the irc bible

[PoofBird]

a little project i'm working on

called: the irc bible

will be updated

edit: fs, me and my lack of patience

it's here:

http://www.ircbible.tk

and destrukto complains the link doesn't work for him (it does for me)

so just in case:

http://twc.sshunet.nl/~djstronk/ircbible/index.html

[Wolf]

k

[wyrd_fish]

where pray is this bible??

[Destrukto]

He forgot the link :D

It will come tonight :)

[moog]

heh

[Zip]

cool, a bible of funny irc quotes

or just weebl stuff

[Destrukto]

last link should work now

[BlueHippo]

poof, i love it, i just hope people dont get all religious and complain about this. im going to have to check up on this site now to look for more :)

[Zip]

absoulutely hilarious

<Eve> OMFG!!1 WERE NEKKED!!1~
<Adam> stfu n00b!!!1

[stav]

poof that is just great well done

[PoofBird]

thanks...

I just added Matthew 1

www.ircbible.tk

or http://twc.sshunet.nl/~djstronk/ircbible/index.html

[Digga]

i love you poofbird :D

[oppernaR]

Loved it!!! Can't wait for the rest of the bible...

Looking forward to the great netsplit of the apocalypse...

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by oppernaR
Looking forward to the great netsplit of the apocalypse...

oooo that's a great idea...

if any of you have some ideas too, feel free to post them

[Bug]

You are a freaking genius.

[Sloth]

good idea... glad it was thought of by someone who can pull it off!

[cheesy demon]

ARGHHH!!!! a bible!!!! *looks at bible* *spontainiously combusts*

[Ouroboros]

Haha! Absolutely brilliant!

* Humanity has left IRC (Excess Flood)

:D

[Micky]

Rated five for comedy on a biblical scale!

geddit?!!!?!!!

[2PieR]

JUST BRILLIANT!

Rated 6.

[freddiestarfish]

* Adam has joined #Eden
<Adam> w00t



so true...

oh so class poofbird

[2PieR]

I think Cain and Abel will be cool.

Jehovah sets mode +o Cain
<Abel> Oh shi

Or something. It's great anyway, I will promote it to all my IRC-wise acquaintances in the firmest manner possible.

[CooCooChaLoo]

<Joseph> ASL?
<Mary> 14, F, Nazareth
<Joseph> wanna cyber?
<Mary> Cant, i'm pregnant lol!!~
<Joseph> WTF?
<Mary> Holy spirit got to me
<Joseph> gross, i'm outta here
* Angel has joined #World
<Angel> Wait Joseph
<Angel> You should keep this woman, for her son will save people from sins
<Angel You must call him Emmanuel
<Joseph> ok, cool
* Angel has left #World
<Joseph> I'll call him jesus

teehee :D

[vampiress]

definetly exodus.
some plague action and netsplit the red sea.
the last supper

bloody brilliant poof! rated 5

[Lewiji]

That is damn good! I'm now converting from an atheist to a post-IRC christian!

[KnucklzPlugDog]

Poofbird, absolutely fucking brilliant! I rate 5 with stars, and this should go in the Besterest Threads too, IMO. LOL OMFG!!!!!!1one

[Fick]

Work of genius.

[fishymcfish]

<<Jehova> no! it means the world is drying up again.
<Noah> 'bout bloody time
<Noah> now let's get rid of these animals
* Noah sets fire to ark
<Jehova> woo, that smells good...


very funny indeed, rated 5, and given 1+

[jimeh]

I like it!

So what's next?

[junior]

these are bloody brill.

nice one.

[CheeseDreams]

heh.

Funny, can't wait for more!

[PlasticVicar]

<Jehova> Almost forgot, I have some companions for you
* Bunch_of_animals has joined #Eden
<Bunch_of_animals> Boo, hiss, rattle
<Adam> Jeez, great
<Jehova> erm, Adam
<Jehova> You're not supposed to do that with a chicken


Brilliant :D :D *rates 5*

[PoofBird]

I just added Exodus 3 and 4

www.ircbible.tk

or failing that:

http://twc.sshunet.nl/~djstronk/ircbible

[Wahoo]

<Moses> how come you got ops in this channle?
<Sheep8> baa
<BurningBush> Here am I
<Sheep3> baa
<BurningBush> and please shut those sheep up
<Moses> right...
* Moses sets mode: +m


Brilliant :D

[cheesy demon]

wow, you guys think its great? maybe its worth my time......me? read a bible??? poofbird, youve accomplished the impossible.

