Zhyl
27-01-2006, 05:49 PM
Breaking news today as everyone born under the star sign of Taurus was run over by a bus. This was heartbreak to any star sign with whom they are compatible. Of course, this not only renewed the debate on whether astrology can really tell the future or just a load of bollocks that they print in Ladies magazines but also means that there is now a vacancy for a new star sign. I have gathered a few contenders that may hope to become like all the other star signs: a load of waffle.
Without further ado:
Who ate all the Pisces
Waatps are fat. They are born lovers of food and continue to be so throughout their lives to the degree that they are morbidly obese by the age of nine. They are generally good with Cancers and Capricorns but will only find love with Pisces. Beware of having children with one as they will probably get eaten. This week, Waatps will get a sum of money, which they will spend on food.
Egonus
Out of all the star signs, Egoni are the most selfish. They find discomfort in sharing the earth with other people and rarely tolerate sharing where it can be avoided. Hardly anybody likes them as they don’t like to share themselves with others. Not compatible with anyone. This week, the Egonus’ energy source planet is being eclipsed by Pluto, so they will be forced to buy a round down the local.
Pyrex
Born in a test tube, Pyrex are inquisitive, bright and intelligent. They spend most of the time in labs trying to learn more about themselves and the world around them. They are hard wearing, practical and very popular, particularly with casseroles. They have been known to crack under pressure. At such a time they will seek refuge on the high seas and relax by robbing merchant ships of gold and then burying it. This week, Pyrexians must be on the look out for love from a mysterious dish.
Binoggini
Binogginis are usually indecisive on account of having two heads. After killing their mother during birth, they are probably the biggest drag in a friendship group. One head is intelligent and an all round good person to be with but has a face like a horses backside. The other is as thick as it gets but is usually sexually irresistible. This can lead to immature arguments over irrelevant or insignificant things. They get on well with Aquarius and Leo, often at the same time. This week, Binogginis must be careful as one head is planning to kill the other.
Suicius
Very emotional, they usually have a very negative thinking pattern. They mainly experience: depression, anger, broken or strained relationships, grief, anxiety, low self-esteem, panic, abnormal fears, resentment, jealousy, guilt, despair, fatigue, tension, boredom, loneliness, withdrawal, obsessive and negative thinking, worry, compulsive behaviour but are nromally quite cheerful with it. They amazingly gather a few friends who soon regret it. When the feelings get suicidal, they need to be ignored. Don’t hang around with them. Suicis must not make any plans for this week.
Tore-Arse (the Bullshitter)
Untrustworthy, they have a natural tendency to over-exaggerate ( I've told them millions of times not to). Whatever they say is either blown out of all proportion or just an all out lie. They are seemingly good people to get along with at first as they can manipulate their image to suit whoever they want to befriend. However, the illusion is lost over time. If they genuinely make a friend or form a relationship they have a habit of backstabbing. Noticing a Tore-Arse is the first step to avoiding one. This week all Tore-Arses will tell someone of their spying missions on Russian sub-marines.
What does the future hold for you?
Without further ado:
Who ate all the Pisces
Waatps are fat. They are born lovers of food and continue to be so throughout their lives to the degree that they are morbidly obese by the age of nine. They are generally good with Cancers and Capricorns but will only find love with Pisces. Beware of having children with one as they will probably get eaten. This week, Waatps will get a sum of money, which they will spend on food.
Egonus
Out of all the star signs, Egoni are the most selfish. They find discomfort in sharing the earth with other people and rarely tolerate sharing where it can be avoided. Hardly anybody likes them as they don’t like to share themselves with others. Not compatible with anyone. This week, the Egonus’ energy source planet is being eclipsed by Pluto, so they will be forced to buy a round down the local.
Pyrex
Born in a test tube, Pyrex are inquisitive, bright and intelligent. They spend most of the time in labs trying to learn more about themselves and the world around them. They are hard wearing, practical and very popular, particularly with casseroles. They have been known to crack under pressure. At such a time they will seek refuge on the high seas and relax by robbing merchant ships of gold and then burying it. This week, Pyrexians must be on the look out for love from a mysterious dish.
Binoggini
Binogginis are usually indecisive on account of having two heads. After killing their mother during birth, they are probably the biggest drag in a friendship group. One head is intelligent and an all round good person to be with but has a face like a horses backside. The other is as thick as it gets but is usually sexually irresistible. This can lead to immature arguments over irrelevant or insignificant things. They get on well with Aquarius and Leo, often at the same time. This week, Binogginis must be careful as one head is planning to kill the other.
Suicius
Very emotional, they usually have a very negative thinking pattern. They mainly experience: depression, anger, broken or strained relationships, grief, anxiety, low self-esteem, panic, abnormal fears, resentment, jealousy, guilt, despair, fatigue, tension, boredom, loneliness, withdrawal, obsessive and negative thinking, worry, compulsive behaviour but are nromally quite cheerful with it. They amazingly gather a few friends who soon regret it. When the feelings get suicidal, they need to be ignored. Don’t hang around with them. Suicis must not make any plans for this week.
Tore-Arse (the Bullshitter)
Untrustworthy, they have a natural tendency to over-exaggerate ( I've told them millions of times not to). Whatever they say is either blown out of all proportion or just an all out lie. They are seemingly good people to get along with at first as they can manipulate their image to suit whoever they want to befriend. However, the illusion is lost over time. If they genuinely make a friend or form a relationship they have a habit of backstabbing. Noticing a Tore-Arse is the first step to avoiding one. This week all Tore-Arses will tell someone of their spying missions on Russian sub-marines.
What does the future hold for you?