What would adds really say?

[Ouch!]

I just noticed something on the hellovision today. Ever notice how adds seem to somewhat lie? Like they say "Are you up to your eyes in Debt? Well call Jimmy's Money Depot! We'll make all your existing debts into one low affordable payment!!"

Im sure you do....

Well i just thought it would be funny if for once it said something like:
"Are you up to your eyes in debt? Did you borrow lots of money and spend it on drugs? Well now you're f****d! But don't worry! Call Jimmy's Illegal Money Laundering Service! We'll clean your clothes, and your debt! All with one single payment in unmarked £20 bills!"

anyone else think that? or what would your add say?

[dejosc]

mine would say

"look at this shiny car its great AC, turbo and a V8 engine but these are all optional extras you even have to pay more for the shiny paint we say it costs £7,999 but thats a car without an engine if you want this one you have to pay at least 4 times that amount"

heh

[Ouch!]

nice. what about car finance on that? £18,208/month for the first 12 months?

[Aquarium]

"This toy is a refurbished model of a recalled product that killed 6 children, Now it's available in RED!"

[Twatybollocks]

My ad

"C'mon, you don't really think I've knocked 70% off the price of this couch do you? You do! Fucking A!!"

[Taekwon-joe]

Contains no suger!!!

Just harmfull replacement chemicals

[Ouch!]

hahaha!

my new one is:

New McDonalds McYummySalad - Now with less meat!!

*Disclaimer: May contain more meat then previous salads

[Glitch]

Ages ago I made a mental list of loads of adverts that lie, but unfortunately I can't remeber a single one. Bums.
Oh, there was one Skipton Building Society radio ad that suggested you should give them your money SOLELY because the manager's name was P. Schofield. Maybe they should have stated some good reasons? You know, like how their building society is better than everyone else's?

[maw3193]

Oh, there was one Skipton Building Society radio ad that suggested you should give them your money SOLELY because the manager's name was P. Schofield. Maybe they should have stated some good reasons? You know, like how their building society is better than everyone else's?

Maybe they had a three-year-old advertising department.

[Soapie]

Hello, Kids! Did you see that TV show that was one a couple times where that robot shot the other robot IN THE FACE?! Well now, YOUr parents can buy YOU YOUR very own plasticy fall-apart uber Robot. For only £29.99 plus chores.

[luttman23]

DFS sale MUST END SOON - we have to start our next sale straight after it. Actually we never have a sale, we just confuse you all by always saying we have a sale, this way we don't really need to ever reduce our prices.

[Smartie]

I thought about doing some kind of spoof adverts for my website ages ago. I never got round to it.
However… ads do clearly lie

That Marks and Spencer one… with the laydee doing that ‘sexy’ voice telling us how lovely M & S food is.

What they should really say … “spend £35 at marks and spencers and we’ll give you this free cake. However, we’re too expensive, and even with the extra free cake, you’ve still paid more than you would have at Sainsbury’s. But my sexy voice has made you think of me rolling about in nothing but mash, and you’ve creamed your pants. I used to be Ballykissangel, dontcha know”

[whiskers]

The new Barbie magical greek-themed princess. Now, with HAT!!

[lostinabox]

"Come to Subway and eat all our 'healthy' sandwiches...there so much better than the macdonalds ones subway is an affiliat of the macdonalds group
Subway a better choice *Eat Manky and old*"

he he he

[faragher]

Guinness. Tomorrow you'll shit treacle.

[Mozzer]

99% of people interviewed prefer Super Dooper Well Good Excellent God's Own Greatest Ever Washing Up Liquid to the leading brand!!!!

Please note that 99% of our test subjects were bribed and our opinion of the current leading brand may differ slightly to the actual leading brand. Before we invented this product we thought urine was great for cleaning you dishes. Well you learn something new every day.

[Preasure]

Sorry cillit fans, it has to be done.

"Hi! An underpaid actor with a prozac addiction here, to tell you about the wonders of Cillit Bang! Look how stains just dissolve away, with this concentrated acid solution! See how clean it gets my stragely dirty fingers! Red raw as new!" Dippinginfingersmaycauseacidburns,badtoextreemepai n,screamingandhallucinations.Haveaniceday.

[RobW]

"Hi I'm Barry Scott! I know you've never even heard of me no matter where in the back of your mind you may explore, but I'm here to talk to you about Cillit Bang!

Have problems with limescale rust ground in dirt? Then you need cillit bang! It even cleans pennies to their original shininess, don't ask what it does to your skin, but you probably already know if you acknowledge the stuff cleans cash!"




Sorry folks.

[faragher]

Stella. You'll fight any f*cker, but you won't feel a thing.

[Chavvy]

<generic hair product>

Contains Boswelox!!

Er actually that's a load of bollocks. It contains soap.