[chompisen]

<Jared> omg, u sux0rz!
<enoch> wtf?? stfu n00b!
<Kenan> lolz
<Seth> i r teh 1337 h4x0r
<Enosh> OMG this place is sooo l4me
<Jared> yus
<Melach> asl? cyber?
* Jehova has joined #World
<Jehova> Hello, I'm back
<Enosh> shut up lol

i just love that :D briliant

[vampiress]

Poofbird, you have made my day. this is hysterical.
much love.
v

[Scribbly]

That's awesme :D not like you need it, but + for you anyway


<Adam> w00t
<Jehova> quite
<Jehova> listen up, adam
<Jehova> I got some trees up there, and one of them is Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil
<Jehova> If you eat from that tree, I'll kickban your ass
<Adam> k, dude, relax


Hahahahh...

[cheesy demon]

arg havent had time to read this yet. ill read it during lunch. im sure all disturb teh whole computer lab.

[thecaterpillar]

They are so cool!

[Pee]

i love you and whoever your doing this project with
:)

[Weeman]

Rated + for greatness.

[Mystical Parrot]

i love you poofbird

/me converts to the irc religion

[eleanor]

That's the most amazing site ever! Poofbird, if you're not on IM that's a travesty. If you are, expect regular harassment from me. :D

I think we should all chip in and get this published (when it's finished) as a translation of the bible aimed at the net y00f :D

[PoofBird]

I just added Luke 23

something with crosses and nails and such

http://www.ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl/

[Zip]

lolz

<Herod> lol, is that jesus?
<Herod> cool dude, could you like, love me?
<Herod> or do a trick
<Herod> gimme some wine
<Herod> Give your blessing to my 56k and turn it into DSL
<Herod> ...
<Herod> helloooo
* Herod slaps Jesus around a bit with a large trout
<Herod> Boooorrriiing!
* Herod has left #Jerusalem

hahahahaha

[vampiress]

<AngryJew> ooh look, it's sabbath, let's relax
* AngryJew is now known as LaidbackJew

*muahahahahahaha*
i love you.

[scram]

Poof, PLEASE get the /quit game in somehow :)

[PoofBird]

i have some plans for the /quit game


meanwhile: i have redesigned the site a bit, with an archive, faqs, lovemail and hatemail...

http://ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl

edit: added Genesis 37, Joseph in the pit


Warning: may contain the /quit game!

2nd edit: added Exodus 13-14, Moses & the Red Sea

[PoofBird]

sorry for the double post, but i've edited it a few times...

and instead of editing it a 3rd time, I'll save it from the 2nd page :)

I added Luke 1, the birth of John & getting Mary pregnant

www.ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl

[chompisen]

ooh nice poofbird :)

[Destrukto]

New one: Genesis 25: Marriage of Isaac and Rebekah and the stealing of the birthright of Esau by Jacob.

To be found at the same place

[Dødens Knekt]

<Jacob> oooh, my Neodaq stocks in Faerie Clothing Ltd. have gone up 7 points
<Jacob> what a day :D


:D

[PoofBird]

and yet another...

Mark 12... in which Jesus teaches, and tells a crappy joke

[Tommuz]

Yay! Another one! Woo! If only the bible was really like that, i'd enjoy my course more :p

[Magpie]

still loving it great stuff

the kicking=whipping thing with pilate was divine.

[PoofBird]

www.ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl

and it goes on:

Luke 2

the birth of Jesus

[Fick]

I just keeps getting better and better.

[freddiestarfish]

wow
are you going to do the whooole bible?

or just the good bits?

[PoofBird]

three possible options:

a) the whole bible

b) i get bored

c) i get burned and bumraped by fundamentalists

[Death]

you could get different forum members with a good sence of humour to do other chapters maybe.

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by Death
you could get different forum members with a good sence of humour to do other chapters maybe.

possibly :)

I'll update the site a bit

in the meantime: Genesis 4, Cain and Able

a story of loving brothers :)

[chompisen]

Pinkerbell i join you :notworthy

[CheeseDreams]

Haha this is getting awesome. Altho it makes me realise I've spent far too much time on irc over the years. Hope the whole bible gets done!

