on the computer, I go to my school inbox, and as I have sent a load of other crap to school, the admin has closed my inbox due to it being over 10mb. Thus, I can blame the stupid IT techs at school for me not having my homework in my inbox, and get off scot free.

Or something that one kid did once:

Teacher: Where have you been?
Kid(when late for class):...I'm late.

Or: "I'm not late, I arrived precisely when I intended to."

[Katie_D]

The most popular excuse in younger years is "My printer broke". I swear...it began to wear thin with me. Once my printer did actually break so I couldn't print my coursework out without it looking like ze poop, and the teacher looked at me with daggers.

In the 6th form, the most used excuse is probably either "I couldn't be bothered" or "I forgot". Nothing beats honesty.

[chickensalad69]

With my History coursework I said to my lecturer that I had my work on a floppy disk and it didnt work at the library. Actually, my work was not on this disk at all-the documents on the disk were all of my dads old accounting details from 8 years ago. Thinking I had got off with this, my lecturer then says "Lets go down to my office to print it off on my computer". I thought-bugger. So, I nervously went down to her office with her, and when she loaded the disk onto her computer, the aforementioned accounting documents opened up, instead of an essay as to why Hitler became chancellor of Germany. I just said then "Crap", which my History lecturer took into account and just assumed that I was really quite "crap" at the rather simple task of loading documents onto a floppy disk. So, I got and extra two days to do the essay, and I mangaged to blag a free disk from my lecturer, who said I needed a clean disk.
I did fel quite guilty though, as she had just come back to college after being off for a term with a rather badly broken leg-so going up and down two floors to her office was rather slow due to the limping...I felt quite horrible, yet couldn't help laughing to myself when she nearly tripped over....

[Patrick Moore]

I've used the "i handed it in. have you lost it?" one...

"Family emergency" works quite well. Then just look at the floor and don't say anything else.

[bionic sheep]

"Have you done your homework?"
" . . . . "
"What?"
"Well, there was this ferret, see, and it -"
"Bring it for Monday."

I <3 my maths teacher.

[Mushroom]

"Where's your homework?"
"Oh, I thought it was in for tomorrow/next week/month/term :( *apologetic look*"

Worked for me when I'd forgotten for a good few years ;)

[Arkwright]

"My Dad's had a Heart attack..."

Teachers instantly say, oh shit...
I don't tell them how long ago the heart attack was of course.

[RobW]

I blame ash.







Oh teh rofflings

[funkin_dudette]

Best one ever...'Wolves did it and ran away'

[Cynic]

Bigger boys did it/stole it/broke it

I did It, I just haven't got it with me. I'll give it to you tomorrow

I have Coursework for another subject

I was washing my hair

You didn't set us that homework (Works if class is in unison)

[Cheeky Prophet]

Because my teachers know I have a fairly difficult schedule, lately I've just been using the excuse of "I had a really horrible history test to study for, and I didn't have time for anything else" or I'll do a preemptive "Studying for my exams are really eating up my time. Can I turn this in Monday?" so I get the weekend to work on it. Sad thing is, I really am that busy that I need the extra time.

Saying you had technical difficulties generally works, though. If you have a nice, forgiving teacher, sometimes telling the truth, "I fell asleep, this week has really wiped me out" gets you some sympathy and extra time.

[GorillaBearBear]

I used to use the excuse that I got stuck behind a tractor when I was late. Even though I used to walk into work. Never questioned.

edit: You could try it for murder I expect too.

Presumably only if your victim was driving the tractor

[monkey magic]

Teach: Where's your homework?
Me: erm... *rifles (bang!) through bag, looks up at teach, narrows eyes, ruffles (own) hair* um...*shake some books to see what falls out* (very dejected): oh, no.

All this should be done in a slow way. Not physically slow, but like someone who's stoned (or stupid) might.

*My late excuse(s)*
'I was in the Theta state of sleep, and that's coma-like and hard to shake off.'
or
'When?' That one messess them up and goes a little like this. (this is an example with a harsh/strict teach but one reluctant to throw out detentions, Bastard Hitler.)
Teach: You're late!
Me: (in a quick witted but slow/stoned type of way, with head slightly inclined to farthest side of teach, depending on where they stand (on left, tilt head right and vice-versa) and eyes narrowed, this is an art and must be treated as such.) When?
Teach: Just now!
now this can go two ways, depending on teach's sense of humour.