Sorry.

[gxfu]

I hate those radio car commercials. However, it's totally different, being in the driver's seat for a change, and I'd like to make a very very obnoxious car commercial too.

<in loudspeaker>
DOCARS TOYOTA!
WITH PRICES MARKED UP ABOUT 2%!
SAVE NO MONEY!
SO HURRY NOW, AND GET SOME LOW DISCOUNTS!
<disclaimer>
go fuck yourself.


/me bows

[Youlikeyams?]

"New BRATZ! have a slightly different pattern on their dresses that before! Now, it's HORIZONTAL STRIPES instead of VERTICAL! We've never felt more proud of our incredibly different fashion designs! Oh so different! Not really!"

[Arkwright]

Come enjoy our 2 for the price of 3 offer down at boots this christmas, its postively- I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL -ave money this Christmas, at Boots.

[monkey magic]

Buy my shit in a jar!
You'll save absolutely no money if you buy two, but you can give one to a friend then steal it back so they think they've lost it and have to buy antoher.

Shit in a jar!
Purchase and DIE!!!

[RussianAlien]

Erm I think adds would really say :

"Why don't we use our advanced AI for once, instead of going for the guy who keeps 'roaring' at us who has massive plate armour and we dont really have a chance against, however much he is aggroing us, lets go for that cloth wearing healer who is alone over there in the corner. We have a much better statistical chance against him if we all gang up."

[TX_101]

DFS sale MUST END SOON - we have to start our next sale straight after it. Actually we never have a sale, we just confuse you all by always saying we have a sale, this way we don't really need to ever reduce our prices.
Roffle, I was going to do that, but looks like you got in here before me :)

I guess credit card adverts always sound a bit dumb to me:

"Try out new, low-hassle [insert name of credit card here] card, with 0% APR for the first three months, after which point we jack up the rate tenfold to make up for our lack of profits."

[GorillaBearBear]

except hat jacking 0% APR up would still be 0%

yay the only maths I can correct people on :P

but it is true.

[poliobear]

50% off all the crap you don't want!

[maw3193]

That just reminded me, Barbie Perfume, Eau de latrine, I swear it actually did say that!
For the not-so-french-speaking, that means toilet water.

[albie_123]

A Random Ad: (Resembling an Australian ad for a shop known as "Designer Direct." God I hate them.)

Shocking news. We're about to close and ALL our stock MUST be taken RIGHT NOW with a 20% DISCOUNT OFF EVERYTHING YOU NEED!

What it REALLY means:

Great news. We're going to close the shop for a day next year and the stock we have in at the moment is going to be taken by the inspector and there will be a WHOLE 20% DISCOUNT OFF WATER, FOOD AND SHELTER!!!

YES!!!

[Twatybollocks]

"Ever wonder why we only advertise this 30 quid per jar anti-ageing cream on perfect looking models instead of getting an old wrinkly to try it out? No? Blimey....I owe marketing another tenner!"

[catinabox]

Generic beauty product contains fruit micro-oils and micro beuty beads*. Watch this completely un-realistic simulation of it working on your wrinkles!

*None of these things actually exist, we just made it up to make it sound like science.

[Kardum31]

(McDonald's)

Ba da bum bum bum... Aaargh my chest! My chest! I can't breathe! Oh God. Please, call an ambulance!

I'm sorry. It sounded funny when I came up with it. :nana:

[Dyakson]

(McDonald's)

Ba da bum bum bum... Aaargh my chest! My chest! I can't breathe! Oh God. Please, call an ambulance!

I'm sorry. It sounded funny when I came up with it. :nana:

It sounded funny when I read it!

The Renault adverts: "As you can see, our designers don't do any work, they spend all day staring out the window at the backsides of the ladies walking past. One of them started to sketch a backside when the supervisor walked past and the designer hurriedly converted the sketch into a concept drawing of a car. The car has now entered production and because we pipe cannabis through Marketing's air-con system they thought it would be a good idea to point out that our car looks like a backside. Hence this advert. Enjoy."

l'Oreal: Because you're insecure without it.

[Lewiji]

Has anyone heard the McDonald's radio ads? They basically point out many times that their sandwiches are "freshly made".

Now I'm sorry, but if I pulled some year old bread from out of my garage, some moudly ham and fermenting butter, if I then proceeded to make a sandwich with it it'd still be freshly made non? It's not a fresh sandwich, but I just made it. So it's made freshly.

Con artists, I tell thee

[gruff]

And now for the science bit (because we bimbo blondes don't understand Science, we got a professional sounding MAN to say it).

Cravendale: if you take it cows will beat you up

[NarkAgent]

McDonalds: Burgers now made with 100% beef offal. You're loving it?You should see our factory. You wont love it then you tubby bastard.