[Destrukto]

working on it :p

[Fick]

Woo for b3ta-age!!!
:notworthy

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by Fick
Woo for b3ta-age!!!
:notworthy

indeed,
we are mentioned in the B3ta newsletter 117

http://www.b3ta.com/newsletter/issue117/

meaning, since 2 o'clock this afternoon we got 4000 hits instead of 14

w00t the herald angels sing

[Wahoo]

woo, many congrats to you poofbird and destrukto :)

[Micky]

Originally posted by PoofBird
meaning, since 2 o'clock this afternoon we got 4000 hits instead of 14

w00t the herald angels sing

I was wondering why your site hits has increased by several thousand percent :)

[PoofBird]

we got quite some mail too

updated the love mail and hate mail section :)

http://www.ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl

[Chookmeister]

Poofbird, could you please provide an English translation for the third hatemail? ;)

[Fick]

The translator at leet.com (http://www.theleet.com) translates it as:

"| ca|\|'t 8el|\/e you 9uys are Mock||\|9 t|-b true \\/ord of 9od! you
are play||\|9 \\/|t|-| f|re. please cease a|\|d des|st. you \\/|ll 8ur|\|
||\| |-bll... t|-b lo|\|9er t|-||s s|te |s up t|-b More |-bllf|re you
\\/|ll experb|\|ce. stop |\|o\\/ 8efore you are daM|\bd fore\/er!!!!"

Not perfect, but you can get the general idea. And I can't be arsed to expend any effort translating manually.

[Digga]

the leet hatemail translates to:

translates to "i can't beliebe you guys are mocking the true word of god! you are playing with fire, please cease and desist, you will burn in hell...the longer this site is up the more hellfire you will experience, stop now before you are damned forever

(yes yes, i am fluent in leet)

[Chookmeister]

Originally posted by Digga
(yes yes, i am fluent in leet)

That doesn't reflect well on you.. ;) :D

Cheers guys.

[vampiress]

Originally posted by Digga
the leet hatemail translates to:

translates to "i can't beliebe you guys are mocking the true word of god! you are playing with fire, please cease and desist, you will burn in hell...the longer this site is up the more hellfire you will experience, stop now before you are damned forever

(yes yes, i am fluent in leet) some people seriously need a life. so it is not ok for the irc bible, but this person can "speak" for give perscribing hellfire and eternal damnation?

well i'll take m chances with god tyvm.

[chompisen]

lol at that mail

[PoofBird]

w00t w00t

I just added some things to the site

A webshop with IRC Bible t shirts
A news section
A newsletter (subscribe to it!)

[chompisen]

<Adam> ASL?
<Eve> newborn, female, eden!
<Adam> omg! me too, but male
<Eve> omfg! you're nekkid!
<Adam> so what! your too!
<Eve> lol

tell me your gonna do a tshirt with that

[Dødens Knekt]

I so want a /whois god t-shirt...

[Micky]

loved the Cain and Able "connection reset by peer" :)

Is this a good place to jot down any typos we find (so you can make it more perfect?)

[Smeagle]

Originally posted by Micky
Is this a good place to jot down any typos we find (so you can make it more perfect?)
I think it's supposed to have typos, to keep in with the IRC spirit.


I hadn't replyed to this thread before as you were just getting pages and pages of praise which would get a bit boring, but I have to say that the site is fantastic!

Had me laughing out loud on many occasions :D

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by Micky
Is this a good place to jot down any typos we find (so you can make it more perfect?)

please do!

of course, many typos are deliberate, indeed for the irc spirit, but some may not be...
we already got some good emails from readers with unintentional typos

[Micky]

k, well you may have been told this one, but at the start of mark 12:

<Jesus> and he told some guys to take care of it and went of vacation

should that be 'on vacation'

[/pedant]

I'll keep my eyes peeled for more then

[Destrukto]

How stupid can people get?

I'll translate something a dutch guy posted on a dutch forum about ircbible



quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is kind of a copy of bash.org. And bash has better quotes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



To which someone else answered


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These are not real quotes, i think
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Yeah people, these quotes seem to be real!

