HeavyT
06-01-2006, 03:29 PM
Was everybody Kung Fu fighting?
By Tyler Vandepolder
Was everybody Kung Fu fighting? It’s a question often asked in many social settings, whether it be at the dainty bridal shower or at the 25 year old hardened strip club whose strippers proudly adorn bullet wounds. More importantly however, is the question I just asked. Was everybody Kung Fu fighting? The answer has eluded scientists for approximately 32 years, until now.
I am of course talking about the 1974 one hit wonder of Carl Douglas, Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting. Hang your head in shame if you had no clue until now what I was talking about. The very first line of the song is the offending statement in which scientists all over the world have been itching to prove wrong. The statement made by Carl Douglas is that “Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting”, now common sense dictates that 6 billion people could not all be doing the same thing at once. Means to prove this however and go against Carl Douglas have all but fallen short. Many arguments, theories, and claims have been made that in fact, not everybody on this planet was Kung Fu fighting and that there was proof. Some scientists would simply say that they were not Kung Fu fighting while the rest of the world was. This however has sparked many verbal fisticuffs that the scientist could not prove exactly when the event occurred, and we all know that sometimes during our life we like to throw a high kick or ninja punch at random. Even while sleeping we may have inadvertently preformed a perfect dragon fist strike, this rules out the claim that not everybody on the planet knows how to perform kung fu.
http://img271.imageshack.us/img271/9752/41841qf.jpg
It should be pointed out what constitutes a Kung Fu move. Kung Fu is not limited to punching, kicking and other physical attacks. There are many subtle motions involved as well as breathing, sensing, timing, and tactics. These are all part of Kung Fu fighting.
Who could not of been Kung Fu fighting then? The song itself is stating a time when everyone was, it just does not give an actual number we can work with. Regardless, here is the answer…Carl Douglas himself was not Kung Fu fighting! Yes, that’s correct; the man himself is excluded from his claim, proving that everybody could not have been Kung Fu fighting simultaneously.
First, we have to acknowledge that the so-called event has occurred. “Everybody was Kung Fu fighting” states that the event has already taken place and that it will not happen in the future. Now obviously Mr. Douglas could not have been performing the martial arts since he was observing everybody Kung Fu fighting on his 6 billion television monitors (sources have confirmed that Carl Douglas does have in his possession approximately 6 billion TV sets). That would of required enormous amounts of concentration and focus, meaning that he would not be able to perform the strenuous and fine maneuvers of the Kung Fu fighting style unless he was a god. Some people say that Carl Douglas is a god and that only a god could have come up with such masterful lyrics at the drop of a hat, but no government on this planet has recognized a religion of Carl Douglas so far, nor has Mr. Douglas shown any holy/godly powers since the release of his 1974 hit song.
http://img497.imageshack.us/img497/4110/imag00050oi.jpg
On the off chance that Carl Douglas was referring to the present time when singing his song, meaning that while he sang everybody was Kung Fu fighting, is simply pushed aside once again. We all know that singing is the natural enemy of Kung Fu fighting and that they nullify the ability to perform both at the same time.
So as you can plainly read, after 32 years of back breaking research, discussion, debate, and a case of insanity. Scientists have proved that not everybody was Kung Fu fighting.
Tyler Vandepolder
A.k.a. HeavyT
(this is what happens when I have nothing to do at work, sorry if it attacks the english language)
By Tyler Vandepolder
Was everybody Kung Fu fighting? It’s a question often asked in many social settings, whether it be at the dainty bridal shower or at the 25 year old hardened strip club whose strippers proudly adorn bullet wounds. More importantly however, is the question I just asked. Was everybody Kung Fu fighting? The answer has eluded scientists for approximately 32 years, until now.
I am of course talking about the 1974 one hit wonder of Carl Douglas, Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting. Hang your head in shame if you had no clue until now what I was talking about. The very first line of the song is the offending statement in which scientists all over the world have been itching to prove wrong. The statement made by Carl Douglas is that “Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting”, now common sense dictates that 6 billion people could not all be doing the same thing at once. Means to prove this however and go against Carl Douglas have all but fallen short. Many arguments, theories, and claims have been made that in fact, not everybody on this planet was Kung Fu fighting and that there was proof. Some scientists would simply say that they were not Kung Fu fighting while the rest of the world was. This however has sparked many verbal fisticuffs that the scientist could not prove exactly when the event occurred, and we all know that sometimes during our life we like to throw a high kick or ninja punch at random. Even while sleeping we may have inadvertently preformed a perfect dragon fist strike, this rules out the claim that not everybody on the planet knows how to perform kung fu.
http://img271.imageshack.us/img271/9752/41841qf.jpg
It should be pointed out what constitutes a Kung Fu move. Kung Fu is not limited to punching, kicking and other physical attacks. There are many subtle motions involved as well as breathing, sensing, timing, and tactics. These are all part of Kung Fu fighting.
Who could not of been Kung Fu fighting then? The song itself is stating a time when everyone was, it just does not give an actual number we can work with. Regardless, here is the answer…Carl Douglas himself was not Kung Fu fighting! Yes, that’s correct; the man himself is excluded from his claim, proving that everybody could not have been Kung Fu fighting simultaneously.
First, we have to acknowledge that the so-called event has occurred. “Everybody was Kung Fu fighting” states that the event has already taken place and that it will not happen in the future. Now obviously Mr. Douglas could not have been performing the martial arts since he was observing everybody Kung Fu fighting on his 6 billion television monitors (sources have confirmed that Carl Douglas does have in his possession approximately 6 billion TV sets). That would of required enormous amounts of concentration and focus, meaning that he would not be able to perform the strenuous and fine maneuvers of the Kung Fu fighting style unless he was a god. Some people say that Carl Douglas is a god and that only a god could have come up with such masterful lyrics at the drop of a hat, but no government on this planet has recognized a religion of Carl Douglas so far, nor has Mr. Douglas shown any holy/godly powers since the release of his 1974 hit song.
http://img497.imageshack.us/img497/4110/imag00050oi.jpg
On the off chance that Carl Douglas was referring to the present time when singing his song, meaning that while he sang everybody was Kung Fu fighting, is simply pushed aside once again. We all know that singing is the natural enemy of Kung Fu fighting and that they nullify the ability to perform both at the same time.
So as you can plainly read, after 32 years of back breaking research, discussion, debate, and a case of insanity. Scientists have proved that not everybody was Kung Fu fighting.
Tyler Vandepolder
A.k.a. HeavyT
(this is what happens when I have nothing to do at work, sorry if it attacks the english language)