Scram and Kat's House of Pain

[scram]

Hello Boys and Girls,

I'm Scrambled. You may remember me from such top threads as "Scrambled's Grotto" and "Ninja Pics of You."

If there's one thing that I've noticed after being on this forum for almost a year, it would be that its membership (that would be you) have a collective amount of concerns and problems that would probably send most regular agony aunts on an irreversible spiral of mindfuckery leading to the closest loony bin. But fortunately for you, I am no mere amateur. Well... I am, but that's not the point. The point is that you lot need sorting out and I'm bored enough to do the honours.

Don't get me wrong, healing the world is not a job that I can accomplish alone (yeah, even though I AM totally fabulous). No, even Michael Jackson fucked that one up, so I knew I had to get some assistance. After going through a list of several candidates and several interviews for a partner in crime, the best woman won and I will be joined by the lovely Katox in this endeavour. She'll be able to deal with the more ladylike queries that guys like me don't understand. Questions like "What's a preganant?" and "Does my bum look big in this?" will be her forte. I can only imagine the sort of questions that I'LL be expected to answer!

If you would rather PM us your queries then feel free but bare with us for our replies. We'll get through them all.

Now, who's first to sit on my knee and tell me their woes?

[Digga]

everywhere in life i turn i feel as if nobody gives a shit, as if i'm not actually listened to, I fele totally alone, friendless, people talk to me but don't actually care, I feel like i could just disappear and nobody would notice my absence, as if i don't even matter in this world to anyone at all. What should i do?

[Cheechy]

Stop moaning and be more positive.

I noticed u handed out some donations so I gave you a couple back for being nice to others. So I wouldnt say anything you do is unnoticed. Ya just a miserable git at times :)

[igor]

oh shi..

[katox]

Yes, as you may know I do my fair sharing of moaning and groaning on irc (;)) and yes I do have my drama queen moments on here (go on, ban me ;)) but when Scrambled suggested this I thought it sounded like a rather nice idea so after pleading not to be banned (ho hee har) I said I would join forces with him and help you lot not to make the same mistakes as me (unless you want to of course ;)).

So yes! Enough of the winking and please, do not be afraid, I maybe a bit flippant sometimes but I mean well.

On with the show! :)

[scram]

Originally posted by Digga
everywhere in life i turn i feel as if nobody gives a shit, as if i'm not actually listened to, I fele totally alone, friendless, people talk to me but don't actually care, I feel like i could just disappear and nobody would notice my absence, as if i don't even matter in this world to anyone at all. What should i do?
Considering that this was a deliberate challenge set out by you in IRC I am hesitant as to how much seriousness/time to bestow upon my response. Cheechy is right though, positive thinking is a difficult thing to achieve but is a valuable life asset. I noticed that you gave me a donation too. I noticed when you were away. I was pleased when you returned. Regardless of what you may feel or say, people out there care.

Thats more than can be said for a lot of people in this world.

Chin up kid and remember it's never as bad as you think.

Unless you're Bob Monkhouse's fake tan stockist.

[William Wallace]

I think people hate me. I'm not sure, and I don't know why. :(

[Digga]

Originally posted by Scrambled
Considering that this was a deliberate challenge set out by you in IRC I am hesitant as to how much seriousness/time to bestow upon my response.

how do you know it's a deliberate challenge? how do you know i'm not actually deeply depressed and just hiding my emotions away from you on IRC because if i don't even just starts complaining at me.

[scram]

Originally posted by William Wallace
I think people hate me. I'm not sure, and I don't know why. :(
Hmmmmmm thus speaks the voice of the paranoid.

Yes, well, I'll be honest, it is entirely possible that people hate you and that you are forever to be a social reject. However, I think this highly unlikely as those positions tend to be reserved for the rich and famous and Michael Winner. Put it this way: I don't hate you so that's one less person to worry about. Now you could go around asking every single person you meet if they hate you or not but that would be stupid (and would probably get you committed/deported/decapitated). I suspect you'll find that the general consensus is far more positive than you may believe.

Instead I put it to you, my bekilted boy, that your fears stem from a lack of self confidence and a poor opinion of self. This is hideously common amongst teens and young adults (even older adults fs!) so you are not alone. The more you can immerse yourself into society as a whole, the better you will end up feeling. Making new friends is an amazingly important part of life, as life is basically a process of gathering a vast number of friendships but then keeping the ones that really matter. And don't you give me that "but no one will want to be my friend" tripe either; it will surprise you how many people out there are in the same boat as you and looking for friends like you to help them feel better themselves. Your life is about you, so don't get messed up thinking that searching for better friends is shallow. At the end of the day, finding people you truly connect with is something that EVERYONE finds difficult (even me :eek: but don't tell the ladies).

Try and get out there more - get a job, join a club, meet friends of friends. Soon you'll be surrounded by people, most of whom will like you and a good number who will consider you their friend. The feelings may well not abide, but at least you'll be keeping busy and you may start to believe that people really do like you. For me, stage work was a Godsend. Meeting hordes of new people and developing performance skills has been great and has done wonders for my own self confidence.

It's not easy, but find your niche, and embrace it.




Originally posted by Digga
how do you know it's a deliberate challenge? how do you know i'm not actually deeply depressed and just hiding my emotions away from you on IRC because if i don't even just starts complaining at me.

tbh Digga I talk to you about this on IRC and you have already stated your intent to get this thread cheesed. For a start you could read the above, and if you have anything else to say then continue to take it up across IRC. Give this thread a chance.

[Pee]

this thread is a very good idea
go scrammy, Go Kat!(be a nice ladey, stop trying to get youreself banned ;), says the person who got himself banned in the most obvious way)

i havent thought of a suitable question, ill post again/edit this post to state my question..

i want to make mine count
instead of just asking if everyone hates me(some may, but i dont give a shiiet about them)

[littlefirework]

Oh Wise and Powerful Scram,
I never have enough time/resources to do what I want to do. Please heal me.

[scram]

Originally posted by littlefirework
Oh Wise and Powerful Scram,
I never have enough time/resources to do what I want to do. Please heal me.

It all depends on what it is that you want to do mon petit pétard! Personally I suffer from the "lack of resources" option. For instance I want to go to Canada but I can't afford it. I have the time. Time is something I have in abundance whilst I persistantly dodge the issue of "real work."

The time issue for you... hmmm. Well lets see what we can do to free up some time. You could quit your job but then you'd have a bigger issue with the resource problem (likewise you could work more for more resources but be lumbered with the problem of no time). It's a conundrum for sure. Bizarrely, though, it's surprising how a little bit of organising can free up a lot of time.

Whenever I have a looming set of things to do I tend to get all flustered and run around flapping at the fact that I have too much to do and too little time. However, by breaking it down into small chunks, one can get through stuff at an alarming rate. Sit down and write a list of all the things you have to do today. Order them if you wish, but sometimes it's easier to give yourself the freedom not to. Once you have a large list of things to do start hacking away at it bit by bit. Examples of things to write on list would be "Call Michelle and tell her to cheer up" and "Take out trash." Examples of things not to write are "Write dissertation" or "Clean entire house." You need to break it up into small manageable tasks which you can complete fairly quickly (even if this means a long list). The satisfaction you get each time you go to the list and cross off a small task is motivation to continue and you spend very little time dossing around and wasting the precious time that you have.

Using this method I have managed, in a day, to clean my house from top to bottom, get a job, book tickets for the theatre, arrange all of my reams of paperwork, pay all outstanding bills and cook myself a meal to reward myself. Most of the time when I just leave things to mount up i spend all my time putting it off and looking at the clock saying "later." That way, nothing gets done and I have no time for anything.

Give it a go and, if it works, you owe me one ;)

You can get off my knee now. :twisted:

[prodigy69]

I want to be a world famous animator and entrepreneur like our beloved weebl

but can't seem to get my finger out my arse...can you help? :D

[eidderf]

You could use this site to get you started
http://www.digitalfilms.com
Its a bit basic but it will get you started ,sorry I'm not the agony person .

[Markeh]

Originally posted by Scrambled
Chin up kid and remember it's never as bad as you think.

Unless you're Bob Monkhouse's fake tan stockist.

this is off topic but it had to be said,

i didnt particularly like the man, didnt know him personally, but of what i saw he was a funny guy, mocking the dead is never good.

[scram]

Originally posted by prodigy69
I want to be a world famous animator and entrepreneur like our beloved weebl

but can't seem to get my finger out my arse...can you help? :D

Heh.

Aspirations of fame and glory? Good for you.

Being motivated is one of the hardest things to be. There are so many things I would like to do with my life but can't seem to find the motivation to do them. I'd like to paint more, I'd like to work harder at uni, I'd like to go to the gym more, the list is endless. However, when you find something you love and enjoy, motivation is a lot easier to achieve. With me, acting and music are things which I can do till the cows come home. With you, maybe it's animation. It's not easy though. Huge amounts of work for a few seconds of animation can sometimes be hard to feel satisfied with. Most of my attempts at animation have ended after a few hours of work when I just don't seem to be getting anywhere (hmmm maybe I should write a list... see above ;)). If you're really set on it though then here is my advice.

Download a trial version of Flash MX. It's pretty easy to get the hang of and there's lots you can do with it. There are an abundance of tutorials on the web to help you develop the skill and there are some good books out there with some step-by-step guidelines to getting the most out of the software.

If you find it really is for you then its just a matter of finding the money to buy the full version (Getting a hack of it is very very naughty and most certainly not recommended by Aunty Scram ;)). From there, it's just a case of practise makes perfect. Weebl's style has developed since he started and he keeps getting better. Give it a whirl and try producing a few small Flash movies. Accept criticism and learn from your mistakes.

Keep raising the bar and you'll get there eventually ;)

[scram]

Originally posted by Markeh
i didnt particularly like the man, didnt know him personally, but of what i saw he was a funny guy, mocking the dead is never good. That was not mocking the dead, that was making light of the situation. If it was so off topic then it should have been dealt with in a pm. Thank you.

[EasyTiger]

Should I wear my new, black, velvet, slinky dress tonight? :>

[2PieR]

Was going to send this as a PM but it was too long. You can all read it for all the flying fucks I give, it doesn't come close to explaining everything that's wrong but it's a small start.
---

Dear Scram and Katox,

Seeing as you're listening, I have decided to send this off because I can't afford a counsellor and noone on forums/IRC/who I know would actually care.

