Scram and Kat's House of Pain

[scram]

Hello Boys and Girls,

I'm Scrambled. You may remember me from such top threads as "Scrambled's Grotto" and "Ninja Pics of You."

If there's one thing that I've noticed after being on this forum for almost a year, it would be that its membership (that would be you) have a collective amount of concerns and problems that would probably send most regular agony aunts on an irreversible spiral of mindfuckery leading to the closest loony bin. But fortunately for you, I am no mere amateur. Well... I am, but that's not the point. The point is that you lot need sorting out and I'm bored enough to do the honours.

Don't get me wrong, healing the world is not a job that I can accomplish alone (yeah, even though I AM totally fabulous). No, even Michael Jackson fucked that one up, so I knew I had to get some assistance. After going through a list of several candidates and several interviews for a partner in crime, the best woman won and I will be joined by the lovely Katox in this endeavour. She'll be able to deal with the more ladylike queries that guys like me don't understand. Questions like "What's a preganant?" and "Does my bum look big in this?" will be her forte. I can only imagine the sort of questions that I'LL be expected to answer!

If you would rather PM us your queries then feel free but bare with us for our replies. We'll get through them all.

Now, who's first to sit on my knee and tell me their woes?

[Digga]

everywhere in life i turn i feel as if nobody gives a shit, as if i'm not actually listened to, I fele totally alone, friendless, people talk to me but don't actually care, I feel like i could just disappear and nobody would notice my absence, as if i don't even matter in this world to anyone at all. What should i do?

[Cheechy]

Stop moaning and be more positive.

I noticed u handed out some donations so I gave you a couple back for being nice to others. So I wouldnt say anything you do is unnoticed. Ya just a miserable git at times :)

[igor]

oh shi..

[katox]

Yes, as you may know I do my fair sharing of moaning and groaning on irc (;)) and yes I do have my drama queen moments on here (go on, ban me ;)) but when Scrambled suggested this I thought it sounded like a rather nice idea so after pleading not to be banned (ho hee har) I said I would join forces with him and help you lot not to make the same mistakes as me (unless you want to of course ;)).

So yes! Enough of the winking and please, do not be afraid, I maybe a bit flippant sometimes but I mean well.

On with the show! :)

[scram]

Originally posted by Digga
everywhere in life i turn i feel as if nobody gives a shit, as if i'm not actually listened to, I fele totally alone, friendless, people talk to me but don't actually care, I feel like i could just disappear and nobody would notice my absence, as if i don't even matter in this world to anyone at all. What should i do?
Considering that this was a deliberate challenge set out by you in IRC I am hesitant as to how much seriousness/time to bestow upon my response. Cheechy is right though, positive thinking is a difficult thing to achieve but is a valuable life asset. I noticed that you gave me a donation too. I noticed when you were away. I was pleased when you returned. Regardless of what you may feel or say, people out there care.

Thats more than can be said for a lot of people in this world.

Chin up kid and remember it's never as bad as you think.

Unless you're Bob Monkhouse's fake tan stockist.

[William Wallace]

I think people hate me. I'm not sure, and I don't know why. :(

[Digga]

Originally posted by Scrambled
Considering that this was a deliberate challenge set out by you in IRC I am hesitant as to how much seriousness/time to bestow upon my response.

how do you know it's a deliberate challenge? how do you know i'm not actually deeply depressed and just hiding my emotions away from you on IRC because if i don't even just starts complaining at me.

[scram]

Originally posted by William Wallace
I think people hate me. I'm not sure, and I don't know why. :(
Hmmmmmm thus speaks the voice of the paranoid.

Yes, well, I'll be honest, it is entirely possible that people hate you and that you are forever to be a social reject. However, I think this highly unlikely as those positions tend to be reserved for the rich and famous and Michael Winner. Put it this way: I don't hate you so that's one less person to worry about. Now you could go around asking every single person you meet if they hate you or not but that would be stupid (and would probably get you committed/deported/decapitated). I suspect you'll find that the general consensus is far more positive than you may believe.

Instead I put it to you, my bekilted boy, that your fears stem from a lack of self confidence and a poor opinion of self. This is hideously common amongst teens and young adults (even older adults fs!) so you are not alone. The more you can immerse yourself into society as a whole, the better you will end up feeling. Making new friends is an amazingly important part of life, as life is basically a process of gathering a vast number of friendships but then keeping the ones that really matter. And don't you give me that "but no one will want to be my friend" tripe either; it will surprise you how many people out there are in the same boat as you and looking for friends like you to help them feel better themselves. Your life is about you, so don't get messed up thinking that searching for better friends is shallow. At the end of the day, finding people you truly connect with is something that EVERYONE finds difficult (even me :eek: but don't tell the ladies).

Try and get out there more - get a job, join a club, meet friends of friends. Soon you'll be surrounded by people, most of whom will like you and a good number who will consider you their friend. The feelings may well not abide, but at least you'll be keeping busy and you may start to believe that people really do like you. For me, stage work was a Godsend. Meeting hordes of new people and developing performance skills has been great and has done wonders for my own self confidence.

It's not easy, but find your niche, and embrace it.




Originally posted by Digga
how do you know it's a deliberate challenge? how do you know i'm not actually deeply depressed and just hiding my emotions away from you on IRC because if i don't even just starts complaining at me.

tbh Digga I talk to you about this on IRC and you have already stated your intent to get this thread cheesed. For a start you could read the above, and if you have anything else to say then continue to take it up across IRC. Give this thread a chance.

[Pee]

this thread is a very good idea
go scrammy, Go Kat!(be a nice ladey, stop trying to get youreself banned ;), says the person who got himself banned in the most obvious way)

i havent thought of a suitable question, ill post again/edit this post to state my question..

i want to make mine count
instead of just asking if everyone hates me(some may, but i dont give a shiiet about them)

[littlefirework]

Oh Wise and Powerful Scram,
I never have enough time/resources to do what I want to do. Please heal me.

[scram]

Originally posted by littlefirework
Oh Wise and Powerful Scram,
I never have enough time/resources to do what I want to do. Please heal me.

It all depends on what it is that you want to do mon petit pétard! Personally I suffer from the "lack of resources" option. For instance I want to go to Canada but I can't afford it. I have the time. Time is something I have in abundance whilst I persistantly dodge the issue of "real work."

The time issue for you... hmmm. Well lets see what we can do to free up some time. You could quit your job but then you'd have a bigger issue with the resource problem (likewise you could work more for more resources but be lumbered with the problem of no time). It's a conundrum for sure. Bizarrely, though, it's surprising how a little bit of organising can free up a lot of time.

Whenever I have a looming set of things to do I tend to get all flustered and run around flapping at the fact that I have too much to do and too little time. However, by breaking it down into small chunks, one can get through stuff at an alarming rate. Sit down and write a list of all the things you have to do today. Order them if you wish, but sometimes it's easier to give yourself the freedom not to. Once you have a large list of things to do start hacking away at it bit by bit. Examples of things to write on list would be "Call Michelle and tell her to cheer up" and "Take out trash." Examples of things not to write are "Write dissertation" or "Clean entire house." You need to break it up into small manageable tasks which you can complete fairly quickly (even if this means a long list). The satisfaction you get each time you go to the list and cross off a small task is motivation to continue and you spend very little time dossing around and wasting the precious time that you have.

Using this method I have managed, in a day, to clean my house from top to bottom, get a job, book tickets for the theatre, arrange all of my reams of paperwork, pay all outstanding bills and cook myself a meal to reward myself. Most of the time when I just leave things to mount up i spend all my time putting it off and looking at the clock saying "later." That way, nothing gets done and I have no time for anything.

Give it a go and, if it works, you owe me one ;)

You can get off my knee now. :twisted:

[prodigy69]

I want to be a world famous animator and entrepreneur like our beloved weebl

but can't seem to get my finger out my arse...can you help? :D

[eidderf]

You could use this site to get you started
http://www.digitalfilms.com
Its a bit basic but it will get you started ,sorry I'm not the agony person .

[Markeh]

Originally posted by Scrambled
Chin up kid and remember it's never as bad as you think.

Unless you're Bob Monkhouse's fake tan stockist.

this is off topic but it had to be said,

i didnt particularly like the man, didnt know him personally, but of what i saw he was a funny guy, mocking the dead is never good.

[scram]

Originally posted by prodigy69
I want to be a world famous animator and entrepreneur like our beloved weebl

but can't seem to get my finger out my arse...can you help? :D

Heh.

Aspirations of fame and glory? Good for you.

Being motivated is one of the hardest things to be. There are so many things I would like to do with my life but can't seem to find the motivation to do them. I'd like to paint more, I'd like to work harder at uni, I'd like to go to the gym more, the list is endless. However, when you find something you love and enjoy, motivation is a lot easier to achieve. With me, acting and music are things which I can do till the cows come home. With you, maybe it's animation. It's not easy though. Huge amounts of work for a few seconds of animation can sometimes be hard to feel satisfied with. Most of my attempts at animation have ended after a few hours of work when I just don't seem to be getting anywhere (hmmm maybe I should write a list... see above ;)). If you're really set on it though then here is my advice.

Download a trial version of Flash MX. It's pretty easy to get the hang of and there's lots you can do with it. There are an abundance of tutorials on the web to help you develop the skill and there are some good books out there with some step-by-step guidelines to getting the most out of the software.

If you find it really is for you then its just a matter of finding the money to buy the full version (Getting a hack of it is very very naughty and most certainly not recommended by Aunty Scram ;)). From there, it's just a case of practise makes perfect. Weebl's style has developed since he started and he keeps getting better. Give it a whirl and try producing a few small Flash movies. Accept criticism and learn from your mistakes.

Keep raising the bar and you'll get there eventually ;)

[scram]

Originally posted by Markeh
i didnt particularly like the man, didnt know him personally, but of what i saw he was a funny guy, mocking the dead is never good. That was not mocking the dead, that was making light of the situation. If it was so off topic then it should have been dealt with in a pm. Thank you.

[EasyTiger]

Should I wear my new, black, velvet, slinky dress tonight? :>

[2PieR]

Was going to send this as a PM but it was too long. You can all read it for all the flying fucks I give, it doesn't come close to explaining everything that's wrong but it's a small start.
---

Dear Scram and Katox,

Seeing as you're listening, I have decided to send this off because I can't afford a counsellor and noone on forums/IRC/who I know would actually care.

I am 16 (at college) and I am spending New Years alone (well, with family) this year(like I have done the last 2 new years running). Noone has invited me to a New Years party. The friends I have had all my life have spent the last two or three years abandonning me, not inviting me to stuff, not speaking to me and generally casting me out of the group, in fact the group is falling apart, as with college they are all making new friends.
Not me though, making friends is just impossible to me. Two people took my number in the first six months of college, one girl I like and one guy, the guy rang a couple of times to ask about college work and the girl never rang. I didn't take their numbers.

Right now, I can admit that really, I have no friends. Plenty of people who will still pretend to be my friend but clearly noone who actually gives a damn about me, or even notices that I exist as a person with feelings to be considered at all.

The reason behind it all is the same though. Low self-esteem, the terrible downward spiral of low self-esteem. I feel like people don't want to know me, like people won't want to know me. I feel like an ugly fucker, like people don't want to look at me or be associated with me. I feel paranoid and suspicous (there is a history of paranoia in my family), I can't believe anyone who seems like they like me. I feel like anyone being nice to me is patronising me, or humouring me. I feel left out, and since there is noone but me in my life these days, I've lost the will to try and do anything. I can't get out of this downward spiral of feeling like noone. And I can't see any possible way to, seeing as noone will want to be my friend. Perhaps most important of all is the paranoia, the inability to believe that people like me or will like me. That leads to the fear of asking for a number, of asking them if they want to do something, even of picking up the telephone and calling them (I haven't rung any of my old friends, people I've known for at least 5 years, in almost six months).

I've forgotten how you become friends with someone, and what you do to stay friends with someone. And I don't see any way out.
I also have had 6 hours sleep in the last 60 hours, so you can imagine I feel quite seriously knackered and depressed, but all of the above is true regardless. Seeing as you've set yourself up as the person who will listen and will help sort this shit out, and seeing as there's noone who has made the same offer in my life, I've decided, fuck it, I'll ask.
Thanks for your time.
TwoPieR

[scram]

Originally posted by EasyTiger
Should I wear my new, black, velvet, slinky dress tonight? :> Yes, but only if you have a good set of shoes to go with it.

Now for the doozy ;)

I won't quote your thread 2PR coz its so huge :) but I'm replying to it nonetheless.

If I were to tell you that you practically described myself at age 16 you'd probably laugh, or say I'm just saying that, or that I'm patronising you. The fact is that I'm not. The teen years, especially college, can be the hardest years of our lives. People attribute words like "teen angst" as a derogatory term to people but the fact is that it's an issue that many of us come up against. You'll find several others here on this same forum. I've battled with depression myself and know how much it can mess with your life and your perceptions. I think that's the worst thing about it - the lies it makes you tell yourself. I GUARANTEE it, when you tell yourself that nobody will like you, that you are the ugliest person alive, that life is not worth living you are straying far from the truth. If I'm being honest, to this day, I tell myself the same things. There's that niggling voice which tells you how pathetic and what a loser you are. That you are nothing special. That you are hideous to behold. That you will be lonely for the rest of your life. The last one is probably the one which is hardest to get to grips with.

But it's a case of recognising these beliefs for what they are: Falsehoods. Falsehoods born of an impression of yourself which is far lower than it should be. It sounds cheesy and ridiculous but if you can turn to yourself when you are feeling at the depths of despair and say (out loud if you wish) "I am important. People like me and I am a sexy bitch. Seriously!" then you'll feel better. Say it with conviction as if you were trying to make ME believe that Michael Winner is actually God. Give it a go and it should at least bring a smile to your face. As stupid as it sounds its closer to the truth than your own opinions of yourself.

I refer you to the post I made in response to William Wallace. I really can't emphasise the importance of meeting new people. It may seem impossible to do or even hopeless. But I am telling you, for certain, that you have NOT forgotten how to make friends. I can also tell you that if you meet new people and have a little faith in yourself, you will make friends. Often in the most unlikely of places. Don't worry about college. If I'm being honest, most 16 year olds are cunts. They're out there to prove themselves to each other and will trample on feelings along the way to further their own selfish desires. I assure you that it gets better once you get older. University was the best thing that ever happened to me, surrounded by far more similar people and I have far too many people that I like and who like me.

Another thing - I'd say I have close to 100 mates (maybe more). These are people who I would invite to a party, who I would go drinking with. On the flipside, I'd say I have less than 5 true friends. These are people who I feel I can talk about anything with. People who I know will be there for me when I need them and who I share a deep connection with. Mates are fairly easy to come by, true friends are harder. I'll be honest and say that two of those friends have come from this forum but I would recommend that you look in other places. Those of you who have been here for a couple of months may remember my post from before I took a break from the forums. The internet is not a substitute for real life and sometimes you have to grit your teeth and throw yourself out there in the deep end and get away from this horrible machine.

Believe me, you can make friends and succeed in life. You just have to conquer your own self-deception.

On another note, don't be scared to talk to your GP. I did when I had reached rock bottom and he was a huge help.

Another thing, force yourself to sleep better. If I see you on IRC late at night I'm going to be on your ass young man! :) Lack of sleep only goes to further any depression you have. Look at how babies get grumpy and young children become difficult when they are tired. It's no different for us except for the fact that we manifest our moodiness in other ways. If you can get yourself at least 6 hours (im being realistic here but 8 is ideal!) sleep at night then you WILL start to feel better just on that.

Getting yourself out of a cycle of depression is harder than anything in life (giving up smoking, understanding Quantum Field Theory or liking Michael Winner) but you can definately manage it. It just takes raw determination and the knowledge of the fact that your goal is achievable and that life doesn't have to be like this. If you succeed in totally banishing all your demons, please let me know your secret ;)

You aren't alone. :cool:

[2PieR]

Love you Scram. All my money donated your way.

[littlefirework]

Originally posted by 2PieR
The friends I have had all my life have spent the last two or three years abandonning me, not inviting me to stuff, not speaking to me and generally casting me out of the group, in fact the group is falling apart, as with college they are all making new friends.Sorry to prod in on your thread, Scram & Katox, but I really would like to comment...
It's so easy to fall into this trap. I've seen it so many times.
The more withdrawn you become, the less often people will include you in plans. You really need to initiate plans from time to time to let people know you're still interested. Waiting alone will only get you caught in that loop of 'nobody cares' thoughts. Friends may take your silence as an indication that you want them to leave you alone.

[basstard]

Dear Scram and Katox,

Here's my problem - I've got a really bad irrational phobia of balloons. I know how ridiculous, and probably trivial, that sounds, but I do. Maybe not as serious a problem as 2Pier's, but it affects me.

I can't stand balloons at all. I don't mind them uninflated, just flopping about. When they get inflated, though, I panic. Have to get to another room as soon as possible. Only thing on my mind - get out the room. This is (kinda obviously) a problem at parties, and other, less likely occasions. Example - 24 hour coach journey, from germany to scotland, friend's birthday at midnight. Someone (argh!) brought balloons. Spent the whole night in a semi-panicked state, didn't sleep at all, and freaked out my friends, who were sitting near me. Balloons just seem to keep appearing when I least expect them, be it in a chemistry lesson, a friend's party, or just when arsing around with mates at lunch. It's really getting on my nerves, as everyone round me sees me run out the room. Nobody else I know has a phobia of balloons.

I haven't tried seeking help for this before, I just avoid balloons where possible. But seeing as you were incredibly considerate and thoughtful to 2Pier and others, and are taking your responsibility seriously, I thought I'd open my problem to you. And before anyone else says anything, I've heard all the jokes possible on this subject, including the one that goes along the line of if I've a phobia of (rubber) balloons, I might have a phobia of (rubber) condoms. I'm not looking for a miracle cure, and I'm not expecting to be immediately cured of my phobia, but just some good, honest advice. Thank you for your time.

[scram]

She's exactly right.

Thats one of the reasons I left the forums last time. I was so wrapped up in the internet and withdrawn from my real life connections that they stopped bothering asking me to go out. Look at it from their point of view, if someone was acting withdrawn from you, you'd think they didn't like you and would feel reluctant to ask them to go out.

Be aware of this and try and force yourself to go out (even if you think the party will be shit or if you think you'll have a dreadful time)

[edit]I'm taking a break from this malarky possibly until next year (tomorrow if you're slow/backward/Australian) so Katox can deal with any remaining ones for today. Otherwise you can wait till tomorrow. Sheesh this is a draining business.

[William Wallace]

Originally posted by Scrambled
Hmmmmmm thus speaks the voice of the paranoid.

Yes, well, I'll be honest, it is entirely possible that people hate you and that you are forever to be a social reject. However, I think this highly unlikely as those positions tend to be reserved for the rich and famous and Michael Winner. Put it this way: I don't hate you so that's one less person to worry about. Now you could go around asking every single person you meet if they hate you or not but that would be stupid (and would probably get you committed/deported/decapitated). I suspect you'll find that the general consensus is far more positive than you may believe.

I don't have very good people skills, I tend to be a little sharper with people than i'd like, then there's the problem of my short temper. People would like me, then in a flash of pure anger I would say something I would regret later. :nana: :nana: :nana:

[katox]

I will help folks. But not right now (bit pished :/). Well done Scrambled for keeping the fort up, bloody good chap I say. Three cheers for him. Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!!!

[scram]

Originally posted by the basstard
Dear Scram and Katox,

Here's my problem - I've got a really bad irrational phobia of balloons. I know how ridiculous, and probably trivial, that sounds, but I do. Maybe not as serious a problem as 2Pier's, but it affects me.

I can't stand balloons at all. I don't mind them uninflated, just flopping about. When they get inflated, though, I panic. Have to get to another room as soon as possible. Only thing on my mind - get out the room. This is (kinda obviously) a problem at parties, and other, less likely occasions. Example - 24 hour coach journey, from germany to scotland, friend's birthday at midnight. Someone (argh!) brought balloons. Spent the whole night in a semi-panicked state, didn't sleep at all, and freaked out my friends, who were sitting near me. Balloons just seem to keep appearing when I least expect them, be it in a chemistry lesson, a friend's party, or just when arsing around with mates at lunch. It's really getting on my nerves, as everyone round me sees me run out the room. Nobody else I know has a phobia of balloons.

I haven't tried seeking help for this before, I just avoid balloons where possible. But seeing as you were incredibly considerate and thoughtful to 2Pier and others, and are taking your responsibility seriously, I thought I'd open my problem to you. And before anyone else says anything, I've heard all the jokes possible on this subject, including the one that goes along the line of if I've a phobia of (rubber) balloons, I might have a phobia of (rubber) condoms. I'm not looking for a miracle cure, and I'm not expecting to be immediately cured of my phobia, but just some good, honest advice. Thank you for your time.
The fear of balloons is actually more common than one might think. Globophobia, as it is known in the world of doctors (and quite possibly nurses) usually stems from a fear of the balloon popping and is understandable once you take the time to think about it. Everyone is afraid of something and just because it's something that isn't as common as spiders, snakes, heights or Michael Winner doesn't make it any less valid or real. One man's clown is another man's worst nightmare, isn't that right colonel? :)

I have no idea on how to deal with such a phobia. Any advice I would give could have quite the wrong effect. For instance I might suggest you go out and buy a packet of balloons and sit there and slowly blow up each and every one. However this could leave you a gibbering wreck and soaked in your own excriment. It would be like asking me to go and sit in my shed for a couple of hours and catch and eat every spider I found there :/. The mere thought of it makes me shudder and tingle.

The internet (http://www.changethatsrightnow.com/problem_detail.asp?PhobiaID=1943&SDID=6524) has lots of places to look for help but I suspect that those may be part of a big scheme to drain the pennies from poor unsuspecting people across the globe. If you don't feel able to confront your fear by facing it head on then, next time you see your doctor, MENTION IT. You may think they aren't the right person to talk to about it as they're only there for dishing out antibiotics, but the fact is, your GP is there to help you whenever there is something having an adverse effect on your life. At the very least, they will be able to point you in the direction of someone who can help you out.

