DoctorDoggie
15-01-2006, 07:42 PM
By way of introduction I'd like to acknowledge Eccles (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/forums/member.php?u=24682) , who did all the piccies (coz I'm no good at those) and did some proofreading and joke-adding when I started getting blind from too many drafts.
Hope you enjoy this one. I'd originally planned to put this on the Doggieville Website (http://www.doggieville.co.uk) but it didn't really fit anywhere so here it is for perusal.
No apologies for anything in the article itself, but if there are any niggly typos, just think of it as art not being the only thing I'm no good at ;)
http://www.doggieville.co.uk/weebl/whitehouse.gif
An exciting romp trough the corridors of power.
The Principal Cast of Characters
Starring:
Barney the dog : as Itself
With:
Condelisa Nice: As herself
“Big Don”: As themself
Ma Barb: As someone else
Pa George: As been
Ron’s Brain: Asn’t got a clue
Lois Lane Bush: As Imov
Chief of Staff Andy “Notmadeof” Card: As far way as possible
Introducing:
George Dubya: As the Prez
Episode Trolley
(In which George learns about Maps, America, Notamerica and Bombs. Also Barney shags his breakfast.)
The Whitehouse – Dateline : Today
George is having his daily morning briefing in his briefs. He is eating some popcorn and looks entranced.
Andy: …and they all lived happily ever after until next time when we clean their clocks.
George claps appreciatively, puts away his popcorn and puts on his puzzled face.
George: There's something I donunderstandify, Andy.
Andy: What’s the problem, Mr President?
George: Yesterday I saw this this foreign newspaper thing which said Yousar is a grave threat to the world peace. I was thinking that maybe this Yousar thing needs bombing some. I like bombing threats to world peace.
Andy: Let me see now. (Andy glances at the newspaper) Now I geddit. That would be U-S-A, sir.
George: Alrightie, let’s bomb this USA. Does the A stand for Ay-rabs?
Andy: No, sir. Allow me to explain.
(Andy pulls out a map of the world).
Andy: This is the map of the world Mister President.
George: Wow. It sure looks small for a whole world.
Andy: I mean it is just a picture of the world made real small. Now if you look out of your windows you will see some stuff and things. Look out of your Window now Sir. That stuff and other things out there is America. This picture of the world has got America on it but it isn’t actually America. America is this bit here marked in flag-colours. Remember the flag from last time Sir? Yes, it's that thing you aren't allowed to burn even if you are an artist or something. Well, when we draw a picture of the world but make it real small we call it a map. This is a map. See the map. It is colourful.
George: I think I see. What’s this other stuff here on this mop of yours?
Andy: This is a great land called ‘Notamerica’. And it isn’t a mop. That’s just a rag on the end of a stick we use to clean up dog wee. Well, all wee in fact, but we’ll talk to you about that some other time.
George: And why is that in those other colours? It sure looks purty.
Andy pulls out his pointer and waves it at the map in the approximate location of the USA.
Andy: It’s real simple Mister President. This is where we live. See the flag. We live on the flag coloured area.
Andy waves it elsewhere.
Andy: This is not where we live. This is where we bomb.
George: I see. This is where we live, this is where we bomb. Wow it sure is small. Are you sure we could live on something like that? Maybe that’s where the real small people live. I’ve heard of “small town America”, do the small people have small towns? And do they drive small cars? It sure sounds a swell place to live.
Andy: Never mind Mr President.
George: But what his this to do with the USA?
Andy: Well Mister President, I maybe should have mentioned this before – but the USA and America are one and the same.
George: Wow. That sure is useful. I suppose it saves us getting two maps.
Andy: Err... yes, Mr President. I probably does at that.
http://www.doggieville.co.uk/weebl/bushmap.jpg
Breakfast at George’s, and the family are all there. His lovely wife, Lois Lane Bush, Pa George, Ma Barb and Barney the dog are eating Pancakes. Barney keeps trying to have sex with his pancake but the syrup is causing him to howl occasionally.
George is muttering under his breath.
George: … this is where we live and this is where we bomb and this is where we live and this is where we bomb and this is …
Lois Lane Bush: Morning, Dear. Enjoying your pancakes?