I am 16 (at college) and I am spending New Years alone (well, with family) this year(like I have done the last 2 new years running). Noone has invited me to a New Years party. The friends I have had all my life have spent the last two or three years abandonning me, not inviting me to stuff, not speaking to me and generally casting me out of the group, in fact the group is falling apart, as with college they are all making new friends.
Not me though, making friends is just impossible to me. Two people took my number in the first six months of college, one girl I like and one guy, the guy rang a couple of times to ask about college work and the girl never rang. I didn't take their numbers.

Right now, I can admit that really, I have no friends. Plenty of people who will still pretend to be my friend but clearly noone who actually gives a damn about me, or even notices that I exist as a person with feelings to be considered at all.

The reason behind it all is the same though. Low self-esteem, the terrible downward spiral of low self-esteem. I feel like people don't want to know me, like people won't want to know me. I feel like an ugly fucker, like people don't want to look at me or be associated with me. I feel paranoid and suspicous (there is a history of paranoia in my family), I can't believe anyone who seems like they like me. I feel like anyone being nice to me is patronising me, or humouring me. I feel left out, and since there is noone but me in my life these days, I've lost the will to try and do anything. I can't get out of this downward spiral of feeling like noone. And I can't see any possible way to, seeing as noone will want to be my friend. Perhaps most important of all is the paranoia, the inability to believe that people like me or will like me. That leads to the fear of asking for a number, of asking them if they want to do something, even of picking up the telephone and calling them (I haven't rung any of my old friends, people I've known for at least 5 years, in almost six months).

I've forgotten how you become friends with someone, and what you do to stay friends with someone. And I don't see any way out.
I also have had 6 hours sleep in the last 60 hours, so you can imagine I feel quite seriously knackered and depressed, but all of the above is true regardless. Seeing as you've set yourself up as the person who will listen and will help sort this shit out, and seeing as there's noone who has made the same offer in my life, I've decided, fuck it, I'll ask.
Thanks for your time.
TwoPieR

[scram]

Originally posted by EasyTiger
Should I wear my new, black, velvet, slinky dress tonight? :> Yes, but only if you have a good set of shoes to go with it.

Now for the doozy ;)

I won't quote your thread 2PR coz its so huge :) but I'm replying to it nonetheless.

If I were to tell you that you practically described myself at age 16 you'd probably laugh, or say I'm just saying that, or that I'm patronising you. The fact is that I'm not. The teen years, especially college, can be the hardest years of our lives. People attribute words like "teen angst" as a derogatory term to people but the fact is that it's an issue that many of us come up against. You'll find several others here on this same forum. I've battled with depression myself and know how much it can mess with your life and your perceptions. I think that's the worst thing about it - the lies it makes you tell yourself. I GUARANTEE it, when you tell yourself that nobody will like you, that you are the ugliest person alive, that life is not worth living you are straying far from the truth. If I'm being honest, to this day, I tell myself the same things. There's that niggling voice which tells you how pathetic and what a loser you are. That you are nothing special. That you are hideous to behold. That you will be lonely for the rest of your life. The last one is probably the one which is hardest to get to grips with.

But it's a case of recognising these beliefs for what they are: Falsehoods. Falsehoods born of an impression of yourself which is far lower than it should be. It sounds cheesy and ridiculous but if you can turn to yourself when you are feeling at the depths of despair and say (out loud if you wish) "I am important. People like me and I am a sexy bitch. Seriously!" then you'll feel better. Say it with conviction as if you were trying to make ME believe that Michael Winner is actually God. Give it a go and it should at least bring a smile to your face. As stupid as it sounds its closer to the truth than your own opinions of yourself.

I refer you to the post I made in response to William Wallace. I really can't emphasise the importance of meeting new people. It may seem impossible to do or even hopeless. But I am telling you, for certain, that you have NOT forgotten how to make friends. I can also tell you that if you meet new people and have a little faith in yourself, you will make friends. Often in the most unlikely of places. Don't worry about college. If I'm being honest, most 16 year olds are cunts. They're out there to prove themselves to each other and will trample on feelings along the way to further their own selfish desires. I assure you that it gets better once you get older. University was the best thing that ever happened to me, surrounded by far more similar people and I have far too many people that I like and who like me.

Another thing - I'd say I have close to 100 mates (maybe more). These are people who I would invite to a party, who I would go drinking with. On the flipside, I'd say I have less than 5 true friends. These are people who I feel I can talk about anything with. People who I know will be there for me when I need them and who I share a deep connection with. Mates are fairly easy to come by, true friends are harder. I'll be honest and say that two of those friends have come from this forum but I would recommend that you look in other places. Those of you who have been here for a couple of months may remember my post from before I took a break from the forums. The internet is not a substitute for real life and sometimes you have to grit your teeth and throw yourself out there in the deep end and get away from this horrible machine.

Believe me, you can make friends and succeed in life. You just have to conquer your own self-deception.

On another note, don't be scared to talk to your GP. I did when I had reached rock bottom and he was a huge help.

Another thing, force yourself to sleep better. If I see you on IRC late at night I'm going to be on your ass young man! :) Lack of sleep only goes to further any depression you have. Look at how babies get grumpy and young children become difficult when they are tired. It's no different for us except for the fact that we manifest our moodiness in other ways. If you can get yourself at least 6 hours (im being realistic here but 8 is ideal!) sleep at night then you WILL start to feel better just on that.

Getting yourself out of a cycle of depression is harder than anything in life (giving up smoking, understanding Quantum Field Theory or liking Michael Winner) but you can definately manage it. It just takes raw determination and the knowledge of the fact that your goal is achievable and that life doesn't have to be like this. If you succeed in totally banishing all your demons, please let me know your secret ;)

You aren't alone. :cool:

[2PieR]

Love you Scram. All my money donated your way.

[littlefirework]

Originally posted by 2PieR
The friends I have had all my life have spent the last two or three years abandonning me, not inviting me to stuff, not speaking to me and generally casting me out of the group, in fact the group is falling apart, as with college they are all making new friends.Sorry to prod in on your thread, Scram & Katox, but I really would like to comment...
It's so easy to fall into this trap. I've seen it so many times.
The more withdrawn you become, the less often people will include you in plans. You really need to initiate plans from time to time to let people know you're still interested. Waiting alone will only get you caught in that loop of 'nobody cares' thoughts. Friends may take your silence as an indication that you want them to leave you alone.

[basstard]

Dear Scram and Katox,

Here's my problem - I've got a really bad irrational phobia of balloons. I know how ridiculous, and probably trivial, that sounds, but I do. Maybe not as serious a problem as 2Pier's, but it affects me.

I can't stand balloons at all. I don't mind them uninflated, just flopping about. When they get inflated, though, I panic. Have to get to another room as soon as possible. Only thing on my mind - get out the room. This is (kinda obviously) a problem at parties, and other, less likely occasions. Example - 24 hour coach journey, from germany to scotland, friend's birthday at midnight. Someone (argh!) brought balloons. Spent the whole night in a semi-panicked state, didn't sleep at all, and freaked out my friends, who were sitting near me. Balloons just seem to keep appearing when I least expect them, be it in a chemistry lesson, a friend's party, or just when arsing around with mates at lunch. It's really getting on my nerves, as everyone round me sees me run out the room. Nobody else I know has a phobia of balloons.

I haven't tried seeking help for this before, I just avoid balloons where possible. But seeing as you were incredibly considerate and thoughtful to 2Pier and others, and are taking your responsibility seriously, I thought I'd open my problem to you. And before anyone else says anything, I've heard all the jokes possible on this subject, including the one that goes along the line of if I've a phobia of (rubber) balloons, I might have a phobia of (rubber) condoms. I'm not looking for a miracle cure, and I'm not expecting to be immediately cured of my phobia, but just some good, honest advice. Thank you for your time.

[scram]

She's exactly right.

Thats one of the reasons I left the forums last time. I was so wrapped up in the internet and withdrawn from my real life connections that they stopped bothering asking me to go out. Look at it from their point of view, if someone was acting withdrawn from you, you'd think they didn't like you and would feel reluctant to ask them to go out.

Be aware of this and try and force yourself to go out (even if you think the party will be shit or if you think you'll have a dreadful time)

[edit]I'm taking a break from this malarky possibly until next year (tomorrow if you're slow/backward/Australian) so Katox can deal with any remaining ones for today. Otherwise you can wait till tomorrow. Sheesh this is a draining business.

[William Wallace]

Originally posted by Scrambled
Hmmmmmm thus speaks the voice of the paranoid.

Yes, well, I'll be honest, it is entirely possible that people hate you and that you are forever to be a social reject. However, I think this highly unlikely as those positions tend to be reserved for the rich and famous and Michael Winner. Put it this way: I don't hate you so that's one less person to worry about. Now you could go around asking every single person you meet if they hate you or not but that would be stupid (and would probably get you committed/deported/decapitated). I suspect you'll find that the general consensus is far more positive than you may believe.

I don't have very good people skills, I tend to be a little sharper with people than i'd like, then there's the problem of my short temper. People would like me, then in a flash of pure anger I would say something I would regret later. :nana: :nana: :nana:

[katox]

I will help folks. But not right now (bit pished :/). Well done Scrambled for keeping the fort up, bloody good chap I say. Three cheers for him. Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!!!

[scram]

Originally posted by the basstard
Dear Scram and Katox,

Here's my problem - I've got a really bad irrational phobia of balloons. I know how ridiculous, and probably trivial, that sounds, but I do. Maybe not as serious a problem as 2Pier's, but it affects me.

I can't stand balloons at all. I don't mind them uninflated, just flopping about. When they get inflated, though, I panic. Have to get to another room as soon as possible. Only thing on my mind - get out the room. This is (kinda obviously) a problem at parties, and other, less likely occasions. Example - 24 hour coach journey, from germany to scotland, friend's birthday at midnight. Someone (argh!) brought balloons. Spent the whole night in a semi-panicked state, didn't sleep at all, and freaked out my friends, who were sitting near me. Balloons just seem to keep appearing when I least expect them, be it in a chemistry lesson, a friend's party, or just when arsing around with mates at lunch. It's really getting on my nerves, as everyone round me sees me run out the room. Nobody else I know has a phobia of balloons.

