3v1l |\/|1NiOn
30-05-2006, 03:44 PM
I've just submitted this to www.badadverts.co.uk with the intention of becoming a writer for them. Could you tell me what you think please?
View advert: Visit4Info (http://www.visit4info.com/details.cfm?adid=33563) - Click broadband version at the bottom.
It seems the entire country is swamped in World Cup fever. At every possible moment, crummy daytime TV presenters everywhere drop in a reference to the World Cup. This seems about as topical as daytime TV can get: constantly mentioning the bleeding obvious. "A big sporting event is happening soon." REALLY!? I never noticed.
From pointless daytime TV, you can only assume that the adverts that intersperse this piffle would be geared towards the people that think: 'Eamon Holmes just mentioned the World Cup. He is very knowledgeable on current world events and thus anything that escapes from his mouth henceforth should be regarded as completely truthful.' He then sprouts some complete toss about what we should all be wearing to be original during the summer. But of course, the standard of people that are watching him agonisingly recommend comfortable thongs, by nature, will take him seriously. This new creation from the Frosties' marketing department seems to follow the same trend: anything that mentions the World cup will sell sell SELL!
At the very beginning we are granted a glimpse at a Rube Goldberg machine, and our brains begin to salivate at the prospect of witnessing another Honda Accord style advert. Unfortunately the advert descends rapidly downhill from here when we realise the machine has been built purely to perform the mediocre task of waking a 'wide-eye bouncing youth' up, and pouring him his breakfast of sugar flavoured cardboard. As the camera pans down we see him in bed, and dressed for the occasion with a bowl of Frosties pouring behind him. As the camera pans back upwards he is fully dressed and in the process of leaping from the bed - with his bowl of Frosties. This is clearly suggesting to us that he cannot wait until he gets downstairs to eat his breakfast, but the whole procedure of a machine - built from common unsanitary household objects - pouring your breakfast doesn't seem like it would pass any form of health and safety inspection. Furthermore, I fail to notice any form of refrigerating device to keep his milk cold. Meaning not only is his breakfast being prepared by a sub-standard food-preparation device, it is being garnished by warm milk which possibly bares host to all forms of bacteria. Frosties will probably try and pass this off as 'friendly bacteria' and reassure us that all is well.
http://img119.imageshack.us/img119/9710/frosties2gt.jpg
The true face of a sugar-induced high
The first error occurs at this point, as the theme of the advert is to create a chant centred on rhyming with the word great. They gallantly plough on, and the boy announces that he 'Can hear the sound of Frosties hitting me [sic] plate'. He has created a fairly complex device to make his breakfast, yet seems to think that the place for a breakfast cereal is a plate. They go in a bowl, dimwit. That's how the milk stays on them.
He pompously marches down his hallway announcing that 'They're gunna taste great, with some of your mates.' Although one would assume if Frosties are bearable to consume sat on your sofa in your underpants, the experience will not magically change when two people are eating with you. A cameo appearance of the once incredible breakfast companion, Tony the Tiger, ensues, as he wisps around the room backing up the boy in his claims of greatness. Well if Tony says they are, they must be!
Appearing at the bottom is a caption which reads: Eat a balanced breakfast. They are even putting their hands in the air and saying: 'Frosties are so bad for you, go eat something else.' I have to say, something along the lines of: As part of a balanced diet, Frosties can help make you fat and unhealthy, would be more appropriate. At least then the brand name is thrown in and the pointless phrase could be turned into another claim of Frosties' infinite power.
http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/5114/frosties24jy.jpg
Why do you take yourself down to this level, Tony?
For a moment, I'd like to question why they are 'gunna taste great' - in the future tense. Implying at this very moment in time, Frosties taste far from it. I'd have to assume you are expected to go about one of their suggestions ritualistically in order to invoke the full Frosties experience. Like being a waitress or a pie rate… Oh a PIRATE! The forced rhyming gets confusing after they run out of words to rhyme with great - the second line of song. Quite why the line 'I think of Frosties when I masturbate,' wasn't uttered, as this seems a rational thing to say considering how much he worships them.
The psychedelic panning and zooming of the amateur cameraman continues as the young offenders marching group are herded through fields, swinging on trees and generally causing mayhem. They then somehow travel instantly halfway round the globe to Australia (or Oz for the purposes of keeping the rhyme in some structure), and then to New York where a crappy papier mâchè resemblance of Godzilla is eating cornflakes. I am not sure why it is implied that the real Godzilla would take time off his busy schedule of eating people and terrorising Japan to participate in what seems to be a world record for the largest bowl of cornflakes. It could possibly be linked to the irresistible nature of Frosties. But why you would want a large man-eating reptile as a figurehead of your company is beyond me.
This is where the GCSE English Literature students get really stuck. 50 seconds is a lot of time to fill, especially when you have the theme of 'Frosties r grate' given to you by the brain-dead director to work with. 15 seconds from the end the box of tricks is empty. All of the methods employed to keep your attention have been used up. The whizzers have gone whizz, the bangers have gone bang. And all we're left with is a continuation of the droning song. At this point they're just making lines up; metaphorically pulling them from the hole that should only be considered an exit. Up until then the point of each line was recognisable, despite its vagueness:
He likes Frosties so much he can't wait to eat them on a morning.