George: Yummydummygummy Dear. I've had an idea this morning.
Everyone stops eating except Barney who falls off the table stuck to a pancake. Lois looks nervous.
Pa George: That's my boy.
George: I'm going to go exploring the back yard.
Lois: Err... are you sure that's wise? Remember what happened last time dear – it took days to get that stuff out of your clothes.
George: Goshdarnit Lois. You just don't know how to have a good time.
Pa George: It's alright son. It's just you are a psychopath and Lois gets worried you may try to look around the big funny-shaped building where Dad used to work.
George: Naw. I won't do that, Pop. Honest.
Mid-morning, and George, alone except for Barney and several bodyguards are wandering toward the Pentagon complex.
George: Gee, Barney. That sure is a funny shaped building over there. Let's go see shall we?
Bodyguard #17: Are you sure that's wise Mister President? This is where the people work for a living.
George: Don't be silly Doris.
Barney: Woof. Howl. Gruntygruntygruntygruntygrunt.
George: Like that Pancake, Barney? Good boy. Oh look – a door.
Mid-morning in office 17b sub-basement F. Two operatives (Jerry and Michael) are sitting behind computers keeping America safe from the terrorist threat.
Jeremy: ...is it bigger than a matchbox or smaller?
Michael: (ponders for a moment): Bigger.
Jeremy: Does it smell?
Michael: Yes.
Jeremy: Does it wear a turban?
Michael (slightly crestfallen): It might do.
Jeremy: It's Al Quaida!
Michael: God, I love my job. My god, look at the hooters on her!
Jeremy: Jeez, she looks like my sister.
Michael: What, you mean you look at your sister?
Jeremy: Only for reference. I look at your Mother for fun though.
Michael: My Mother doesn't have big hooters.
Jeremy: Of course not.
Michael: Anyway, she had one cut off that time so she can't do.
Jeremy: Yes. But lucky she had you.
Michael: What do you mean, Mr Jeremy about-to-be-smacked-about-the-room. Are you suggesting I am a tit or something?
Jeremy: Nope. Never. (looks at security camera) Shit it's George. Put the tarts away.
Michael quickly ushers them into a cupboard.
Jeremy: Now look normal else I kick your tonks through the top of your head.
The door opens. President Bush walks in with Barney.
George: Oooh this looks like an exciting room, Barney. Maybe there's a sink in here for you to wash your doggie face. Hello fellows. Whatcha doin'?
Michael quickly turns off his PC monitor. Jeremy tries to do the same but isn't quite quick enough.
George: Wow, those ladies don't have any clothes on. Don't they get cold?
Jeremy: It's... er...
Michael: Well done, Jeremy. Let's close that site down immediately as it is unwholesome.
George: Gee whiz, is that chap relieving himself in that lady's face? He should really get himself a toilet – it's much cheaper you know, and won't complain as much.
Jeremy: They are German, Sir.
George: Is that in America or Notamerica?
Jeremy: Is there anything we can do for you Sir?
George: I'm just looking for a bowl of water for old Barney here. If I don't get that pooch watered soon I'll just have to resort to what those two in the picture are doing.
Michael: I see, sir. Out in the hall second door on the left knock twice and wait for a count of ten just in case.
George: Just in case? In case of what?
Jeremy: In case there are people in there in a state of undress sir.
George: Gee, it's all going on here isn't it?
Michael: Just looking after the moral fabric of the country sir.
Jeremy: After all, you don't know if it's bad until you've tried it yourself. In sub-basement F we take our work real serious like.
George: Good to hear. Give yourself another raise. Come on Barney.
Exit George. Michael glares at Jeremy.
Michael: 'We take our work real serious like'?
Jeremy: Well, that's how he talks. You gotta be the Everyman you know.
Michael: Silly sod. Right, I'm off to Madame Gracie's Lady of the Night Emporium and no one else is invited so don't even ask.
Jeremy: Why not? We could have asked Dave, John, Terry and Pete to come along.
Michael: No way would I let those NSA guys anywhere near Madame Gracie's.
Jeremy (bracing himself for a lousy pun): Why not?
Michael: Because as everyone knows, too many spooks spoil the brothel.
Curtains down.