I haven't tried seeking help for this before, I just avoid balloons where possible. But seeing as you were incredibly considerate and thoughtful to 2Pier and others, and are taking your responsibility seriously, I thought I'd open my problem to you. And before anyone else says anything, I've heard all the jokes possible on this subject, including the one that goes along the line of if I've a phobia of (rubber) balloons, I might have a phobia of (rubber) condoms. I'm not looking for a miracle cure, and I'm not expecting to be immediately cured of my phobia, but just some good, honest advice. Thank you for your time.
The fear of balloons is actually more common than one might think. Globophobia, as it is known in the world of doctors (and quite possibly nurses) usually stems from a fear of the balloon popping and is understandable once you take the time to think about it. Everyone is afraid of something and just because it's something that isn't as common as spiders, snakes, heights or Michael Winner doesn't make it any less valid or real. One man's clown is another man's worst nightmare, isn't that right colonel? :)

I have no idea on how to deal with such a phobia. Any advice I would give could have quite the wrong effect. For instance I might suggest you go out and buy a packet of balloons and sit there and slowly blow up each and every one. However this could leave you a gibbering wreck and soaked in your own excriment. It would be like asking me to go and sit in my shed for a couple of hours and catch and eat every spider I found there :/. The mere thought of it makes me shudder and tingle.

The internet (http://www.changethatsrightnow.com/problem_detail.asp?PhobiaID=1943&SDID=6524) has lots of places to look for help but I suspect that those may be part of a big scheme to drain the pennies from poor unsuspecting people across the globe. If you don't feel able to confront your fear by facing it head on then, next time you see your doctor, MENTION IT. You may think they aren't the right person to talk to about it as they're only there for dishing out antibiotics, but the fact is, your GP is there to help you whenever there is something having an adverse effect on your life. At the very least, they will be able to point you in the direction of someone who can help you out.

Everyone is capable of dealing with their own fears. It just takes a bit of determination and personal strength to sort it out.

I wish you luck :)


Originally posted by William Wallace
I don't have very good people skills, I tend to be a little sharper with people than i'd like, then there's the problem of my short temper. People would like me, then in a flash of pure anger I would say something I would regret later. :nana: :nana: :nana:

This is something you are going to have to be aware of and learn to deal with. People skills are something that all of us have to learn. Some are naturally better than others like with anything. My cousin is one of those people who can walk into a room full of strangers and be everyone's best friend within a minute. Myself, I take at least two :p . I've lived around people with short tempers my whole life and know what its like on the other end. I also have some idea of what it is like for them as well. A short fuse is nothing to be ashamed of but it's something that has to be controlled.

I recommend that you take the advice we give regarding posting on this forum in your everyday life. Think first. It's very easy to react badly to a situation when you don't think about the outcome. Good people skills are inherantly linked with a sort of intuition regarding how people perceive what you are saying, what you are doing and how you are saying/doing it. If you can stop yourself the next time you feel your temper rising and think "Is it really worth me losing my rag here?" or even just take a few deep breaths to try and calm yourself down you'll notice an improvement in your other people skills as well. Think first.

Learning to take a joke is another thing that is a valuable life skill. A sad truth of the male species is that one of the ways we make friends and relate to each other is by ripping the chronic piss out of each other on a regular basis. As an example, a friend of mine finds it very difficult to take a joke and it immediately makes it harder for him to make new friends. For instance, if someone were to call him gay, he would either retaliate with a verbal attack or try to defend himself by trying to "prove" otherwise. Laughing and blowing a kiss back at the individual shows that you havent taken the comment to heart and just returns the banter. Hey, it sounds stupid, but this is the basic level that guys work on - take the piss, return the banter. The better you learn to do this and the more you are able to realise that they aren't trying to mock you, the easier a time you will have in making/keeping mates.

[moog]

Originally posted by Scrambled
One man's clown is another man's worst nightmare, isn't that right colonel? :)

you'll never know my pain :(

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by the colonel
you'll never know my pain :(

won't we?

[scram]

Happy memories ^_^

For those who don't know, Some of us met up a while back and five or six of us scared the bejeezus out of the colonel by standing outside the door to the gents, waiting for him whilst wearing matching pairs of those glasses.

The look of terror in his eyes will stay with me to the grave. :D

[cheesy demon]

you guys type too much and hurt my brain.

::side note:: nice avatar colonel! its about time someone beat a jam.

[scram]

Originally posted by cheesy demon
you guys type too much and hurt my brain.
A quandry indeed my good fellow.

But you'll be glad to know that there are several ways of rectifying this rare problem. First of all, you could just skip this thread entirely and visit "weebl and bob beginners." You'll find that most posts there are only a few words long and much less taxing on the brain. Another solution would be to spend some time in the "Debates" forum and expose yourself to an abundance of exceedingly long threads in the vain hope that you may become immune to the effects that reading seems to have on your poor brain.

If neither of these proves satisfactory I suggest you visit your doctor and ask his advice. He may be able to prescribe you some effective painkillers to stop the headaches. He may also refer you to his honourable colleague Dr. Seuss to give you some reading experience that you may appreciate instead. I hear "The Cat in the Hat" is super.

Failing this, you could always try to find a friend with a donor card and "follow them around till they die". A brain transplant is the greatest gift a friend can give.

I wish you all the luck in overcoming this unfortunate malady.

[katox]

/Me sits in the corner with a glass of wine, occasionally injecting more caffiene into Scrambled's veins. Aahh. :)

[Playbus]

I excrete blood for fun.

Is this wrong ??

[scram]

if for fun, yes.

phew, that was easy!

[2PieR]

A Review of Scrambled's Advice and it's Effects on Things
By TwoPieR

I posted a big long huzz-whizz at about 2pm on New Years Eve about how I was going to spend NYE alone and my friends had abandonned me and I was having social problems. Scrambled replied at 4pm with some very interesting and uplifting words. The words were nice but what I didn't realise was that Scram had imbued them with magical powers. No joke of a lie.

At 5pm my telephone rang. It was an old friend who had a spare ticket to a NYE event/party thing at a local public house. It was a last minute cancellation, so I hadn't originally been invited. Anyway, now I was. That was quite insulting but Scrambled told me in his message:

Thats one of the reasons I left the forums last time. I was so wrapped up in the internet and withdrawn from my real life connections that they stopped bothering asking me to go out. Look at it from their point of view, if someone was acting withdrawn from you, you'd think they didn't like you and would feel reluctant to ask them to go out.

Be aware of this and try and force yourself to go out (even if you think the party will be shit or if you think you'll have a dreadful time)

So, I went. That's right I decided to go even though I knew I'd be ignored and it'd be shit. It wasn't. While I was there I met a girl and ended up spending quite a bit of the evening with her in one way or another, and we exchanged numbers. I also made a bunch of new mates, met a bunch of old mates and re-affirmed my mateness with them and had a great time. I was, as Scrambled had told me to be, charming and witty and funny and frankly it was amazing. It was exactly the kind of party-thing I'd felt was missing from my life and has given me a boost to help me with the new year. Even if nothing comes of this phone number here, and I doubt it will, I am much more self-assured now. Call me crazy but this advice was fresh in my mind and it's what made me say "Yes" and many other things that evening. Thankyou Scrambled.

The advice given here is not simply good advice, it's magical advice. I would advise you to post your problem here and get some advice. And hurry while stocks last, or you'll end up with katox advice which probably won't have the same magical effect (though it will nevertheless be very good) .

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by 2PieR
Thankyou Scrambled.


yay :)

this will for ever be a good thread now!

[scram]

Scrambled is magic.

FACT.

Congrats mate, I'm pleased it all worked out for you :)

[freddiestarfish]

i have the feeling that my father doesnt love me.

[scram]

And I have the feeling that my son is a constant disappointment to me.

Sometimes life throws us problems which we can't deal with and just have to accept.

Now go back to your room/basement/hole/french public lav.

[Digga]

Originally posted by Scrambled
And I have the feeling that my son is a constant disappointment to me.

Sometimes life throws us problems which we can't deal with and just have to accept.

Now go back to your room/basement/hole/french public lav.

http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/smiles/icon_monocle.gif

[katox]

Originally posted by 2PieR
And hurry while stocks last, or you'll end up with katox advice which probably won't have the same magical effect (though it will nevertheless be very good) .



No one will ever come and sit in my room of lovelyness now. :'(

[Digga]

i have one for you katox. Am i weird for drawing over all the veins in my lower right arm in marker pen because i was bored and thought it would be fun?

[scram]

Originally posted by katox
No one will ever come and sit in my room of lovelyness now. :'(

Katox advice > Scram advice

this is because she is a lady and all my female friends say that females are naturally better than us. I can't be bothered to disagree.

She's saving up her advice for special occasions ;)

You just wait

[jimeh]

I have a feeling there is something wrong.

My friends tell me that my gf is depressed and thinks she is a waste of space.
I dont know what is wrong with her
I treat her well, love her and she loves me too.
I dont know what to do with it, what to tell her and what to think.
I dont even know if iam the reason this is happening.

What shall I do?

[leeroy]

dump her, its the only safe escape, you dont want to get mixed up with a depressed teenage girlfriend trust me.

[EasyTiger]

Bad advice imho. 'dumping' her would make her more depressed, and thus in turn you'd feel crap for making her feel bad...

I suggest you try and talk to her about things, ask her if there's anything you can do to help. Find out what it is that troubles her and upsets her. Let her know you're there for her if she wants to talk. Reassuring her you arn't going anywhere will build her confidence in you and no doubt help her get over her depression...

[jimeh]

Yes but I want to help her and I'd look like a prick if I dumped her for no reason.

edit: thanks ET I think that might help.

[leeroy]

sorry misfit i was only kidding.

now what shall i do, i have some serious problems in my life, but i dont know if i should ask two people who i have never meet before and who i dont really know, but i cant ask people who do know me. should i ask you for help?

[jimeh]

Its even better if you tell us, but your friends use this forum so I wouldn't if you want them to know your secrets.

[EasyTiger]

sometimes it's easier to talk to people you don't know because there is no bias from them...

Your choice really.

[scram]

Originally posted by leeroy
sorry misfit i was only kidding.

now what shall i do, i have some serious problems in my life, but i dont know if i should ask two people who i have never meet before and who i dont really know, but i cant ask people who do know me. should i ask you for help?

for a start you should avoid posting advice to other people in this thread. Especially bad advice. Even if you were only kidding.

No offense but please don't make unnecessary or out of place posts. If you DO want to post a question then post it. If not, don't. Your previous post here could have been asked in a PM for a start instead of clogging up this thread.

Can we keep this thread on topic as much as possible please people (apology unnecessary leeroy, but feel free to post an actual problem).

[mr jones]

how do i leave the house. seriously. i used to have a social life but now i just well, cant seem to go out :( it sucks. i used to be popular. now im unkown. what can i do? i was meant to go back to college today but i just couldnt face people. i dont like the world.