Everyone is capable of dealing with their own fears. It just takes a bit of determination and personal strength to sort it out.

I wish you luck :)


Originally posted by William Wallace
I don't have very good people skills, I tend to be a little sharper with people than i'd like, then there's the problem of my short temper. People would like me, then in a flash of pure anger I would say something I would regret later. :nana: :nana: :nana:

This is something you are going to have to be aware of and learn to deal with. People skills are something that all of us have to learn. Some are naturally better than others like with anything. My cousin is one of those people who can walk into a room full of strangers and be everyone's best friend within a minute. Myself, I take at least two :p . I've lived around people with short tempers my whole life and know what its like on the other end. I also have some idea of what it is like for them as well. A short fuse is nothing to be ashamed of but it's something that has to be controlled.

I recommend that you take the advice we give regarding posting on this forum in your everyday life. Think first. It's very easy to react badly to a situation when you don't think about the outcome. Good people skills are inherantly linked with a sort of intuition regarding how people perceive what you are saying, what you are doing and how you are saying/doing it. If you can stop yourself the next time you feel your temper rising and think "Is it really worth me losing my rag here?" or even just take a few deep breaths to try and calm yourself down you'll notice an improvement in your other people skills as well. Think first.

Learning to take a joke is another thing that is a valuable life skill. A sad truth of the male species is that one of the ways we make friends and relate to each other is by ripping the chronic piss out of each other on a regular basis. As an example, a friend of mine finds it very difficult to take a joke and it immediately makes it harder for him to make new friends. For instance, if someone were to call him gay, he would either retaliate with a verbal attack or try to defend himself by trying to "prove" otherwise. Laughing and blowing a kiss back at the individual shows that you havent taken the comment to heart and just returns the banter. Hey, it sounds stupid, but this is the basic level that guys work on - take the piss, return the banter. The better you learn to do this and the more you are able to realise that they aren't trying to mock you, the easier a time you will have in making/keeping mates.

[moog]

Originally posted by Scrambled
One man's clown is another man's worst nightmare, isn't that right colonel? :)

you'll never know my pain :(

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by the colonel
you'll never know my pain :(

won't we?

[scram]

Happy memories ^_^

For those who don't know, Some of us met up a while back and five or six of us scared the bejeezus out of the colonel by standing outside the door to the gents, waiting for him whilst wearing matching pairs of those glasses.

The look of terror in his eyes will stay with me to the grave. :D

[cheesy demon]

you guys type too much and hurt my brain.

::side note:: nice avatar colonel! its about time someone beat a jam.

[scram]

Originally posted by cheesy demon
you guys type too much and hurt my brain.
A quandry indeed my good fellow.

But you'll be glad to know that there are several ways of rectifying this rare problem. First of all, you could just skip this thread entirely and visit "weebl and bob beginners." You'll find that most posts there are only a few words long and much less taxing on the brain. Another solution would be to spend some time in the "Debates" forum and expose yourself to an abundance of exceedingly long threads in the vain hope that you may become immune to the effects that reading seems to have on your poor brain.

If neither of these proves satisfactory I suggest you visit your doctor and ask his advice. He may be able to prescribe you some effective painkillers to stop the headaches. He may also refer you to his honourable colleague Dr. Seuss to give you some reading experience that you may appreciate instead. I hear "The Cat in the Hat" is super.

Failing this, you could always try to find a friend with a donor card and "follow them around till they die". A brain transplant is the greatest gift a friend can give.

I wish you all the luck in overcoming this unfortunate malady.

[katox]

/Me sits in the corner with a glass of wine, occasionally injecting more caffiene into Scrambled's veins. Aahh. :)

[Playbus]

I excrete blood for fun.

Is this wrong ??

[scram]

if for fun, yes.

phew, that was easy!

[2PieR]

A Review of Scrambled's Advice and it's Effects on Things
By TwoPieR

I posted a big long huzz-whizz at about 2pm on New Years Eve about how I was going to spend NYE alone and my friends had abandonned me and I was having social problems. Scrambled replied at 4pm with some very interesting and uplifting words. The words were nice but what I didn't realise was that Scram had imbued them with magical powers. No joke of a lie.

At 5pm my telephone rang. It was an old friend who had a spare ticket to a NYE event/party thing at a local public house. It was a last minute cancellation, so I hadn't originally been invited. Anyway, now I was. That was quite insulting but Scrambled told me in his message:

Thats one of the reasons I left the forums last time. I was so wrapped up in the internet and withdrawn from my real life connections that they stopped bothering asking me to go out. Look at it from their point of view, if someone was acting withdrawn from you, you'd think they didn't like you and would feel reluctant to ask them to go out.

Be aware of this and try and force yourself to go out (even if you think the party will be shit or if you think you'll have a dreadful time)

So, I went. That's right I decided to go even though I knew I'd be ignored and it'd be shit. It wasn't. While I was there I met a girl and ended up spending quite a bit of the evening with her in one way or another, and we exchanged numbers. I also made a bunch of new mates, met a bunch of old mates and re-affirmed my mateness with them and had a great time. I was, as Scrambled had told me to be, charming and witty and funny and frankly it was amazing. It was exactly the kind of party-thing I'd felt was missing from my life and has given me a boost to help me with the new year. Even if nothing comes of this phone number here, and I doubt it will, I am much more self-assured now. Call me crazy but this advice was fresh in my mind and it's what made me say "Yes" and many other things that evening. Thankyou Scrambled.

The advice given here is not simply good advice, it's magical advice. I would advise you to post your problem here and get some advice. And hurry while stocks last, or you'll end up with katox advice which probably won't have the same magical effect (though it will nevertheless be very good) .

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by 2PieR
Thankyou Scrambled.


yay :)

this will for ever be a good thread now!

[scram]

Scrambled is magic.

FACT.

Congrats mate, I'm pleased it all worked out for you :)

[freddiestarfish]

i have the feeling that my father doesnt love me.

[scram]

And I have the feeling that my son is a constant disappointment to me.

Sometimes life throws us problems which we can't deal with and just have to accept.

Now go back to your room/basement/hole/french public lav.

[Digga]

Originally posted by Scrambled
And I have the feeling that my son is a constant disappointment to me.

Sometimes life throws us problems which we can't deal with and just have to accept.

Now go back to your room/basement/hole/french public lav.

http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/smiles/icon_monocle.gif

[katox]

Originally posted by 2PieR
And hurry while stocks last, or you'll end up with katox advice which probably won't have the same magical effect (though it will nevertheless be very good) .



No one will ever come and sit in my room of lovelyness now. :'(

[Digga]

i have one for you katox. Am i weird for drawing over all the veins in my lower right arm in marker pen because i was bored and thought it would be fun?

[scram]

Originally posted by katox
No one will ever come and sit in my room of lovelyness now. :'(

Katox advice > Scram advice

this is because she is a lady and all my female friends say that females are naturally better than us. I can't be bothered to disagree.

She's saving up her advice for special occasions ;)

You just wait

[jimeh]

I have a feeling there is something wrong.

My friends tell me that my gf is depressed and thinks she is a waste of space.
I dont know what is wrong with her
I treat her well, love her and she loves me too.
I dont know what to do with it, what to tell her and what to think.
I dont even know if iam the reason this is happening.

What shall I do?

[leeroy]

dump her, its the only safe escape, you dont want to get mixed up with a depressed teenage girlfriend trust me.

[EasyTiger]

Bad advice imho. 'dumping' her would make her more depressed, and thus in turn you'd feel crap for making her feel bad...

I suggest you try and talk to her about things, ask her if there's anything you can do to help. Find out what it is that troubles her and upsets her. Let her know you're there for her if she wants to talk. Reassuring her you arn't going anywhere will build her confidence in you and no doubt help her get over her depression...

[jimeh]

Yes but I want to help her and I'd look like a prick if I dumped her for no reason.

edit: thanks ET I think that might help.

[leeroy]

sorry misfit i was only kidding.

now what shall i do, i have some serious problems in my life, but i dont know if i should ask two people who i have never meet before and who i dont really know, but i cant ask people who do know me. should i ask you for help?

[jimeh]

Its even better if you tell us, but your friends use this forum so I wouldn't if you want them to know your secrets.

[EasyTiger]

sometimes it's easier to talk to people you don't know because there is no bias from them...

Your choice really.

[scram]

Originally posted by leeroy
sorry misfit i was only kidding.

now what shall i do, i have some serious problems in my life, but i dont know if i should ask two people who i have never meet before and who i dont really know, but i cant ask people who do know me. should i ask you for help?

for a start you should avoid posting advice to other people in this thread. Especially bad advice. Even if you were only kidding.

No offense but please don't make unnecessary or out of place posts. If you DO want to post a question then post it. If not, don't. Your previous post here could have been asked in a PM for a start instead of clogging up this thread.

Can we keep this thread on topic as much as possible please people (apology unnecessary leeroy, but feel free to post an actual problem).

[mr jones]

how do i leave the house. seriously. i used to have a social life but now i just well, cant seem to go out :( it sucks. i used to be popular. now im unkown. what can i do? i was meant to go back to college today but i just couldnt face people. i dont like the world.

[jimeh]

Have pride in yourself.
Make yourself noticable and talk to people.
Being cooked up in the house aint gonna make you mister popular.
And face the people at college and have courage to talk to them.

[Lewiji]

My gf is getting more and more distant. She insists she loves me and everything yet we seem to be talking less and less. I think it's her friends, I don't hold them in the highest esteem so they don't exactly like me. I'm pretty sure they're telling her that I'm not worth it and all that, and soon I'm afraid she'll 'dump me'. Help me!

[MissConsumed]

Well, my dilemma isn't a horribly serious one, I am really just looking for a second opinion. So I received a ring from a boyfriend like 6 years ago...dated him for 3.5 subsequent years, and now 2 boyfriends later, I am contemplating selling the ring. In fact I have an appointment to have it appraised tomorrow. The way I see it, I can't wear it without being completely insensitive to the man I'm with now, and I don't even talk to the dude that gave it to me. Also, I feel as though I have waited long enough were he to ask for it back (he hasn't), and the money I receive from it would mean a nice weekend out of town for my current bf and I. Would it really be that bad to sell the stupid thing?? My mother has been preaching to me about sentimental value and the like, but I just want to get rid of it!

Your thoughts?

[Dude]

Me gots a small problem:

Last month at a Christmas party, I asked out a girl - who happened to be one of my best friends. Well, she said no and she hasn't talked to me since. Things are getting better between us, but im not sure whats happening. The more I think about it the more depressed I get. I wish that party never happened now.:( I will be seeing her tomorow, but i'm not sure what to say. What should I do?

[scram]

Small post for the time being:

I'm not pleased with certain individuals distributing their own advice on this thread. Whilst I appreciate the sentiment and your advice may well be worthwhile, this is a thread for people to ask for advice from TWO people and to get a response from those TWO people. If you have an opinion on the problems of certain users then PM them or PM me so we can keep some semblence of structure and credibility to this thread. I don't want this to degenerate into a load of naff opinions and end up getting cheesed. I have PMed the people in question and will not be pleased if we get a repeat performance.

I'll be back on later this evening to answer some more of the problems, but until then, please bite your tongue, even if you ARE well wishing.

[Markeh]

lets keep this simple

i like girl
m8 just finished girl
i want girl
what i do?

[katox]

Originally posted by Digga
i have one for you katox. Am i weird for drawing over all the veins in my lower right arm in marker pen because i was bored and thought it would be fun?


Course you are not. You are just expressing your individuality and creativity, if doing that is weird then having your nails painted, dying your hair, or having a tattoo is weird too! Which of course it is not. Be proud of your artistic side (and take a pic and post it in my arty bods thread;)).

I thankyou.:cool:

[katox]

Originally posted by Misfit
I have a feeling there is something wrong.

My friends tell me that my gf is depressed and thinks she is a waste of space.
I dont know what is wrong with her
I treat her well, love her and she loves me too.
I dont know what to do with it, what to tell her and what to think.
I dont even know if iam the reason this is happening.

What shall I do?


Hello. :)

First of all, in my opinion your friends have no right in telling you that your girlfriend is a waste of space, if someone said that to me it would hurt a lot, like they don't respect your judgement in people, I'd question them about this before worrying about your girlfriend, as maybe they are not true friends at all.

Secondly, us girlies are very strange creatures, she may not be necessarily depressed just caught up with her hormones (time of the month and stress and stuff). You know she loves you, so why don't you be honest about how you are feeling at the moment and ask her about it too (basically what ET said, damn you ;P). Maybe she just wants some space or perhaps it is more serious and that she might need some counselling, but just be there to support her!

But please talk. Communication is the key.

Hope this helps. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by mr jones
how do i leave the house. seriously. i used to have a social life but now i just well, cant seem to go out :( it sucks. i used to be popular. now im unkown. what can i do? i was meant to go back to college today but i just couldnt face people. i dont like the world.

Hiya. :)

We all get stuck in ruts like this in one stage or other in our lives, when stopping at home rather than going out is the easy solution, but you can with self-determination get out of it. First of all take things one step at a time. If you don't feel ready for college just yet, perhaps write them a letter explaining your situation and they maybe able to give you some time off, it is worth a try at the very least and is better than being kicked off the course. Once you have done this when you feel up to it start going out for little walks, you don't have to go far like just around the block or something, somewhere where you feel comfortable basically, which isn't inside. Once you have gotten used to this perhaps wander further afield, just go as far as you feel comfortable in, hopefully you'll manage to stay out longer and longer each time. Perhaps taking up a hobby or joining a local sports team (if you are into that kinda thing) will help also as this will take your mind off being lonely and you can meet people who share an interest with you, thus making friends.

Your health is paramount. Never force yourself into situations which don't feel right. Take things one step at a time.

Hope that helps. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by MissConsumed
Well, my dilemma isn't a horribly serious one, I am really just looking for a second opinion. So I received a ring from a boyfriend like 6 years ago...dated him for 3.5 subsequent years, and now 2 boyfriends later, I am contemplating selling the ring. In fact I have an appointment to have it appraised tomorrow. The way I see it, I can't wear it without being completely insensitive to the man I'm with now, and I don't even talk to the dude that gave it to me. Also, I feel as though I have waited long enough were he to ask for it back (he hasn't), and the money I receive from it would mean a nice weekend out of town for my current bf and I. Would it really be that bad to sell the stupid thing?? My mother has been preaching to me about sentimental value and the like, but I just want to get rid of it!

Your thoughts?

Honey. It sounds like you don't want any advice at all. It seems you are just trying to get the guilt off yourself by having others tell you it is alright to do something you will probably go and do regardless of whether it is right or not.

So...

If you want to get rid of it get rid of it. Just no crying over it in years to come ok?

Hope that is what you wanted to hear. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by Dude
Me gots a small problem:

Last month at a Christmas party, I asked out a girl - who happened to be one of my best friends. Well, she said no and she hasn't talked to me since. Things are getting better between us, but im not sure whats happening. The more I think about it the more depressed I get. I wish that party never happened now.:( I will be seeing her tomorow, but i'm not sure what to say. What should I do?

Hello. :)

Lovely, we all make mistakes, you have nothing to be ashamed of, just one of those things, gotta live with it and move on, life is too short to mope on little things like that! Please for Heavens sake talk to her about it if it is getting you down, so that you can clear the air. She's probably feeling just as embarrassed, so will be a relief for both of you and just because she has turned you down once, doesn't mean she'll never accept. Just be yourself, be honest and everything will be ok.

Hope this helps. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by Markeh
lets keep this simple

i like girl
m8 just finished girl
i want girl
what i do?

Hi. :)

You like a girl? Great! But before you dive in headfirst I would do some background researching first. First of all why did your mate dump her? Is he heartbroken? Is she heartbroken? If he is I wouldn't go running into her arms straight away if I were you. Mates are more important than girlfriends/boyfriends anyday. If she is heartbroken again I would stand back to give her some time, she will be feeling raw at the moment, so will either despise boys, use you as a revenge boyfriend (showing you off in front of her ex/your mate, thus wrecking your friendship with your friend and making you feel a bit used basically) or be a 'bounceback' relationship, where basically she doesn't really know what she wants, so perhaps hurts you in the process when she realises she doesn't want you all along.

All I can say is tread very cautiously and give her a bit of time first (to get over heartbreak/suddenly being single again etc) and ask your mate if he would be cool with it before asking her out.

Hope that's ok. :)

[scram]

God bless you Katox. All fantastic pieces of advice! I'll just grab the one remaining client before you get your perfectly manicured fingernails into him ;)

Originally posted by Lewiji40k
My gf is getting more and more distant. She insists she loves me and everything yet we seem to be talking less and less. I think it's her friends, I don't hold them in the highest esteem so they don't exactly like me. I'm pretty sure they're telling her that I'm not worth it and all that, and soon I'm afraid she'll 'dump me'. Help me!

I had exactly the same problem with my last ex girlfriend. Sometimes you can start out in a relationship being totally head over heels for each other and everything is fantastic. But over time, things can often fizzle. It doesnt make either of you a bad person it's just human nature. Whilst both of you try to convince each other and yourselves that you love each other it can often be denying the truth that is that it is time to move on. It really DOES happen to everyone.

There's often a bit of a rivalry between a girl's friend's and her boyfriend. Both don't like to see the girl spending too much time with the other person and it is quite possible that her friends are badmouthing you. It's her choice as to whether she believes them or not and who she wants to be with the most. Sometimes its not always favourable for the boyfriend.

At the end of the day, you have to make the decision that we all must make: Do I carry on in a relationship where there seems to be no real love in the hope that things will change or do I get out of there. I chose the latter and am glad for it. You're still young and you have plenty of time to find the person with whom you don't feel that distance arise and don't get that fizzlage. Make the decision for yourself and make sure its the one that leaves you happiest in the long term.

You'll be fine ;)

[b_em]

I keep hurting myself.

Don't get excited, this isn't deliberate stuff. I am just too gung ho and clumsy, and I'm covered in the marks to prove it. Right now I have:

* a scar across my entire calf from getting too up close and personal with a pressure washer

*I have a badly bruised and swollen coccix (Sp?) from jumping too enthusiastically into my car forgetting it's a shitty Hyundai and theres wood in the seat just where there should be cushion

*I have a massive bruise on my right buttock - unknown origin.

* my entire body is covered in an angry red rash as a reaction to the acid I was using for the pressure washing. It stung a bit at the time (being acid), but somehow it didn't click that spending a whole day immersed from head to toe in acid might affect my skin. So now I look like I have measles. Or the black death. Or something. Maybe I do have measles. What if I have measles??

* my thighs are badly bruised from a run in with a kiosk I was dismantling in a fit of 'im as strong as any man' enthusiasm

* my wrist is swollen and bruised from falling down a flight of tiled steps. I momentarily forgot that PRESSURE WASHING MAKES STEPS WET MORON.

* my big toe on my left foot seems to be utterly devoid of feeling and movement after tonight's rather spectacular fall down a small flight of stairs involving the 180 degree rotation of said toe and the consequent 2 metre skid of bare knees across carpet.


My partner's father arrives in Brisbane on Sunday. It is the first time he has seen me in 4 years, and in that time I have put on 3 stone in weight and currently look rather like a leper. I have two questions for you to answer:

1) Do I ming?
2) Have you got a quick fix solution to make me beautiful again before his father arrives?

[Lewiji]

Well, as I expected, my gf dumped me. Thanks to your words of wisdom though, scram, it wasn't that bad. There's a little bit of feeling left in my soul-less body but I guess I have to move on. Thanks scram for helping!

[fishymcfish]

heres my problem:

i had a girlfriend and she finished me just before christmas, we hadnt been going out for long and it seemed totally out of the blue, as we were getting on fine and there weren't any problems, but i got over that pretty quickly, well i thought i did, because i hadn't seen her over the holidays and christmas took her off my mind, but then on new years eve,after a good party, it was 2 am in the morning, and we were sobering up, and then just before she left, we kissed, now i didnt know what was going on and when i talked to her about it she said it was just a spur of the moment thing, but a friend of hers said that she still liked me but just doesnt want a b/f, i think maybe shes trying to make me feel better or just messing with my head, im not sure. basically i can't get her off my mind, whatever i try, even skating, which normally totally clears my head of everything hasn't stopped me thinking about her, i dont know what i should do about it, basically im confused and am asking for help.

sorry for the bad grammer and total back and forthness too, i'm just writing as i think,

EDIT: i also realised that i often over use random phrases in everyday speech, nothing specific, just any random stuff, and i switch what they are every so often, people say it gets annoying so any help on that too would be much appreciated,

[Dude]

Originally posted by katox
Hello. :)

Lovely, we all make mistakes, you have nothing to be ashamed of, just one of those things, gotta live with it and move on, life is too short to mope on little things like that! Please for Heavens sake talk to her about it if it is getting you down, so that you can clear the air. She's probably feeling just as embarrassed, so will be a relief for both of you and just because she has turned you down once, doesn't mean she'll never accept. Just be yourself, be honest and everything will be ok.

Hope this helps. :)

Thanks.

I did just that, and found out why she hates me. Its because of her ex, I told him that I was going to ask her out and he got there first, he then said to me 2 weeks later that he couldn't be botherd with her any more, I told her, she dumped him, I went for it, she said no, he said to her that I was lying and thats why she hates me. Today, I asked her about it and she said that thats what happened, I said that it wasn't a lie and now were at least talking again. Well its a start isn't it.

I will find it really hard not to hit mark (her ex) on friday at air cadets for being such a toss pot and telling her that im a lier. I will have to talk to her again about this but until then, thanks.