1. Me: well, thats in the past now. (fast, dismissive and with my crushingly witty, charming smirk/smile, perhaps with gesticulation)
or
2. Me: What? Now? (of course this continues)
Teach: Yes, now! whats your reason for being late?
Me: I was late?
This either continues until they get bored or they dismiss it now.

[Midget]

Why are you late?
I got lost.

Where is your homework?
Well, part of it is in my head and the rest is in my pen.

Why are you blugeoning that OAP with a brick?
I dropped it. Several times.

[fythbro]

I dont have an excuse, but i missed my deadline for my GCSE ICT coursework. It gets sent off on monday, and i have done about 4 of 14 tasks. Im so screwed...

[rastafairy]

If I get caught out I just start rambaling about what a tough time I've been having at home, or with my school work, then I'll just go off on some random tangent which may or may not have a point, eventualy coming around to some humorous anecdote from my childhood. People just zone out, give up, and walk away. The trick is learning not to pause for breathe, don't give them an opening, then it's plain sailing all the way.

[Paradigm^]

fythbro, work like an absolute bitch over the weekend. GCSE ICT isn't particularly hard but what it is is time-consuming. If you go all-out, you can make it by monday.

[fythbro]

I can do most of it, but i have to create a database on Microsoft access, which i dont have.

[Katie_D]

Hm...I just had a random idea for those of you who are in school and havn't done your homework. Although it involves more trouble than it's worth and you'll look like an idiot.

Simply go into the art rooms, steal a charcole pencil, draw all over your face and return to the classroom your lesson is in. When your teacher approaches you and asks for the homework, give them a frightened stare and mutter

"It exploded...."

He would be shocked, your class would be shocked...it's shocking, that's why! I am so tempted to try this now...but I'm a good girl and do my homework anyway.

This plan can work with anything too. Late for work? Drop in an art supply shop. :D

I apologise, I'm feeling in a strange mood.

[fythbro]

Of course, youd need to spike up your hair as well.:D

[Captain Maim]

It is a well known fact in my school that I live just across the street from it. I'm always being told how lucky I am, or that I don't have far to walk. So, whenever I'm late for school I say, "My dad's car broke down" just to take the mick.

[lattherobogirl]

I once said that my brother ate my RE homework, people who know my brother would realise that this is a highly plausible occurance.
i was lying though...in fact i was -shock horrer- JOKING, this was nearly 3 years ago and the Chavs that make up most of my class still havent managed to put their wit, spunk (i mean that in the traditional sense, like, urm, energy and...stuff) and inteligence together to grasp the basic concept of the fact i wasnt serious and as a result of their UTTER STUPIDITY when a teacher asks for my homework i get several shouts of...
"'er bruvver ate it miss, hahaha, what a waste girl, she fort dey wud believe dat. LOL!!1!!11!"

this angers me :|

[Meatball]

I'm dead!

[Chassisbot]

I use the old standard "I handed it in, haven't you got it?" Normally in conjunction with "I got [insert unreliable teacher] to put it in your pigeon-hole."

[fythbro]

I once said that my brother ate my RE homework, people who know my brother would realise that this is a highly plausible occurance.
i was lying though...in fact i was -shock horrer- JOKING, this was nearly 3 years ago and the Chavs that make up most of my class still havent managed to put their wit, spunk (i mean that in the traditional sense, like, urm, energy and...stuff) and inteligence together to grasp the basic concept of the fact i wasnt serious and as a result of their UTTER STUPIDITY when a teacher asks for my homework i get several shouts of...
"'er bruvver ate it miss, hahaha, what a waste girl, she fort dey wud believe dat. LOL!!1!!11!"

this angers me :|

The same kind of thing has happened to me. I made up some random song about chicken in year 6 and i still get jeered at. I am now in year 10, going into year 11 and they still havent thought about pursuing other lines of insult. But at least they got past the ginger pubes stage.

[Mittwoch]

'I left that folder/book/sprout at home, miss/sir/sprout' nearly always works for me, although my French teacher has got it into her head that I NEVAR have the necessary stoof for lessons, even though about 99% of the time I do. Now that's statistical :eng101:

[Purple Wabbit]

It helps to have a teacher who appears to suffer from short-term memory loss ^^

Year 8, we had to do an art project - involved choosing a painter, copying one of his paintings, doing a pic in his style, and writing loads about him and your pics. Anyway, Wabbit couldn't be arsed to do this, so when mrs teacher asks for it in, I use the simple "Oops, I forgot, it's at home *cute eyes, wobbly bottom lip*" approach.

