Conflicted over Possessions and their value.

[Maple Moose]

Like every school year beginning, My mother buys my sister and I new clothes for the year. Like every year I am emotionally conflicted over the value. I am tall in the legs so it makes it very hard sometimes to find me pants that aren't super baggy, and nice leg length. So we go to Warehouse One(very good jeans/clothing place). I look on the price tag for some Jeans that i fancy, 30$...I can understand 30$, These are good jeans, They are nice and are not shittly made at that. So i pick out a couple pairs of jeans, 2 pair which are about 60$ combined. Usually thats what it is like for me.

After I have pants picked out, I remember I needed some dress shirts(Grad this year, and school pictures and such). I find two very nice ones, i look at price tag... 25$. "Well that isn't bad" I said to myself. "Two nice shirts like this in some stores are upwards to double the price of these". So i try them on, they both fit nicely, and have nice arm length since I am long in the arms. So far my moms bill on me alone is 110$ without tax...This is were I start getting emotionally conflicted.

I absolutly hate it when my parents spend vast amounts of money on me(Even though 110$ isn't really alot) I still feel horrid. So we finish in the store. By then im silent in the van, because of this and because my dad wouldn't leave me alone about my hair.

So next we head to the mall, I pop into Manhattan(sp?) Clothing. Its a very nice store, This is wear I find most of my shirts. Now Like any teen, I WOULD WANT NAME BRAND CLOTHES SO I COULD BE POPULAR AND HAVE MUCH SEXING! I on the other hand, Am not like that. I would honestly shop in Crappy Department stores for my clothes. Sigh, yet nothing I find fits, or is lame and retarded with stupid skulls and crap on it. OR Has slanderous crap on it like "I <3 weiners" with a picture of a weinerdog and etc. So I walk into the Manhattan(sp?) Clothing store. I find Fox Racing Shirts. Now I bought one last year, it has nothing damaging on it at all, and its been worn in snow with no jacket, rain, dirt etc. Except for two holes on the cuff from my dead cat(rest in peace). So i find three that by some luck fit. 37$....I say "Mom...they are 37$, I know I have trouble finding shirts, but seriously this is retarded" She replies with "oh nevermind they fit, do you like them", I just nod to get this overwith.

I know I will get flamed brutally for this, but I can't stand having this large quanities of money wasted on me. Seriously, I told my parents I wanted nothing last year for XMAS, because I wanted a DS sort of. They give me like 100$ for my birthday. I was mad. I didn't spend it, It sat in my wallet for 6months til i wasted it in 7-11. Even with the DS under the XMAS tree( I peaked before it was wrapped). I felt horrid. Knowing 200$ + another 50$ for the game was wasted on me. Some might say it isn't a waste, but I do. I think that money could have been used for something else. I know my parents love me, and want to express that in gift form at XMAS but still..

Anyway, I literally would shop in crappy department stores, but I can't find stuff that fits or isn't retarded. So I end up getting expensive stuff that is nice, but makes me Feel bad.
I was talking about this earlier with my friend, I told her I could live without all the gifts like the computer, tv, xbox etc. because I just use them, I really get no joy from seeing hundreds of dollars sitting there.
My friend, whom actually is forced into buying expensive stuff because of him being incrediably tall and lanky(Spending 100$ on one pair of pants because he is so huge), thinks my mom is just trying to show me a great life she didn't ge to to have because she was poor when she was a girl. I kind of agree, but we were literally welfare when i was 3.

Anyway I just don't know what to say anymore. Everything is so over priced for clothing, food and etc. I just can't cope with people wasting money on me, even when I say "No please, just don't use that money on me for that mom".

[Comrade Smith]

I agree with the clothes thing, I hate labels and expensive shit, I get given really expensive clothes and I hate it

[GRiM]

Why don't you like money being spent on you? Personally I would spend as much as I can!
But I'm not a very charitable person.

[Fade Away]

Why don't you like money being spent on you? Personally I would spend as much as I can!
But I'm not a very charitable person.

Because he doesn't, that's just how it is.

Live with it.

[randomfu]

I am personally against wearing labels and brand names, and I do also feel bad when my parents spend a bunch of money on me, but its fine if the spend about the same amount on my siblings.