[scram]

Originally posted by b_em
I have two questions for you to answer:

1) Do I ming?
2) Have you got a quick fix solution to make me beautiful again before his father arrives?
You're a clumsy bint emily but you most certainly do not ming. :)

Therefore, by default I do not need to give you a quick fix solution to make you beautiful sweety. Just put on some of your best lippy and some nice clothes and you'll be fine.

At the end of the day, your man still thinks you are beautiful and that's all that matters. Who cares what his old man thinks (he's probably VERY jealous of his son)


*hugs*


Originally posted by fishymcfish2002
heres my problem:

i had a girlfriend and she finished me just before christmas, we hadnt been going out for long and it seemed totally out of the blue, as we were getting on fine and there weren't any problems, but i got over that pretty quickly, well i thought i did, because i hadn't seen her over the holidays and christmas took her off my mind, but then on new years eve,after a good party, it was 2 am in the morning, and we were sobering up, and then just before she left, we kissed, now i didnt know what was going on and when i talked to her about it she said it was just a spur of the moment thing, but a friend of hers said that she still liked me but just doesnt want a b/f, i think maybe shes trying to make me feel better or just messing with my head, im not sure. basically i can't get her off my mind, whatever i try, even skating, which normally totally clears my head of everything hasn't stopped me thinking about her, i dont know what i should do about it, basically im confused and am asking for help.

sorry for the bad grammer and total back and forthness too, i'm just writing as i think,

EDIT: i also realised that i often over use random phrases in everyday speech, nothing specific, just any random stuff, and i switch what they are every so often, people say it gets annoying so any help on that too would be much appreciated,

Girls/Women can be very confusing beasts at times. One minute you can think you know exactly where you are with them and the next minute you're totally at a loss. Similarly you can spend a long time trying to figure a particular lady out and when you finally think you have them sussed they throw you a curveball that you knocks you for six. Some advice I can give all men (which I seldom take myself) is to avoid trying to read too much into women. We were never meant to speak their language and a hell of a lot can be lost in translation. Rest assured it's probably similar on their side (although I maintain it's not as bad!). ;)

The teen years are the hardest and its often very difficult to know what one wants. Sometimes you can think that you want something more than friendship and then suddenly your head tells you to get out of there. It's rare to find long lasting relationships with teenagers for this very fact. It's something I've experienced myself from both sides of a relationship/friendship. If I'm being honest, I don't think she's trying to make you better OR trying to mess with your head. I just think she's confused about what she wants at the moment and you're getting caught in the crossfire.

There are a few angles to look at this.

One is to chalk it up to experience and realise that in the grand scheme of things, these little complications and seemingly unconventional events are what makes your life yours. They happen to everyone and you WILL look back on them with a warmth of "those were the teenage years" in days to come. There's no need to be worried about being tied down in any kind of relationships when you're young. You could just change your perspective and have fun. If things happen with this girl then they happen, just put up a wall and don't let it get you panicky.

Another way, if you're unable to look at the world that way (admittedly - like me) is to just take control of the situation and not let it dwell on your mind. Confront her properly. Tell her that you don't appreciate being messed around and make sure you know what you want and TELL her. Either she wants something or she doesn't and she can't have it both ways. She may be confused but it doesnt mean she has the right to play you around like this. It's likely she will turn round and say that, no, she doesn't want anything to happen and she'll make sure it won't happen again but you never know, she may open up and let you know why she's been acting like this. Either way, it lets you sleep at night again. :)

It's up to you, but whatever happens, remember there are plenty of women out there and not nearly enough time for them all ;)

You'll find your place :)

I hope things work out for you mate

[edit] the other problem isnt so much a problem, just part of who you are. If you are really bothered enough about changing it then just make sure you catch yourself every time you say something like "whatever it is you say" and mentally tell yourself not to do it again. With a bit of time you can break the habit. Incidentally the same works if you want to start using a particular word more often - if you miss the chance to say it then make a mental note that it would have been good to say or do something then. It's a bit weird, but with practise, one can sculpt their social skills into whatever they want without changing who you are :)

[fishymcfish]

sorry for bumping (edit, it used to say bumbing) this, but i just wanted to sasy thanks for both pieces of advice, the one about my speech is already working, its just certain silly phrases, but i have cut down on saying them,

as for the girl, i think i'm just gonna leave it, i'm trying to occupy myself all of the time to stop thinking about it, i know she knows i like her and i think if she wants something, then she will know what she can do,

so thanks for the advice its really helped, i already +'ed the response,

[scram]

Good move mate, you'll go far ;)

Let HER do the running if she wants to :D

[scram]

BUMP0RED!

Oi you tartes!

It's revision season and I need something to do... other than revision!

I fail to believe that there are people out there without problems that need solving. Even if it is "Dear Mr. Scrambled I can't make a half decent post on this forum!" Surely there are a lot of you who could ask for help on THAT!

Come on! Give me some problems!!!

[Dr_nwa]

dear scram.
i am having problems revising. there is this wierd orange coloured place that seems to take up all of my time. it has taken over my life and i never get any revision done. please help me,
yours,
Furtive anxious poster. (FAP)

[Ouroboros]

Dear Mr Scrambled,

Not much of a problem, but I thought I'd give you something to do ;)

I cannot get up in the mornings. Actually, this is half of my problem, which I'll come to later. In the holidays (I go to school in year 9) I always sleep in to at LEAST 11:30, often much later, up to 3 pm. During school time, I have to get up at 7:30 at the latest. I always set my two alarm clocks for 7, I wake up, and think, "I've got a few minutes. I'll just lie here for 5 mins", and then I'm asleep. When I am finally forced out of bed, I am tired, often falling asleep in the car on the way to school. I am then a grumpy bitch all the way till lunch time. Everything and everyone pisses me off. I have to refrain myself from giving some of the more trying teachers a good bitchslapping. After lunch, I just am tired again, and (especially if I have Ancient Greek, don't know why this is) occasionally start to drop off in lessons again. By the end of school, I am fine.

But come 10 pm and beddy byes, I just cannot get to sleep. Never have been able to. I always lie there till at least 2 am until I drop off. Not doing anything. Just lying there. And guess what? I'm tired again in the morning!

Do you have any recommendations? Anything at all would be much appreciated.

[Ouroboros]

*bump*

Does no one care?

*sob*

[ZekeyLizard]

Originally posted by Dumples
*bump*

Does no one care?

*sob*

What the moose?
Why in the name of corn and testicles would such fleece be had?

As for you nightime problems.
I suggest more sleep.
Then again, I am not wise Scrambled and he probably knows more than I.

[scram]

Originally posted by Dumples
Dear Mr Scrambled,

Not much of a problem, but I thought I'd give you something to do ;)

I cannot get up in the mornings. Actually, this is half of my problem, which I'll come to later. In the holidays (I go to school in year 9) I always sleep in to at LEAST 11:30, often much later, up to 3 pm. During school time, I have to get up at 7:30 at the latest. I always set my two alarm clocks for 7, I wake up, and think, "I've got a few minutes. I'll just lie here for 5 mins", and then I'm asleep. When I am finally forced out of bed, I am tired, often falling asleep in the car on the way to school. I am then a grumpy bitch all the way till lunch time. Everything and everyone pisses me off. I have to refrain myself from giving some of the more trying teachers a good bitchslapping. After lunch, I just am tired again, and (especially if I have Ancient Greek, don't know why this is) occasionally start to drop off in lessons again. By the end of school, I am fine.

But come 10 pm and beddy byes, I just cannot get to sleep. Never have been able to. I always lie there till at least 2 am until I drop off. Not doing anything. Just lying there. And guess what? I'm tired again in the morning!

Do you have any recommendations? Anything at all would be much appreciated.

To be honest I have exactly the same problem.

I hardly ever go to sleep before 3am and, unless forced, seldom rise before noon. During term time, I often get around 4 hours sleep a night which makes it almost impossible to understand lectures. The thing is, it's a cycle which you have to break the hard way. I find that if I am awake during the late hours i'm invariably on the putar. Thus, if you're really bothered, and this is the same problem with you, turn off the machine. Make yourself. Set a time like midnight and be firm with yourself that you'll keep it. It's a case of being able to instill an attitude in your mind where you will feel guilt if you break your own promises to yourself. Or say if you go over your time then you haven't been strong enough to meet a simple target. Go to bed and have a read of a book. I know I'm ready to sleep once I realise I have read an entire page without taking any of it in. :)

At first you still will find it difficult to get back to sleep at a reasonable hour, but with practise you can reset your body clock to the time that you want.

I apologise that this seems like really shit advice but it's something I'm not particularly good at myself!

Just try and develop a personal strength to motivate yourself to sort it out and you'll be fine :)

[katox]

..add on to Scrambled reply(:)) :

Try having a nice warm drink before bed and generally unwinding your body down - listening to relaxing music, reading a book, gentle exercise etc, nothing to stimulative and never ever have a heavy meal before going to bed as your body will be wanting to break it down, so keeping you up longer!

What I sometimes do to fall asleep is tensing up then loosening every part of my body whilst breathing deeply (most of the time we only use half of our lung capacity as we are so tensed up). I start from my toes and work my way up clenching then releasing every muscle so that in the end it feels like I am floating. Really is a lovely feeling.

I also put a few drops of lavender oil onto my pillow, which also makes me fall into the land of nod in no time at all.:)

If things don't seem to be getting any better thought I suggest maybe going to the doctor for further advice, but only if none of this works.

xx

[I AM SHEEP]

Dear Mr Scrambled and/or Ms Katox,

I...can...not...stop...washing...my...hands....

[scram]

BUMP

I'm assuming that you're a filthy liar seeing as you appear to have typed a message to me. To do so, you must have stopped washing your hands. Checkmate. I wash my hands of you (get it? *snort*)

Ok kids, the House of Pain is back and IT'S STICKY!

Come to myself and the lovely Katox with your worries an we'll do our best to help you out. Otherwise give us feedback on how things are going. I remind users that this thread is intended for myself and Katox to give advice, not others. Of course, you are welcome to offer help and advice but please keep it to a PM. It would be nice to have some structure to this thread.

NEXT!

[Mister Ben]

Well...my problem is not a large one, but it would make me a lot happier if I had it fixed.

I have cultivated boredom to an art form.

I spend all of my time quietly keeping the pillars that hold my life up in working order and wasting time. Last holiday, for example, for the last few days, I was twiddling my thumbs waiting for school to start again so I could see my friends again. Now that it has started I have spent most of it quietly doing homework and passing time until the next holidaywhen I can rest. I have a good amount of fun, and am relatively happy, but so very bored, and somehow unsatisfied.
I feel like I am achieving nothing at all, and that tomorrow, even a month from now, I will be no better or wiser than I am now. I don't get any new friends and most of the stuff I buy is more time-wasting, e.g. games.

I also suffer from a major problem linked to the above - I am essentially lazy. I do only what I have to do, basketball is the only exception. And I do what I have to do before tomorrow at 9:30 tonight until about 11:30 if I'm unlucky, then wake up the following morning at 6:50, about seven hours later where I need ten. This has added up over time and now I have a good deal of natural grumpiness from minor sleep deprivation. Added to the boredom and various irritations, this makes me generally annoyed, annoying other people...and so on.

So there you have it...two smallish problems that combined really get me down.
Thanks in advance (even though I hate it when people hate you in advance)

[Dr-Electro]

My feet hurt. They hurt so badly that they keep me awake at night. My doctor thinks that everything is caused by diabetes, even in the face of evidence that this is not the case. I am stuck with this doc because all my medical is with the Veterans Administration. I am too poor to have private medical. I think the situation sucks raw sewage through a wide-mouthed straw.

The real problem comes in when my thrashing and leaping with pain in the bed wakes my wife from a deep sleep. She gets very unhappy about this and that's totally understandable. So, I either start abusing the painkillers, which I do not want to do, or I sit in my chair in the front room all night and give up sleeping in bed.

It makes me want to scream and shout and cry like a little kid, sometimes. Then, I remember that I'm supposed to be the toughest badass in the valley of the shadow of death and give up on the screaming and such. Then, I suffer in silence and sit in the front room all night.

Any ideas that don't involve suicide or illegal drugs?

[b_em]

My father in law is too hairy.

His wife does not know how to clean a shower.

They have been staying with us for a fortnight now and today went away on a four day holiday. I ventured into the bathroom we have given them to use, and the shower and bath were under a 2mm layer of soap scum, which was regularly punctuated with his chest hairs or worse. It took a whole bottle of disinfectant to clean.

Also I discovered that the wet wipes I have been emptying from their bathroom bin are not as I thought, face wipes, but are actually 'Carefree Intimate Wipes'.

Please help me.

[vampiress]

i am completely unmotivated. i wake up at 6am or 7, but i feel no need to get up or leave the house. then i often start feeling quite ill. if i actually bother to get up, i eventually feel better. i'm not sleeping well because the neighbors of doom thump around upstairs and keep the radio/tv turned up loud at all hours.

i'm a mess.

[Ferret Pie]

Try inviting some rock stars over to your house (unless your neighbours love rock, then use rap stars) and get them to play really loud music right by the wall, to piss off those neighbours.

[dead]

my head hurts.

[Dr-Electro]

*WHACK!*

Dead's head hurts. :D

My feet hurt. Vampie can't sleep because of obnoxious, incnsiderate neighbors. Maybe we all need to move into a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere together. If the place isn't quiet enough, we will have nobody to blame but ourselves.

Whatcha think, kids?

*rubs Dead's head*

[scram]

Hurrah, stuff to do. Let us begin.

Originally posted by Mister Ben
Well...my problem is not a large one, but it would make me a lot happier if I had it fixed.

I have cultivated boredom to an art form.

I spend all of my time quietly keeping the pillars that hold my life up in working order and wasting time. Last holiday, for example, for the last few days, I was twiddling my thumbs waiting for school to start again so I could see my friends again. Now that it has started I have spent most of it quietly doing homework and passing time until the next holidaywhen I can rest. I have a good amount of fun, and am relatively happy, but so very bored, and somehow unsatisfied.
I feel like I am achieving nothing at all, and that tomorrow, even a month from now, I will be no better or wiser than I am now. I don't get any new friends and most of the stuff I buy is more time-wasting, e.g. games.

I also suffer from a major problem linked to the above - I am essentially lazy. I do only what I have to do, basketball is the only exception. And I do what I have to do before tomorrow at 9:30 tonight until about 11:30 if I'm unlucky, then wake up the following morning at 6:50, about seven hours later where I need ten. This has added up over time and now I have a good deal of natural grumpiness from minor sleep deprivation. Added to the boredom and various irritations, this makes me generally annoyed, annoying other people...and so on.

So there you have it...two smallish problems that combined really get me down.
Thanks in advance (even though I hate it when people hate you in advance)

I'm gonna be honest mate. You've just described myself at your age and a less serious version of what I am today. Yes, tis correct, I am in the same state now but worse. I get by, only ever doing things when they need to be done and am annoyingly lazy. I am DEFINITELY in a worse position to you regarding sleep. As it happens, you only need 8 hours of sleep per night, not 10. Unfortunately I rarely find myself getting to sleep before 3am and invariably my alarm will go off at 7.30am. It has become routine now, unfortunately, and I survive with this amount of sleep only by taking afternoon naps when I can or by losing my Saturdays to a day of sleep. It's not big and it's not clever, but it's the way I am at the moment.

So why am I harping on about myself being worse than you instead of giving you advice? Is it because I have an ego the size of Kenya and love to talk about myself? Is it because I want to belittle your problem? No. To be honest, it's to give you some perspective as to what can happen if you don't change things. I'm not the laziest person in the world by far, but if it's not something I enjoy doing then I find motivation impossible. It's one of those things which I am fairly confident that I know how to improve but simply haven't.

Vampy, I'm going to answer yours in this as well as I think that both problems are intrinsically linked.

Self motivation is a bitch. People are paid reams and reams to be motivational gurus to get results out of poor schmoes like you and I. The trick is to become your own motivational guru. That sounds stupid and ridiculous but it really is the best way to describe it. You see, the best person to go to for help in this crazy world is yourself and if you can develop the personal strength to help yourself then you will reap the benefits. I look back on it now and laugh, but a few years ago, in high school, I motivated myself with three simple words - Take the Brunt. It would normally be physical things but it would work for anything if I decided I wanted to be motivated for it. I would just say to myself "Take the Brunt!" and I'd be off. It was effectively implanting a drill sergeant in my brain which I could turn on or off at will. Said drill sergeant is now long gone and I'm back to my old ways, but he worked while he was around.

If you both (vampy and ben) can develop this new attitude, I think you will find that you see results. Setting yourself VERY short term, RIDICULOUSLY achievable goals (get out of bed, walk out the front door, slap the postman) then developing a distaste for failing these goals is the key. It's the same principle as the agenda/list system I described in an earlier post. Break it down so small that you need very little motivation to complete each minute task.

I hope you have better luck than me ;)

[plattbridger]

Hmmm I suppose my problems could be summed up as girlfriend problems but I’m not really sure how to describe my situation so I’ll just say how I got to where I am- gather round and I shall tell you all a merry tale… :p

2003 started off as a pretty good year I got in what I suppose was my first proper serious meaningful relationship with a girl who I’ll call H for now. Things where really good though she had been messed around a bit by her last ex apparently who just ignored/avoided her for a month and basically abused his position and knowledge of her until she confronted him so she was understandably a little cautious with me to begin with etc.

After a few months things were fine, until rumours started to be spread around college about H and her ex but I stood by her even though quite a few of my close friends were not exactly on my side. This went of for about a fortnight and didn’t really make college life very enjoyable until we all just agreed to forget about it.

Then pretty much the day after it settled down, my uncle was killed and he wasn’t just my uncle but my dads identical twin brother, the shock and upset put my grandma into hospital so as you can imagine my family situation wasn’t too great and I didn’t really bother to tell anyone at college as things were still tense. The funeral was only a few days before the start of my final exams and with visiting my grandma in hospital and my aunt and everything I didn’t have much time really to get much revision in and not too surprisingly I didn’t end up doing too well in my exams although I still managed to get into my first choice university with the grades I got (just to prove my madness the insurance place I chose had higher entry requirements than my 1st choice so that was kind of lucky :D).

The family situation did not get much better over the summer either my grandma lost her sister to cancer and my aunt not only lost her husband but went on to loose both her parents that year and she was having trouble with her 21 year old daughters. So things were for the most part tense and down but I never really bothered H too much with all this as she had been collapsing a lot and the doctors first suggested heart problems then epilepsy so obviously I stood by her through all that. I didn't really get any holidays either to try and relax in instead I was left at home alone for 2 months to work over the summer whilst the rest of the family went off.

There was one good thing though and that was that H and me were both going to universities in Manchester, which is about 16 miles from where we live. Even so I worried that we might grow apart and all that but H assured me that that wouldn’t happen and that we’d always talk if things changed.

Anyway the heavily abridged version of the next 3 months is once we started uni I basically stopped getting texts off H or anything else, she never asked to see me and I had to stand outside her halls or lecture buildings to see her, whenever we were together she’d just be talking about what her and her new friends had got up to, things that I was never included in. I’d be trying to meet up with her only to be told she’d gone back home etc I never knew where she was or what she was doing and I obviously got the distinct impression I was just being rubbed out. I tried several times to try and get us to talk about it but nothing ever came of it.

This, uni problems, the inquest into my uncles death starting and everything else that had happened that year was slowly getting on top of me and I just really wanted to talk to her and sort everything out but I couldn’t and i just felt like i was loosing my mind. She’d just walked out on me and washed her hands of me so after about 3 months I didn’t see much choice but to dump her, at the end of November. Then we kinda got back together somehow and although I knew it couldn’t work I still needed to talk and find out what happened etc but as it turned out she just used it as an excuse to dump me a week later and I’ve not seen her or heard from her (even though I have to go past her halls etc pretty much everyday) since she marched me out of her halls... after I'd explained to her I couldn’t "just go" because you need a card to get in and out, lol she just seemed to turn into some sort of monster.

I don’t miss her or still love her and I don’t think I’m in denial but the way she treated me for 3 months and that we went from having something that seemed like the real thing to nothing despite me trying so hard still hurts. I’d stood by her no matter what, through allsorts not even mentioned here and when I needed her she just walked out on me without the guts to say anything and it can still hurt a lot and I don’t know why. It seems like one of those things you don't get over but just move on from but I don’t seem to be able to move on or have anywhere to move on to.

I always try and put other people first and look out for my friends and family and try and see the bright side (I don't type lol all the time for no reason) but I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut I can’t really see anyway out and I dunno how I'd be able to find someone new and be fine again. I get the feeling I’ve entered my wilderness years and I’ll emerge in my mid forties with a big car, office job and a Labrador. Though from what I've gathered H is now living it up with a Greek lad from uni called Andreas.

Some well nearly most days now I'm fine but last year is always in the back of my mind bearing down and I've never really had the opportunity to sort it out or talk about it ergo this has turned into a hell of a wild ramble. Hell to top it off my rabbit died just before Christmas, which this year just seemed to completely pass me by. And now the trial of my uncle’s killer is getting going again.


So I suppose my problem is the mess 2003 has left me in and adjusting to being pretty much completely alone with no one there to help me sort it out. I suppose a good slap is all I need. *rocks back and forth*

[scram]

Originally posted by Dr-Electro
My feet hurt. They hurt so badly that they keep me awake at night. My doctor thinks that everything is caused by diabetes, even in the face of evidence that this is not the case. I am stuck with this doc because all my medical is with the Veterans Administration. I am too poor to have private medical. I think the situation sucks raw sewage through a wide-mouthed straw.

The real problem comes in when my thrashing and leaping with pain in the bed wakes my wife from a deep sleep. She gets very unhappy about this and that's totally understandable. So, I either start abusing the painkillers, which I do not want to do, or I sit in my chair in the front room all night and give up sleeping in bed.