Everyone leaves.
Some of them are crying and not in a good way either.
Fin.
http://www.doggieville.co.uk/weebl/bush.jpg
Hope you enjoy this one. I'd originally planned to put this on the Doggieville Website (http://www.doggieville.co.uk) but it didn't really fit anywhere so here it is for perusal.
No apologies for anything in the article itself, but if there are any niggly typos, just think of it as art not being the only thing I'm no good at ;)
http://www.doggieville.co.uk/weebl/whitehouse.gif
An exciting romp trough the corridors of power.
The Principal Cast of Characters
Starring:
Barney the dog : as Itself
With:
Condelisa Nice: As herself
“Big Don”: As themself
Ma Barb: As someone else
Pa George: As been
Ron’s Brain: Asn’t got a clue
Lois Lane Bush: As Imov
Chief of Staff Andy “Notmadeof” Card: As far way as possible
Introducing:
George Dubya: As the Prez
Episode Trolley
(In which George learns about Maps, America, Notamerica and Bombs. Also Barney shags his breakfast.)
The Whitehouse – Dateline : Today
George is having his daily morning briefing in his briefs. He is eating some popcorn and looks entranced.
Andy: …and they all lived happily ever after until next time when we clean their clocks.
George claps appreciatively, puts away his popcorn and puts on his puzzled face.
George: There's something I donunderstandify, Andy.
Andy: What’s the problem, Mr President?
George: Yesterday I saw this this foreign newspaper thing which said Yousar is a grave threat to the world peace. I was thinking that maybe this Yousar thing needs bombing some. I like bombing threats to world peace.
Andy: Let me see now. (Andy glances at the newspaper) Now I geddit. That would be U-S-A, sir.
George: Alrightie, let’s bomb this USA. Does the A stand for Ay-rabs?
Andy: No, sir. Allow me to explain.
(Andy pulls out a map of the world).
Andy: This is the map of the world Mister President.
George: Wow. It sure looks small for a whole world.
Andy: I mean it is just a picture of the world made real small. Now if you look out of your windows you will see some stuff and things. Look out of your Window now Sir. That stuff and other things out there is America. This picture of the world has got America on it but it isn’t actually America. America is this bit here marked in flag-colours. Remember the flag from last time Sir? Yes, it's that thing you aren't allowed to burn even if you are an artist or something. Well, when we draw a picture of the world but make it real small we call it a map. This is a map. See the map. It is colourful.
George: I think I see. What’s this other stuff here on this mop of yours?
Andy: This is a great land called ‘Notamerica’. And it isn’t a mop. That’s just a rag on the end of a stick we use to clean up dog wee. Well, all wee in fact, but we’ll talk to you about that some other time.
George: And why is that in those other colours? It sure looks purty.
Andy pulls out his pointer and waves it at the map in the approximate location of the USA.
Andy: It’s real simple Mister President. This is where we live. See the flag. We live on the flag coloured area.
Andy waves it elsewhere.
Andy: This is not where we live. This is where we bomb.
George: I see. This is where we live, this is where we bomb. Wow it sure is small. Are you sure we could live on something like that? Maybe that’s where the real small people live. I’ve heard of “small town America”, do the small people have small towns? And do they drive small cars? It sure sounds a swell place to live.
Andy: Never mind Mr President.
George: But what his this to do with the USA?
Andy: Well Mister President, I maybe should have mentioned this before – but the USA and America are one and the same.
George: Wow. That sure is useful. I suppose it saves us getting two maps.
Andy: Err... yes, Mr President. I probably does at that.
http://www.doggieville.co.uk/weebl/bushmap.jpg
Breakfast at George’s, and the family are all there. His lovely wife, Lois Lane Bush, Pa George, Ma Barb and Barney the dog are eating Pancakes. Barney keeps trying to have sex with his pancake but the syrup is causing him to howl occasionally.
George is muttering under his breath.
George: … this is where we live and this is where we bomb and this is where we live and this is where we bomb and this is …
Lois Lane Bush: Morning, Dear. Enjoying your pancakes?
George: Yummydummygummy Dear. I've had an idea this morning.
Everyone stops eating except Barney who falls off the table stuck to a pancake. Lois looks nervous.