[jimeh]

Have pride in yourself.
Make yourself noticable and talk to people.
Being cooked up in the house aint gonna make you mister popular.
And face the people at college and have courage to talk to them.

[Lewiji]

My gf is getting more and more distant. She insists she loves me and everything yet we seem to be talking less and less. I think it's her friends, I don't hold them in the highest esteem so they don't exactly like me. I'm pretty sure they're telling her that I'm not worth it and all that, and soon I'm afraid she'll 'dump me'. Help me!

[MissConsumed]

Well, my dilemma isn't a horribly serious one, I am really just looking for a second opinion. So I received a ring from a boyfriend like 6 years ago...dated him for 3.5 subsequent years, and now 2 boyfriends later, I am contemplating selling the ring. In fact I have an appointment to have it appraised tomorrow. The way I see it, I can't wear it without being completely insensitive to the man I'm with now, and I don't even talk to the dude that gave it to me. Also, I feel as though I have waited long enough were he to ask for it back (he hasn't), and the money I receive from it would mean a nice weekend out of town for my current bf and I. Would it really be that bad to sell the stupid thing?? My mother has been preaching to me about sentimental value and the like, but I just want to get rid of it!

Your thoughts?

[Dude]

Me gots a small problem:

Last month at a Christmas party, I asked out a girl - who happened to be one of my best friends. Well, she said no and she hasn't talked to me since. Things are getting better between us, but im not sure whats happening. The more I think about it the more depressed I get. I wish that party never happened now.:( I will be seeing her tomorow, but i'm not sure what to say. What should I do?

[scram]

Small post for the time being:

I'm not pleased with certain individuals distributing their own advice on this thread. Whilst I appreciate the sentiment and your advice may well be worthwhile, this is a thread for people to ask for advice from TWO people and to get a response from those TWO people. If you have an opinion on the problems of certain users then PM them or PM me so we can keep some semblence of structure and credibility to this thread. I don't want this to degenerate into a load of naff opinions and end up getting cheesed. I have PMed the people in question and will not be pleased if we get a repeat performance.

I'll be back on later this evening to answer some more of the problems, but until then, please bite your tongue, even if you ARE well wishing.

[Markeh]

lets keep this simple

i like girl
m8 just finished girl
i want girl
what i do?

[katox]

Originally posted by Digga
i have one for you katox. Am i weird for drawing over all the veins in my lower right arm in marker pen because i was bored and thought it would be fun?


Course you are not. You are just expressing your individuality and creativity, if doing that is weird then having your nails painted, dying your hair, or having a tattoo is weird too! Which of course it is not. Be proud of your artistic side (and take a pic and post it in my arty bods thread;)).

I thankyou.:cool:

[katox]

Originally posted by Misfit
I have a feeling there is something wrong.

My friends tell me that my gf is depressed and thinks she is a waste of space.
I dont know what is wrong with her
I treat her well, love her and she loves me too.
I dont know what to do with it, what to tell her and what to think.
I dont even know if iam the reason this is happening.

What shall I do?


Hello. :)

First of all, in my opinion your friends have no right in telling you that your girlfriend is a waste of space, if someone said that to me it would hurt a lot, like they don't respect your judgement in people, I'd question them about this before worrying about your girlfriend, as maybe they are not true friends at all.

Secondly, us girlies are very strange creatures, she may not be necessarily depressed just caught up with her hormones (time of the month and stress and stuff). You know she loves you, so why don't you be honest about how you are feeling at the moment and ask her about it too (basically what ET said, damn you ;P). Maybe she just wants some space or perhaps it is more serious and that she might need some counselling, but just be there to support her!

But please talk. Communication is the key.

Hope this helps. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by mr jones
how do i leave the house. seriously. i used to have a social life but now i just well, cant seem to go out :( it sucks. i used to be popular. now im unkown. what can i do? i was meant to go back to college today but i just couldnt face people. i dont like the world.

Hiya. :)

We all get stuck in ruts like this in one stage or other in our lives, when stopping at home rather than going out is the easy solution, but you can with self-determination get out of it. First of all take things one step at a time. If you don't feel ready for college just yet, perhaps write them a letter explaining your situation and they maybe able to give you some time off, it is worth a try at the very least and is better than being kicked off the course. Once you have done this when you feel up to it start going out for little walks, you don't have to go far like just around the block or something, somewhere where you feel comfortable basically, which isn't inside. Once you have gotten used to this perhaps wander further afield, just go as far as you feel comfortable in, hopefully you'll manage to stay out longer and longer each time. Perhaps taking up a hobby or joining a local sports team (if you are into that kinda thing) will help also as this will take your mind off being lonely and you can meet people who share an interest with you, thus making friends.

Your health is paramount. Never force yourself into situations which don't feel right. Take things one step at a time.

Hope that helps. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by MissConsumed
Well, my dilemma isn't a horribly serious one, I am really just looking for a second opinion. So I received a ring from a boyfriend like 6 years ago...dated him for 3.5 subsequent years, and now 2 boyfriends later, I am contemplating selling the ring. In fact I have an appointment to have it appraised tomorrow. The way I see it, I can't wear it without being completely insensitive to the man I'm with now, and I don't even talk to the dude that gave it to me. Also, I feel as though I have waited long enough were he to ask for it back (he hasn't), and the money I receive from it would mean a nice weekend out of town for my current bf and I. Would it really be that bad to sell the stupid thing?? My mother has been preaching to me about sentimental value and the like, but I just want to get rid of it!

Your thoughts?

Honey. It sounds like you don't want any advice at all. It seems you are just trying to get the guilt off yourself by having others tell you it is alright to do something you will probably go and do regardless of whether it is right or not.

So...

If you want to get rid of it get rid of it. Just no crying over it in years to come ok?

Hope that is what you wanted to hear. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by Dude
Me gots a small problem:

Last month at a Christmas party, I asked out a girl - who happened to be one of my best friends. Well, she said no and she hasn't talked to me since. Things are getting better between us, but im not sure whats happening. The more I think about it the more depressed I get. I wish that party never happened now.:( I will be seeing her tomorow, but i'm not sure what to say. What should I do?

Hello. :)

Lovely, we all make mistakes, you have nothing to be ashamed of, just one of those things, gotta live with it and move on, life is too short to mope on little things like that! Please for Heavens sake talk to her about it if it is getting you down, so that you can clear the air. She's probably feeling just as embarrassed, so will be a relief for both of you and just because she has turned you down once, doesn't mean she'll never accept. Just be yourself, be honest and everything will be ok.

Hope this helps. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by Markeh
lets keep this simple

i like girl
m8 just finished girl
i want girl
what i do?

Hi. :)

You like a girl? Great! But before you dive in headfirst I would do some background researching first. First of all why did your mate dump her? Is he heartbroken? Is she heartbroken? If he is I wouldn't go running into her arms straight away if I were you. Mates are more important than girlfriends/boyfriends anyday. If she is heartbroken again I would stand back to give her some time, she will be feeling raw at the moment, so will either despise boys, use you as a revenge boyfriend (showing you off in front of her ex/your mate, thus wrecking your friendship with your friend and making you feel a bit used basically) or be a 'bounceback' relationship, where basically she doesn't really know what she wants, so perhaps hurts you in the process when she realises she doesn't want you all along.

All I can say is tread very cautiously and give her a bit of time first (to get over heartbreak/suddenly being single again etc) and ask your mate if he would be cool with it before asking her out.

Hope that's ok. :)

[scram]

God bless you Katox. All fantastic pieces of advice! I'll just grab the one remaining client before you get your perfectly manicured fingernails into him ;)

Originally posted by Lewiji40k
My gf is getting more and more distant. She insists she loves me and everything yet we seem to be talking less and less. I think it's her friends, I don't hold them in the highest esteem so they don't exactly like me. I'm pretty sure they're telling her that I'm not worth it and all that, and soon I'm afraid she'll 'dump me'. Help me!

I had exactly the same problem with my last ex girlfriend. Sometimes you can start out in a relationship being totally head over heels for each other and everything is fantastic. But over time, things can often fizzle. It doesnt make either of you a bad person it's just human nature. Whilst both of you try to convince each other and yourselves that you love each other it can often be denying the truth that is that it is time to move on. It really DOES happen to everyone.

There's often a bit of a rivalry between a girl's friend's and her boyfriend. Both don't like to see the girl spending too much time with the other person and it is quite possible that her friends are badmouthing you. It's her choice as to whether she believes them or not and who she wants to be with the most. Sometimes its not always favourable for the boyfriend.

At the end of the day, you have to make the decision that we all must make: Do I carry on in a relationship where there seems to be no real love in the hope that things will change or do I get out of there. I chose the latter and am glad for it. You're still young and you have plenty of time to find the person with whom you don't feel that distance arise and don't get that fizzlage. Make the decision for yourself and make sure its the one that leaves you happiest in the long term.

You'll be fine ;)

[b_em]

I keep hurting myself.

Don't get excited, this isn't deliberate stuff. I am just too gung ho and clumsy, and I'm covered in the marks to prove it. Right now I have:

* a scar across my entire calf from getting too up close and personal with a pressure washer

*I have a badly bruised and swollen coccix (Sp?) from jumping too enthusiastically into my car forgetting it's a shitty Hyundai and theres wood in the seat just where there should be cushion

*I have a massive bruise on my right buttock - unknown origin.

* my entire body is covered in an angry red rash as a reaction to the acid I was using for the pressure washing. It stung a bit at the time (being acid), but somehow it didn't click that spending a whole day immersed from head to toe in acid might affect my skin. So now I look like I have measles. Or the black death. Or something. Maybe I do have measles. What if I have measles??

* my thighs are badly bruised from a run in with a kiosk I was dismantling in a fit of 'im as strong as any man' enthusiasm

* my wrist is swollen and bruised from falling down a flight of tiled steps. I momentarily forgot that PRESSURE WASHING MAKES STEPS WET MORON.

* my big toe on my left foot seems to be utterly devoid of feeling and movement after tonight's rather spectacular fall down a small flight of stairs involving the 180 degree rotation of said toe and the consequent 2 metre skid of bare knees across carpet.


My partner's father arrives in Brisbane on Sunday. It is the first time he has seen me in 4 years, and in that time I have put on 3 stone in weight and currently look rather like a leper. I have two questions for you to answer:

1) Do I ming?
2) Have you got a quick fix solution to make me beautiful again before his father arrives?

[Lewiji]

Well, as I expected, my gf dumped me. Thanks to your words of wisdom though, scram, it wasn't that bad. There's a little bit of feeling left in my soul-less body but I guess I have to move on. Thanks scram for helping!