Frosties can be used in a social respect.
They are so good they can be served in restaurants.
Pirates eat them (OK maybe that one is a big vague).
They are consumed on dates.
People from many different countries like to eat them.
Then we start to get the scrapings from the margarine tub that has been sat at the back of the fridge, overshadowed by the sparkly new stuff with Omega 3 acids and fish semen. The next two claims of Frosties' overpowering greatness are: 'Even ladies who personalise number plates. Or a bloke in a crate.' Not only have they used the word plate, to rhyme with great, twice in this abhorrent chant. The second time it is used in an even more retarded context than before. Does it imply that the personalised number plates are kept afloat by the sugary cereal industry? Or does it just imply that tarty rich girls enjoy Frosties too? No-one can be certain, so maybe the kid needs to restructure his phat rhymes in order to get his point across more clearly. And what about the last line of this dire assault on my senses? A man in a crate is dropped from a crane. He is eating Frosties. There are so many questions to be asked here. Why is a man in a suit and bowler hat being transported, via ship, in a crate? Why is his only form of nutrition a single bowl of Frosties? Is he some sort of businessman - a lawyer perhaps? Why is someone smuggling said lawyer? And so on.
http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/6200/frosties33fi.jpg
Quick men, we have to finish the song!
Crate… that rhymes with great!
Maybe the underlying tone of this advert is something to do with slave labour. This scene may be being used to get the public thinking about the wrongs of slavery. Or maybe the work experience student in the advertising department that day had a crack at 'making complete crap up for lots of money,' and rounded off this terrible verse in a concise manor. I expect it's the latter.
The final assault sees the marching band of simpletons, whom have now acquired a large inflatable football, make their way down a street which is decorated in red, white & blue banners (this is where the World Cup theme surfaces - and you thought I'd forgotten where I started this). Suddenly the advert takes an overly patriotic turn. You can almost imagine them marching down the street obnoxiously yelling 'ENGERLUND!!!' Except they seem to be forgetting the advert is about a breakfast cereal and have strayed well beyond their boundaries. Cereal isn't something to get <b>that</b> excited about. And definitely not enough to have an entire crowd of people singing about it. My suggestion would be to dispatch the riot police and have them fire rubber bullets wildly into the crowd. Maybe they could load a few live rounds for the ringleader. He's only going to regret it in 10 years when he looks back on his one and only television appearance. We should just put him out of his misery now.
http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/1023/frosties40wr.jpg
A literal representation of his massive sugar high
View advert: Visit4Info (http://www.visit4info.com/details.cfm?adid=33563) - Click broadband version at the bottom.
It seems the entire country is swamped in World Cup fever. At every possible moment, crummy daytime TV presenters everywhere drop in a reference to the World Cup. This seems about as topical as daytime TV can get: constantly mentioning the bleeding obvious. "A big sporting event is happening soon." REALLY!? I never noticed.
From pointless daytime TV, you can only assume that the adverts that intersperse this piffle would be geared towards the people that think: 'Eamon Holmes just mentioned the World Cup. He is very knowledgeable on current world events and thus anything that escapes from his mouth henceforth should be regarded as completely truthful.' He then sprouts some complete toss about what we should all be wearing to be original during the summer. But of course, the standard of people that are watching him agonisingly recommend comfortable thongs, by nature, will take him seriously. This new creation from the Frosties' marketing department seems to follow the same trend: anything that mentions the World cup will sell sell SELL!
At the very beginning we are granted a glimpse at a Rube Goldberg machine, and our brains begin to salivate at the prospect of witnessing another Honda Accord style advert. Unfortunately the advert descends rapidly downhill from here when we realise the machine has been built purely to perform the mediocre task of waking a 'wide-eye bouncing youth' up, and pouring him his breakfast of sugar flavoured cardboard. As the camera pans down we see him in bed, and dressed for the occasion with a bowl of Frosties pouring behind him. As the camera pans back upwards he is fully dressed and in the process of leaping from the bed - with his bowl of Frosties. This is clearly suggesting to us that he cannot wait until he gets downstairs to eat his breakfast, but the whole procedure of a machine - built from common unsanitary household objects - pouring your breakfast doesn't seem like it would pass any form of health and safety inspection. Furthermore, I fail to notice any form of refrigerating device to keep his milk cold. Meaning not only is his breakfast being prepared by a sub-standard food-preparation device, it is being garnished by warm milk which possibly bares host to all forms of bacteria. Frosties will probably try and pass this off as 'friendly bacteria' and reassure us that all is well.
http://img119.imageshack.us/img119/9710/frosties2gt.jpg
The true face of a sugar-induced high
The first error occurs at this point, as the theme of the advert is to create a chant centred on rhyming with the word great. They gallantly plough on, and the boy announces that he 'Can hear the sound of Frosties hitting me [sic] plate'. He has created a fairly complex device to make his breakfast, yet seems to think that the place for a breakfast cereal is a plate. They go in a bowl, dimwit. That's how the milk stays on them.