Next week's lesson, I still hadn't done it. Was dreading the tacher asking me. She called me over to her desk.

Teacher: I need you to help me. I can't seem to find your art project. I looked in my mark book, and it's got 'home' written next to your name. Do you know what that means?

Me: (who watched her write it in the week before to remind her that my project was at home...) *surprised look* No miss...

Teacher: Did you give your project in?

Me: *still innocent look* of course, Miss, you marked it and gave it back to me.

Teacher: oh, ok, what did you get?

Me: 9/10 miss

Teacher: oh, ok then. *writes it in mark book*

:D score! so amusing.

[freddiestarfish]

Teacher: Where's your presentation eh?
Me: *Hands floppy disc
*Unable to open: File is corrupt*
Me: Oh dear, what a shame.


One of my other teachers never took homework in, you just had to show her some work.
I did just a few different sets of notes, and showed her them every time she asked for work in, and as my handwriting when I make quick notes is so bad, she never actually looked at them.

My old maths teacher was canadian, and rather foolish. We never actually got homework, as he would ask "Have you got time to do <homework>?" Us: "no" Him: Oh, oh well then, never mind.

[lattherobogirl]

today i find the direct aproach works

"have you done any work?"

"no"

"oh"...

[Katie_D]

Teacher - Have you done your homework?

Kid - Um...it depends. If by "done your homework", you mean havn't done my homework, then yes, I have done it. *beaming smile*

Teacher - Monday, without fail.

Kid - Ok.

Worked for me awhile ago. :p

[zero defex.]

Heh, whenever I'm late for a lesson and a teacher asks me where I should be I just look upwards, make a "thinking" look and then walk off in any direction...

And if a teacher asks me for homework I haven't done I just go "errr..." and walk off to my seat. 20 minutes later they realise I never gave it in. :P

[jonffm]

I read a story in the paper where some guy was pardoned by the courts for cutting his wifes head off with a chainsaw.

Apprantly he fell off a ladder and happened to fall, saw-first into his wifes neck, cutting in a near-perfectly horizontal line.

Sounds like a pretty good excuse to me.

[reno]

y'know, once, wayyyyy back in 6th grade, My dog actually ate my homework. Well, part of it, at least. I had left it on the floor in my bedroom, and the dog came in overnight and munched on it, then puked on my floor.

I actually brought the chewed up and ink-smeared paper to turn into my teacher. She said "I'm not going to accept that." After that, I tried explaining what had happened to my paper, and that I had actually completed it.

She wouldn't believe me.

[slavik453]

When my history teacher came around to check homework papers, my friend actually said:

"My notebook ran away."

...

[renatzu]

I just admit that I didn't do it...

although in 8th grade I found out that I could go to the bathroom when my math teacher was checking homework, and when I came back she wouldn't ask me for it. Saved me from detention a half dozen times.

[Scabby_Knees]

u lot are CrAzY,,,,, but thanks for the excuses.... i haven't done my homework in AGES!!!!

[Oooh Yeah]

me - right, i haven't got my homework.. because this guy nicked me pen (yeah i'm from essex) *holds up the pen to everyone* so he was like.. "yeah if you don't gimme that pen.. i'll err kill ya" so i gave him it and that was the problem solved, true story.

teacher - but you still have the pen..?

me - erm, well yeah.. (this is the bit where it backfired) so i stabbed him with it y'know, that's how it goes down in my village, you can smell the blood if you want?

teacher - no thanks..

[Element49]

Well i skipped my art class and i came back to school and then the EA (educational assitant...... i think thats what it stands for) anyways i saw her at the end of the day and she said
EA:"Wait you werent in art class where were you?"
Me:"...what? (prefectly knowing what she said)"
EA:" were you at a tournament today?"
Me:"....yeah"
EA:"Oh which one"
Me:"Whats that? (again prefectly knowing what she said)"
EA:"Where were you"
Me:"IM SIGNED OUT....ok stop thinking i skipped or something"
EA:"I wasnt saying you skipped i was just wondering if you were at track or something.........i wasnt implying anything....."

and then she walked away and i never got caught.