[fishymcfish]

heres my problem:

i had a girlfriend and she finished me just before christmas, we hadnt been going out for long and it seemed totally out of the blue, as we were getting on fine and there weren't any problems, but i got over that pretty quickly, well i thought i did, because i hadn't seen her over the holidays and christmas took her off my mind, but then on new years eve,after a good party, it was 2 am in the morning, and we were sobering up, and then just before she left, we kissed, now i didnt know what was going on and when i talked to her about it she said it was just a spur of the moment thing, but a friend of hers said that she still liked me but just doesnt want a b/f, i think maybe shes trying to make me feel better or just messing with my head, im not sure. basically i can't get her off my mind, whatever i try, even skating, which normally totally clears my head of everything hasn't stopped me thinking about her, i dont know what i should do about it, basically im confused and am asking for help.

sorry for the bad grammer and total back and forthness too, i'm just writing as i think,

EDIT: i also realised that i often over use random phrases in everyday speech, nothing specific, just any random stuff, and i switch what they are every so often, people say it gets annoying so any help on that too would be much appreciated,

[Dude]

Originally posted by katox
Hello. :)

Lovely, we all make mistakes, you have nothing to be ashamed of, just one of those things, gotta live with it and move on, life is too short to mope on little things like that! Please for Heavens sake talk to her about it if it is getting you down, so that you can clear the air. She's probably feeling just as embarrassed, so will be a relief for both of you and just because she has turned you down once, doesn't mean she'll never accept. Just be yourself, be honest and everything will be ok.

Hope this helps. :)

Thanks.

I did just that, and found out why she hates me. Its because of her ex, I told him that I was going to ask her out and he got there first, he then said to me 2 weeks later that he couldn't be botherd with her any more, I told her, she dumped him, I went for it, she said no, he said to her that I was lying and thats why she hates me. Today, I asked her about it and she said that thats what happened, I said that it wasn't a lie and now were at least talking again. Well its a start isn't it.

I will find it really hard not to hit mark (her ex) on friday at air cadets for being such a toss pot and telling her that im a lier. I will have to talk to her again about this but until then, thanks.

[scram]

Originally posted by b_em
I have two questions for you to answer:

1) Do I ming?
2) Have you got a quick fix solution to make me beautiful again before his father arrives?
You're a clumsy bint emily but you most certainly do not ming. :)

Therefore, by default I do not need to give you a quick fix solution to make you beautiful sweety. Just put on some of your best lippy and some nice clothes and you'll be fine.

At the end of the day, your man still thinks you are beautiful and that's all that matters. Who cares what his old man thinks (he's probably VERY jealous of his son)


*hugs*


Originally posted by fishymcfish2002
heres my problem:

i had a girlfriend and she finished me just before christmas, we hadnt been going out for long and it seemed totally out of the blue, as we were getting on fine and there weren't any problems, but i got over that pretty quickly, well i thought i did, because i hadn't seen her over the holidays and christmas took her off my mind, but then on new years eve,after a good party, it was 2 am in the morning, and we were sobering up, and then just before she left, we kissed, now i didnt know what was going on and when i talked to her about it she said it was just a spur of the moment thing, but a friend of hers said that she still liked me but just doesnt want a b/f, i think maybe shes trying to make me feel better or just messing with my head, im not sure. basically i can't get her off my mind, whatever i try, even skating, which normally totally clears my head of everything hasn't stopped me thinking about her, i dont know what i should do about it, basically im confused and am asking for help.

sorry for the bad grammer and total back and forthness too, i'm just writing as i think,

EDIT: i also realised that i often over use random phrases in everyday speech, nothing specific, just any random stuff, and i switch what they are every so often, people say it gets annoying so any help on that too would be much appreciated,

Girls/Women can be very confusing beasts at times. One minute you can think you know exactly where you are with them and the next minute you're totally at a loss. Similarly you can spend a long time trying to figure a particular lady out and when you finally think you have them sussed they throw you a curveball that you knocks you for six. Some advice I can give all men (which I seldom take myself) is to avoid trying to read too much into women. We were never meant to speak their language and a hell of a lot can be lost in translation. Rest assured it's probably similar on their side (although I maintain it's not as bad!). ;)

The teen years are the hardest and its often very difficult to know what one wants. Sometimes you can think that you want something more than friendship and then suddenly your head tells you to get out of there. It's rare to find long lasting relationships with teenagers for this very fact. It's something I've experienced myself from both sides of a relationship/friendship. If I'm being honest, I don't think she's trying to make you better OR trying to mess with your head. I just think she's confused about what she wants at the moment and you're getting caught in the crossfire.

There are a few angles to look at this.

One is to chalk it up to experience and realise that in the grand scheme of things, these little complications and seemingly unconventional events are what makes your life yours. They happen to everyone and you WILL look back on them with a warmth of "those were the teenage years" in days to come. There's no need to be worried about being tied down in any kind of relationships when you're young. You could just change your perspective and have fun. If things happen with this girl then they happen, just put up a wall and don't let it get you panicky.

Another way, if you're unable to look at the world that way (admittedly - like me) is to just take control of the situation and not let it dwell on your mind. Confront her properly. Tell her that you don't appreciate being messed around and make sure you know what you want and TELL her. Either she wants something or she doesn't and she can't have it both ways. She may be confused but it doesnt mean she has the right to play you around like this. It's likely she will turn round and say that, no, she doesn't want anything to happen and she'll make sure it won't happen again but you never know, she may open up and let you know why she's been acting like this. Either way, it lets you sleep at night again. :)

It's up to you, but whatever happens, remember there are plenty of women out there and not nearly enough time for them all ;)

You'll find your place :)

I hope things work out for you mate

[edit] the other problem isnt so much a problem, just part of who you are. If you are really bothered enough about changing it then just make sure you catch yourself every time you say something like "whatever it is you say" and mentally tell yourself not to do it again. With a bit of time you can break the habit. Incidentally the same works if you want to start using a particular word more often - if you miss the chance to say it then make a mental note that it would have been good to say or do something then. It's a bit weird, but with practise, one can sculpt their social skills into whatever they want without changing who you are :)

[fishymcfish]

sorry for bumping (edit, it used to say bumbing) this, but i just wanted to sasy thanks for both pieces of advice, the one about my speech is already working, its just certain silly phrases, but i have cut down on saying them,

as for the girl, i think i'm just gonna leave it, i'm trying to occupy myself all of the time to stop thinking about it, i know she knows i like her and i think if she wants something, then she will know what she can do,

so thanks for the advice its really helped, i already +'ed the response,

[scram]

Good move mate, you'll go far ;)

Let HER do the running if she wants to :D

[scram]

BUMP0RED!

Oi you tartes!

It's revision season and I need something to do... other than revision!

I fail to believe that there are people out there without problems that need solving. Even if it is "Dear Mr. Scrambled I can't make a half decent post on this forum!" Surely there are a lot of you who could ask for help on THAT!

Come on! Give me some problems!!!

[Dr_nwa]

dear scram.
i am having problems revising. there is this wierd orange coloured place that seems to take up all of my time. it has taken over my life and i never get any revision done. please help me,
yours,
Furtive anxious poster. (FAP)

[Ouroboros]

Dear Mr Scrambled,

Not much of a problem, but I thought I'd give you something to do ;)

I cannot get up in the mornings. Actually, this is half of my problem, which I'll come to later. In the holidays (I go to school in year 9) I always sleep in to at LEAST 11:30, often much later, up to 3 pm. During school time, I have to get up at 7:30 at the latest. I always set my two alarm clocks for 7, I wake up, and think, "I've got a few minutes. I'll just lie here for 5 mins", and then I'm asleep. When I am finally forced out of bed, I am tired, often falling asleep in the car on the way to school. I am then a grumpy bitch all the way till lunch time. Everything and everyone pisses me off. I have to refrain myself from giving some of the more trying teachers a good bitchslapping. After lunch, I just am tired again, and (especially if I have Ancient Greek, don't know why this is) occasionally start to drop off in lessons again. By the end of school, I am fine.

But come 10 pm and beddy byes, I just cannot get to sleep. Never have been able to. I always lie there till at least 2 am until I drop off. Not doing anything. Just lying there. And guess what? I'm tired again in the morning!

Do you have any recommendations? Anything at all would be much appreciated.

[Ouroboros]

*bump*

Does no one care?

*sob*

[ZekeyLizard]

Originally posted by Dumples
*bump*

Does no one care?

*sob*

What the moose?
Why in the name of corn and testicles would such fleece be had?

As for you nightime problems.
I suggest more sleep.
Then again, I am not wise Scrambled and he probably knows more than I.

[scram]

Originally posted by Dumples
Dear Mr Scrambled,

Not much of a problem, but I thought I'd give you something to do ;)

I cannot get up in the mornings. Actually, this is half of my problem, which I'll come to later. In the holidays (I go to school in year 9) I always sleep in to at LEAST 11:30, often much later, up to 3 pm. During school time, I have to get up at 7:30 at the latest. I always set my two alarm clocks for 7, I wake up, and think, "I've got a few minutes. I'll just lie here for 5 mins", and then I'm asleep. When I am finally forced out of bed, I am tired, often falling asleep in the car on the way to school. I am then a grumpy bitch all the way till lunch time. Everything and everyone pisses me off. I have to refrain myself from giving some of the more trying teachers a good bitchslapping. After lunch, I just am tired again, and (especially if I have Ancient Greek, don't know why this is) occasionally start to drop off in lessons again. By the end of school, I am fine.

But come 10 pm and beddy byes, I just cannot get to sleep. Never have been able to. I always lie there till at least 2 am until I drop off. Not doing anything. Just lying there. And guess what? I'm tired again in the morning!

Do you have any recommendations? Anything at all would be much appreciated.

To be honest I have exactly the same problem.

I hardly ever go to sleep before 3am and, unless forced, seldom rise before noon. During term time, I often get around 4 hours sleep a night which makes it almost impossible to understand lectures. The thing is, it's a cycle which you have to break the hard way. I find that if I am awake during the late hours i'm invariably on the putar. Thus, if you're really bothered, and this is the same problem with you, turn off the machine. Make yourself. Set a time like midnight and be firm with yourself that you'll keep it. It's a case of being able to instill an attitude in your mind where you will feel guilt if you break your own promises to yourself. Or say if you go over your time then you haven't been strong enough to meet a simple target. Go to bed and have a read of a book. I know I'm ready to sleep once I realise I have read an entire page without taking any of it in. :)

At first you still will find it difficult to get back to sleep at a reasonable hour, but with practise you can reset your body clock to the time that you want.