He pompously marches down his hallway announcing that 'They're gunna taste great, with some of your mates.' Although one would assume if Frosties are bearable to consume sat on your sofa in your underpants, the experience will not magically change when two people are eating with you. A cameo appearance of the once incredible breakfast companion, Tony the Tiger, ensues, as he wisps around the room backing up the boy in his claims of greatness. Well if Tony says they are, they must be!
Appearing at the bottom is a caption which reads: Eat a balanced breakfast. They are even putting their hands in the air and saying: 'Frosties are so bad for you, go eat something else.' I have to say, something along the lines of: As part of a balanced diet, Frosties can help make you fat and unhealthy, would be more appropriate. At least then the brand name is thrown in and the pointless phrase could be turned into another claim of Frosties' infinite power.
http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/5114/frosties24jy.jpg
Why do you take yourself down to this level, Tony?
For a moment, I'd like to question why they are 'gunna taste great' - in the future tense. Implying at this very moment in time, Frosties taste far from it. I'd have to assume you are expected to go about one of their suggestions ritualistically in order to invoke the full Frosties experience. Like being a waitress or a pie rate… Oh a PIRATE! The forced rhyming gets confusing after they run out of words to rhyme with great - the second line of song. Quite why the line 'I think of Frosties when I masturbate,' wasn't uttered, as this seems a rational thing to say considering how much he worships them.
The psychedelic panning and zooming of the amateur cameraman continues as the young offenders marching group are herded through fields, swinging on trees and generally causing mayhem. They then somehow travel instantly halfway round the globe to Australia (or Oz for the purposes of keeping the rhyme in some structure), and then to New York where a crappy papier mâchè resemblance of Godzilla is eating cornflakes. I am not sure why it is implied that the real Godzilla would take time off his busy schedule of eating people and terrorising Japan to participate in what seems to be a world record for the largest bowl of cornflakes. It could possibly be linked to the irresistible nature of Frosties. But why you would want a large man-eating reptile as a figurehead of your company is beyond me.
This is where the GCSE English Literature students get really stuck. 50 seconds is a lot of time to fill, especially when you have the theme of 'Frosties r grate' given to you by the brain-dead director to work with. 15 seconds from the end the box of tricks is empty. All of the methods employed to keep your attention have been used up. The whizzers have gone whizz, the bangers have gone bang. And all we're left with is a continuation of the droning song. At this point they're just making lines up; metaphorically pulling them from the hole that should only be considered an exit. Up until then the point of each line was recognisable, despite its vagueness:
He likes Frosties so much he can't wait to eat them on a morning.
Frosties can be used in a social respect.
They are so good they can be served in restaurants.
Pirates eat them (OK maybe that one is a big vague).
They are consumed on dates.
People from many different countries like to eat them.
Then we start to get the scrapings from the margarine tub that has been sat at the back of the fridge, overshadowed by the sparkly new stuff with Omega 3 acids and fish semen. The next two claims of Frosties' overpowering greatness are: 'Even ladies who personalise number plates. Or a bloke in a crate.' Not only have they used the word plate, to rhyme with great, twice in this abhorrent chant. The second time it is used in an even more retarded context than before. Does it imply that the personalised number plates are kept afloat by the sugary cereal industry? Or does it just imply that tarty rich girls enjoy Frosties too? No-one can be certain, so maybe the kid needs to restructure his phat rhymes in order to get his point across more clearly. And what about the last line of this dire assault on my senses? A man in a crate is dropped from a crane. He is eating Frosties. There are so many questions to be asked here. Why is a man in a suit and bowler hat being transported, via ship, in a crate? Why is his only form of nutrition a single bowl of Frosties? Is he some sort of businessman - a lawyer perhaps? Why is someone smuggling said lawyer? And so on.
http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/6200/frosties33fi.jpg
Quick men, we have to finish the song!
Crate… that rhymes with great!
Maybe the underlying tone of this advert is something to do with slave labour. This scene may be being used to get the public thinking about the wrongs of slavery. Or maybe the work experience student in the advertising department that day had a crack at 'making complete crap up for lots of money,' and rounded off this terrible verse in a concise manor. I expect it's the latter.
The final assault sees the marching band of simpletons, whom have now acquired a large inflatable football, make their way down a street which is decorated in red, white & blue banners (this is where the World Cup theme surfaces - and you thought I'd forgotten where I started this). Suddenly the advert takes an overly patriotic turn. You can almost imagine them marching down the street obnoxiously yelling 'ENGERLUND!!!' Except they seem to be forgetting the advert is about a breakfast cereal and have strayed well beyond their boundaries. Cereal isn't something to get <b>that</b> excited about. And definitely not enough to have an entire crowd of people singing about it. My suggestion would be to dispatch the riot police and have them fire rubber bullets wildly into the crowd. Maybe they could load a few live rounds for the ringleader. He's only going to regret it in 10 years when he looks back on his one and only television appearance. We should just put him out of his misery now.
http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/1023/frosties40wr.jpg
A literal representation of his massive sugar high