It makes me want to scream and shout and cry like a little kid, sometimes. Then, I remember that I'm supposed to be the toughest badass in the valley of the shadow of death and give up on the screaming and such. Then, I suffer in silence and sit in the front room all night.

Any ideas that don't involve suicide or illegal drugs?

Well for a start, suicide or illegal drugs aren't solutions to anything I can think of right now so I'm gonna say no on those fronts.

Doc, you're one of the nicest guys on this forum and, from what I gather, a tough feller. The medical system over here is different from over there in the States but one fact remains the same - your doctor is there to sort these problems out. If he's dismissing it as diabetes and it clearly isn't, then the guy is a buffoon and not doing his job. You need to make him realise this too. EVERYONE has a right to good healthcare, ESPECIALLY veterans. The fact that you are being treated so badly is an outrage and it sure as criminy doesn't make you any less of a man if you make a fuss about it. Don't suffer, get the service you deserve! If this doctor doesn't work for you then he will have a superior who should hear that your doctor isn't doing his job.

I hate complaining and kicking up a fuss and I know firsthand the mentality of "I'll put up with it for now." However, you're going to have to stand up (pun not intended!) for your own good.

No one deserves to put up with such pain.

[katox]

Originally posted by b_em
My father in law is too hairy.

His wife does not know how to clean a shower.

They have been staying with us for a fortnight now and today went away on a four day holiday. I ventured into the bathroom we have given them to use, and the shower and bath were under a 2mm layer of soap scum, which was regularly punctuated with his chest hairs or worse. It took a whole bottle of disinfectant to clean.

Also I discovered that the wet wipes I have been emptying from their bathroom bin are not as I thought, face wipes, but are actually 'Carefree Intimate Wipes'.

Please help me.


Tie him up, gag him, then go crazy with the wax.....mmmm.

Ok, ok maybe a bad idea ~thinks about waxing hairy father in laws bottom~ ~shudders~ :P.

I would delicately raise the subject (putting on your best smile) with his wife (mother in law, I'm presuming), saying something like you love it when they come to stay but you just have one request - could they rinse out the bath/shower after use AS it makes it easier to clean. *

The intimate wipes thing you might just have to live with. Just put on a pair of rubber gloves and a nose peg... be fiiine. ;D


*If you end up with having your in-laws as enemies, don't sue me! :O

[Rogue]

no matter how hard i try I cannot travel into another dimension. I am beginning to suspect i am going to be stuck on earth for my entire life. HELP!

[Dr-Electro]

Rogue, go to the Reindeer Inn, head down the wine cellar stairs and keep going down until you reach my dungeon. I will wet up a portal for you and you can have a tear through all the different dimensions you wish.

If you need a tourguide, you will have to wait until the pub closes and ride with me to the new one. I love having company during the moves.

Scrambled, you are right about everything you say. Getting to the next level up with the VA is quite difficult, but at my next Dr. visit, Friday, I will start the ball rolling.

Cheers and thanks again.

[Spoo]

Dear Scram and Kat,

I seem to have misplaced my identity.

At highschool I never really tried to develop a projection of my 'self', I was happy to play the role of the 'grey man'. Neither part of the elite 'cool' kids nor part of the nerds, geeks or greebos. My only minor fame (and the thing that held off the beatings) being my participation in the Rugby team (as a second row forward) and my short lived career as a 400 meter sprinter. My hair was cut ocassionaly in the style of the time and outside of school i dressed for comfort with no sense of image.

When i reached college to study for my BTEC National Diploma in Media i decided that hiding amongst the sea of faces would get me nowhere. I choose the course partly through a vague desire to become a journalist but mainly because nobody i knew was taking it. College seemed like the kind of place i wanted to go and start working out who 'me' was. Sixth Form and A-Levels seemed to be an extension of school and all the cliques and elitism that came with that. College seemed more relaxed and seemed to offer the chance to become an 'arty' creative type.

Like most teenagers my love of music began to shape my personality. I learnt the guitar which let me into the world of being a musician. I started to listen to rock and grunge. My day to day uniform becoming cheap ripped black jeans, Caterpillar boots and a rotation of Nirvana and Kula Shaker t-shirts.

I had always read books (fantasy mostly) but i kept my love of magic, dragons and knights relativley secret from my peers.

I discovered tv and video making at college and quickly set aside my ideas of journalism for dreams of directing and film making.

I began to forge my projection of who i was. A musician, a music lover, a film maker, a thinker. Happy i was with the way i was shaping up. But then something happend that seems to have continued throughout my life. I noticed that there was always someone else who was more strongly into things than i was. My status as a music lover was overshadowed by all the people who could afford to buy more cd's than me, people who seemed to think useless beatles trivia made them superior. Most people seemed to be more 'arty' than me. I decided to persue my interest in the therioes of the mass media and my status as a muscian. I worked hard at college and spent all my money on guitars. I developed a strong understanding in the discliplens of media theory and cultural studies. I learnt how to improvise the blues. Yet i always felt overshadowed by my peers. Being intersted in matters academic made me a bit unsual amongst the grunge/rock/indie kids and to them it all stunk far to much of effort. My guitar playing improved and my love of the blues continued, yet this was never recognised by my peers. 'He's not a proper guitarist because he hadly knows any Nirvana songs'.

My college years where shakey at best. I drifted in and out of alchol and drug fuelled depressions and resigened myself to being in the background of my peer group. My first attempt at university made me forget academia. My best friend and i went to london and was suduced by the indie and rock clubs that were scattered around central london. Our university course was so bad we never went in. We wrote off the year as a bad job and decided to start again. Rock clubs became our lives. We would try to find a new one every night, we would get home at 4 am sleep thorugh the day and head back out. I got into heavier music. My trademark became my baggy jeans, chains, purple hair and skateboard. I started buying CD's and built up a collection of heavy albums and angry music. Being in a duo instead of a large group meant i was no longer overshadowed. To survive socially we had to compliment each others personalitys not overshadow each other.

I took this new formed identity with me to my next university. and managed to keep it for most of my 3 years. I had to stop dying my hair purple because of work. I settled for black. Unfortunatley the way i dressed and what i listened to marked me as an outsider. The people on my course were all trendy 'media types'. This did however, in my mind, make my identity stronger. I was the unusual skater bloke with the baggy trousers that had allready been studying media for 3 years nad knew what he was doing. I was reputed to be a bit of a stoner and a slacker yet seemed to score highish grades with low effort.

So after that long ramble we come to now. I feel to old for my clothes and not civilised enough to grow up. I'm not as clever as i thought i was now that all my friends have degrees (and some of them Phd's). Work leaves me too tired for gigs. The kids seem to have taken my rock clubs away from me and made them trendy. My baggy jeans brand me a fraud because i lack the piercings, tattoos and youth. The kind of clothes i used to wear would be bought cheap at markets and at gigs. The designers and shops seem to have taken it all and branded it pricing me out of where i want to be.

Should i cling to my old perceptions of me? Even though it seems hollow and false now? Or is it time to start forging something new? When does it end? Do we ever know who it is we are? I say i despise the comercialisation of couter-culture and the mindless sheep-like behaviour of our nation, but why does a part of me still cry out for acceptance?

Sorry for the ramble,

Spooneh

[Rogue]

Originally posted by Dr-Electro
Rogue, go to the Reindeer Inn, head down the wine cellar stairs and keep going down until you reach my dungeon. I will wet up a portal for you and you can have a tear through all the different dimensions you wish.



I thought you were going to tell me to stop at the wine cellar:p

i am impressed you can set up portals!

[scram]

Rogue, seriously, if you aren't going to bring anything useful to this thread, don't post in it. Thanks.

Plattbringer, thank you very much for taking the time to post such a detailed account to me. It's nice to get all the facts :) Where to start though?

As far as the relationship thing is concerned, you truly have no idea how close an experience to that I have had. Even down to the H! For a moment I thought that we had both fallen afoul of the same woman until I read about the university she went to! Anyway the basic story from my point of view is as follows. We were involved in a close relationship, my first "serious" one. We were so close for the early part, seeing each other every day and constantly sending each other those putridly soppy text messages, you know the ones! She had her own problems which I won't go into but I was always there for her. Being there for her involved a certain amount of restraint as well as dedication due to the circumstances. I commited myself to helping her through her problems and being as understanding as I could.

When she went to university, things changed. I got hardly any contact in comparison to before she left, and when I went to visit her, her friends seemed more important to her than I did. A few weeks later she came back to stay with me and I surprised her with a meal out and a night at the theatre. She really didn't seem bothered about it and I just began to realise how imbalanced our relationship was. I was giving her support, love, dedication and a partner and in return she was giving me close to zip. She seemed pretty excited about getting away from me and we began to fall out.

I soon realised that I had been compensating for her for too long. I had told myself that her lack of love was because of some of her problems. However, it wasn't fair on myself. It's all well and good to be there to support someone but relationships need to work both ways. Ours wasn't, so after ending up feeling totally unloved, I tried to talk to her asking her to try and love me more. As I suspected this didn't work and she made it a very messy break up accusing me of things I will never forget. Think guilt trip but super size it. I cried for days.

I enjoyed being single for a long time. I didn't want to get involved with anyone and so spent several months avoiding anyone who wanted relationships. In retrospect, I'm glad because I am very happy now with someone unique and extremely special to me. It is a fact of life that we ALL hit low periods in our life when we feel things will not improve and that nothing will change, but I look back on the last 4 years of my life and consider how my life has changed radically with each passing year and how many unexpected experiences I have had to shape me into who I am today. You may say I can't guarantee that you will find someone better but I disagree. You are clearly a good guy with a big heart and a maturity about relationships beyond your years. There are women out there looking for someone just like you and you WILL find one of them. It will probably happen when and where you least expect it ;) life has a funny habit of doing that, believe me!

As far as your experiences with loss over the last year I can only sympathise. The ordeal with your uncle's death is tragic and I wish yourself and your family my best throughout the upcoming months. I, too, have experienced a significant amount of loss in my life through different situations and will experience more of it. It's a sad fact of life that it is such a fragile thing and death drags a wake of grief behind which affects all who were close to the person. However you are not alone.

I stress that fact again. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are a significant number of people on this forum who have been through similar things or things which have caused the same grief which you feel. That's just this forum and the people I am fortunate to know on it. You'll be surprised how many people will be there for you if you let them know you need support. I extend an offer to talk if you ever wish, I've managed to get fairly good at listening ;)

2004 WILL be better mate, I know it will. Once the court case is over and things are somewhat laid to rest, I am confident you will see changes for the better. Believe it yourself, it will definitely help. :D

[plattbridger]

:eek: Thanks! Yea that is scarily similar! Thanks mate that’s genuinely helped with my mind set and stuff :) I would like to find someone else but I’ve been putting it off but hopefully everything will be sorted by the end of this year I’m certainly hoping and trying to make sure it will be a better one. Thank you again for your advice and offer!

If you ever need a testimonial I can safely say you do a brilliant job :D

[Mister Ben]

*realises I haven't said thanks yet*

thanks!

many + all round

and if you ever get really bored and decide to answer a forummic problem, how do you/does one get so much cash?
I get very few - rates, but simply not enough + rates, posts, or threads to get any real amount. I spend most of my time in the Cause, where posts don't add to your total.
This is also why I am still a mini-pie when I have posted a total of 689 times.

[Rogue]

Originally posted by Scrambled
[B]Rogue, seriously, if you aren't going to bring anything useful to this thread, don't post in it. Thanks.

]

what on earth? seriously. I asked a question about a problem. It was a slightly tongue in cheek one. But no more so than one about a guy with too much body hair.

and then i made a comment on the 'advice' electro offered me.

I am sorry my question was not up to your obviously superior expectations for this thread.

[Destrukto]

http://www.xs4all.nl/~ubu365/backontopic1.gif

That is all

[Spoo]

I hope the off-topicness hasn't made you miss my post!

I await your sage-like advice...

[Mat^]

Just a reminder that there is another thread like this set up in the cause that is basicly dead, help it out if you can.


thank you for listening.

[Pee]

i hate myself, gave up on love, etc etc etc
can you help me?

[Dude]

Dear Kram and/or Scat :p

I have a problem.

I am a really big flirt. Girls love me. But I haven't had a serious relationship for 4 years. What should I do?

(And yes i'm serious)

[mini_ninja_pir8]

i need ur help

my mum/mom(whateva) constantly puts me down and makes me really worthless, i constantly get told my clothes/hair looks bad, while i have to kiss her arse everyday, she makes me do everything, while she does nothing, and i cant say anything against her otherwise id get my arse kicked, and get told im backchatting, then id be in for a severe beating, im 14, and she calls me a little girl and a kid, yet i feel so much mature and i feel really bad if i do one little thing wrong and she makes a huge deal out of it, i cry myself to sleep nearly everynight because of what she says, i really wanna run away from her and her clutch...

can you help me?

-mini

[katox]

Do not panic! I will answer some of your problems tomorrow. But first I must sleep.


~huggles you all~

[scram]

Originally posted by Spooneh
So after that long ramble we come to now. I feel to old for my clothes and not civilised enough to grow up. I'm not as clever as i thought i was now that all my friends have degrees (and some of them Phd's). Work leaves me too tired for gigs. The kids seem to have taken my rock clubs away from me and made them trendy. My baggy jeans brand me a fraud because i lack the piercings, tattoos and youth. The kind of clothes i used to wear would be bought cheap at markets and at gigs. The designers and shops seem to have taken it all and branded it pricing me out of where i want to be.

Should i cling to my old perceptions of me? Even though it seems hollow and false now? Or is it time to start forging something new? When does it end? Do we ever know who it is we are? I say i despise the comercialisation of couter-culture and the mindless sheep-like behaviour of our nation, but why does a part of me still cry out for acceptance?

Sorry for the ramble,

Spooneh
Spoons, mate.

Sorry it has taken so long to reply to your post. After my first read through I remember smiling to myself for no particular reason. Whether it was because I empathised with you or because it was a well written and genuinely interesting account I don't know. All I know is that it has taken me some time to figure out how to reply to it.

So here goes.

I think you are one of the most unique and interesting people I have met through this board and I barely know you. You are clearly a very intelligent guy but you also have strong roots in your own branch of culture. People often like to classify people or put them in boxes - smart people, funny people, cool people, annoying people, etc. I'd have a hard time finding a box for you if I were that way inclined, Spooneh, and that is no bad thing.

From an early age, acceptance is something which we all strive for. From our families, from our peers, whoever. Young children exhibit this subconscious desire through imitation. It's basic tribal nature to conform to your surroundings and far too many people allow their own opinions to be shaped for them. Most recently this has been shown to me by my housemate who almost killed himself with alcohol because he didn't want to lose face in front of his "friends" (see my blog).

Personally, I've battled with a desire to be my own person and the desire to be accepted. I actively have discouraged myself from acting under peer pressure and have changed friends when I have felt that they wouldn't respect my own decisions. Now, in my second year of uni, I appreciate the fact that i go against the norms of all my social groups. I don't drink as much as the medics, I am more artistic than my coursemates, I'm more party-inclined than many of the members of my society. I'm not really involved in any cliques though, but this is not a problem to me.

When you think about it, humans ARE very inclined to follow tribal nature. Football supporters are a good example of this. Football hooliganism being the prime example of when people try to act on behalf of their tribe for acceptance and unity. Everyone likes to belong to a particular group of people. To share a common opinion or characteristic. If you take a look, you will see this occurring all over the place. However, individuality and acceptance are not always at opposite poles.

It is my personal belief that it takes a great deal of personal strength to stand up for your own opinions, ideas and beliefs in the face of those around you. You may feel like this detatches you from people and society in general but it really doesn't. I see someone who makes a stand against his friends for something he believes in and I see a person I deeply respect and would like to know better. It isn't always an active stand, it can be something as subtle as the music you listen to, the clothes you wear or the way you wear your socks.

Spooneh, you're engaged, correct? That's some pretty big acceptance you've found there! ;) You've been recognised as being one of the better posters on this board and have a number of people who admire your style of posting, your honesty and your intelligence. That's acceptance there too. I can't say much for your 3D life but I'm willing to bet that there are a lot of people who find you a very interesting person and who would consider you a friend. Acceptance isn't the clothes you wear or the music you listen to, it's when people see you for who you are and have some understanding of it.

Don't change who you are Spooneh, you're one of the few unique people out there.

Scram.

[katox]

That was beautiful Scrambled.

I, like you Spoony have most of my life felt out of place, due to the clothes I wear. I had in primary school some flowery Doc Martens. Since they were not what everyone else was wearing (trainers basically) I was named a hippy. Again at secondary school this time I wore cropped trousers before anyone else, so I had to cope with people from school saying my trousers were too short (I was the tallest person in our year at that point). Now everyone wears them. And again when I started wearing flares everyone called me a hippy (seems to be a favourite 'insult') and you've got it! Now all the girls are in them.
I started a war in my english class for being the only person who was against 'designer name' clothing (remember that fashion for sporty stuff?). Anyway, what I am trying to say is; it's just a fashion fad, don't feel like you have to live up to something. Just be who you are, smile at the fashion flock (they'll soon be into a new craze don't you worry ;)) and believe in yourself.

:)

Now back to business.

Originally posted by Pee
i hate myself, gave up on love, etc etc etc
can you help me?

Please could you tell me why you hate yourself and given up on love? You described your problem so briefly I don't think either Scrambled or myself could answer it successfully at this point.

Pm, either me or him if you are embarrassed about anything. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by Dude
Dear Kram and/or Scat :p

I have a problem.

I am a really big flirt. Girls love me. But I haven't had a serious relationship for 4 years. What should I do?

(And yes i'm serious)


The thing is...do you want a serious relationship? Look inside your heart.

[katox]

Originally posted by mini_ninja_pir8
i need ur help

my mum/mom(whateva) constantly puts me down and makes me really worthless, i constantly get told my clothes/hair looks bad, while i have to kiss her arse everyday, she makes me do everything, while she does nothing, and i cant say anything against her otherwise id get my arse kicked, and get told im backchatting, then id be in for a severe beating, im 14, and she calls me a little girl and a kid, yet i feel so much mature and i feel really bad if i do one little thing wrong and she makes a huge deal out of it, i cry myself to sleep nearly everynight because of what she says, i really wanna run away from her and her clutch...

can you help me?

-mini

I'm so so sorry for your plight, I cannot imagine how it must feel ~gives you a hug~ Do you know why she does this? Does she have problems of her own? Could you confide in a relative/family friend/doctor what she does to you and makes you feel? They might be able to tell your mother, make her listen and get help for her (if needed). Whatever happens you are not a bad person; good luck.

[Dude]

Originally posted by katox
The thing is...do you want a serious relationship? Look inside your heart.

I do. But being depressed doesn't usually help. I have been in love with this girl since year 2, I finaly got the guts to ask her out and she said no. How do you think I got a little depressed?

[katox]

Originally posted by Dude
I do. But being depressed doesn't usually help. I have been in love with this girl since year 2, I finaly got the guts to ask her out and she said no. How do you think I got a little depressed?


I'm sorry to hear you are depressed. Is the flirting thing just a big act then? Maybe you should try and be friends with the girl first, find out stuff about her, what makes her tick etc to show that you are sincere and serious about wanting to know about her. This will help you gain your confidence as well as her getting confidence in you. Don't pressure her into going out with you, just be casual, be friends, then maybe after a while she will go out with you. Chin up chuck.

[Dude]

She's been one of my best friends since... I've lost count.

For a while she wouldn't talk to me, and one of her friends said that she hated me. Last night she said she didn't when I asked.

I'm glad thats sorted but i'm still shattered.:(

[katox]

Well try and be friends again and if it doesn't work maybe it is best to move on. I know this sounds like a harsh thing to say but it is harsh on yourself to keep on wondering what might have been. Maybe in time things will be different, but mooching around getting even more depressed isn't the answer.

[Magpie]

I can't stand going to sleep.

I know this sonds like a thread derailment, but please here me out.

for the last month and a bit I've been avoiding going to sleep, not because I'm busy or anything like that. I don't like waking up, Because in my dreams things are alot better and when I find out they aren't real it breaks my heart.

In my dreams I can be happy without smoking or cutting myself
In my dreams I'm not slowly isolating myself from my friends.
and more recently in my dreams me and samara are still together.

because I hate the above problem i've been trying to combat it in the best ways I can, staying awake as long as I can, setting my alarm at random times in the morning so I'm never asleep too long.

But its starting to effect my life, i wander round ina dazed state, my schoolwork and driving/guitar lessons are starting to so suffer.

sorry this must seem really pathetic.

but any advice other than "pull your socks up and stop whining" would be greatly apreciated.

thanks

[vampiress]

i hope it's ok if i give my 2 cents Scram and Kat *smooch* oi i'm sorry. you candelete is you want. i do not want to spam up the thread
Magpie, i have suffered with the same affliction for most of my life. i know you keep a public blog, but it might help to keep a private one. i use livejournal.com so i can keep entries private and i just type out all the stuff in my head. i generally journal right before i goto sleep. i also find meditating right before i go to sleep helps clear out my mind. i have been having less dreams since doing these 2 things.
*hugs* just know you are not the only one.

[scram]

no worries vamp although I would prefer if you had asked me first ;).

Magpie, I WILL answer you properly but I've got a very busy day today so will probably not get a chance until tonight. Sorry mate.

[Magpie]

sfine man, I undestand the life of a thespian is very taxing.

thanks vampy, it means alot to hear that

[Ferret Pie]

I have a problem now .yay! i can post in here now!

It seems as though I have no secrets or things i would want nobody but my closest friends to know. Other people often don't like me hearing their conversations or leave the room to talk. It just seems as though i have no... wel no secrets and feel left out. ('tis very annoying)

[basstard]

Dear Scram and Kat,

I've one problem - I'm an obsessive worrier. I worry over trivialities, over tiny things and it's a bit ridiculous. I know this, but that doesn't stop me worrying. Example, on Monday I had to pick up a form to request an audition for the RSAMD, Glasgow. I worried constantly about that, despite only having to pick up a form, not do the audition.