I apologise that this seems like really shit advice but it's something I'm not particularly good at myself!

Just try and develop a personal strength to motivate yourself to sort it out and you'll be fine :)

[katox]

..add on to Scrambled reply(:)) :

Try having a nice warm drink before bed and generally unwinding your body down - listening to relaxing music, reading a book, gentle exercise etc, nothing to stimulative and never ever have a heavy meal before going to bed as your body will be wanting to break it down, so keeping you up longer!

What I sometimes do to fall asleep is tensing up then loosening every part of my body whilst breathing deeply (most of the time we only use half of our lung capacity as we are so tensed up). I start from my toes and work my way up clenching then releasing every muscle so that in the end it feels like I am floating. Really is a lovely feeling.

I also put a few drops of lavender oil onto my pillow, which also makes me fall into the land of nod in no time at all.:)

If things don't seem to be getting any better thought I suggest maybe going to the doctor for further advice, but only if none of this works.

xx

[I AM SHEEP]

Dear Mr Scrambled and/or Ms Katox,

I...can...not...stop...washing...my...hands....

[scram]

BUMP

I'm assuming that you're a filthy liar seeing as you appear to have typed a message to me. To do so, you must have stopped washing your hands. Checkmate. I wash my hands of you (get it? *snort*)

Ok kids, the House of Pain is back and IT'S STICKY!

Come to myself and the lovely Katox with your worries an we'll do our best to help you out. Otherwise give us feedback on how things are going. I remind users that this thread is intended for myself and Katox to give advice, not others. Of course, you are welcome to offer help and advice but please keep it to a PM. It would be nice to have some structure to this thread.

NEXT!

[Mister Ben]

Well...my problem is not a large one, but it would make me a lot happier if I had it fixed.

I have cultivated boredom to an art form.

I spend all of my time quietly keeping the pillars that hold my life up in working order and wasting time. Last holiday, for example, for the last few days, I was twiddling my thumbs waiting for school to start again so I could see my friends again. Now that it has started I have spent most of it quietly doing homework and passing time until the next holidaywhen I can rest. I have a good amount of fun, and am relatively happy, but so very bored, and somehow unsatisfied.
I feel like I am achieving nothing at all, and that tomorrow, even a month from now, I will be no better or wiser than I am now. I don't get any new friends and most of the stuff I buy is more time-wasting, e.g. games.

I also suffer from a major problem linked to the above - I am essentially lazy. I do only what I have to do, basketball is the only exception. And I do what I have to do before tomorrow at 9:30 tonight until about 11:30 if I'm unlucky, then wake up the following morning at 6:50, about seven hours later where I need ten. This has added up over time and now I have a good deal of natural grumpiness from minor sleep deprivation. Added to the boredom and various irritations, this makes me generally annoyed, annoying other people...and so on.

So there you have it...two smallish problems that combined really get me down.
Thanks in advance (even though I hate it when people hate you in advance)

[Dr-Electro]

My feet hurt. They hurt so badly that they keep me awake at night. My doctor thinks that everything is caused by diabetes, even in the face of evidence that this is not the case. I am stuck with this doc because all my medical is with the Veterans Administration. I am too poor to have private medical. I think the situation sucks raw sewage through a wide-mouthed straw.

The real problem comes in when my thrashing and leaping with pain in the bed wakes my wife from a deep sleep. She gets very unhappy about this and that's totally understandable. So, I either start abusing the painkillers, which I do not want to do, or I sit in my chair in the front room all night and give up sleeping in bed.

It makes me want to scream and shout and cry like a little kid, sometimes. Then, I remember that I'm supposed to be the toughest badass in the valley of the shadow of death and give up on the screaming and such. Then, I suffer in silence and sit in the front room all night.

Any ideas that don't involve suicide or illegal drugs?

[b_em]

My father in law is too hairy.

His wife does not know how to clean a shower.

They have been staying with us for a fortnight now and today went away on a four day holiday. I ventured into the bathroom we have given them to use, and the shower and bath were under a 2mm layer of soap scum, which was regularly punctuated with his chest hairs or worse. It took a whole bottle of disinfectant to clean.

Also I discovered that the wet wipes I have been emptying from their bathroom bin are not as I thought, face wipes, but are actually 'Carefree Intimate Wipes'.

Please help me.

[vampiress]

i am completely unmotivated. i wake up at 6am or 7, but i feel no need to get up or leave the house. then i often start feeling quite ill. if i actually bother to get up, i eventually feel better. i'm not sleeping well because the neighbors of doom thump around upstairs and keep the radio/tv turned up loud at all hours.

i'm a mess.

[Ferret Pie]

Try inviting some rock stars over to your house (unless your neighbours love rock, then use rap stars) and get them to play really loud music right by the wall, to piss off those neighbours.

[dead]

my head hurts.

[Dr-Electro]

*WHACK!*

Dead's head hurts. :D

My feet hurt. Vampie can't sleep because of obnoxious, incnsiderate neighbors. Maybe we all need to move into a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere together. If the place isn't quiet enough, we will have nobody to blame but ourselves.

Whatcha think, kids?

*rubs Dead's head*

[scram]

Hurrah, stuff to do. Let us begin.

Originally posted by Mister Ben
Well...my problem is not a large one, but it would make me a lot happier if I had it fixed.

I have cultivated boredom to an art form.

I spend all of my time quietly keeping the pillars that hold my life up in working order and wasting time. Last holiday, for example, for the last few days, I was twiddling my thumbs waiting for school to start again so I could see my friends again. Now that it has started I have spent most of it quietly doing homework and passing time until the next holidaywhen I can rest. I have a good amount of fun, and am relatively happy, but so very bored, and somehow unsatisfied.
I feel like I am achieving nothing at all, and that tomorrow, even a month from now, I will be no better or wiser than I am now. I don't get any new friends and most of the stuff I buy is more time-wasting, e.g. games.

I also suffer from a major problem linked to the above - I am essentially lazy. I do only what I have to do, basketball is the only exception. And I do what I have to do before tomorrow at 9:30 tonight until about 11:30 if I'm unlucky, then wake up the following morning at 6:50, about seven hours later where I need ten. This has added up over time and now I have a good deal of natural grumpiness from minor sleep deprivation. Added to the boredom and various irritations, this makes me generally annoyed, annoying other people...and so on.

So there you have it...two smallish problems that combined really get me down.
Thanks in advance (even though I hate it when people hate you in advance)

I'm gonna be honest mate. You've just described myself at your age and a less serious version of what I am today. Yes, tis correct, I am in the same state now but worse. I get by, only ever doing things when they need to be done and am annoyingly lazy. I am DEFINITELY in a worse position to you regarding sleep. As it happens, you only need 8 hours of sleep per night, not 10. Unfortunately I rarely find myself getting to sleep before 3am and invariably my alarm will go off at 7.30am. It has become routine now, unfortunately, and I survive with this amount of sleep only by taking afternoon naps when I can or by losing my Saturdays to a day of sleep. It's not big and it's not clever, but it's the way I am at the moment.

So why am I harping on about myself being worse than you instead of giving you advice? Is it because I have an ego the size of Kenya and love to talk about myself? Is it because I want to belittle your problem? No. To be honest, it's to give you some perspective as to what can happen if you don't change things. I'm not the laziest person in the world by far, but if it's not something I enjoy doing then I find motivation impossible. It's one of those things which I am fairly confident that I know how to improve but simply haven't.

Vampy, I'm going to answer yours in this as well as I think that both problems are intrinsically linked.

Self motivation is a bitch. People are paid reams and reams to be motivational gurus to get results out of poor schmoes like you and I. The trick is to become your own motivational guru. That sounds stupid and ridiculous but it really is the best way to describe it. You see, the best person to go to for help in this crazy world is yourself and if you can develop the personal strength to help yourself then you will reap the benefits. I look back on it now and laugh, but a few years ago, in high school, I motivated myself with three simple words - Take the Brunt. It would normally be physical things but it would work for anything if I decided I wanted to be motivated for it. I would just say to myself "Take the Brunt!" and I'd be off. It was effectively implanting a drill sergeant in my brain which I could turn on or off at will. Said drill sergeant is now long gone and I'm back to my old ways, but he worked while he was around.

If you both (vampy and ben) can develop this new attitude, I think you will find that you see results. Setting yourself VERY short term, RIDICULOUSLY achievable goals (get out of bed, walk out the front door, slap the postman) then developing a distaste for failing these goals is the key. It's the same principle as the agenda/list system I described in an earlier post. Break it down so small that you need very little motivation to complete each minute task.

I hope you have better luck than me ;)

[plattbridger]

Hmmm I suppose my problems could be summed up as girlfriend problems but I’m not really sure how to describe my situation so I’ll just say how I got to where I am- gather round and I shall tell you all a merry tale… :p

2003 started off as a pretty good year I got in what I suppose was my first proper serious meaningful relationship with a girl who I’ll call H for now. Things where really good though she had been messed around a bit by her last ex apparently who just ignored/avoided her for a month and basically abused his position and knowledge of her until she confronted him so she was understandably a little cautious with me to begin with etc.

After a few months things were fine, until rumours started to be spread around college about H and her ex but I stood by her even though quite a few of my close friends were not exactly on my side. This went of for about a fortnight and didn’t really make college life very enjoyable until we all just agreed to forget about it.

Then pretty much the day after it settled down, my uncle was killed and he wasn’t just my uncle but my dads identical twin brother, the shock and upset put my grandma into hospital so as you can imagine my family situation wasn’t too great and I didn’t really bother to tell anyone at college as things were still tense. The funeral was only a few days before the start of my final exams and with visiting my grandma in hospital and my aunt and everything I didn’t have much time really to get much revision in and not too surprisingly I didn’t end up doing too well in my exams although I still managed to get into my first choice university with the grades I got (just to prove my madness the insurance place I chose had higher entry requirements than my 1st choice so that was kind of lucky :D).

The family situation did not get much better over the summer either my grandma lost her sister to cancer and my aunt not only lost her husband but went on to loose both her parents that year and she was having trouble with her 21 year old daughters. So things were for the most part tense and down but I never really bothered H too much with all this as she had been collapsing a lot and the doctors first suggested heart problems then epilepsy so obviously I stood by her through all that. I didn't really get any holidays either to try and relax in instead I was left at home alone for 2 months to work over the summer whilst the rest of the family went off.

There was one good thing though and that was that H and me were both going to universities in Manchester, which is about 16 miles from where we live. Even so I worried that we might grow apart and all that but H assured me that that wouldn’t happen and that we’d always talk if things changed.