LESSON: always say What?, Whats that?, Hmm?, Pardon?, or Come again? and you can get away with murder!!!! :twisted:

[Dyakson]

'I couldn't do my homework, because [guy] stole this pen!' Wonderfullous!

Teacher: Why weren't you in Chemystery this morning?
Me: The train was late.
Teacher: Oh, right.

Teacher: Wait a minute, don't you live just down the road?
Me: .....


And the classic (I won a prize for this one):

Teacher: Why are you late? (this was the lesson straight after lunch.)
Me: I went home for lunch, Mum was cooking salmon steaks, and they were really nice, so I stayed to eat them and thus arrived late for your lesson.
Teacher: .....
Class: .....
Me: It's true! Honestly!

I've always been rubbish at punctuality. I missed every single one of one teacher's lessons in the last term of 6th-form. Two lessons a week, Monday and Wednesday 9:05am (I think) - I arrived for those lessons twice, on the days they were cancelled for various reasons. I still got an 'A' in that subject though!

[fishface60]

Say that you put the wrong date in your planner/homework diary so you forgot it, it's at least part way honest and it happens to me a lot damn short term memory loss

[lattherobogirl]

i <3 human rights.

in my school you cant go to the toilet during lessons, so, if a lesson is pissing you off more than usual, so you want to eat the inside of your head for example, you just start a class debate about this toilet rule.

then get up and walk out telling the teacher its a basic human right.

unfortunately they got wise to this and started locking the toilets, which is terrible when you actually do need to go....

[eggbert_13]

hmmmm,im very sorry to interupt and break off from the excuses, but how does the year system work in englend, we dont have 8th year etc in scotland, we have p1-7 then s1-6
thast our way, whats yours?
It seems very confusing......
anyway

[Jay]

Before i told a teacher i hadnt done my homework because "My family is on income support and this close to the holidays the budget gets really tight...we cant afford anything extra so i cant get hold of any paper" not only did it work but she gave me some paper out of pity...i have no idea how i kept a straight face...

[Edit] This was a few months back in college

[Teebo]

Usually if a teacher asks for my homework:

Teacher: Where's your homework Rich?
Me: [Mumbles something]
Teacher: Eh?
Me: Hmm?
Teacher: What?
Me: Eh? You said something?
Teacher: Sit down....

And if I'm late, I blame it on the one way system at school, to stop crushes. Knobby as it is, it's solved a few problems.

[Chrisper]

Primary School: R (optional), 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
Seconadary School: 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, Sixth Form (12 & 13)

I just say that I forgot and ask if I can do it for next lesson, they say yes. I do usually do my homework, it's only when I honestly forget that I say that. No detention and you stay on that teacher's good side, (which is actually a plus!).

Shouldn't we be quiet about these excuses though... I fear there are teachers among us!

[tang-87]

In comprehensive, my pe teacher was strict and I forgot my pe kit AGAIN. Well my teacher obviously didn’t like it

teacher: where’s your pe kit?
Me: I forgot it?
teacher: that’s three times now! Where’s your planner?
Me: lost it on the first day!
teacher: why haven’t you bought a new one?
Me: I’m on income support
teacher: don’t you get money?
Me: yes but all of it goes in a jar to buy my mum a birthday present and Christmas present *with an embarrassed and sad face*
*teacher mumbles something as he walks off*

he never asked me again hehe :D

[smiting2000]

y'know, once, wayyyyy back in 6th grade, My dog actually ate my homework. Well, part of it, at least. I had left it on the floor in my bedroom, and the dog came in overnight and munched on it, then puked on my floor.

I actually brought the chewed up and ink-smeared paper to turn into my teacher. She said "I'm not going to accept that." After that, I tried explaining what had happened to my paper, and that I had actually completed it.

She wouldn't believe me.

my dog ate my homework once, too, but my teacher did believe me because i always do my homework.


except for the last 4 years

[da-geezer]

"Traffic" solves lateness problems like a charm.

Particularly if it's FA Cup final day, and your workplace is off the M4 two junctions away from Cardiff :|

[Mitch]

Not really got any amusing ones that I said, but these two were fun for lateness from other people.

"There was a crane and a dumper truck parked on my drive-way, and I couldn't get my car past them"

"My porridge was hot"

This excuse won an award at the Sixth Form Christmas Dinner

"Why's your hair like that?"

"Thomas had to cut a McDonalds toy out of it"

I have no idea what that was about.