piemastermike
15-01-2006, 10:05 PM
Normally I wouldn’t delve as deep into the filthy world of television as to indulge in such disgusting broadcasting as the so called “celebrity” Big Brother but due to the Maggot from the G L of C I felt it was my duty to show my support and turn on the telly every once in a while. Today was one of these occasions.
In the daily roundup at 9pm I got to see a number of “humorous” activities carried out by a number of “celebrities”. These allegedly “famous” people were all put in boxes, as was the case for the housemates in the last series. As may imagine much hilarity ensued. OH NO SONNY JIM (or Jemima, I am not sexist)! No humour AT ALL. Right away George Galloway studied the rules of the task closely, it is a real shame he failed to do this at the general election this year. Probably why his party did so badly. I DIGRESS. The outcome of his reading was that George learnt of a way to cunningly win the task quickly, and without any fuss. They all agree on someone to stay in their box and win, while everyone else gets out. No shit George. I can see why you are in government… wait you’re not, unlucky. What a master plan eh? Pity the others are too egotistic to go along with it. All those “famous” people and Chantelle felt they had to stay in their boxes to the bitter end, nothing would bring them from their brown prison but victory! Shortly after this Big Brother announced fresh coffee and pastries were available to freely consume in the dining room. “Fuck this” exclaimed Preston Ordinary, throwing his box away in a frenzy, Pete followed close behind and together they enjoyed their treat. “I WILL WIN THIS” shouted George, shortly before the group agreed that Rula would remain in “her” box while the others stood up. This happened and unsurprisingly Rula was victorious.
30 minutes of pure entertainment, I promise you that. I lie quite a lot too.
Everything prior to this paragraph trails in insignificance compared to what I am about to announce, I would grab a towel and possibly some dettox. JIMMY SAVILLE has entered the building!
ding dong went the bell “don’t open it” exclaimed Michael “they might take you away”, Nurse! One brave soul bared the “celebrity” snatchers to let Jimmy into the house. “I’ve come to fix your problems” he shouted “hooray” they all replied with much glee. That was a lie too. I’ll skip all the hellos, it mainly consisted of Jimbo perving over the “lovely” ladies and making jokes about Viagra. Michael seemed to enjoy it too much. Down to business! Jimmy gave each housemate the chance to write him a letter, asking him to fix something for them in true kids’ TV style, to the bedrooms they went to write (and try to write in Chantelle’s case) their letters to Uncle Jim. Traci had a bit of a problem though, or rather too many. The poor lass just couldn’t decide which of her problems to have fixed “I don’t want to go too deep”; maybe she should talk to Michael? Several cigars later and the original king of bling was clutching the housemates’ letters in his sweaty little palms. More Viagra jokes and off Jimmy went to fix everyone’s problems before the morning. I just hope he can fix Pete’s lips.
In the daily roundup at 9pm I got to see a number of “humorous” activities carried out by a number of “celebrities”. These allegedly “famous” people were all put in boxes, as was the case for the housemates in the last series. As may imagine much hilarity ensued. OH NO SONNY JIM (or Jemima, I am not sexist)! No humour AT ALL. Right away George Galloway studied the rules of the task closely, it is a real shame he failed to do this at the general election this year. Probably why his party did so badly. I DIGRESS. The outcome of his reading was that George learnt of a way to cunningly win the task quickly, and without any fuss. They all agree on someone to stay in their box and win, while everyone else gets out. No shit George. I can see why you are in government… wait you’re not, unlucky. What a master plan eh? Pity the others are too egotistic to go along with it. All those “famous” people and Chantelle felt they had to stay in their boxes to the bitter end, nothing would bring them from their brown prison but victory! Shortly after this Big Brother announced fresh coffee and pastries were available to freely consume in the dining room. “Fuck this” exclaimed Preston Ordinary, throwing his box away in a frenzy, Pete followed close behind and together they enjoyed their treat. “I WILL WIN THIS” shouted George, shortly before the group agreed that Rula would remain in “her” box while the others stood up. This happened and unsurprisingly Rula was victorious.
30 minutes of pure entertainment, I promise you that. I lie quite a lot too.
Everything prior to this paragraph trails in insignificance compared to what I am about to announce, I would grab a towel and possibly some dettox. JIMMY SAVILLE has entered the building!
ding dong went the bell “don’t open it” exclaimed Michael “they might take you away”, Nurse! One brave soul bared the “celebrity” snatchers to let Jimmy into the house. “I’ve come to fix your problems” he shouted “hooray” they all replied with much glee. That was a lie too. I’ll skip all the hellos, it mainly consisted of Jimbo perving over the “lovely” ladies and making jokes about Viagra. Michael seemed to enjoy it too much. Down to business! Jimmy gave each housemate the chance to write him a letter, asking him to fix something for them in true kids’ TV style, to the bedrooms they went to write (and try to write in Chantelle’s case) their letters to Uncle Jim. Traci had a bit of a problem though, or rather too many. The poor lass just couldn’t decide which of her problems to have fixed “I don’t want to go too deep”; maybe she should talk to Michael? Several cigars later and the original king of bling was clutching the housemates’ letters in his sweaty little palms. More Viagra jokes and off Jimmy went to fix everyone’s problems before the morning. I just hope he can fix Pete’s lips.