The worrying has adverse consequences, too - I'm under a lot of pressure and stress due to the 'big' Scottish exams being this year, in a couple months. All the worrying simply adds to my stress. I usually have trouble sleeping at night - I can lie in bed for an hour or longer, just worrying and fretting.

My friends also get a wee bit miffed at my overworrying sometimes, and I'm not surprised. The thing is, however, I can't seem to stop myself worrying.

[dead]

I'm an obsessive reader, i cannot stop reading once i get started.
it's getting ridiculous, i end up reading until it's time for me to get up and go out and do whatever crazy crap i have to do that day.

[scram]

Originally posted by Magpie
sfine man, I undestand the life of a thespian is very taxing.


You have no idea ;)

For a start, two things. One, anyone who gives you advice like "pull your socks up and STFU" needs dragging out into the street and flogging with their own entrails. Secondly I need to give you a big hetero-manhug.

Magpie, you've always struck me as a funny and confident guy with a good self image. Your post wasn't so much a shock as a re-evaluation. I know from experience that the way we can post across the forum doesn't necessarily affect who we are as a person (in some cases anyway ;)).

That doesn't matter though.

I don't know what advice I can really give you except that you have to realise that there are certain things you hold true about yourself and your life which really aren't true.

Fact: you are smart and funny.
Fact: you are talented and have a lot going for you.
Fact: if I were a girl or batted for the other side I'd probably do you ;). Lucky for you, I'm not!

Any opinions contrary to that are simply lies. Pretty much everyone I know on the forums has a very good opinion of you, myself included (despite the banter ;)) and that has to count for something.

Essentially what I am trying to say is that life is what you see in it. Having gone through depression, I know this first hand. A wise person once told me that if you can wake up and say out loud just 3 things that you are thankful for in life then you've got a great life. It's true, you just have to figure out what those things are, and I believe everyone has at least four. :)

Life, for everyone, has its ups and downs. Sometimes the downs can seem to last for an eternity and you feel like you are heading down a path from which you will never deviate. It's like you feel you will never be happy, that life will just keep going badly and that there is no hope.

But there IS hope. There always is. It doesn't matter who you are, where you live, how old you are, whatever. Life WILL have its ups, and you really must realise that simple fact. It may seem unlikely, now, but I can't stress how likely it is, especially for someone like you. I don't know the full details regarding Samara but you will find someone else, someone even better who you will love even more and who will love you back. You just need to be patient. University is a great time for meeting people ;).

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you.

Until then just remember that and get some more sleep, your life, and perception of it, will improve just from more sleep. I guarantee this (another "experience thing" tbh).

[edit] woah there are a shitload of winks in there! I promise I'm not flirting magpie, honest :ninja:

[Magpie]

thank you scram.

I can't really put into words how thankful I am.

you didn't have to help, we get on (i think) but we aren't that close, so you weren't obligated to give a long awnser when you could have just given tips on how to get to sleep.

but you didn't, you really helped and it means alot to me.

I know this isn't too butch or manly but by the end of reading that i was crying.


so yeah.


The House of Pain changed my life!

[oppernaR]

Ok, I might have told this to some, and I might not have to most of you. Therefor I beg you not to read this; I am drunk and whenever that happens (more often than I'd wish for) I get sentimental and honest, telling things I should not. I'll probably edit this post when I'm sober, but then again I might not.


They say clowns cry behind their smile, they say jesters are the saddest people you'll ever meet, they say a smile covers emotions that are not to be shown (I made up that one, sorry)... well, they are right.
It's Valentine's day today, just another day like all the others, a date only has the importance you give to it yourself. I'd like to tell you a story, about Valentine's day, about love, about loss, about a smile hiding tears inside.

It was back in 1995, I was just a young guy and I had a crush on a girl at school. Just before then we went to england on a school trip and I bought her a small silver pendant with an "S" in it (5 pounds, a small fortune for a young lad like me back then). I ment to give it to her on V-day, but I didn't dare.
Feb. the 15th at 12.15 pm I finally took the big step and gave it to her, telling her how I felt. I wasn't the only one, she was cute as any angel ever could be, and I was just that silent guy always reading in a corner.
Surprisingly she chose me. I still don't know why, but we got together and spent quite some happy months together. She made me see life beyond books, she made me listen to the first Nirvana album I'd ever heard in my entire life, and yes, she got me to smoke too...
Then came december 1996. I lived in france when I met her, she was french, and my dad's company decided 5 years was enough, and we moved back to holland. We both went to different schools by then and it was hard enough to stay together, we only met once a week at the Scouts. We decided to break up.
I moved back, and some months later she moved to romania because her dad got a job there. We lost track, started writing but kind of lost it after a while.

One and a half year later I went back to my old neighbourhood, meet old friends, talk to the scouts again after not seeing them for a long time. The atmosphere wasn't all that good, people were silent around me.
After a couple of days a guy I once considered my best friend took me apart from the rest and told me we had to talk.
He told me she didn't like romania, not having any friends there. That was a feeling I only knew too well, having moved to a completely new life twice. He also told me her brother had died in a climbing accident, he just fell off a mountain and died on the spot. She really loved her brother.
To keep the story (relatively) short, she went back to paris one christmas holiday, stayed in a cheap dirty hotel, and cut her wrists in the bathroom.
She died there.

I neglected her, I answered to her letters less and less frequently. I thought I loved her.
She was the only girl I ever looked into her eyes and told her I loved her. I've been holding off girls since then, fearing to love again.
About 5 years ago I got to know a girl over internet (irc). We've never lost contact since, because we liked each other. 29 months ago we decided to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and I've never felt more in love. Someday soon I'm going to see her, the problem being she lives in australia and I've never met her before. Perhaps things will work out, perhaps they won't, but I feel I can love again thanks to her.
But my ex is still with me, making me what I am, making me think about life, making me cry at random moments. Honestly, it's something that really can change a boy into a man, that can make you see that life isn't ment to be fair. It's the kind of stuff that depressions are made of.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a sad person, and it made me who I am, no matter how much I hate myself for being that person.
This place is called the house of pain, well here is my pain!
It's haunting me every day.

[oppernaR]

Originally posted by vampiress
i think there was a point in ther, maybe not. maybe drunkards should sod off to bed with out whinging on about love.



Errr, yeah, maybe...

Hugs, vampy darling.

[vampiress]

sorry. i deleted my post. :(

not really prepaired to lay my heart out on the screen. that wasn't even the story i wanted to tell...


i've been a not nice person, and i regret a lot. it's hard moving on. it's hard waking up everday.

[katox]

/Me hugs Vampiress. No-one can be nice all the time, just remember people do think and care about you a lot.

Katie xx

(I will try and answer the other problems tomorrow (or tickle Scram into answering them), so don't panic you lot! :)

[scram]

Originally posted by Ferret Pie
I have a problem now .yay! i can post in here now!

It seems as though I have no secrets or things i would want nobody but my closest friends to know. Other people often don't like me hearing their conversations or leave the room to talk. It just seems as though i have no... wel no secrets and feel left out. ('tis very annoying)
This may seem like a cheap and fobbing off answer, but give it time. Life will throw plenty of complications at you the older you get. Then you'll be longing for the days when life was simple like it is now :)

Originally posted by the basstard
Dear Scram and Kat,

I've one problem - I'm an obsessive worrier. I worry over trivialities, over tiny things and it's a bit ridiculous. I know this, but that doesn't stop me worrying. Example, on Monday I had to pick up a form to request an audition for the RSAMD, Glasgow. I worried constantly about that, despite only having to pick up a form, not do the audition.

The worrying has adverse consequences, too - I'm under a lot of pressure and stress due to the 'big' Scottish exams being this year, in a couple months. All the worrying simply adds to my stress. I usually have trouble sleeping at night - I can lie in bed for an hour or longer, just worrying and fretting.

My friends also get a wee bit miffed at my overworrying sometimes, and I'm not surprised. The thing is, however, I can't seem to stop myself worrying.
Some assumedly wise person once said "Worrying is the interest we pay on the inevitable." In a lot of respects this is true. However, in my experience it's more a case of "Cheer up it might never happen." I spent my life worrying, probably from about age 8. Now, over a decade later, I've pretty much got a handle on it. Worrying is a huge cause of stress and if you let yourself worry too much then it can flip you out.

Last year, for my uni finals, I was so worried I barely slept and was shaking on the mornings of the exams. I've rarely been that stressed out but I learnt from it. Things weren't as bad as I expected. This is generally the case.

I'm lucky in that I know that the worst case scenario for anything i do (pretty much) is not a bad thing. If I fail all my exams and get kicked out of uni then no worries, I get a job based on my experience and work my way up the chain. If you can have an objective and positive outlook on life, the worrying fades into the background.

You will ALWAYS worry but with practise, you'll learn what things are worth worrying about and which aren't :)

You'll be fine, just get some more sleep - play some music, that helps, and learn to relax. It's an art form. Whatever you do when you're trying to get to sleep - DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU AREN'T ASLEEP YET. It's the worst thing to keep you awake :)

Good luck with your exams.

Originally posted by dead
I'm an obsessive reader, i cannot stop reading once i get started.
it's getting ridiculous, i end up reading until it's time for me to get up and go out and do whatever crazy crap i have to do that day.
To be honest I used to be like this but have since found it difficult to read for long periods of time. It really is a case of self discipline. Either set an alarm for when you want to stop reading or tell yourself "I will stop at the end of the chapter." and MAKE yourself do it.

Even for simple things like this, teaching yourself self discipline is a vital skill in life and will help you overcome many obstacles.

I wouldn't know though, I'm still a lazy bum who skips lectures coz his bed is too comfy ;)

* * *

oppernaR I'm so sorry I've left your post so long. I'll reply to it tomorrow I PROMISE.

It will probably be a long reply too ;)

*hugs*

[Digga]

ok, well, my problem is long, complex, and i do not wish to share it, because of personal reasons, so i'll just be as specific as possible without details.

Ok, what if, you really want to do something, but you think it will have seriously bad reprocussions on the people around you. Should you do it because it is ultimately your life and your decision, or should you not do something that you REALLY want to do solely because of the effect it will have on those around you?

[felixdahousecat]

its my girlfreinds birthday tomorrow and i have no money at all to get her anything. could you help me with some suggestions as to what to do.
I've already made a card for her (hurray for cardboard and macaroni) but it still seems like a bit of a rubbishy sham of a birthday without any presents

[oppernaR]

Another nice story I just heard this week:

My cousin has been adopted, he comes from Sri Lanka. We went there summer 2000 and met his real family. They're nice people, friendly even if we didn't understand a word they were saying. He has (had) 2 brothers and 2 sisters there, living with parents and grandparents in a house in the jungle.
My cousin went back there last week, to celebrate his birthday.
That's when he learned one of his brothers fell in love with a girl, but she's a Tamil. To keep the story short, they could never be together, the poor guy drank battery acid and died... after 8 days.

Oh yeah, life's great :(

[scram]

oppernaR.

It's particularly difficult to even know where to begin in answering your post. I fully appreciate the difficulty that you must have felt in posting it but I am glad you did.

I also apologise that it has taken me so long to reply. This is partly due to the difficulties I have had with my home computer as of late but mainly due to the fact that I was truly touched by what I read and wanted to make sure I got my reply right.

If I'm being honest, I still don't know if I will get this right. But I'll try.

Suicide is possibly one of the most difficult things to come to terms with when the person in question is someone even remotely close to you. I think that this is the tragedy of the thing. For someone to want to kill themselves, we reason that there must have been a huge amount of sorrow in their life such that living was totally unbearable. But the act of killing oneself breeds more sorrow in those around them and has long lasting effects on those who care.

It's often incomprehensible as to why someone would take their own life, so to try and make sense of it, we naturally try to think of explanations or ask ourselves "what if's." However, in this situation, the what-if's are incredibly destructive. As soon as you come up with a what-if that you think would have led to the person still being alive, you fall into the trap of blaming yourself.

That's the crucial thing - it is a trap - and it ISN'T your fault.

I really can't stress that enough. You can't allow you to feel even the slightest bit of blame for what happened, otherwise this will hurt you for the rest of your life. I'm not saying forget about her. Far from it. We never forget our first loves and it's silly to try and pretend that nothing ever happened. Also, I'm certain that this girl would have wanted to have been remembered for the great times the two of you spent together, the happiness you shared and she would NOT want you to be torn up inside or blaming yourself for her passing.

Her death, though tragic, was nothing to do with you and you can't think that things would have turned out differently if you had remained closer.

For her sake, for your sake, and for your new lady's sake, please try and accept this and learn to see what happened as a tragic loss of a dear person which couldn't have been helped. She would have wanted it that way, I'm sure.

As for your cousin's brother, again a tragic loss and a terrible ordeal for your cousin. Talk to him about it, try to help him get through this. At the same time I hope you will learn how to put your own demons to rest.

You're a great guy oppy and you don't deserve to live your life plagued by such a sad memory.

I wish you all the luck and openly offer to talk in future (lord knows I see you on IRC enough ;) ).

[oppernaR]

Thank you so much for answering, although I must honestly say it wasn't that much help.
I know I shouldn't be blaming myself, but I still do. Things WOULD have been different if it hadn't turned out that way. I MIGHT have saved her if things had turned out the other way. But then again, if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle.
Things are the way they are and there's nothing I can do about it now. I may (and believe me, this is a very difficult point for me) have caused a life to end, I also know I saved at least one (other story). So where does that make me stand?
I know life is difficult enough without me blaming myself for everything, and believe me, the thought of what it does to those who you love is the only thing that kept me from ending my own life.

Thanks for reacting anyways, I won't be bothering you with my life again...

Was drunk while typing this, just thought that you should know

[scram]

I didn't expect my reply to change your opinion oppernaR, just though you should know that it's what I truly believe.

I only wish I could do more for you.

Scram

[Noo_Noo]

Dear Kram and scat,

I seem to have a problem with depression and stress.
sometimes i feel as if there is too much work to be done and very little time to do it in (i am sitting my gcse's this year).

Other times i feel really depressed and angry, and i constantly get flashbacks of previous school problems (e.g. bullying and expulsion) which winds me up and makes me seem aggressive to others.
I have been feeling like this for about a year now, and whoever i turn to tells me to go and get some counselling. I have tried counselling and a course of antidepressants but neither seems to help. I also seem to scare a lot of my friends because i have started self-harming as a way to take my mind off of things, and it helps for a while.
I know that people have tried to help me (my boyfriend, and some of my teachers) but i'm afraid of either scaring them off or making them think that i am an attention seeker (which i have been called a lot). I don't know what else to try.

thanks for 'listening' anyways
[/moan]

[katox]

Dear Noo Noo,

We all have phases of thinking we have done very little with what time we have, but my suggestion is that you write a timetable, a plan of action of what you are going to revise each day, taking things slowly.

I would maybe revise only one to two hours each day, then take a break for ten minutes, then if you feel up to it getting back to it. Be strict on yourself, by resisting the urge to go out with your mates or whatever if you have planned to revise that day, but please! For goodness sake do go out sometimes to rewind and as a reward for yourself for studying. :) Takes things one step at a time. Just think, once you have done them then you can laze about alllll day. :)

I'm sorry about the bullying, I've been there and worn the t-shirt, but think, it's the most insecure people that feel the need to bully, so that they can 'get off' on someone else's fear, instead of being preoccupied with their own.

About the anger issue, have you ever thought of taking up something like karate/kick boxing/tai chi or even yoga? I know it sounds daft, but I think it will help remove all this angry energy, relaxing you and making you a more pleasant person to be with. The are also good things to do whilst you are having a break from revising.


Self-harming upsets me so much. Some of my friends did (perhaps still do) it, resulting in one of them burning her arm so badly she has a huge red-raw scar all down it so can't wear short sleeved tops on that arm for fear of comments from people. Let's get one thing straight. You are not an attention seeker (only the ignorant use that word) and the only way you will scare off the ones who love/care for you is if you push them away yourself. Please let them help you. You deserve to be happy.

Hope this helps a bit.

Katie xxx

[mini_ninja_pir8]

kat,
i need your help

i like this guy,
were both the same age,both like the same things,etc,

but,
hes in england,
im in new zealand,

weve sorted out the distance thing,and we really wanna try make it work,and we really,really,really love each other,and we talk alll the time,(hes from weebl and bob;))

i need reasurrance that we can truly can make it work.

ive had people tell me that it wont last long,and i dont believe them,and i guess that partly fuels my ....fuels something to make it last long,

any advice??

-mini

[dead]

is it mat? bet it is.

[thunderdevil]

i know this must souns like the most annoying problem to deal with but any way

all my friends find me annoying and i'm constantly seeking attention and paranoid about something happening like when i get home from school something bad will happen it just seems like everything is going wrong for me i don't even kow what to do i'm only a kid (12 in august)

[mini_ninja_pir8]

Originally posted by dead
is it mat? bet it is.

[sarcasm]oh yeah,i guess i forgot to mention that,it is mat,[sarcasm]

[katox]

I didn't know you were called Kat Eleanor.

[eleanor]

Damn, I should really publicise my name changes...

Point taken, post deleted. Sorry.

[scram]

Originally posted by mini_ninja_pir8
kat,
i need your help

i like this guy,
were both the same age,both like the same things,etc,

but,
hes in england,
im in new zealand,

weve sorted out the distance thing,and we really wanna try make it work,and we really,really,really love each other,and we talk alll the time,(hes from weebl and bob;))

i need reasurrance that we can truly can make it work.

ive had people tell me that it wont last long,and i dont believe them,and i guess that partly fuels my ....fuels something to make it last long,

any advice??

-mini

Ok, seeing as kat hasn't replied yet (don't take it personally, she's a very busy lovely person :)) I'll have a bash at it myself.

I'll lay my cards on the table before I begin - I know what you are going through because I'm going through something similar. It's a bizarre thing. You can look at it from the outside and something like this just looks so naff and, dare I say it, "geeky." But from the inside of a relationship it's a totally different story. Being involved with someone on the other side of the world is both an incredibly daunting and an incredibly frustrating thing, yet it can feel very natural, loving and perfect. I guess there are a few points I have to cover.

1) The two of you are still in your teens (from what i know). As such, you really have to appreciate the reality of your age and the fact that maybe a long term, long distance relationship isn't the best thing for you. It's very easy to get swept up in the emotion of the situation, but be realistic. When the two of you finish school and are both adults then of course there's a future for you, but that's years away. Will you be able to weather the years of not being a "proper couple" (note the quotes).

2) The distance IS a problem and will just cause pining and could even end up turning into resentment if you can't physically be together. Are either of you planning on seeing the other? Are your parents ok with that?

3) Big reality check - assuming that the two of you intend on meeting, you have to be aware that it might not live up to your expectations. What worked over the internet may well not work in real life. Don't throw so much hope and excitement into meeting each other that you lose sight of reality. Just always be realistic, don't let the romantic part of you run off with the flashlight leaving the rational side of your mind in the dark.

I apologise if this sounds hypocritical, but I've thought about this a lot (with my situation) and have come to terms with all of the above. I am in love and want to make things work with the woman I am crazy about. It's hard, but we're going to see how things pan out over time. The only person who can reassure you that it will work is yourself. Just be realistic and honest with him and things will turn out fine - whether you stay together or not. If this really is love and the two of you are totally right for each other then who knows?

Just make sure you are real about this :)

[dandaman]

I am so confused right now...

I started going out with this girl about a month back. We've had a good time and nothing has gone wrong. But for whatever reason, I don't know, at the beginning of the whole thing, I was feeling pretty good about her. I didn't feel an huge attraction, but I felt a bit of a spark, and things seemed to be going okay.

Then, over the past week, the spark just...DIED. I see her at school every day, so it's not like we had gone awhile without seeing each other. She didn't do anything wrong. I just stopped feeling the chemistry. I don't think we're compatible.

The problem is she really really likes me and has told me as much. We talk online, on the phone, at school on dates, etc., but I just never feel comfortable talking to her. I don't feel good.

Meanwhile, for whatever reason, I've been spending a lot of time with my ex-girlfriend lately. We broke up months ago after a rather odd relationship. When we first met, there was a definite spark. It was undeniable. And then, when things stopped being a "short-term" thing and the relationship had long-term potential, she broke it off because she said she couldn't handle a commitment in her life right now. She wanted to be free. Well, she hasn't had another boyfriend since, and we've been flirting a lot lately. I feel bad about it, but always draw the line before it goes beyond flirting. I do not want to cheat on my girlfriend.

The thing is, even though things always feel so RIGHT around my ex, things working between us seems impossible. She's moving in 5 or 6 months to the other side of the country. For a relationship to last that long with her so we could attack that obstacle, we'd have to overcome her fear of commitment and any other obstacles. And this girl can be so confused with her feelings, it might not work simply because if I asked her out, she could turn around and decide no, for the same reasons I just gave.

So, I have a twofold issue:

Should I hurt my girlfriend by breaking it off with her when I know she's going to take it bad or should I give the relationship more time to potentially grow?

And if I choose the former to the original question, do I follow up on the chemistry I feel with my ex, or do I suppress everything until she leaves, quite possibly leaving my life forever.

I'm so confused right now. It's killing me. What should I do?

[oppernaR]

Chapter one:

Do not give up hope, sometimes it can work out. I know one example of a couple who have met online, they finally got married and their second child is by now doing fine and shitting full diapers. What's more important, I've met a girl online too. I live in holland, she's an aussie. Without having met we've been "together" for 29 months now. I'm going to see her soon (yes kat, that's the holiday I've been talking about). Things aren't easy, in fact, they're really hard. It's so difficult to live without the solid comforting shoulder and the hug when you feel sad, but as long as the person is worth it, why not give it a try? Just be prepared to spend a lot of money on something that might turn out bad. It also has to connect in real life, skin to skin, eye to eye, bad morning breath to monthly period, and I'm willing to try it out, are you?
If you think the other person is worth it don't hesitate, go for it. If you have any doubt think twice and look around, because it is hard to keep up...