Anyway the heavily abridged version of the next 3 months is once we started uni I basically stopped getting texts off H or anything else, she never asked to see me and I had to stand outside her halls or lecture buildings to see her, whenever we were together she’d just be talking about what her and her new friends had got up to, things that I was never included in. I’d be trying to meet up with her only to be told she’d gone back home etc I never knew where she was or what she was doing and I obviously got the distinct impression I was just being rubbed out. I tried several times to try and get us to talk about it but nothing ever came of it.

This, uni problems, the inquest into my uncles death starting and everything else that had happened that year was slowly getting on top of me and I just really wanted to talk to her and sort everything out but I couldn’t and i just felt like i was loosing my mind. She’d just walked out on me and washed her hands of me so after about 3 months I didn’t see much choice but to dump her, at the end of November. Then we kinda got back together somehow and although I knew it couldn’t work I still needed to talk and find out what happened etc but as it turned out she just used it as an excuse to dump me a week later and I’ve not seen her or heard from her (even though I have to go past her halls etc pretty much everyday) since she marched me out of her halls... after I'd explained to her I couldn’t "just go" because you need a card to get in and out, lol she just seemed to turn into some sort of monster.

I don’t miss her or still love her and I don’t think I’m in denial but the way she treated me for 3 months and that we went from having something that seemed like the real thing to nothing despite me trying so hard still hurts. I’d stood by her no matter what, through allsorts not even mentioned here and when I needed her she just walked out on me without the guts to say anything and it can still hurt a lot and I don’t know why. It seems like one of those things you don't get over but just move on from but I don’t seem to be able to move on or have anywhere to move on to.

I always try and put other people first and look out for my friends and family and try and see the bright side (I don't type lol all the time for no reason) but I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut I can’t really see anyway out and I dunno how I'd be able to find someone new and be fine again. I get the feeling I’ve entered my wilderness years and I’ll emerge in my mid forties with a big car, office job and a Labrador. Though from what I've gathered H is now living it up with a Greek lad from uni called Andreas.

Some well nearly most days now I'm fine but last year is always in the back of my mind bearing down and I've never really had the opportunity to sort it out or talk about it ergo this has turned into a hell of a wild ramble. Hell to top it off my rabbit died just before Christmas, which this year just seemed to completely pass me by. And now the trial of my uncle’s killer is getting going again.


So I suppose my problem is the mess 2003 has left me in and adjusting to being pretty much completely alone with no one there to help me sort it out. I suppose a good slap is all I need. *rocks back and forth*

[scram]

Originally posted by Dr-Electro
My feet hurt. They hurt so badly that they keep me awake at night. My doctor thinks that everything is caused by diabetes, even in the face of evidence that this is not the case. I am stuck with this doc because all my medical is with the Veterans Administration. I am too poor to have private medical. I think the situation sucks raw sewage through a wide-mouthed straw.

The real problem comes in when my thrashing and leaping with pain in the bed wakes my wife from a deep sleep. She gets very unhappy about this and that's totally understandable. So, I either start abusing the painkillers, which I do not want to do, or I sit in my chair in the front room all night and give up sleeping in bed.

It makes me want to scream and shout and cry like a little kid, sometimes. Then, I remember that I'm supposed to be the toughest badass in the valley of the shadow of death and give up on the screaming and such. Then, I suffer in silence and sit in the front room all night.

Any ideas that don't involve suicide or illegal drugs?

Well for a start, suicide or illegal drugs aren't solutions to anything I can think of right now so I'm gonna say no on those fronts.

Doc, you're one of the nicest guys on this forum and, from what I gather, a tough feller. The medical system over here is different from over there in the States but one fact remains the same - your doctor is there to sort these problems out. If he's dismissing it as diabetes and it clearly isn't, then the guy is a buffoon and not doing his job. You need to make him realise this too. EVERYONE has a right to good healthcare, ESPECIALLY veterans. The fact that you are being treated so badly is an outrage and it sure as criminy doesn't make you any less of a man if you make a fuss about it. Don't suffer, get the service you deserve! If this doctor doesn't work for you then he will have a superior who should hear that your doctor isn't doing his job.

I hate complaining and kicking up a fuss and I know firsthand the mentality of "I'll put up with it for now." However, you're going to have to stand up (pun not intended!) for your own good.

No one deserves to put up with such pain.

[katox]

Originally posted by b_em
My father in law is too hairy.

His wife does not know how to clean a shower.

They have been staying with us for a fortnight now and today went away on a four day holiday. I ventured into the bathroom we have given them to use, and the shower and bath were under a 2mm layer of soap scum, which was regularly punctuated with his chest hairs or worse. It took a whole bottle of disinfectant to clean.

Also I discovered that the wet wipes I have been emptying from their bathroom bin are not as I thought, face wipes, but are actually 'Carefree Intimate Wipes'.

Please help me.


Tie him up, gag him, then go crazy with the wax.....mmmm.

Ok, ok maybe a bad idea ~thinks about waxing hairy father in laws bottom~ ~shudders~ :P.

I would delicately raise the subject (putting on your best smile) with his wife (mother in law, I'm presuming), saying something like you love it when they come to stay but you just have one request - could they rinse out the bath/shower after use AS it makes it easier to clean. *

The intimate wipes thing you might just have to live with. Just put on a pair of rubber gloves and a nose peg... be fiiine. ;D


*If you end up with having your in-laws as enemies, don't sue me! :O

[Rogue]

no matter how hard i try I cannot travel into another dimension. I am beginning to suspect i am going to be stuck on earth for my entire life. HELP!

[Dr-Electro]

Rogue, go to the Reindeer Inn, head down the wine cellar stairs and keep going down until you reach my dungeon. I will wet up a portal for you and you can have a tear through all the different dimensions you wish.

If you need a tourguide, you will have to wait until the pub closes and ride with me to the new one. I love having company during the moves.

Scrambled, you are right about everything you say. Getting to the next level up with the VA is quite difficult, but at my next Dr. visit, Friday, I will start the ball rolling.

Cheers and thanks again.

[Spoo]

Dear Scram and Kat,

I seem to have misplaced my identity.

At highschool I never really tried to develop a projection of my 'self', I was happy to play the role of the 'grey man'. Neither part of the elite 'cool' kids nor part of the nerds, geeks or greebos. My only minor fame (and the thing that held off the beatings) being my participation in the Rugby team (as a second row forward) and my short lived career as a 400 meter sprinter. My hair was cut ocassionaly in the style of the time and outside of school i dressed for comfort with no sense of image.

When i reached college to study for my BTEC National Diploma in Media i decided that hiding amongst the sea of faces would get me nowhere. I choose the course partly through a vague desire to become a journalist but mainly because nobody i knew was taking it. College seemed like the kind of place i wanted to go and start working out who 'me' was. Sixth Form and A-Levels seemed to be an extension of school and all the cliques and elitism that came with that. College seemed more relaxed and seemed to offer the chance to become an 'arty' creative type.

Like most teenagers my love of music began to shape my personality. I learnt the guitar which let me into the world of being a musician. I started to listen to rock and grunge. My day to day uniform becoming cheap ripped black jeans, Caterpillar boots and a rotation of Nirvana and Kula Shaker t-shirts.

I had always read books (fantasy mostly) but i kept my love of magic, dragons and knights relativley secret from my peers.

I discovered tv and video making at college and quickly set aside my ideas of journalism for dreams of directing and film making.

I began to forge my projection of who i was. A musician, a music lover, a film maker, a thinker. Happy i was with the way i was shaping up. But then something happend that seems to have continued throughout my life. I noticed that there was always someone else who was more strongly into things than i was. My status as a music lover was overshadowed by all the people who could afford to buy more cd's than me, people who seemed to think useless beatles trivia made them superior. Most people seemed to be more 'arty' than me. I decided to persue my interest in the therioes of the mass media and my status as a muscian. I worked hard at college and spent all my money on guitars. I developed a strong understanding in the discliplens of media theory and cultural studies. I learnt how to improvise the blues. Yet i always felt overshadowed by my peers. Being intersted in matters academic made me a bit unsual amongst the grunge/rock/indie kids and to them it all stunk far to much of effort. My guitar playing improved and my love of the blues continued, yet this was never recognised by my peers. 'He's not a proper guitarist because he hadly knows any Nirvana songs'.

My college years where shakey at best. I drifted in and out of alchol and drug fuelled depressions and resigened myself to being in the background of my peer group. My first attempt at university made me forget academia. My best friend and i went to london and was suduced by the indie and rock clubs that were scattered around central london. Our university course was so bad we never went in. We wrote off the year as a bad job and decided to start again. Rock clubs became our lives. We would try to find a new one every night, we would get home at 4 am sleep thorugh the day and head back out. I got into heavier music. My trademark became my baggy jeans, chains, purple hair and skateboard. I started buying CD's and built up a collection of heavy albums and angry music. Being in a duo instead of a large group meant i was no longer overshadowed. To survive socially we had to compliment each others personalitys not overshadow each other.

I took this new formed identity with me to my next university. and managed to keep it for most of my 3 years. I had to stop dying my hair purple because of work. I settled for black. Unfortunatley the way i dressed and what i listened to marked me as an outsider. The people on my course were all trendy 'media types'. This did however, in my mind, make my identity stronger. I was the unusual skater bloke with the baggy trousers that had allready been studying media for 3 years nad knew what he was doing. I was reputed to be a bit of a stoner and a slacker yet seemed to score highish grades with low effort.

So after that long ramble we come to now. I feel to old for my clothes and not civilised enough to grow up. I'm not as clever as i thought i was now that all my friends have degrees (and some of them Phd's). Work leaves me too tired for gigs. The kids seem to have taken my rock clubs away from me and made them trendy. My baggy jeans brand me a fraud because i lack the piercings, tattoos and youth. The kind of clothes i used to wear would be bought cheap at markets and at gigs. The designers and shops seem to have taken it all and branded it pricing me out of where i want to be.

Should i cling to my old perceptions of me? Even though it seems hollow and false now? Or is it time to start forging something new? When does it end? Do we ever know who it is we are? I say i despise the comercialisation of couter-culture and the mindless sheep-like behaviour of our nation, but why does a part of me still cry out for acceptance?

Sorry for the ramble,

Spooneh

[Rogue]

Originally posted by Dr-Electro
Rogue, go to the Reindeer Inn, head down the wine cellar stairs and keep going down until you reach my dungeon. I will wet up a portal for you and you can have a tear through all the different dimensions you wish.