[captain canuck]

i know a girl who hates when people, including family, spend money on her. she refuses gifts outright, too.

i personally would never refuse money or stuff, but i'm probably just being too materialistic. this kind of developed as consequence of being a university student and having large sums of money drained every term by tuition and the like. it's nice to get it, no matter how it comes to me...

[Cjw]

I couldn't give a rats bottom what label is on my clothes. As long as it's comfortable and it suits me, then it could be george by asda for all i care.

I think the most i've spent on a peice of clothing is about £40, and that i felt was far too much.

[Paradigm^]

Yeah, take a few months as a student living off your own finances for a while and your attitude will change pretty sharpish :p

Seriously though - what you're talking of isn't uncommon. The obvious thing to ask is: why don't you think you're worth it? Also (rough estimate here), you're still at the age where your parents should be looking after you. It's not as if you're big and ugly enough to leave home, get a job and support yourself; it's your parent's duty to look after you and keep clothes on your back until you can do so yourself. At your age it's hardly like you're sponging off them or anything.

I wonder how much you've tried talking to them about this? I can understand you not wanting money spent frivolously, because that just makes good logical sense. If your parents are buying you clothes that you simply just don't need, then I'm on your side. But you need to realise that spending money - even on yourself - isn't inherently bad at all.

Having said that, if you still feel bad, there are plenty of things you could do. Talk to your parents rationally and calmly, tell them what you'd like for Christmas and tell them you want nothing else. Make it very, very clear that if you do get anything else, it'll probably end up going to charity. You could say "hey me old parent types, it'd be cool to get this and this for Christmas, but you know what you could do that would make me really happy? Anything else you'd spend on me, give to charity."

Not only is the charity thing a good way to get rid of your (unwanted?!) money, it makes you feel a bit better too (not to mention the people on the receiving end, either). The other option would be to talk to them about putting money into a trust fund that you'll get when you're ready to go to University - you might not appreciate it now, but every penny you can get your grubby little mitts on by the time you're at Uni will feel like a little taste of Heaven itself.

[Liz]

i did feel the same when i lived at home, i dont know why, i just felt guilty about it and i wore alot of my brothers clothes!

but now, im jobless and skint and clothes are the last thing i worry about. im more worried about how im going to eat today than new clothes.

And yet i shouldnt be worried about that at all as the boyfriend brings in more than £500 a week. (but he wants it all for himself)

and then ive got the lottery winners aunty and uncle.........

hence my own house and car.

im a lucky bitch. (a lucky skint bitch)

[zero defex.]

On the talk of expensive labels, I know you live in the US but over here in Britain we have a godsend. It is known by the name of... TK Maxx. Yes, it's a well kept secret, fellow Brits. Let me give you a little insight...

2 x Firetrap Blackseal Designer T-Shirts: £14
1 x iPath Black Leisure Shoes: £20
1 x (Can't Remember Brand) Snow Coat: £8

How good is that, I ask?! Basically people, if you want to look good AND save money, shop in TK Maxx mainly and if there are sales on at your favourite store, make the most of it. :D

Anyway man, as Sarchasm said when you reach Uni you'll be grateful for any money you save. Not that I'd know, I'm still a crummy little teenager without a care in the world. Ah, schoolwork, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Paradigm^]

TK Maxx is good, but only if you can be arsed to rummage through their shockingly disorganised rails. I swear half the stuff there is from charity shops, then just marked up.

In fact, I'll go as far as to say that TK Maxx is just a charity shop with higher prices. Why not just go and shop at a charity shop?

[Liz]

they make you rummage through the racks so that you find lots of things that you like, not just one.

Still though, im not opposed to some serious TK Maxx shopping now and again.

[Simon]

The thing is, you think the price is shit but you still pay it. People havent got a choice, so prices will go as high as they can. Just wait until that Chinese embargo is lifted and you can get crappy chinese goods cheap :D

[carpefula]

I always feel confilcted because my Dad has quite a bit of money and likes to buy me stuff because i'm his little girl (i live with him) and yet my Mother is really poor. So i'm having driving lessons he's paid for, for my birthday, but i have to tell my mother i'm paying for them other wise she'll get all upset that she can't afford to get me driving lessons... not that i would expect her too...but you know.

[Mozzer]

I honestly don't see the point in designer crap. If you're paying £50 for a pair of trainers just cos they have a special label on, there's something wrong. I can get myself a decent pair of long lasting trainers for £20 or less.