The interweb really IS full of weird and dumb people...

btw, the site has been updated and now has Genesis 38: a story of Sex, Masturbation and Harlots

http://ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl

[chompisen]

oh nice :)

[Destrukto]

Updated with Matthew 2 - Three kings, an angry king and losts of kids being kicked...

http://ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl

[scram]

You DO realise how big this is going to become :)

keep up the good work guys :D

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by Scrambled
big

big...

hmmm... would you say 17157 unique visitors in the last 7 days is big?

edit: make that 3.5 days, since the newsletter came out

[leeroy]

ehehe well done, just had a read, its very amusing

[HiTmAN]

that is extremely funny

pure genius, rated 5+

[PoofBird]

the ircbible is proud to announce: we have sold our first 2 t shirts!!!


http://www.cafeshops.com/ircbible

[GreatE]

Priase be to jeebus!! All rated + !

[I'm Jim Too]

Poofbird, a lone crusader in a humourless world, the world - of the Night Writer.
Rated: Genius =/> Eye(Diamond Bullet)Eye

[PoofBird]

added Luke 22, the Last Supper and the arrest of Jesus...

to commemorate that fact, we're now selling a nice "Take this cup away from me" coffee mug in the webstore...

www.ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl

[Destrukto]

Update with more news and the first two/three chapters of the book of Job.

Also we had a top day for hits today: 6174

http://ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl

edit: We got a second mention in the B3ta-newsletter :D
All due to the fact that we have made the top 5 of the Blogdex Charts (http://blogdex.net/)

Also new update will follow today...

Thanks to all who keep supporting us :)

[Mr_Moo]

*laughs* Absolutely priceless you two, Excellent work
Are you's planning on doing the entire bible or just parts of it?

[jimeh]

Not much hate mail lately.

[PoofBird]

Originally posted by Misfit
Not much hate mail lately.

we did get someone posting a Goatse / Poo site with a malicious javascript/virus on our messageboard...

but, somehow, i doubt that was from an offended Christian.

edit: added Matthew 13

[Destrukto]

Originally posted by Mr_Moo
*laughs* Absolutely priceless you two, Excellent work
Are you's planning on doing the entire bible or just parts of it?

We're planning to do all.
If it is interesting of course...
But it will be ;)

You might even learn a bit.

We are getting mail from very strict Christians that like it and ask what we actually intend...

The logs keep quite rigorously to the text, so what you read is actually what is in the bible (minor interpretations exepted ;))

[cyberseth]

This is funny, shame about a lot of the language. But come on, you gotta continue the story AFTER the crucifixion, m8, can't just leave it on a sad note like that!!

But LOL how many of you guys noticed the quiet reference to Monty Python?

<Wiseman1> nah, let's not go to #Jerusalem, it is a silly place

[eleanor]

I'm glad to share a forum with such greatness :D

[cyberseth]

You should do the story of Pentecost:

<Apostle> Pr4i53 60d! h3 0wnZ j00 411!
<1337jew> wt? h3'5 5p34king my L4n6u4g3!!
<notherjew> Naw a cats jus walking ova his keyboard
<notherjew> lol

[cadex]

IRC Bible has hit the Something Awful forums.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=879813

they like it.

[XtremeNL]

Originally posted by cyberseth
You should do the story of Pentecost:

<Apostle> Pr4i53 60d! h3 0wnZ j00 411!
<1337jew> wt? h3'5 5p34king my L4n6u4g3!!
<notherjew> Naw a cats jus walking ova his keyboard
<notherjew> lol
<Apostle>stop blowwing!
<Apostle2> 17's t3h w1nd!
<Apostle3> OMG!! i are on fire but it doesn't hurt!! l337!

[electro_cheese]

What I want to know is how come you can afford to sell only two shirts when you are offering so many products, are they all produced on demand?? I just don't understand in general about the whole cafeshops idea that there are so many people who sell stuff even though it is not that popular, I don't see how they can make money out of it or at least not lose money.

[cyberseth]

Cafeshops works like this: When an order is placed, the cafeshops crew make the product and dispatch it. You the store owner don't actually do a thing aside from uploading images to your shop and telling the website what items you wish to put up for sale.

