jokes!

[Ford Prefect]

i had a really nice thread going called lame jokes, but it died along with the old forum...anyway, have any jokes, post em here plz!

[Ouroboros]

The potato family all sit down to dinner one evening, mother potato, and her three daughters.

They begin dinner, and then the eldest daughter stands up and says "I have an announcement to make. I'm getting married!"
Her mother is ecstatic. "How wonderful! Who are you marrying?"
"A King Edward!"
"A fine tater, a fine tater!" replied her mother.

A few minutes later, the middle daughter stood up and said "I too am getting married!" Her mother was overjoyed "This is wonderful! Two of my lovely daughters getting married! And who are you marrying?"
"A Jersey." "A fine tater, a fine tater!" replies her mother.

A few minutes later, the youngest daughter stands up and says
"Well, this may sound amazing, but I too am getting married!"
Her mother is now in tears of joy "This is the best day of my life! All three of my daughters getting married! And who are you marrying?"
"John Motson!"
"JOHN MOTSON!?!" scowls her mother. "But he's just a common tater!"

Awful I know ;)

[Ford Prefect]

hahahaha!!
A pirate walks into a bar, with a ship stearing wheel on his knob...the bat tender asks him what the hell that is for...the parate stares at the bartender and replies with a rough voice; ''Yarr! it drives me nuts!'

[Stevotheclown]

You stole my joke!
Oh well, I'll live.
What do you get if cross a hungry mouse with some cheese?

A fat mouse!

:weebl:

[Smeagle]

Don't we already have a joke thread?

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=142

[Lord Danrizzy]

:badger: knock knock
:rawk: who's there?
:badger: Saddam
:rawk: Saddam who?
:badger: Saddam Hussein

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHA

My gosh, what a jolly joke that was!

[Ford Prefect]

ah, yes smeagle, that was the 'lame jokes' thread- but unfortunatley the old forum is now dead, and since th old one went so well I wanted to gather some more jokes...=) :nana:

[stickboy79]

A man is walking in the city streets with his pet parrot one day and they pass by a grocery store where a vender yells, "Bologna, bologna, bologna!".

They soon pass a sewer with an open manhole with a man in it yelling "Get me a latter so I can climb out".

Then they go to a carnival where they see a carnival person yell, "Hit the color, win a prize!"

The man goes to church with his parrot the next day and while the priest is preaching, the parrot won't shut up.

The priest says, "Heaven is up there!"

The parrot responds, "BALONEY BALONEY BALONEY!"

The priest, a little annoyed continues with his sermon by saying, "Hell is down there!"

The parrot responds by saying, "GET ME A LATTER SO I CAN CLIMB OUT!"

The priest very annoyed by this comment picks up his bible and throws the book at the parrot and misses, hitting an african american man behind the parrot

The parrot responds by saying, "HIT THE COLOR, WIN A PRIZE!"

[Smeagle]

Originally posted by Ford Prefect
ah, yes smeagle, that was the 'lame jokes' thread- but unfortunatley the old forum is now dead, and since th old one went so well I wanted to gather some more jokes...=) :nana:

Um...no, that's on this forum...

look ---> http://www.weebls-stuff.com/forums/...mp;threadid=142

[Ford Prefect]

odd....I just searched for it and this was the only thread that showed up.
p.s. your link doesn't work

[Empty Pie Dish]

Woooo jokes!

Teh teacher sens lil timmeh some homework:
-Hey lil timmeh, heres some homework.
Well back on track , the homework assignment was to find 3 sentences(lil timmeh was 1st grade).
So... He went home!When he arrived He asked his momma that was cooking dinner and listening t a cool song called "No, no no ño no".
so he asked her for sentences
-MOMMA!!!SENTENCES!!!!!NOOOOOW!!!!
-No, no no ño no
-Thanks momma*writes it down*
Then he goes to her elder sister thats playing super mario on the 64 bits.
He asks her nicely for sentences
-ELDEST SISTER!!!SENTENCES!!!!NOOOOW!!!!!
-I'm Super Mario!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Thanks eldest sister.*writes it down*
Then lil timmeh goes to his dad thats watching football(its irrelevant now)
So he screams for his daddy to say a sentence to him
-Daddy can u gimme a sentence
Daddeh(paying much attention to football thinking he needs money)
-Don't have any money, no no money
-GOOD BOY, BITCH!

Lil Timmeh happy off his shoes goes to bed

Next day lil timmeh goes tha skool

His teacher:
-Lil Timmeh your first sentence please.
-No, no no ño no
-Who do you think you are mister?!
-I'm Super Mario!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-You're gonna pay for this!
-Don't have any money, no no money
LOL:nana: :nana: :nana: :nana: :nana: :nana:


Another one
A swedish guy a british guy and a french guy want to spend holyday so they go to a hotel.
The swedish guy goes first
-I'd like a hotel room please.
-I'm sorry but the only room we have left is haunted by a ghost
-Me be very brave me no afraid of america ghost.
Well, hes taking a crap and suddenly he hears:
-Wooooooooooooooooooooo i am the ghost of the rotten trousers!!!!!
He shits his pants off and he throws himself out of the window.
Then goes the american guy.
-I'd like a room please
-Uhm the only room we got is haunted by a ghost.
-Bah, foolishnesses.

Well hes taking a shower, when he hears:
-Wooooooooooooooooooooo i am the ghost of the rotten trousers!!!!!
Hearing this he throws himself down the drain.

Then goes the british one
-Excuse me kind gentleman i would like a room
-Uhm the only room we gotz haunted by a ghost
-My pure blood imunises me from ghosts!

well... hes checking the room wehn he hears:
-Wooooooooooooooooooooo i am the ghost of the rotten trousers!!!!!
-Oh dear, here, have 5 bucks and go buy yourself some new ones
:weebl: :weebl: :rolleyes:


Well..i have more but it would be abusing for me to post them
need more ?hehehe

[Shpox]

lamerz :rolleyes:

There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the fuck just happened.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

A kindergarten teacher was observing her
classroom of children while they drew. She
would occasionally walk around to see each
child's artwork. As she came to one little girl
who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was. The little girl replied,

"I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one
knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from
her drawing the little girl replied, . . . .
"They will in a minute."



well done if you read that junk *claps* :p

[BFCA]

bare jokes blad

boomting!

[link hero of pi]

err
join the war against terrorism..
T.W.A.T

[devilindisguise]

this is my fav joke
knock knock
whos there
no-one i lied
oh
sorry 4 the inconvenience
thats ok
i better be off now, bye
bye:nana:

[Lewiji]

A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat.
The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.

The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next
stop. When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie,"if
you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know so the bus driver tells him
that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray
to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,"said the
bus driver guy "you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex
with you."

Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the
cemetery and waits for the nun. And right on schedule the nun shows up.
When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in
robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers
and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first."

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The
hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun.

After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out,
"Ha ha, I'm the hippie!!"

The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting,
"Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!!"