However, for stuff that deserves to be expensive like your DS (you get my logic? As in: it's the only one of it's kind and it's quite a technical bit of kit so the price is right) that's ok.

[Tiode]

£20 or less? Tell me where.

[Mozzer]

Stead and Simpsons my friend... though I fear soon I might grow out of what they stock cos I'm already size 12s. I've had 2 pairs of pretty decent looking ATX trainers that have lasted me over a year. Win.

[Jelibeli]

How about this: If they insist on giving you money, save it. Then, when their anniversary or birthday comes round, blow it all on them. Do something nice with it, like buy your mom some flowers, or book (and pre-pay) a meal somewhere. If you're too young, get another older relative to help you with it, one that you know won't try to pay for it themselves, and they won't tell your parents until it's too late. That way, your parents get the warm glow of a meaningful gift, you get to thank them for looking after you, and the money is (effectively) given back without you having to refuse it.

[dead]

I probably would feel very guilty if my parents bought be hugely expensive clothes, but i generally manage to find nice cheap jeans without any labels on (labels =evil) that fit (which i'm amazed is still possible, i have long legs a very skinny waist), and i have a selection of cool* t-shirts that i've bought at concerts/when i've seen them in town.
school uniform can be a bit expensive mind, and i do feel a bit guilty when i piss about at school, what with going to an expensive private school......

*my opinion of cool may differ from yours, especially if you don't consider wearing t shirts 3 times older than you to be cool....

[T3-X]

Maple Moose, if your parents feel comfortable spoiling you, and you aren't resenting it due to some low self esteem issue, then I salute you. You are one of the few people that don't have an unneccesary greed complex. Personally, I think the desire for (way too many)material possessions was rooted mostly during the cold war in the 60's, and it is now gradually wearing off. I only buy clothes that are necessary, and I only buy things that are functional, like a computer. I admit, I do kinda crazy with video games, but I have seen people that are much worse.

[Maple Moose]

Items and such don't make me happy.

It happened again yestarday, We went to Dawson Creek(Bigger town about an Hour away). My dad, Sister, and I went for the day because my mom was working and we were bored. We walk into a store. Within seconds my dad tries to buy me a hoodie..I am polite and say no. It took alot of "no dad, just wait til i need one", and then we didn't have another discussion about clothes all day.

Anyway, Yes Objects aren't my interests. I mean I have many possessions that I use for recreational purposes. They don't give me any happiness though. They are just used for when im bored. I don't understand how people are ruled by possessions and money. I hate spending money(unless its for self benefit, like food and other things to keep my body on track. Then i blow money to keep myself going.). Janell(Girl I used to like til she shattered my heart), and I talked about this and She is ruled by possessions and is greedy. She thinks its the greatest thing in the world...She made me vomit almost..

[MichaelJackson]

I live quite the oppersite life style. I never get brought anything. I used to get loads of gifts and felt the same way as you. But my parents split, My dad lost his job and then got a considerably worse one and Mum lost a lot of money on a roofing scam (she missed lots of work when she had to testify in court). Now I take whatever I can get and barely ever give to charity (not because I don't want to , but because I can't).

[Maple Moose]

I do most of my charity work at Christmas, I spend my own money on the food drive. Instead of donating. I save all my lunch money up and go to the grocery store and buy food. My acting teacher(very good speaker and motivater), gives up a speech every year before the school food drive. Its so powerful that his class wins. They take no pride though(neither do I in winning), Everyone says we do it just to win, But after we know we had a difference, Our improvs start to improve incrediably alot. Its good to know a family, has food. My friend once spent like 50$ worth of meat coupons, and like 100$ of his own meat on the food drive.

When i was little, I still got lots of stuf..and we were nearly welfare. To put it simple, We could not afford no name brand pop...I wish my parents would quit spoiling me, even when I am polite about saying "No mom and dad. Spend that money elsewhere."

[T3-X]

Don't you ever think you might be doing charity work out of guilt? I mean, it seems like when you feel bad about someone, you just help them out to absolve your own guilt. Charity work just seems kind of shallow to me, that's all. In no way am I saying you shouldn't do it, but I think most people donate for the wrongs reasons, subconcious or no.

[Maple Moose]

No I love doing Food Drive when I have the chance, Its fun even though its like -30 and you are running around asking people for donations. It motivates me i guess.