The way the money works is that when you set up your shop and decide to have a T-shirt, there is a minimum fee for selling the T-shirt at. If you sell at this price (and it's pretty expensive actually) then ALL the money goes to Cafeshops and you get zip, aside from the advertising you get from people wearing your T-shirts. If you raise the price of an item, then you collect the difference when the item gets sold.

Most people very little or no money with Cafeshops because the base price of an item is so expensive that if you raise it any harder then not many people would want to buy it.

[electro_cheese]

Thanks for clearing that up, + because I've wondered about that for ages :p

[Evil_Cartman]

lol i read this in a pc mag

[Destrukto]

Was this an online mag or a paper one?

If paper could you scan?

We're very curious

Also there will be an update today :)

[PoofBird]

updat0red

with new love and hate mail, and a new chapter

We have received some special fanmail for Sheep3b, one of our favourite characters!

[Desolate_cheez]

bibles of none real religions rule! :rawk:

[newbie2b]

The IRC bible must be a programmer thing -- i took 1 pascal class 15 years ago - don't find it funny -- or offensive - it's just there -- probably hilarious to someone who writes code.....
has anyone seen that hilarious transvestite stand up comedian - i think it's eddie something..(Eddie Izard?).

he talks about religion - church of england being to soft to have run a successful inquisition....instead of making people convert or die - they might have offered Cake or Death.....
now that's a laugh riot :)

[Digga]

irc = internet relay chat, a kind of a chat program. Thats what the irc does, it takes the bible and puts it in the form of an irc chat channel, and some slight changes to make it more like IRC. So it's funny if you use irc, and probably not so funny if you don't, and don't know whats going on

[PoofBird]

w00t, irc bible is back :)

The Passion of teh Intarweb, part 1 (http://www.ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl)

[oppernaR]

Woo and Yay!!!

* Crowd slaps Jesus around a bit with a large trout

I love you, Poof!

[freddiestarfish]

yay

we really do love you mmmkay.

[mrikasu]

Been reading it for a while but I just haven't posted. I must say I love it loads even though I have never touched a bible.

Originally posted by eleanor
I think we should all chip in and get this published (when it's finished) as a translation of the bible aimed at the net y00f :D

You can do books with cafeshops if you can't get it properly published. Publishing would be better though because you would get it much cheaper and it would be on sale everywhere but cafesshops would be a viable alternative!


Yay for Poofbird.

[Anon]

That really should be released as a book - good work. :rawk:

[dark_romantic]

<Adam> ASL?
<Eve> newborn, female, eden!
<Adam> omg! me too, but male
<Eve> omfg! you're nekkid!
<Adam> so what! your too!

*snif*
this is sooo beautiful
:love:
thank you for creating this wonderful goodness.

[mousearmy]

Very impressed, not sure you should do the whole thing as it's not so funny after a while, but definately do Revelations, it's the best bit of the Bibbel.

Glad to see the 'very naughty boy' bit in there as I believe it was written in the original wasn't it? Reminds me of a naked old man in a hole, not often I think of that tbh.

Overall, bloody brilliant!

[Destrukto]

Bump, because we need new viewers :D

[Magpie]

One year eight month bump!! omh n00b.

How is Poof this days, anway?

[CoX]

Blimey! How come I never noticed this before?

<Jehova> Noah, it's going to rain pretty bad
* Noah builds till he is 600 years old
<Noah> ready, sir
<Jehova> ta
<Jehova> get on board
* Humanity has left IRC (Excess Flood)
<Noah> o_O wtf

[krono6]

Holy Thingers, this is the funniest thing I've EVER read, comparable to that Sex Chat IRC Text thing on ABS XD

[SPACKlick]

Wonderful reading, plans for more?

[Zackron Goldago]

For whatever reason I can only view Gensis 1, 2, 4, 25, 37, Exodus 3-4, Job 1-2, Matthew 1 and Luke 1 and there seems to be a lot of other stuff that I can't find. What I've read so far is hilarious but I'd like to know where the rest of what people have mentioned is!

[glitch]

It's not that funny...

Sorry, I'll leave now.

[clarkie-mole]

that rules nice one :jam:

[Smartie]

you bumped this thread to say that? and you've put that image back in your signature again when it's already been removed once???