Zhyl
26-01-2006, 04:52 PM
Have you ever been on a plane and been really bored? Well if you have I don’t blame you. Sometimes flights last hours and hours and all you have to entertain yourself are a few movies that the airline got for free, some food that dreams of being hospital standard and that book on sudoku that you bought at the airport thinking it would keep you amused on the plane but it turns out it doesn’t. Why not try some of these and guarantee yourself a journey packed with nice clean fun.
http://i3.tinypic.com/wryz9s.jpg
1. Pray
On the whole theme of sanctuary, why not make the pan into a shrine of your respective god. If this happens to be yourself, so be it. Here you may contemplate the morality of your actions whilst getting wee on your knees. If you do make up your own religion, you may like to think up a decent name like "Henchism". Any person you think may be "Hench" enough could join you in prayer.
2. Nothing
Be seated and wait for others to get desperate. This is cruel but can be hilarious. If you are on a posh plane with two toilets, get a friend to occupy the john opposite. Nice. If this fails, you may get thrown off the plane. Most won’t bother with little details like parachutes so beware!
3. Scare small children
Be imaginative. Some ideas: pretend to be a vicious caged animal and ensure a fun filled flight for our younger fliers. Other things to consider would be ghost sounds, the classic "I'm going to kill you" whispers and leaving blood smears on the toilet seat. Again, the punishment for taking this too far could be an Edward II execution. This involves a red hot poker and you bending over.
4. Meet new friends
Leave the door open and wait for someone to join you. With your new best buddy you can discuss stuff. Like politics. Bored by politics? Then you could mention what most people do, yetis. If an awkward situation should arise then it is always possible for you claim some private time.
5. Leave a Note
If you have a pen on you, write a message on a piece of bog-roll and leave it on the seat. You can always come back later and see if there is a reply. Please note (yes, very funny): this is a toilet, not an AOL chat room.
6. First aid
You may have to cause some minor injuries first but the 12 or so hours in the air would be perfect for practising your bandage tying. Naturally there is a sink for excess blood but vomit or other body fluids should go down the bog itself. Broken bones may be your biggest problem. Make sure you hide your weapon.
7. Karate
My sensei told me about this. Something about confined space in a combat situation. Although this is probably a metaphor, I still have my suspicions. In this tiny dojo you can build you power and strength. Trying to find a way to increase your speed will just end up with you going in circles.
8. Toilet Tennis
This requires two adhesive labels. On one write: “Eyes right for toilet tennis”. Put this on the left wall. On the other “Eyes left for toilet tennis” and place it opposite the first. This provides literally hours of entertainment, known to last a whole flight. Also can be enjoyed by others on later flights. A friend of mine once claimed to have the squits just so he could play this. We were wondering where it was all coming from.
9. Play the “How many people can you fit in an aeroplane toilet” Game
Self explanatory. This genius game was invented by persian monks who would entertain themselves this way whilst they were supposed to be meditating. They also invented such past-times as eye poking and nipple battleships, the game where poking other peoples chests in search of nipples is fun. Unfortunately, their race died out after one of the people joining in was the pilot.
10. Sleep
Why does there always have to be a fat bloke on the plane who snores? Never fear, you can always seek refuge in the latrine and enjoy your kip in private. Just make sure you wake up in time or you could find yourself on the other side of the world to where you wanted to go in the first place.
Alternatively, of course, you could do what normal people do and simply relieve themselves or have a dump. Drunken vomiting is not advised.
Well, that's enough advice to see you through a few holidays. Just remember to be inventive (within moderation) and of course:
Happy Flying!
Thanks to IrishSteve for improvements. Thanks to Bionic Sheep for the awesomely cool edited plane picture. I've kept the original as an attachment, just for nostalgia's sake.
http://i3.tinypic.com/wryz9s.jpg
1. Pray
On the whole theme of sanctuary, why not make the pan into a shrine of your respective god. If this happens to be yourself, so be it. Here you may contemplate the morality of your actions whilst getting wee on your knees. If you do make up your own religion, you may like to think up a decent name like "Henchism". Any person you think may be "Hench" enough could join you in prayer.
2. Nothing
Be seated and wait for others to get desperate. This is cruel but can be hilarious. If you are on a posh plane with two toilets, get a friend to occupy the john opposite. Nice. If this fails, you may get thrown off the plane. Most won’t bother with little details like parachutes so beware!
3. Scare small children
Be imaginative. Some ideas: pretend to be a vicious caged animal and ensure a fun filled flight for our younger fliers. Other things to consider would be ghost sounds, the classic "I'm going to kill you" whispers and leaving blood smears on the toilet seat. Again, the punishment for taking this too far could be an Edward II execution. This involves a red hot poker and you bending over.
4. Meet new friends
Leave the door open and wait for someone to join you. With your new best buddy you can discuss stuff. Like politics. Bored by politics? Then you could mention what most people do, yetis. If an awkward situation should arise then it is always possible for you claim some private time.
5. Leave a Note
If you have a pen on you, write a message on a piece of bog-roll and leave it on the seat. You can always come back later and see if there is a reply. Please note (yes, very funny): this is a toilet, not an AOL chat room.
6. First aid
You may have to cause some minor injuries first but the 12 or so hours in the air would be perfect for practising your bandage tying. Naturally there is a sink for excess blood but vomit or other body fluids should go down the bog itself. Broken bones may be your biggest problem. Make sure you hide your weapon.
7. Karate
My sensei told me about this. Something about confined space in a combat situation. Although this is probably a metaphor, I still have my suspicions. In this tiny dojo you can build you power and strength. Trying to find a way to increase your speed will just end up with you going in circles.
8. Toilet Tennis
This requires two adhesive labels. On one write: “Eyes right for toilet tennis”. Put this on the left wall. On the other “Eyes left for toilet tennis” and place it opposite the first. This provides literally hours of entertainment, known to last a whole flight. Also can be enjoyed by others on later flights. A friend of mine once claimed to have the squits just so he could play this. We were wondering where it was all coming from.
9. Play the “How many people can you fit in an aeroplane toilet” Game
Self explanatory. This genius game was invented by persian monks who would entertain themselves this way whilst they were supposed to be meditating. They also invented such past-times as eye poking and nipple battleships, the game where poking other peoples chests in search of nipples is fun. Unfortunately, their race died out after one of the people joining in was the pilot.
10. Sleep
Why does there always have to be a fat bloke on the plane who snores? Never fear, you can always seek refuge in the latrine and enjoy your kip in private. Just make sure you wake up in time or you could find yourself on the other side of the world to where you wanted to go in the first place.
Alternatively, of course, you could do what normal people do and simply relieve themselves or have a dump. Drunken vomiting is not advised.
Well, that's enough advice to see you through a few holidays. Just remember to be inventive (within moderation) and of course:
Happy Flying!
Thanks to IrishSteve for improvements. Thanks to Bionic Sheep for the awesomely cool edited plane picture. I've kept the original as an attachment, just for nostalgia's sake.