Chapter two:

I jst heard from a friend of mine how the little brother of an ex classmate got in a car accident. He was riding his bike on the other side of the road when a car was speeding, slipped and ended on its roof... on top of the guy.
He was in the hospital for a week, 90% braindead. His parents decided to pull the plug and let him die instead of becoming a vegetable.
The thought of a parent having to decide that over their own child really made me cry.
If anyone ever dares to tell me that life isn't that bad, and that good comes to those who do good, I will seriously laugh at their face, perform some troutslapping with my fist instead of soggy fish and explain life for hours untill they won't have a decent night's sleep again.

- a cynic -

[titanic]

at night i become extreamly paranoid i find it hard to sleep and its giving me stress head aches my doc gave me sleeping pills but i become paranoid about them and wont take them i know there safe but when it comes to taking then i cant

i also need to have a weapon with me to sleep i have knives all around my bed so i can allways find one as well as a baseball bat eather side of me

i usaly stay awake till the early hours of the morning and am on the forums till 2-3ish at night just to aviod my room i dont know why but as soon as im in bed everything is my enemy i here things all the time i see thigns all the time, things hide in shadows and the shadows are out to get me just look at the time this was posted, i have to be up at 7 tomorow morning for college and im not geting enuf sleep, i cant have counseling and i hate psyciatrists with a passion they rate with layers and double glazing salesmen (no offence if you are one its just a bad experience with one left me this way) i realy need help im of up there now but it will be another 2 hours before sleeping any help would be much apprecated thanks

[b_em]

I think utilising grammatical periods would greatly ease your suffering.

>.<


(sorry scram, kat)

[titanic]

yes your right by simply placing commas in the right places i can eliminate all my stress and worry hoho no more sleeples nites with the light on clutching and knives and base ball bat sfor me oh no iv got the cure now


*walks away muttering obcenitys wanker *

[mr jones]

i have a problem. i just cant seem to live a normall life. all i seem to do is go out, get watsed and party. ive now quit college for the second year running, i did a/s levals drooped out and then sep i took a diploma, and ive now dropped again. im on my last warning ats work from not turning up, late etc etc. asll wanna do is have fun and cant seem to concentrate. what the hell am i to do?!

[titanic]

firstl id stop chacing rainbows second sit down and think about your life think where you want to end up

pennyless, job less and without an education?

or toling away at sorry existence just like the rest of us

sorry dude its the lesser of 2 evils

[b_em]

titanic weebl, in between your two posts there something changed. You inserted spaces and clearly weren't blathering on mindlessly. I reckon whatever changed in between responding to mr jones and posting your own posts, is the key.

Possibly take less / more drugs. And lose the weaponry.

*sorry scram, kat*

[titanic]

the change is telling my problems to the world

and helping others

without my weaponary i would be defenceless

[Ninja Duck]

Dear Scam and Krat,

This isn't a pressing life issue, so don't think for a moment that it is such. I'm just wondering why you chose to put the word "pain" in a thread about serious advice. I'm a little new to this topic-naming thing.

[eleanor]

*a bump would this be, but for the sticky nature of the thread* Is anybody there?

[vampiress]

everyhitngs gone all wierd in my life. i accepted a job in a new city about 8 hours away. i don't start until september 5th. i am so nervous. i can't eat, i can't sleep, i cry over everything. i can't seem to get any work done. i've been distant with a good friend because i don't know how to talk to him anymore. my friends have noticed i am different. i've canceled out on group activities because i just can't face people. i'm so scared to live by myself. i'll have to find an apartment, buy furniture, i don't own any. i have to pack up everythign i own and move away from my family. i don't live at home, but i've always lived close. i'm scared i won't perform well in the job. i am totally freaking out. i've taken it out on people on tthe forum and irc and i am so sorry about that. i've unsubscribed from most of the threads. i'm scared. i try to eat because i know i should. last night i came home and checked some emails and passed out witht he lights on and computer up and music loud.

[oppernaR]

Real, real big hug, vampy...

[scram]

This is just a small announcement on behalf of Kat and I. I promise we haven't forgotten you are even ignoring you but at the moment I just don't have the time or energy to give proper replies to your posts. I'm so sorry. I'll try and update by the weekend but I have a lot on my plate at the moment.

Kat is also a very busy woman.

Once again, apologies for the delays.

[titanic]

wow look like scram and kat need our help more than we need ours

come talk to us tell us your woes

[Pwnage]

i'll be an agony uncle sorta thing

[thunderdevil]

it's nice to know ppl DON'T care when i post problems
still getting ignored everwhere...and paranoid

[fishymcfish]

Originally posted by Scrambled
This is just a small announcement on behalf of Kat and I. I promise we haven't forgotten you are even ignoring you but at the moment I just don't have the time or energy to give proper replies to your posts. I'm so sorry. I'll try and update by the weekend but I have a lot on my plate at the moment.

Kat is also a very busy woman.

Once again, apologies for the delays.

It is only these two giving answers, patience is the key thunderdevil, I briefly read your problem, things will get better, so don't worry, I've been telling myself that all this week, after perhaps the worst week I've had in a long time, just wait a bit and you'll get a good answer from scram or kat.

[thunderdevil]

yeah things will easily get better when my best mate is ran over and in hosptial the driver walks away scott free
i saw the whole thing
and a ghost which was pretty fun...but it just glared at meyou think i'm mad don't you?
(edit) didn't see that before jeez i am an IDOIT why does this always happen to me

[eleanor]

Originally posted by mr jones
i have a problem. i just cant seem to live a normall life. all i seem to do is go out, get watsed and party. ive now quit college for the second year running, i did a/s levals drooped out and then sep i took a diploma, and ive now dropped again. im on my last warning ats work from not turning up, late etc etc. asll wanna do is have fun and cant seem to concentrate. what the hell am i to do?!
Sorry to Scram and Kat, but I'd like to give my two cents if you don't mind :)

Mr Jones - I've been reading your blog for the past few months, and it's been getting slowly more and more depressing to read. I won't mince my words too much in this post, so I'm hoping that you'll forgive me if I get a bit too personal - I'm not meaning to, I'm just hoping I might be of some help.

I really think you should seriously reconsider college. You're young - you have the opportunities and you should take them now, as it's much harder to be a mature student when you have jobs, responsibilities etc. It's unfortunate that you haven't found the course that suits you yet, but there are guidance counsellors and tutors who can help you.

I'm sure I speak for all students when I say that of course there's the odd day when we've got a lot of work to do and we wish we were doing something else, but I'm equally sure that I speak for the majority of students when I say that we hang in there because we know it'll be much better for us in the long run.

I have a friend who's sixteen and working in a casual post at a court, earning £15k per year. It might sound a lot, and indeed it's what a lot of people with qualifications are lucky to start on, but it's proven that if you're qualified in some way, your income will increase more as you get older than it would if you had no qualifications (for example, uni graduates earn 40% more over their lifetime than people who don't have degrees).

I know this is going to be a very personal thing to say, but you need to think about the relationships you have with guys. Sure, it might not seem a big thing now to sleep with a male friend, but from what I've seen you've had problems when you've then been more attached to the guys in question than they have been to you.

Cliche but true - men are much better than women at separating sex from their emotions. Hold back a bit more. It might sound old-fashioned, but in my opinion you're much less likely to get hurt if you only have sex within a relationship - and what's more, men will have more respect for you. Your body is your own, and it's a precious thing - any man should feel honoured that you want to be intimate with him :)

I'm honestly not being judgmental when I say this, but it seems to me that maybe you get wasted so often because you feel as if something's missing. I'm in no position to say what that something is - maybe it's something I've mentioned above, maybe it's not, maybe it's a combination. Getting hammered once in a while is fine, but please don't let it take over your life. You have so much potential. From what I've read of your blog, you're a lovely, friendly, intelligent girl - please don't let this go to waste.

I know you've probably heard most of this before, at least regarding college, and I know what it's like to be de-motivated. Arrange an appointment with a careers advisor or someone else who is trained in giving good advice which is geared towards what you'd enjoy doing, and pay attention to what they say.

And if you do decide to go back to college, remember that of course there'll be days when you're sick of it all - but the work won't last forever. Make yourself complete it and meet deadlines,and remind yourself that once you get everything done, then you can relax and enjoy yourself. After all, it's only a couple of years, then you've given yourself a good foundation on which to build the rest of your life.

Good luck :)

(sorry again to Scram and Kat - this was just something I felt I could advise on.)

[queenofself]

its finally come to the time when id like a good old moan in here to prevent me writing to deardrie, you dont even have to analyse me really, id just like a vent

i cant be bothered with much at the moment. i am trying to get some inspiration for what the fuckety fuck to do in a couple of months or so when university is over but i quickly replace action with apathy before i even get half an idea. id always rather just sack everything off for another day because id just rather not think about it or its just much too daunting to think about what comes next when you have no direction. i can pretty much put my mind to anything when i have to, but its an inability to make decisions that means i cant decide what to put it to...something which inevitably worsens with being lost/depressed/whatever.

whats even worse is that im going to have to live at home for the next year or so before i can make enough money~who knows how~ to go back to america for a bit & then do whatever comes next. i get on fine with my mum & sisters ~not so sure about my stepdad, thats more of a co-existence~but the thought of being trapped in an environment that i havent suffered since school is a nasty one indeed. the pleasant commuter town-ish character is something thats bound to wear very thin very soon after living in london for 3 years. no matter how much i moan about this vile city :rolleyes:

i know a very big amount of people must be going through the same sort of thing now its high graduation season but it seems to have got to the stage recently where i cant switch off my head enough to sleep , not unless im not alone. it would seem the only certain happy thing i have in my life right now is my boy...and we all know thats never a good thing. :love:

i think the main thing is that i also miss being in america so much that it makes everything thats going on now seem a whole lot worse. i felt really in tune with that whole life & environment & my last few months there were the closest ive ever felt to being completely & entirely happy. everyday then i woke up ready to do all the things id come to love doing & my surroundings were visually beautiful whatever the weather. its almost like the sadness or rather the lack/emptiness that you can feel when youve broken up with someone, only in this instance its a place. i never felt alone there even if i was. sounds weird but i absolutely loved it. i miss the friendly people that i seemed to constantly meet. even moreso whenever some miserable fuck bashes into me on a crowded street as if theyre richard ashcroft & then tuts their head off. one day i was sitting in the quad looking all upset because id split up with my ex & some guy id never met befire handed me a flower. that made me happy & ive begun to think youd never get that here. maybe id just like the pace of everything to slow down. maybe i just need to get that pesky green card & all will be fine :rolleyes:

see now ive got myself so pissed off i feel like putting off the things to do list for another night :rolleyes:

[jimeh]

Originally posted by EasyTiger
Bad advice imho. 'dumping' her would make her more depressed, and thus in turn you'd feel crap for making her feel bad...

I suggest you try and talk to her about things, ask her if there's anything you can do to help. Find out what it is that troubles her and upsets her. Let her know you're there for her if she wants to talk. Reassuring her you arn't going anywhere will build her confidence in you and no doubt help her get over her depression...

Thanks ET, things HAVE sorted out now, Iam in great debt to you.
Use me for what you want.

[KualaLumpur1997]

House of pain, feel my raw agony. In 16 days I turn 17. And as I reach this crucial age of being able to Drive a Motor Vehicle, I look back upon the first fifth of my life. I have not had one solitary girlfriend. I have known 3 people whom I suspected may have been "the one for me", firstly at the age of 10, #1 (but in hindsight I was having a laugh), more recently last year (#2), and finally this year (#3 - I am still in love). I made it clear to all three my feelings, and was rejected by all three, although I remain close friends with #3. And let's not forget to mention that if I want to persuade #3 to go out with me, I have 96 days left, for then she will leave the country and, probably, never see me again.

Tell me, good people, where am I going wrong? I look grimly upon those who use clichées relating these matters (ie "there are plenty of fish in the sea", "you've gotta be yourself") - as these are no help to any of us. It's a bollocks situation, one which this forum is probably tired of, but one which needs resolving and fast!

If you're going to flame me, send them to trymah@yahoo.co.uk, for this is an email address I never use.

[katox]

Right folks, I've copied and pasted all your posts into notepad so I'll try and tackle them tomorrow.


Hope that's ok.

Katie x

[Mexican Pie]

My life sucks balls.

Okay. Where to start...

I've been a target to bullies ever since I got into High School. I let it go on for heaps of times over the years, each time I get into a depression- smaller ones make me uncomfortable, bigger ones make me depressed.

I had aout 2 small ones and 1 big depression each year. Last year, 1 big depression and 3 small ones with different people.

Usually, after I've had enough, I consult the teachers. It really sucks- not only do I not stand up for myself, I also make an image for myself: no one takes me seriously! I've wanted to start relationships, but I fear people would use what they've heard about me to steer away. Also worth noting is that I am not the best looking guy around.

Problem 1: Because of these "incidents" I've had with other people, I've become very low self esteemed. I also dream of hurting people. I don't know how, but my anger gets up pretty easily. I need help.

Problem 2: I feel isolated. The guys at school are so open and stuff, but I always feel left behind and lonely. I try to make conversation with them, but if 1 asshole is there, it generally spoils my day. I know I need help.

Problem 3: I'm shy. No one wants to be in a relation of any sort with me- I know I do some stupid things, yes, but then I notice I'm being used for entertainment. It really sucks balls. Then when I try to get away from that, they keep coming back! It's because they are immature and childish that I dislike them. Maybe it's just me. Also, how do I know they will say no? I just really suck- if your not the best, go away, piss off- not even worth looking at.

Problem 4: Low self esteem + no one to talk to deeply = 1 pissed off teen.

Problem 5: BEING NICE DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE! FUCK IT ALL TO HELL! Why is it that whenever I be nice, or turn the other cheek to threats, they always ruin my life somehow! HONEST TO GOD- I WOULD CRIPPLE THEM IF I HAD THE POWER! THERE IS NO PLACE FOR A NICE PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!

Note: I don't really expect anyone to reply to this- I know I'm a train wreck, I need councelling. Maybe I should take afew days off somewhere- yeah, like on the holidays. Just go on a little trip by myself in the surrounding forrests for a bush walk... yeah.

Maybe it's a good idea getting councelling- the school offers some free councelling- maybe I can vent my feelings there?

[katox]

Originally posted by vampiress
everyhitngs gone all wierd in my life. i accepted a job in a new city about 8 hours away. i don't start until september 5th. i am so nervous. i can't eat, i can't sleep, i cry over everything. i can't seem to get any work done. i've been distant with a good friend because i don't know how to talk to him anymore. my friends have noticed i am different. i've canceled out on group activities because i just can't face people. i'm so scared to live by myself. i'll have to find an apartment, buy furniture, i don't own any. i have to pack up everythign i own and move away from my family. i don't live at home, but i've always lived close. i'm scared i won't perform well in the job. i am totally freaking out. i've taken it out on people on tthe forum and irc and i am so sorry about that. i've unsubscribed from most of the threads. i'm scared. i try to eat because i know i should. last night i came home and checked some emails and passed out witht he lights on and computer up and music loud.

Ohh Vampy, well done on the job but poor you. ~Gives you a hug~ I think maybe you just need to calm down a little, make some time for yourself to relax - reading a book, having a bath, listening to music, whatever helps you best. Then I would suggest making a list of things you have to sort out so then you can do them one at a time (you have plenty of time to be able to indulge in this!). Do each task at your own pace, ticking them off as you go along. It may seem like a lot to do but it is better than panicking and rushing and making a mess of things all at the last minute.

Please try and make some time for your friends again, just go out in a small group to somewhere quiet ie, the cinema (that way you are in their company but don't have to talk to them, if you don't want to;)) if you think you can't cope with anything larger/louder. I am sure if you explained the situation you are in and how you are feeling they will be more than happy to help you.

Just because you are moving away doesn't mean your friends and family are going to just forget about you! You can still visit them for weekends whatever and they can come and see you, it'll also bring a new dimension to your relationships with them as you will have new experiences to share with them. :)

Do not panic about 'performing well', your employters obviously thought you were good enough for the job otherwise why would they have accepted you? Be proud!!

Hope this is of some comfort.

Katie xx

[KualaLumpur1997]

Originally posted by katox
Right folks, I've copied and pasted all your posts into notepad so I'll try and tackle them tomorrow.


Hope that's ok.

Katie x

Try not to put this on the notice board at school.

[katox]

Originally posted by titanic-weebl
at night i become extreamly paranoid i find it hard to sleep and its giving me stress head aches my doc gave me sleeping pills but i become paranoid about them and wont take them i know there safe but when it comes to taking then i cant

i also need to have a weapon with me to sleep i have knives all around my bed so i can allways find one as well as a baseball bat eather side of me

i usaly stay awake till the early hours of the morning and am on the forums till 2-3ish at night just to aviod my room i dont know why but as soon as im in bed everything is my enemy i here things all the time i see thigns all the time, things hide in shadows and the shadows are out to get me just look at the time this was posted, i have to be up at 7 tomorow morning for college and im not geting enuf sleep, i cant have counseling and i hate psyciatrists with a passion they rate with layers and double glazing salesmen (no offence if you are one its just a bad experience with one left me this way) i realy need help im of up there now but it will be another 2 hours before sleeping any help would be much apprecated thanks

Hello.

I know this might sound childish but perhaps you should sleep with the light on or have a nightlight, that way you can see that things in your room aren't scary. I suggest you remove/put away/hide items in the room which do scare you at night. Also visualise what the items are during the day - harmless. Hopefully this will relax you more.

Before you go to sleep breathe deeply and starting from your toes, going upwards, relaxing all your muscles as you go along, making yourself go floppy. You listen to some quiet relaxing music whislt doing this if you like. Visualise nice relaxing scenes or pleasant things that have happened in your life.

Hope this is of some use.

Katie xx

Ooh! One more thing -


Please please please remove the knives from your room! It isn't very safe and I would hate it if you cut yourself. :S

[katox]

Originally posted by KualaLumpur1997
Try not to put this on the notice board at school.


Pardon?

[KualaLumpur1997]

"I'm saving all these problems to a notepad file" - I don't want to seem paranoid, but....actually that did seem rather paranoid didn't it? I've just got this uneasy feeling about someone saving my problem to their hard drive, but then again, I did post it! Anyway, my username is pretty much anonymous, and only my closest friend(s) could determine from my posts that this is me, so I'll shut up now.

[katox]

Originally posted by queenofself
its finally come to the time when id like a good old moan in here to prevent me writing to deardrie, you dont even have to analyse me really, id just like a vent

i cant be bothered with much at the moment. i am trying to get some inspiration for what the fuckety fuck to do in a couple of months or so when university is over but i quickly replace action with apathy before i even get half an idea. id always rather just sack everything off for another day because id just rather not think about it or its just much too daunting to think about what comes next when you have no direction. i can pretty much put my mind to anything when i have to, but its an inability to make decisions that means i cant decide what to put it to...something which inevitably worsens with being lost/depressed/whatever.

whats even worse is that im going to have to live at home for the next year or so before i can make enough money~who knows how~ to go back to america for a bit & then do whatever comes next. i get on fine with my mum & sisters ~not so sure about my stepdad, thats more of a co-existence~but the thought of being trapped in an environment that i havent suffered since school is a nasty one indeed. the pleasant commuter town-ish character is something thats bound to wear very thin very soon after living in london for 3 years. no matter how much i moan about this vile city :rolleyes:

i know a very big amount of people must be going through the same sort of thing now its high graduation season but it seems to have got to the stage recently where i cant switch off my head enough to sleep , not unless im not alone. it would seem the only certain happy thing i have in my life right now is my boy...and we all know thats never a good thing. :love:

i think the main thing is that i also miss being in america so much that it makes everything thats going on now seem a whole lot worse. i felt really in tune with that whole life & environment & my last few months there were the closest ive ever felt to being completely & entirely happy. everyday then i woke up ready to do all the things id come to love doing & my surroundings were visually beautiful whatever the weather. its almost like the sadness or rather the lack/emptiness that you can feel when youve broken up with someone, only in this instance its a place. i never felt alone there even if i was. sounds weird but i absolutely loved it. i miss the friendly people that i seemed to constantly meet. even moreso whenever some miserable fuck bashes into me on a crowded street as if theyre richard ashcroft & then tuts their head off. one day i was sitting in the quad looking all upset because id split up with my ex & some guy id never met befire handed me a flower. that made me happy & ive begun to think youd never get that here. maybe id just like the pace of everything to slow down. maybe i just need to get that pesky green card & all will be fine :rolleyes:

see now ive got myself so pissed off i feel like putting off the things to do list for another night :rolleyes:

Ok, I'll answer this fairly briefly since you just wanted to 'vent'. :P

A careers advisor maybe able to help you choose what to do next and sort out a plan for you.

Could you possibly do like a gap year thing in America, like Camp America? That way you will still be getting a bit of money in to survive over there.

Do you have any contacts in America? They might be able to help by putting a good word about you at the right places or even getting you an internship perhaps.

Be forceful with yourself, I know how you feel, I'm exactly the same 'leave it for tomorrow', but tomorrow never comes! Deny yourself certain things eg. your favourite food, a night out, your favourite television programme etc untill you have gotten it done. Make your punishment gradually heavier the more you put it off. Then once you have done it reward yourself!

Katie xx

[katox]

Originally posted by KualaLumpur1997
"I'm saving all these problems to a notepad file" - I don't want to seem paranoid, but....actually that did seem rather paranoid didn't it? I've just got this uneasy feeling about someone saving my problem to their hard drive, but then again, I did post it! Anyway, my username is pretty much anonymous, and only my closest friend(s) could determine from my posts that this is me, so I'll shut up now.