Pa George: That's my boy.
George: I'm going to go exploring the back yard.
Lois: Err... are you sure that's wise? Remember what happened last time dear – it took days to get that stuff out of your clothes.
George: Goshdarnit Lois. You just don't know how to have a good time.
Pa George: It's alright son. It's just you are a psychopath and Lois gets worried you may try to look around the big funny-shaped building where Dad used to work.
George: Naw. I won't do that, Pop. Honest.
Mid-morning, and George, alone except for Barney and several bodyguards are wandering toward the Pentagon complex.
George: Gee, Barney. That sure is a funny shaped building over there. Let's go see shall we?
Bodyguard #17: Are you sure that's wise Mister President? This is where the people work for a living.
George: Don't be silly Doris.
Barney: Woof. Howl. Gruntygruntygruntygruntygrunt.
George: Like that Pancake, Barney? Good boy. Oh look – a door.
Mid-morning in office 17b sub-basement F. Two operatives (Jerry and Michael) are sitting behind computers keeping America safe from the terrorist threat.
Jeremy: ...is it bigger than a matchbox or smaller?
Michael: (ponders for a moment): Bigger.
Jeremy: Does it smell?
Michael: Yes.
Jeremy: Does it wear a turban?
Michael (slightly crestfallen): It might do.
Jeremy: It's Al Quaida!
Michael: God, I love my job. My god, look at the hooters on her!
Jeremy: Jeez, she looks like my sister.
Michael: What, you mean you look at your sister?
Jeremy: Only for reference. I look at your Mother for fun though.
Michael: My Mother doesn't have big hooters.
Jeremy: Of course not.
Michael: Anyway, she had one cut off that time so she can't do.
Jeremy: Yes. But lucky she had you.
Michael: What do you mean, Mr Jeremy about-to-be-smacked-about-the-room. Are you suggesting I am a tit or something?
Jeremy: Nope. Never. (looks at security camera) Shit it's George. Put the tarts away.
Michael quickly ushers them into a cupboard.
Jeremy: Now look normal else I kick your tonks through the top of your head.
The door opens. President Bush walks in with Barney.
George: Oooh this looks like an exciting room, Barney. Maybe there's a sink in here for you to wash your doggie face. Hello fellows. Whatcha doin'?
Michael quickly turns off his PC monitor. Jeremy tries to do the same but isn't quite quick enough.
George: Wow, those ladies don't have any clothes on. Don't they get cold?
Jeremy: It's... er...
Michael: Well done, Jeremy. Let's close that site down immediately as it is unwholesome.
George: Gee whiz, is that chap relieving himself in that lady's face? He should really get himself a toilet – it's much cheaper you know, and won't complain as much.
Jeremy: They are German, Sir.
George: Is that in America or Notamerica?
Jeremy: Is there anything we can do for you Sir?
George: I'm just looking for a bowl of water for old Barney here. If I don't get that pooch watered soon I'll just have to resort to what those two in the picture are doing.
Michael: I see, sir. Out in the hall second door on the left knock twice and wait for a count of ten just in case.
George: Just in case? In case of what?
Jeremy: In case there are people in there in a state of undress sir.
George: Gee, it's all going on here isn't it?
Michael: Just looking after the moral fabric of the country sir.
Jeremy: After all, you don't know if it's bad until you've tried it yourself. In sub-basement F we take our work real serious like.
George: Good to hear. Give yourself another raise. Come on Barney.
Exit George. Michael glares at Jeremy.
Michael: 'We take our work real serious like'?
Jeremy: Well, that's how he talks. You gotta be the Everyman you know.
Michael: Silly sod. Right, I'm off to Madame Gracie's Lady of the Night Emporium and no one else is invited so don't even ask.
Jeremy: Why not? We could have asked Dave, John, Terry and Pete to come along.
Michael: No way would I let those NSA guys anywhere near Madame Gracie's.
Jeremy (bracing himself for a lousy pun): Why not?
Michael: Because as everyone knows, too many spooks spoil the brothel.
Curtains down.
Everyone leaves.
Some of them are crying and not in a good way either.
Fin.
http://www.doggieville.co.uk/weebl/bush.jpg