I thought you were going to tell me to stop at the wine cellar:p

i am impressed you can set up portals!

[scram]

Rogue, seriously, if you aren't going to bring anything useful to this thread, don't post in it. Thanks.

Plattbringer, thank you very much for taking the time to post such a detailed account to me. It's nice to get all the facts :) Where to start though?

As far as the relationship thing is concerned, you truly have no idea how close an experience to that I have had. Even down to the H! For a moment I thought that we had both fallen afoul of the same woman until I read about the university she went to! Anyway the basic story from my point of view is as follows. We were involved in a close relationship, my first "serious" one. We were so close for the early part, seeing each other every day and constantly sending each other those putridly soppy text messages, you know the ones! She had her own problems which I won't go into but I was always there for her. Being there for her involved a certain amount of restraint as well as dedication due to the circumstances. I commited myself to helping her through her problems and being as understanding as I could.

When she went to university, things changed. I got hardly any contact in comparison to before she left, and when I went to visit her, her friends seemed more important to her than I did. A few weeks later she came back to stay with me and I surprised her with a meal out and a night at the theatre. She really didn't seem bothered about it and I just began to realise how imbalanced our relationship was. I was giving her support, love, dedication and a partner and in return she was giving me close to zip. She seemed pretty excited about getting away from me and we began to fall out.

I soon realised that I had been compensating for her for too long. I had told myself that her lack of love was because of some of her problems. However, it wasn't fair on myself. It's all well and good to be there to support someone but relationships need to work both ways. Ours wasn't, so after ending up feeling totally unloved, I tried to talk to her asking her to try and love me more. As I suspected this didn't work and she made it a very messy break up accusing me of things I will never forget. Think guilt trip but super size it. I cried for days.

I enjoyed being single for a long time. I didn't want to get involved with anyone and so spent several months avoiding anyone who wanted relationships. In retrospect, I'm glad because I am very happy now with someone unique and extremely special to me. It is a fact of life that we ALL hit low periods in our life when we feel things will not improve and that nothing will change, but I look back on the last 4 years of my life and consider how my life has changed radically with each passing year and how many unexpected experiences I have had to shape me into who I am today. You may say I can't guarantee that you will find someone better but I disagree. You are clearly a good guy with a big heart and a maturity about relationships beyond your years. There are women out there looking for someone just like you and you WILL find one of them. It will probably happen when and where you least expect it ;) life has a funny habit of doing that, believe me!

As far as your experiences with loss over the last year I can only sympathise. The ordeal with your uncle's death is tragic and I wish yourself and your family my best throughout the upcoming months. I, too, have experienced a significant amount of loss in my life through different situations and will experience more of it. It's a sad fact of life that it is such a fragile thing and death drags a wake of grief behind which affects all who were close to the person. However you are not alone.

I stress that fact again. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are a significant number of people on this forum who have been through similar things or things which have caused the same grief which you feel. That's just this forum and the people I am fortunate to know on it. You'll be surprised how many people will be there for you if you let them know you need support. I extend an offer to talk if you ever wish, I've managed to get fairly good at listening ;)

2004 WILL be better mate, I know it will. Once the court case is over and things are somewhat laid to rest, I am confident you will see changes for the better. Believe it yourself, it will definitely help. :D

[plattbridger]

:eek: Thanks! Yea that is scarily similar! Thanks mate that’s genuinely helped with my mind set and stuff :) I would like to find someone else but I’ve been putting it off but hopefully everything will be sorted by the end of this year I’m certainly hoping and trying to make sure it will be a better one. Thank you again for your advice and offer!

If you ever need a testimonial I can safely say you do a brilliant job :D

[Mister Ben]

*realises I haven't said thanks yet*

thanks!

many + all round

and if you ever get really bored and decide to answer a forummic problem, how do you/does one get so much cash?
I get very few - rates, but simply not enough + rates, posts, or threads to get any real amount. I spend most of my time in the Cause, where posts don't add to your total.
This is also why I am still a mini-pie when I have posted a total of 689 times.

[Rogue]

Originally posted by Scrambled
[B]Rogue, seriously, if you aren't going to bring anything useful to this thread, don't post in it. Thanks.

]

what on earth? seriously. I asked a question about a problem. It was a slightly tongue in cheek one. But no more so than one about a guy with too much body hair.

and then i made a comment on the 'advice' electro offered me.

I am sorry my question was not up to your obviously superior expectations for this thread.

[Destrukto]

http://www.xs4all.nl/~ubu365/backontopic1.gif

That is all

[Spoo]

I hope the off-topicness hasn't made you miss my post!

I await your sage-like advice...

[Mat^]

Just a reminder that there is another thread like this set up in the cause that is basicly dead, help it out if you can.


thank you for listening.

[Pee]

i hate myself, gave up on love, etc etc etc
can you help me?

[Dude]

Dear Kram and/or Scat :p

I have a problem.

I am a really big flirt. Girls love me. But I haven't had a serious relationship for 4 years. What should I do?

(And yes i'm serious)

[mini_ninja_pir8]

i need ur help

my mum/mom(whateva) constantly puts me down and makes me really worthless, i constantly get told my clothes/hair looks bad, while i have to kiss her arse everyday, she makes me do everything, while she does nothing, and i cant say anything against her otherwise id get my arse kicked, and get told im backchatting, then id be in for a severe beating, im 14, and she calls me a little girl and a kid, yet i feel so much mature and i feel really bad if i do one little thing wrong and she makes a huge deal out of it, i cry myself to sleep nearly everynight because of what she says, i really wanna run away from her and her clutch...

can you help me?

-mini

[katox]

Do not panic! I will answer some of your problems tomorrow. But first I must sleep.


~huggles you all~

[scram]

Originally posted by Spooneh
So after that long ramble we come to now. I feel to old for my clothes and not civilised enough to grow up. I'm not as clever as i thought i was now that all my friends have degrees (and some of them Phd's). Work leaves me too tired for gigs. The kids seem to have taken my rock clubs away from me and made them trendy. My baggy jeans brand me a fraud because i lack the piercings, tattoos and youth. The kind of clothes i used to wear would be bought cheap at markets and at gigs. The designers and shops seem to have taken it all and branded it pricing me out of where i want to be.

Should i cling to my old perceptions of me? Even though it seems hollow and false now? Or is it time to start forging something new? When does it end? Do we ever know who it is we are? I say i despise the comercialisation of couter-culture and the mindless sheep-like behaviour of our nation, but why does a part of me still cry out for acceptance?

Sorry for the ramble,

Spooneh
Spoons, mate.

Sorry it has taken so long to reply to your post. After my first read through I remember smiling to myself for no particular reason. Whether it was because I empathised with you or because it was a well written and genuinely interesting account I don't know. All I know is that it has taken me some time to figure out how to reply to it.

So here goes.

I think you are one of the most unique and interesting people I have met through this board and I barely know you. You are clearly a very intelligent guy but you also have strong roots in your own branch of culture. People often like to classify people or put them in boxes - smart people, funny people, cool people, annoying people, etc. I'd have a hard time finding a box for you if I were that way inclined, Spooneh, and that is no bad thing.

From an early age, acceptance is something which we all strive for. From our families, from our peers, whoever. Young children exhibit this subconscious desire through imitation. It's basic tribal nature to conform to your surroundings and far too many people allow their own opinions to be shaped for them. Most recently this has been shown to me by my housemate who almost killed himself with alcohol because he didn't want to lose face in front of his "friends" (see my blog).

Personally, I've battled with a desire to be my own person and the desire to be accepted. I actively have discouraged myself from acting under peer pressure and have changed friends when I have felt that they wouldn't respect my own decisions. Now, in my second year of uni, I appreciate the fact that i go against the norms of all my social groups. I don't drink as much as the medics, I am more artistic than my coursemates, I'm more party-inclined than many of the members of my society. I'm not really involved in any cliques though, but this is not a problem to me.

When you think about it, humans ARE very inclined to follow tribal nature. Football supporters are a good example of this. Football hooliganism being the prime example of when people try to act on behalf of their tribe for acceptance and unity. Everyone likes to belong to a particular group of people. To share a common opinion or characteristic. If you take a look, you will see this occurring all over the place. However, individuality and acceptance are not always at opposite poles.

It is my personal belief that it takes a great deal of personal strength to stand up for your own opinions, ideas and beliefs in the face of those around you. You may feel like this detatches you from people and society in general but it really doesn't. I see someone who makes a stand against his friends for something he believes in and I see a person I deeply respect and would like to know better. It isn't always an active stand, it can be something as subtle as the music you listen to, the clothes you wear or the way you wear your socks.

Spooneh, you're engaged, correct? That's some pretty big acceptance you've found there! ;) You've been recognised as being one of the better posters on this board and have a number of people who admire your style of posting, your honesty and your intelligence. That's acceptance there too. I can't say much for your 3D life but I'm willing to bet that there are a lot of people who find you a very interesting person and who would consider you a friend. Acceptance isn't the clothes you wear or the music you listen to, it's when people see you for who you are and have some understanding of it.

Don't change who you are Spooneh, you're one of the few unique people out there.

Scram.

[katox]

That was beautiful Scrambled.

I, like you Spoony have most of my life felt out of place, due to the clothes I wear. I had in primary school some flowery Doc Martens. Since they were not what everyone else was wearing (trainers basically) I was named a hippy. Again at secondary school this time I wore cropped trousers before anyone else, so I had to cope with people from school saying my trousers were too short (I was the tallest person in our year at that point). Now everyone wears them. And again when I started wearing flares everyone called me a hippy (seems to be a favourite 'insult') and you've got it! Now all the girls are in them.
I started a war in my english class for being the only person who was against 'designer name' clothing (remember that fashion for sporty stuff?). Anyway, what I am trying to say is; it's just a fashion fad, don't feel like you have to live up to something. Just be who you are, smile at the fashion flock (they'll soon be into a new craze don't you worry ;)) and believe in yourself.

:)

Now back to business.

Originally posted by Pee
i hate myself, gave up on love, etc etc etc
can you help me?

Please could you tell me why you hate yourself and given up on love? You described your problem so briefly I don't think either Scrambled or myself could answer it successfully at this point.

Pm, either me or him if you are embarrassed about anything. :)

[katox]

Originally posted by Dude
Dear Kram and/or Scat :p

I have a problem.

I am a really big flirt. Girls love me. But I haven't had a serious relationship for 4 years. What should I do?

(And yes i'm serious)


The thing is...do you want a serious relationship? Look inside your heart.