This is my home computer I am working from. I have been the only person on it the past two days. I'll delete the file after I have answered your post if you wish me to, but from my point of view I think you have nothing to worry about. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by Ninja Duck
Dear Scam and Krat,

This isn't a pressing life issue, so don't think for a moment that it is such. I'm just wondering why you chose to put the word "pain" in a thread about serious advice. I'm a little new to this topic-naming thing.

Ask Scrambled - he chose it. ;P But in my eyes I think the word 'pain' was used as many people do feel genuine pain and distress from the problems they post in here. - Whether it is mental or physical.

[katox]

Originally posted by mr jones
i have a problem. i just cant seem to live a normall life. all i seem to do is go out, get watsed and party. ive now quit college for the second year running, i did a/s levals drooped out and then sep i took a diploma, and ive now dropped again. im on my last warning ats work from not turning up, late etc etc. asll wanna do is have fun and cant seem to concentrate. what the hell am i to do?!

Dear Miss (;)) Jones,

For the array of pics I have seen of you from the Pics of You thread I am guessing you are a teenager...errr...DARLING! You are completely normal!! Being a teenager is one of the main
times for many people to explore and experiment with what life has got to offer, getting wasted and partying is just one of those things. Yes it is bad that you keep on dropping out of college but by the sounds of it you aren't ready to settle into study again. I would wait a while until you feel ready, instead of forcing yourself into something you clearly have no interest in at the moment - that will get you no-where.


Katie xx

Ps. What do your parents think about it all? I might be able to answer more confidently (and appropriately perhaps) then. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by KualaLumpur1997
House of pain, feel my raw agony. In 16 days I turn 17. And as I reach this crucial age of being able to Drive a Motor Vehicle, I look back upon the first fifth of my life. I have not had one solitary girlfriend. I have known 3 people whom I suspected may have been "the one for me", firstly at the age of 10, #1 (but in hindsight I was having a laugh), more recently last year (#2), and finally this year (#3 - I am still in love). I made it clear to all three my feelings, and was rejected by all three, although I remain close friends with #3. And let's not forget to mention that if I want to persuade #3 to go out with me, I have 96 days left, for then she will leave the country and, probably, never see me again.

Tell me, good people, where am I going wrong? I look grimly upon those who use clichées relating these matters (ie "there are plenty of fish in the sea", "you've gotta be yourself") - as these are no help to any of us. It's a bollocks situation, one which this forum is probably tired of, but one which needs resolving and fast!

If you're going to flame me, send them to trymah@yahoo.co.uk, for this is an email address I never use.

Maybe you are pushing too hard without realising. I've been there and worn the t-shirt.

When you are young you don't really care when you see a male and female holding hands or kissing in the street/telly, most of the time you just think it's icky, but then all of a sudden your hormones start kicking in, making you want to feel this bond with the opposite (or same) sex like they have.

You get all these crazy feelings and in my case it made me want to explode as I was too shy to admit them to the ones I admired, so watched all the pretty, bubbly girls snare the lads I fancied.

Thinking about it now, my real reason for all those crazy feelings was the desire to be loved/popular, like they were, so was forcing myself on these people, to try and feel better about myself. I wanted to gain some attention and was trying to be something I was not - eg. being a teenage rebel at one point. I realise now that it wasn't natural and I'm not surprised that I got knocked back. It wouldn't have worked anyway.

Relationships need time to grow, you should never try and persuade people to like you, or change yourself to fit their image of what they like. You have to let things grow naturally, nurturing them along the way - and if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen, just have to let it go. No-one likes to be pressured. Love can be very nice but it has to be mutual. It's unhealthy (and will eventually lead to heartbreak on your side:() if it is not.


Sorry it is not a very positive reply, but you asked for an opinion.


Katie xx

[katox]

Originally posted by thunderdevil
i know this must sound like the most annoying problem to deal with but anyway.

all my friends find me annoying and i'm constantly seeking attention and paranoid about something happening like when i get home from school something bad will happen it just seems like everything is going wrong for me i don't even know what to do i'm only a kid (12 in august)

By the sounds of it you have a low self confidence so keep on blaming things on yourself when there is no need to. Do you know for a fact that your friends find you annoying? Why would they still be friends with you if that was the case? Have you ever thought about maybe asking them for help or telling your family how you feel? Teachers? You are too young to worry about bad things, got so much to live for, by being paranoid you are locking yourself away from others, making yourself destined to be alone and that would be a horrible and wasteful fate. :(



---




Ok everyone, no-more for tonight as my head is spinning! Will answer some more soon.

Katie xx

[Cheeky Prophet]

ouch, don't know if this is where I come with this, but it hurts so... I just found out that my younger sister (by 15 months) is going out with the guy I've liked for like the past 4 months. The guy I've liked more than any other guy since middle school, the guys she's known I liked, the guy who I thought liked me back, but I figured it would be worthless doing anything because he's graduating in a few weeks. I didn't do anything when I found out.. I just told her to be happy, even though this is crushing me inside. Should I be mad at her? Should I stop talking to him? I don't know what to do...

[katox]

(Just a quick not very good reply for the time-being)

Dear Cheeky Prophet.

In my opinion what your sister did was rather spiteful, it's like nicking the last packet of crisps even though you've claimed them as your own. She should have consulted you first to register how you would feel about it before jumping into a relationship with him. That's life for you though. Just bite your tongue and smile sweetly when you see them together, I'm sure the sight of them kissing and stuff will put you off him soon. You're still young and quite frankly boys aren't worth fighting over, family bonds are much stronger.

Katie xx

[bob8it2000@]

me and fred ar at war and i don't actually want to kill him,
i mean i can see what he has done and all and it's cool but
he just don't seem to be fair to newbies like myself

[KlevaKid]

er... Hello

[katox]

Originally posted by bob8it2000@
me and fred are at war and i don't actually want to kill him,
i mean i can see what he has done and all and it's cool but
he just don't seem to be fair to newbies like myself

Who the Hell is Fred? Please; this is a thread for serious problems not trivial things.

[katox]

Originally posted by KlevaKid
er... Hello

Ermmm.... :(

Starting a Hello thread in the beginners forum is maybe a better idea.

[jimeh]

Right I have a new problem.

Me and my girlfriend ran up a huge phone bill of 300 pounds.
Her parents want me to pay half of it: 150 punds by wednesday. I can't get any money, I have only 15 punds, a tenth of the required amount.

What shall I do?

[Mexican Pie]

Get the money from a friend, or go into your bank account. Or if you need to, sell something that you don't need.

Also, try and not get such a bill next time. 300 pounds?!? Damn- that is quite a bit. Just be a bit more careful in the future. Also, always having about $500 bucks in your bank is good for bills.

[scram]

Originally posted by Mexican Pie
Mexican Pie
I am a moron, ignore anything I say.

You said it, not me. Now, Misfit.

Have you spoken to your own parents about this? My sister ran up a £360 bill on my mobile which she borrowed when she went abroad to France. She HAS paid the money back but over a long period of time. What her parents are asking is unreasonable. You can't possibly pay back a substantial amount of money in such a short space of time! I don't know how old you are, Misfit, but if you feel able, ring them up and have it out with them. Try to strike a deal where you say you will pay some money towards it when you have it. You have to be firm about it despite the fact that they are your girlfriend's parents. Don't let them threaten you over this.

Good luck and let me know how this progresses.

[katox]

Originally posted by Scrambled
...ring them up and have it out with them.

If I were you I'd do it face-to-face if you can. Ringing them up seems a bit ironic given the situation you are in. :P


Good luck and let me know how this progresses.

That goes for all of you. Thankyou! :)

[nutnoodle]

ahhhh nothing like a little public humiliation to finish off my day..

Here we go, my last shred of dignity..

I'm 16.. 17 in a few months, and I have never had a boyfriend. Sounds terrible, doesn't it..? Oh yeah, that's right, never kissed a guy.. hmmm getting worse now.. oh, and to finish it all off I've never even...been on a date.

*pauses to allow pointing and laughing*

I just have to confidence where it comes to this kind of thing. Whenever I talk to a guy I like I can only utter crap like "er... umm.. hey.. nice weather huh..erm.." and I never have the confidence to ask them out because I'm sure they'll laugh at me. Which is hardly surprising, considering my school is full of size 8, make-up wearing, never-without-a-brush barbie girls so next to them I'm kind of weird.

I guess I'm asking, what can I do to turn things around? The advice I got from my.. erm.. "friend" was to "start wearing make-up, and lose a few pounds".

Any better ideas??

[scram]

Originally posted by katox
If I were you I'd do it face-to-face if you can. Ringing them up seems a bit ironic given the situation you are in. :P

Assuming the magnitude of the phone bill I was assuming a fairly long distance relationship ;) I could be wrong though!

[Mexican Pie]

I am a moron, ignore anything I say.

Weebl changed my sig to that. I pissed him off.

[DarkTrojan]

Mind if I help? Originally posted by nutnoodle
I'm 16.. 17 in a few months, and I have never had a boyfriend. Sounds terrible, doesn't it..? Oh yeah, that's right, never kissed a guy.. hmmm getting worse now.. oh, and to finish it all off I've never even...been on a date. Is there a rush? I'm 21 very soon and never had a girlfriend or been on a date. By choice, too. If you ask me, (and I know you didn't) dating isn't one of those things you have to get done in case the world ends tomorrow.

My suggestion: Be yourself, and don't panic on the boyfriend score. :) Hope that helps.

[katox]

Originally posted by nutnoodle
ahhhh nothing like a little public humiliation to finish off my day..

Here we go, my last shred of dignity..

I'm 16.. 17 in a few months, and I have never had a boyfriend. Sounds terrible, doesn't it..? Oh yeah, that's right, never kissed a guy.. hmmm getting worse now.. oh, and to finish it all off I've never even...been on a date.

*pauses to allow pointing and laughing*

I just have to confidence where it comes to this kind of thing. Whenever I talk to a guy I like I can only utter crap like "er... umm.. hey.. nice weather huh..erm.." and I never have the confidence to ask them out because I'm sure they'll laugh at me. Which is hardly surprising, considering my school is full of size 8, make-up wearing, never-without-a-brush barbie girls so next to them I'm kind of weird.

I guess I'm asking, what can I do to turn things around? The advice I got from my.. erm.. "friend" was to "start wearing make-up, and lose a few pounds".

Any better ideas??

Honey! The first time I properly kissed a bloke/went on a proper date/had a boyfriend was when I was 17, and to be honest I'm glad I waited and didn't bow under pressure from mates and stuff (I found out at a later date that all these 'boys' my mates were supposedly seeing were all fictions of their imagination, they just didn't want to seem like the odd one out :P).

Not all men go for the female description you put there, like I've said before never ever change yourself to suit others, it'll only make you feel miserable about yourself in the long run. Be happy with who you are and others will want to be with you. And like DarkTorjan said...There's no rush! :)

Katie xx

[thunderdevil]

Originally posted by katox
By the sounds of it you have a low self confidence so keep on blaming things on yourself when there is no need to. Do you know for a fact that your friends find you annoying? Why would they still be friends with you if that was the case? Have you ever thought about maybe asking them for help or telling your family how you feel? Teachers? You are too young to worry about bad things, got so much to live for, by being paranoid you are locking yourself away from others, making yourself destined to be alone and that would be a horrible and wasteful fate. :(



---




Ok everyone, no-more for tonight as my head is spinning! Will answer some more soon.

Katie xx
thx 4 the help managed to get sorted out
apperantly i have unsettled fear and suspicion which is gr8
least i'm not ignored but locking my self away?not a bad idea

[KualaLumpur1997]

I'm not sure how serious this problem is, someon plz help. Yesterday I drank two and a half bottles of wine, then sent an email to this girl who I'm in love with, telling her! What the hell should I do if she replies?

[scram]

Be thankful that you sent the bleedin email :).

Alcohol is notorious for destroying our inhibitions. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes it isn't. Often, shy people or people who are just bottling up their feelings for someone will find that a little bit of booze will make things easier as far as making a move is concerned.

Now, in your case, revealing the truth about your feelings is a positive thing. I know from experience that as hard as it is to tell the truth, it's better off knowing either way. At least then you aren't pining for months. This all, of course, depends on the content of the email. If it was legible and along the lines of "<insert name here>, I love you and have done so for years. I just have never plucked up the courage to tell you." then that's great. If it's more like "<insert name spelled incorrectly here> you are sex and I want to sexyou bayb! WOO! I LOVE YOU LOL!" you possibly have a problem.

OK now you're gonna have three possible outcomes -

1) She replies with a carefully constructed, painfully cliché rejection email. There IS the option, then, to deny everything and say you were drunk or a friend wrote the email. I don't recommend this, though. You should stand by your actions and not blame them on the drink.

2) She replies saying that she likes you too. Best possible outcome and you'll be eternally thankful that you sent the email. In this scenario, something is VERY important. DON'T MENTION THAT YOU WERE DRUNK. EVER. It would take away the sweetness and meaning behind it.

3) She doesn't reply. This is entirely possible as I know of far too many cases, in my friends' experiences, where this has happened - "Ignore the advances and you spare their embarassment." This is a totally evil yet widely practised strategy. If this happens, you're going to have to bite the bullet and talk to her. The earlier the better. You don't want lots of awkward silences every time you see her up until you pluck up the courage to ask.

Whatever happens, good luck to you. At least the email is a definate step to finding out the truth. And if you find out she's not interested, then it's gonna hurt, but at least you'll know and be able to get on with your life.

It happens to us all ;)

[KualaLumpur1997]

Thanks a million - btw it was the first kind of email (not the sex stuff)!

Update - she replied - she thought it was very sweet. That's the first time anyone's said that to me.

[katox]

Originally posted by thunderdevil
thx 4 the help managed to get sorted out
apperantly i have unsettled fear and suspicion which is gr8
least i'm not ignored but locking my self away?not a bad idea

Everyone gets suspicious sometimes. It is entirely natural and in some cases can be good for you eg, avoiding getting ripped off by someone. It is just learning to control this suspicion - keeping it at a healthy level, where you can still trust people (because not everyone is out to get you - seriously!) Sooooo...~Me locks the door but not with you behind it~ Now don't be silly. ;P

[thunderdevil]

meh if i don't know someone they're bad news
try controlling suspicioun that worked 4 a day
then some spazzo of a stalker followed me home so stone followed his eye

(edit=and now this is perfect i have temper control problems ah to hell with it)

[Mexican Pie]

Sorry to interupt, but I did write here also earlier on. If you don't want to answer, fair enough.

[katox]

Originally posted by thunderdevil
meh if i don't know someone they're bad news
try controlling suspicioun that worked 4 a day
then some spazzo of a stalker followed me home so stone followed his eye

(edit=and now this is perfect i have temper control problems ah to hell with it)

How do you know they were stalking you? Like I've said before, not everyone is out to get you!! Maybe they just lived near you so were taking the same route, whatever it is there is no need to hurt them (unless they hurt you first, but even then :/). Life is full of strangers. Get to grips with that please, for your own sake.

[MUG]

Hello. I often feel deppressed. But, there are many times when I feel happy. I barely ever have a feeling in between. I wish I had some sort of balance that would make me more neutral. I seem to feel happy when I'm around my friends, but many times when I'm not around my friends I feel depressed and many times I generally don't want to live. I would never commit suicide or anything like that, but I don't know what to do. Can any of you give me some sort of advice?

[MikeythePikey]

i told the girl i like that i like her and she said she ony likes me as a friend im depressed now

[MikeythePikey]

I know I'm double posting but is it it me or did I kill this thread?

[scram]

It's you.

Mate, I don't think I'd be lying if I said that every guy has gone through this. I've gone through it on more than one occasion and it feels like shit. All I can say is that it is clearly her loss ;)

The "I just like you as a friend" is the most widely used phrase by teenage girls ever (except possibly for "does this make my bum look big?"). Don't let it get you down. Pick yourself up and get back on the road. Don't let it put you off for a second. As hard as it is, it's part of life and you'll find the right woman eventually.

Just keep your chin up and be thankful that you at least know the truth now.

Good on you for having the balls to ask ;)

[MikeythePikey]

Thanks Scrambled all tho I'm a bit worried about the ;)

[foxy]

Originally posted by MikeythePikey
Thanks Scrambled all tho I'm a bit worried about the ;)

Sorry hon, he just has a bit of a twitch

Don't worry

he's mine, and Ill fix that before I leave the UK I promise

;)

(oh nooo I've got one now toooo)

[Gin&Tonic]

Lo, I have a little problem. I feel fat:( Which I kind of rationally know I'm not, I'm 5'9"ish and weigh 10st which is pretty normal for my height, but it's more in my head. One day I'll feel skinny, one day I will feel ok but more often than not I feel really fat and I won't want to go out/I'll cover up in sweat pants and a jumper. And, and this is soooo stupid, when I feel fat, i'll be so depressed I'll eat more!! Then I feel worse!! Argh!! I'm not an egotist or anything and I certainly don't mention this to my friends cos, bless them, all they do is try and reassure me and I'm seriously not looking for an ego boost or anything. All I want to do is just feel ok about myself....!!

[DarkTrojan]

Shucks, girl! NOT FAT.

[weeblnbob]

my good side often argues with my bad side and the bad one wins everytime :twisted: any ideas??

[nutnoodle]

Gin&Tonic there's no way you're fat. First of all, you're loads lighter than me, and secondly you're almost half a foot taller.

If you are worried that you might be fat, mabye what you're talking about is puppy fat, which we will all have some of (unless you do like a million sit ups a day :p).

Don't worry about the eating thing, I do that too. The only thing I can recommend to stop that is to get a brace/ some of your teeth removed. I did that, and it hurts too much to eat! :D.

Count yourself lucky, won't be long till I have to shop in Etam "Plus" :(.

Oh well... life too short and all that..

*munches on cheeseburger*

Oh and weeblinbob, whenever your bad side is taking over, just hit that side of your head with a very large hammer...

Well, it works for me...

Disclaimer - Any cure found in this post, real or otherwise, is purely coincidental. Nutnoodle does not take any responsability for any binge eating, manical laughing, multiple personality disorders, magical sheep or extra heads obtained during the course of this treatment. All treatment is taken at users risk.

[oppernaR]

Originally posted by weeblnbob
my good side often argues with my bad side and the bad one wins everytime :twisted: any ideas??

Stop argueing and admit you're evil, saves time.

[scram]

Mexican Pie. Very sorry about not replying to your previous problem. Somewhere in sharing out the duty of replying between Kat and myself you got missed out. TOTALLY our fault and nothing to do with you. :)

You've described myself during my teenage years as well as a lot of people I know on this board. First thing you should know is DON'T WORRY. Bullying, ridiculing, whatever is a common thing amongst kids and teens. I never really remember when and why it stopped for me. I never really changed who I was, it just got better. I was never one for "grassing" on people. With time I got used to people taunting and found that I could laugh it off or ignore it. By the time I left sixth form, some of my best friends were the people who had caused me a lot of grief in my earlier years. They're the people who would get into a fight for me, they're the people who would invite me out for drinking and clubbing, they're the people I can trust. This sounds like a miraculous turnaround but it's true. The teasing carried on and it still does when I see them, but as we got older, the words lost any sense of malicious intent and slowly became banter, which I learnt how to return in equal measures.

The best advice I can give to you is to stick to your guns. Stay nice, don't let people change who you are and govern your attitude by their behaviour. It takes a stronger man to choose his attitude than to let another push him into one. Stay nice and people will learn to love you for it. By the time you're reaching the end of your teenage years you'll find that people are drawn to you and that they admire you for your personality.

As for the relationship thing, again, don't worry. So many people will be able to relate to that. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you at all. It means that your average teenage girl is more interested in someone older and rough around the edges. As you get older, grow in confidence, become a little more cheeky but keep the nice streak, you'll surely find that you're fighting away the women with a stick ;)

If you think the depression is getting serious enough then I would suggest you give counselling a try. It's totally confidential and it works for some people.

Whatever happens I wish you luck.

[djkt007]

I have a bit of a problem. I'm extremely paranoid about what other people think of me, and it makes me jumpy and uncomfortable in my own body. I always think that I HAVE to do/be/look better otherwise no one, mostly guys, will ever want to talk or hang out with me. How can I fix this?

[scram]

Originally posted by MUG
Hello. I often feel deppressed. But, there are many times when I feel happy. I barely ever have a feeling in between. I wish I had some sort of balance that would make me more neutral. I seem to feel happy when I'm around my friends, but many times when I'm not around my friends I feel depressed and many times I generally don't want to live. I would never commit suicide or anything like that, but I don't know what to do. Can any of you give me some sort of advice?

In no way see this as belittling your problem, but this is stereotypical, textbook teenage stuff. Teenage hormones make almost everyone feel exactly the same way. Some people express the downside of their mood swings in anger, violence, anti social behaviour; some get emotional and tearful, but a lot of people bottle it up and let themselves get down and depressed with it.

So long as you aren't considering doing anything stupid and you have plenty of the happy times then there is nothing I can suggest except ride that bitch of a rollercoaster all the way until you reach adulthood.

Enjoy the ride ;)

[scram]

Originally posted by weeblnbob
my good side often argues with my bad side and the bad one wins everytime :twisted: any ideas??
I suggest you seek help.

Comedic or Psychiatric.

Your call.

G&T, I WOULD answer the question but I expect that Kat could do a better job of it than me, hun. ;)

[MUG]

Originally posted by Scrambled
In no way see this as belittling your problem, but this is stereotypical, textbook teenage stuff. Teenage hormones make almost everyone feel exactly the same way. Some people express the downside of their mood swings in anger, violence, anti social behaviour; some get emotional and tearful, but a lot of people bottle it up and let themselves get down and depressed with it.

So long as you aren't considering doing anything stupid and you have plenty of the happy times then there is nothing I can suggest except ride that bitch of a rollercoaster all the way until you reach adulthood.

Enjoy the ride ;)

Thanks for the help, but I have a more serious problem than most teenagers. I've been diagnosed with severe depression problems and I'm on a heavy amount of prozac, but nothing seems to be working. I don't think it's just hormones because I've been diagnosed with depression when I was about 7 or 8. I just don't know what to do when medication won't work. Is there anything I can do?

[scram]

Originally posted by MUG
Thanks for the help, but I have a more serious problem than most teenagers. I've been diagnosed with severe depression problems and I'm on a heavy amount of prozac, but nothing seems to be working. I don't think it's just hormones because I've been diagnosed with depression when I was about 7 or 8. I just don't know what to do when medication won't work. Is there anything I can do?

Everyone is different.

Medication doesn't work for everyone.

Counselling doesn't work for everyone.

Sometimes it takes a totally unexpected hit from out of the blue to drag you back up and convince yourself that life isn't so bad after all. You just have to make sure that you don't sink into the trap of thinking that nothing will work and that you are beyond help. For a start that is a big load of bullshit, and second, it will make it impossible for you to get out of a slump. In order to get out you have to believe that you can get out. This is not an easy thing, but it is the first step on the path to feeling better.

Being stubborn helps. If you can get it into your mind that you are going to sort yourself out, no matter what, then you'll succeed. It's that strength of conviction which is sometimes hard to find within you but it's crucial to beating depression. Don't sit there and get upset that some form of treatment isn't working. It may just not be working bcause you are expecting it not to. Otherwise, give yourself the strength to try another method of help. You'll find out how to beat this, you just need to keep at it and be determined to give yourself the life you deserve.

[Ant2oo4]

Wow scram, you give really good advice +'s

Anyway heres my problem:

There is a girl i (kind of) know but i have only seen her about 4 times but i do talk to her alot on MSN, i have been told that she likes me and wants to go out with me, but i don't know if i should as i hardly ever see her because she lives far away from me, i have been out with her before but it didn't last long at all...
I will be moving house soon quite alot closer to her but i've been told by my friends and her's that she really wants to go out with me and if i don't ask soon, i will miss out!
What should i do?

[scram]

Originally posted by Ant2oo4
Wow scram, you give really good advice +'s

Anyway heres my problem:

There is a girl i (kind of) know but i have only seen her about 4 times but i do talk to her alot on MSN, i have been told that she likes me and wants to go out with me, but i don't know if i should as i hardly ever see her because she lives far away from me, i have been out with her before but it didn't last long at all...
I will be moving house soon quite alot closer to her but i've been told by my friends and her's that she really wants to go out with me and if i don't ask soon, i will miss out!
What should i do?

To start with, don't let your friends or hers push you into anything that you don't want to do. If you come on too strong you could easily scare her away, and the last thing you want to do is kill any chances before you even move nearer. If you have her mobile number (I assume she has one, you crazy kids ALL have one these days) then text her out of the blue. Say whatever you like. Either ask her a question as an excuse to get a dialogue running or say that something you saw or heard got you thinking about her and you wondered how she was. This is sweet once or twice and lets her know she's on your mind but don't do it much. After a week of texts like "I saw this dog pissing up a lamppost and thought of you" she'll probably apply for a restraining order. I noticed it's your birthday coming up. Perfect excuse for you to be cheeky and ask what she's getting you ;)

However (and don't let this come across as patronising), you're still very young and I assume she is too. At your age you should be enjoying getting to grips with the finer points of flirting and dating girls for two weeks and then moving on to her best friends. A long distance relationship is a very difficult thing to deal with and unless it is something that the two of you really want (and you know SHE wants it too) then I would leave it.

My best advice to you is to wait and see what happens when you move closer. Keep talking on msn, but don't hassle her. Allow her to be the first one to strike up a convo sometimes. If she's interested then she will be making moves as well as you. Just enjoy the time before you move to do some ground work and gauge how excited she is about the prospect of you moving closer. Don't get hung up about it and remember that whatever happens is up to you and her, not your friends.

Good luck.

[jimeh]

Originally posted by Scrambled
You said it, not me. Now, Misfit.

Have you spoken to your own parents about this? My sister ran up a £360 bill on my mobile which she borrowed when she went abroad to France. She HAS paid the money back but over a long period of time. What her parents are asking is unreasonable. You can't possibly pay back a substantial amount of money in such a short space of time! I don't know how old you are, Misfit, but if you feel able, ring them up and have it out with them. Try to strike a deal where you say you will pay some money towards it when you have it. You have to be firm about it despite the fact that they are your girlfriend's parents. Don't let them threaten you over this.

Good luck and let me know how this progresses.

Righto.

It's been about 2 weeks since that happened, and luckily her parents forgot (i think).
As her parents are multi millionares (god bless them), 300 pounds isnt really much to them, so all was forgotten.
I still havent confronted them since, Im scared :'(, but I will have to take the leap some day.

[scram]

Her parents are multi millionnaires?

...


...



What's her number?

[MUG]

Thanks for the help Scram. You rock!

[Ant2oo4]

Thanx scram, your advice giving skills are many! Lots 'o pluses for you!

[Vibro Eggs Yolk]

Scram, this isn't a love question or anything like that but I am going into high school after this summer and I am really looking forward to taking German at our state university because my high school doesn't offer German as a foriegn language. My sister, who went to the same high school keeps bitching at me to take Spanish for a language because she thinks she's sooooooo smart with her Degree from Chapel Hill in North Carolina. I am really fond of the German culture and am going to Germany when I graduate from high school with my dad. My sister thinks I won't be able to do high school sports because the German would interfere. Should I listen my own decisions, or submit to the anger of my sister?

[katox]

Oooh wow. I've turned into Scrambled (he'll probably return with a more detailed answer, but here is my little bit).


Do your own thing boy! If you wanna do german do sodding german! It is your life after all and no-one I mean NO-ONE (especially silly sisters; I have two younger brothers and they know I'm a silly twit sometimes) should bully you into something you don't really wanna do. I hope you have a ball. :)

[scram]

Ja, für sicher!

German is a great language and Germany can be a great country.

I've studied, French, German and Spanish to a basic level and have to say that German is the easiest one and the one which I still feel most comfortable with. I regret not taking it further as I've stopped learning it for over four years now. But that's really not the issue here.

This is your life. Your only life and it belongs to you. What you do with it is totally up to you and where you take yourself is your call too. I love Spanish as a language (although it's harder than German) and I adore the culture. So does your sister. But we aren't you. There's a difference between making an informed decision based on advice and being pushed into one. if you feel she is pushing you then you need to talk to her. You do what you want to do.

Also, it won't interfere with your sports unless you let it. One thing that uni has taught me is that the amount of work i do for my course stays the same regardless of the extra stuff i do in societies or for work (it's still horrificly low ;)). But if you want to do something, you'll adapt to fill the space you have to do it in.

Good luck and Gesundheit ;)

[Vibro Eggs Yolk]

Thanks very much scram! If you're sure that people can adapt to this sort of thing then my sister's opinion means nothing.

Meine Schwester ist ein Scheißekopf irgendwie.
(My sister is a shit head anyway)
Ok ok, I translated it on google but I'll be able to say that by college.:D

Also thanks to Katox as well.:D

[Waffles]

I've a question regarding dreams.... Lately ive been having some rather horrific nightmares, not apparently caused by or related to anything that ive been going through during my waking hours. I just wanted a bit of advice on what you would do if you were being plagued by bad dreams, of the calibre of waking you up screaming in a cold sweat.

During most of mine I 'awake' in a cell of some design, it changes pretty regularly from a POW camp to a prison to whatever, and hear footsteps. I know instinctively, if such a word can be used in a dream setting, that if they catch me and drag me out of my cell they will kill me, so i try to escape in a variety of ways, but without fail they catch me and execute me, or kill me in the escape attempt. If i sit in the cell and await my doom they execute me. The really awful part though, is that every time they kill me and my eyes close, they snap back open in the cell and I go through it all again; this usually repeats 15 or 20 times, if the memories of my dreams hold true. I've gotten scant sleep these past few weeks because of them, and i have them only once every 3 or 4 days usually, but its started to affect the rest of my sleep too... not to mention my waking hours.

I don't expect you to psychoanalyze my dreams for their inner meanings or underlying causes, i'd just like to know if youve ever had a similar experience and if there was any advice you could offer to help sleep better, short of chemical dependencies. So far, exhaustion has been just about the only thing ive noticed that keeps them away, so ive been splitting firewood and not sleeping much, but it wears a bit thin....

Great advice on the rest of the site guys... I appreciate the help youve been offering, and am thankful that people have decided to offer up their own problems for help... probably one of the few truly good uses for the internet that ive found... keep up the good work guys.

[bakedhh]

Hi
I have a problem with my school (to quote the website "the leading co-educational boarding school in the country")
my problem is that i want to move to the day house as most of the boarders are horribly stuck up posh twats (apart from a few very very nice people).
The schools admin. ie deputy heads, wont let me because they r awful and just want to keep me paying full boarding fees. I told them that as i am 16 i would leave and that it was my descision not my parents n e more wether i stayed at the school. I dont live too far away so i culd be a day person.
Last year i almost had a breakdown at school because of the boarding and the people (i lost a scary amount of weight, 2 stone in 8 weeks)
So i am adament that its either me bieng a day person or nothing. The only alternative if i leave is a private tutor as i have missed my opportunity to go to another school. Tutor wuld be gud but im not sure how it would affect my people skills, but it would mean that i could see my really good friends from my last school more often and have a much better time.

Thanks for reading my illegible(sp?) crap
A reply soon would be good

[katox]

To Bakedhh,

I know you have said that you are 16 now and to quote you "that it was my descision not my parents n e more wether i stayed at the school" but have you actually consulted your parents about this? You may not live far away but if your parents say no then I'm afraid you are stuck! Try and talk to them first, giving them (acceptable!) reasons why you don't want to board anymore so then they can come with you to school to talk about it with those in charge. You stand a much higher chance of getting what you desire that way.

Hope this helps,

Katie.

[Pie-X-]

nevermind...

[bakedhh]

Katox,

Tried that approach before, went through it last year and this year. Had more meetings with the headmaster than i can remember. Im pretty sure im gonna stick to my guns but im not sure how a private tutor would affect me if the school refuse to co-operate over the house move thing.

Thanks for the reply though

[katox]

Bakedhh - Would your parents allow you to have a private tutor though?


Pie X, Waffles and anyone else I will get back to you soon .:)

[bakedhh]

Yeah they will, theyre looking now.

Just not sure wether to stay on at school and take their shit or to have a private tutor

[katox]

If I was in your shoes I'd make a list of pros and cons for staying on and for getting a private tutor. :)

[jessabon]

I am lucky enough to have a wonderful group of supportive friends whom I love. I am also lucky enough to have been accepted into a beatiful private school with a fine, generous scholarship and high academic standards. One of my good friends is likely going to the same school as I. However, although I know I have a lot going right for me now, I still feel kinda unhappy , or more specifically, unsure, about my decision to attend the private school.

My three best friends are going to the local public high school, as well as all the rest of my good friends, save, as I said, one. I know it's something everyone must deal with sometime, the problems of separating from your friends, but I"m just finding it really hard to do so. It probably doesn't help that one of my best friends is actively undermining my choice to attend the private school.

The change will be harder for me than for the rest of them, not only because they'll know everyone, but also because I'll have a commute, and a much harder curriculum to deal with. As confident as I am in my social and academic skills, I am daunted by this new challenge. As one of my dearest friends said mournfully to me the other day, "High school won't be the same without you."

Although I won't be utterly alienated from them, I won't be able to walk to school with them, do stuff on the weekends as much, sit and chat with them at lunch, be able to do anything afterschool, or call for the assignments. Yes, I'll talk on the phone and do some stuff with them, but it just won't be the same. My hope is that I'll be able to remain close and yet also develop new friendships that are as good as the ones I am partially leaving behind.

I know it may seem like I've got everything going for me and I don't need to be complaining in a thread in which people with problems of such magnitude greater than mine, but I just need some reassurance and support. I'll appreciate it so much.

[Nocashvalue]

For the past couple of years, I've been tormented at school. It's mostly little things, small smartass comments, and calling me "gay" and such. But it's constant. Every day, every minute, I get an insult thrown at me. Even my friends do it.
I'm probably classed as a "geek" because I generally do well in school. I don't have many friends, and those that I do have are close, but obviously not close enough, as they still insult me. Also, when in the company of their large groups of friends, they join in, as seemingly different people. They ignore me, and if their friends are insulting me, they join in. I can't really talk to anyone about this, because they'd probably just laugh, or try and tell my tutor. I have one friend that's only just started liking me. I feel connected with her somehow, as if I've known her for all my life. I also felt I could trust her with anything. I told her how I felt, and she dismissed it as if it were a "tantrum". This annoyed me, as I had told her some of my innermost feelings. I was so angry, I felt like hurting myself. I told her, and then signed out of AIM. I then proceeded to smack my head against the wall, which left me reeling. I sat back down in the chair again, and talked to my friend on MSN, who was acting as a kind of messenger, trying to diffuse the situation. But now she doesn't like me, and she's ignoring me. It feels like a chunk of my heart has been ripped out.

I think the reaction some people hae to me is because of something I do, although they never tell me what. The just proceed to insult me more. How can I get along with people well, and how can I get my friend to stop ignoring me? Thanks for listening to me. I've got a giant weight off my chest now.

[Curlz]

These people don't sound like friends to me, they sound like idiots. They're just putting you down to make themselves feel better and it's not on. If i were you i would forget bout them and find some new friends, maybe some other people who are quiet and don't have many friends, as they will have some idea of how you feel, and may be more sympathetic.
You were saying you told your friend how you feel, and she dismissed it. Maybe this is because she found it awkward, and didn't know what to say. It can be difficult to know what to say in these situations so cut her some slack. try and talk to her, but make it light hearted and jokey, so it isn't too awkward.
You say you are at school, but you don't say how old you are. All i can say is that it gets better the older you get, as people get more mature, and if you ignore their comments and don't show that it affects you, eventually they will grow up and leave you alone. Also you end up spreading out and meeting more people, making more friends.
Don't worry you will be fine
Chin up chook! ;)

[pies_for_you]

Maybe she felt really hurt that she hadn't managed to stop it or anything, like she was a bit responsible? Not saying she is but what if she feels like she is?

[scram]

a quick update:

1) I'm beginning to get tired of people coming into this thread and dispensing their own advice. The first post of this thread explains the structure that this thread was meant to have. I'm not against you giving people your own advice, but for the purpose of this thread, I would ask you to PM the person instead of posting it here. Please stop it people.

2) Katox has taken a leave of absence from the HoP for a while due to other commitments. It may not seem it, but this thing DOES take up a lot of time and energy (possibly why it takes a while for us to reply sometimes!). So in her place, giving advice, will be the enormously intelligent and stunningly capable Foxy. Listen to her, kids. The girl knows what she's talking about.

By the end of the day I hope that between the two of us we will answer the outstanding (that means unanswered) problems that you have posted.

We apologise for any inconvenience,

Scram.

[Nocashvalue]

Thanks for the reply Curlz, but could I have an official one? Just to update, It's getting worse. I have to refrain from emotional outbreaks when Ihear songs about love or friendship. Also, what I forgot to add there was that we were together before then (together together) but she randomly said she wanted us to be just friends before then.

[Dani the Donkey]

I have a huuuuge problem!

These funny little living fruits keep coming to my house at midnight on wednesdays and ask for mashed bannanas. I've told them to go away but they just say that the cabbages will get me! Me and my friends are becoming deeply concerned as I really dont want them anywhere near my favourite coffee cup. My favourite coffee cup was given to me by my monkeys uncles cousins nephews mother in laws stalker and I really want to keep it safe. What can I do?

[foxy]

We're both really really sorry, I meant to get to answering some of you tonight and I just haven't had the time. I have one exam left and then I'll make sure to have answered all of you (and I'll force scram into answering as well). Im just in no state to do anything but sleep at the moment as it is 1 am and I am in no way prepared for my final tomorrow. Please understand we really do care, its just life gets busy from time to time.

Take Care all of you and we'll be back on track tomorrow or today.... ;) It will be after I wake up.

*hugs*

Fox.

[A-tuin]

Originally posted by Dani the Donkey
I have a huuuuge problem!

These funny little living fruits keep coming to my house at midnight on wednesdays and ask for mashed bannanas. I've told them to go away but they just say that the cabbages will get me! Me and my friends are becoming deeply concerned as I really dont want them anywhere near my favourite coffee cup. My favourite coffee cup was given to me by my monkeys uncles cousins nephews mother in laws stalker and I really want to keep it safe. What can I do?

well since everyones busy might i suggest a remedie?
since mashed bananas actually take no effort or money to make, just give in and please them. then invite them round or tea on thursday afternoon and whilst they are busy gorging on the mashed bananas open the cage of fruitbats that you are going to order and then watch the little shits die.

is that a good remedie or what?

[foxy]

Eep, well here I go, jumping into the fray...

G&T

Fristly, you're gorgeous! Honey, you remind me of Snow White, so don't feel down on yourself. Now about feeling fat, I think EVERY girl goes through it and its just part of being us. However, personally I find the best way to deal with it is to be proactive, if I feel really badly about myself I go for a run, or do something physical because it makes me feel good about my body and helps me enjoy who I am. (Plus if you do enough your so totally exhausted you can't be bothered to eat because you're just SO tired). Also, I think its always good with your body image is to look at one thing and think how great it is, and even if you do feel fat for that day you have this one point where you go "Yay, even if the rest is really crappy I like me!". I know its hard, but developing a positive body image takes time. However, I'm sure you turn heads wherever you go honey, so don't worry, and honey you really aren't fat.


djkt007

So this continues from the ideas of the previous portion of my post and please hon, read through that because its so important to just be happy being you. What other people think of how we look can have a major effect on how we think we look and how we think we NEED to look to be accepted. However, this simply isn't the case. The everyone in the world is SO different its not possible to develop standards on beauty because there are SO many different ways a person can be beautiful. So as I suggested in the post with G&T find yourself one spot, one thing you like about yourself and be happy with that, then look for something else, you'll slowly find that you personally will find spots that are perfect as you are just you. Now about what people think, dont' worry honey because what other people think doesn't matter, really, because this is the way I look at it, in the end of your life, all you are left with is you and therefore what other people think doesn't matter because you are you.

True friends will be your friends, no matter how you look, or how fat you get because they like you for you and not for how you look. With guys its the same way, don't worry about looking better, be confident stand tall and give them a big smile. A big smile can melt a guys heart.

One other little thing about beauty and feeling good about yourself (for EVERYONE because we all have issues with how we look).

Firstly beauty isn't really all that physical, its something that is developed within and expressed by your actions. You aren't born beautiful, you learn to be beautiful. There are also, so many definitions of beauty we all develop our own sense of what that is and not be concerned with what other people think, and even if we are, there are so many people in the world who define beauty as so many different things, therefore what could be disgusting for one person could be fantastic for the other (end babbles, sorry about that one I needed to babble onto a tangent)


Miss Jessabon

Firstly, Congratulations! It sounds like you have alot that is just going great for you, and its sounding like this is just the beginning of a very exciting journey and that you're going to have a blast (with some hard work) while going through it.

But, (and there is always a but) with the good stuff there is always some tough stuff because the mix of the two lets us appreciate the good that much more.

The separation from your friends is tough, and funnily enough I'm going through the same thing right now, granted it isn't for the same length of time but I know how you feel. It is sad to leave things behind and to leave people behind too, but chances are you won't lose those friends, friends will be there for you always.

Your friend thats undermining your decision is probably having a tough time with the thought of you leaving as well, and is probably reacting in a negative manner. You'll be ok because I doubt this friend will change your mind, but if the problem persists have a friendly chat with them. Tell them how you feel and how they are making you feel, then they'll understand where you are coming from and in all likelihood, stop.

Change in itself is tough, and scary. However it creates so many new experiences which you are going to treasure for all your life. I know, I also left a bunch of my friends and took a french program half way across my city, the transit ride sucked but, the area was great and I met SO many new people and have developed many fabulous friendships because of it. I wouldn't change a thing. So enjoy the change, watch it happen, the change won't be a bad thing, and all things will change in your life as you grow up and go to University and then find a job, things in life are always changing and because of it you're always growing and growing all ways, so enjoy it, its very exciting. Highschool, won't be the same without you, but it will be something new and something so great and so different for all of you, you'll learn so much, don't worry about same, enjoy the change.

Through the changes you will develop new friendships, and that is a great thing, whats more, is you'll keep the old friends as well. I have friends that date back from elementary school that I see once a year and I have new friends that I have just made this year. Your friends will stay around and you'll develop new ones, which are just fantastic, it won't be the same as it has been in the past, but it still will be a great way of dealing with things.

Finally, Don't worry about needing help, we all need it. Trust me so *huggles* enjoy your new school, you'll have a great time, learn lots, forge new friendships, maintain old, and you'll always be growing and changing, growing and changing in all ways.

*mwah*

I hope I helped, I'm new at this!

Hassle scram for the rest as we divided them up aaand

*raises eyebrow*

Honey, scrambled, darling, what is this supposed to mean?

Her parents are multi millionnaires?

...


...



What's her number?

:p

[sweetfloss]

For the last 2 years I have been totally obsessed by my best boy mate, I cant stop thinking about him, and to me it seems we would be perfect together.
Thing is he talks to me about everything, even his love problems, and I just get so upset when I see him falling for girl after girl who doesnt want him, when I'm waiting right here for him!!!
I told him how I felt, and he basically said he didnt love me now, but maybe he would in the future... he also said he wanted to "not get serious but still, ya kno..."
I didnt want to do what he wanted because I felt it would be giving me false hope, i because i felt he would drop me if anyoneelse came a long....I wanted us to be properly together, i want him to love me,.... so Ive tried and tried to stop thinking about him - but I can't!!! Should I wait for him? It's ripping me apart! :( What can I do to stop how i feel?