IrishSteve
02-06-2006, 08:54 PM
I've been absent for a while dear friends. The reason for this is I've been risking both life and limb while undercover, investigating the impending Penguin menace.
The problem was first brought to my attention about three years ago. With the rising sea levels in the Artic, I had to ask myself why this was happening. Yes, our scientists will have you believe it's the hole in the Ozone layer, or its CFC gases building up and trapping heat, but lets look at this from another angle. The seas rise. Things that swim in the sea have a more convient mode of transport than spending the next few thousand years evolving. No respect for Darwin. Pengiuns can already walk on land but they are super fast and much more dangerous in water. More water = the opportunity to invade the White House. Or take up residence in a council flat and secure a night cleaners job. These are just examples, it could be much worse.
During my investigation I visited many zoos across the world, always undercover. Belfast Zoo in Northern Ireland. Edinburgh Zoo in....Edinburgh. Wellington and Auckland Zoo's in New Zealand. These "zoos" (oh how naive we are, how better to disguse a tactical miltary base than publicly display your army, and CHARGE people to look at them, obvilious to the fact they're plotting against us as we stare. It's a twisted genius) are piviotal to the spread of Penguin invasion. The master stroke is how they've manipulated US into building them for them, and providing not only food, but care as well!
At each of these places I managed, disguised as a small inflatable beach ball, to get close enough to the Penguin enclosure, and evesdrop on their conversations. Using my Websters Pocket Penguin to English Dictionary, I managed to deduce they are planning world domination, and some herring for dinner. Don't believe me? Ask a Penguin. Seriously. Next time you can, go up to a Penguin and casually mention world domination. They will look at you for a moment, then run to the colony leader, give you a shifty look, then leg it.
We also believe they've recruited the previously neutral badgers to be their land army. These burrowing, once peaceful creatures can inflitrate many crucial government buildings from underground, and no one would suspect a thing until its too late. It's the colourings you see, its an automatic affliation.
It's not just the direct approach either. They've already established a publishing giant to spread their evil message across the world. Pengiun Books? It's subliminal messaging gone mad. Children all over the world being brainwashed, ready pickings once the Penguin Overlords lauch their simultaneous
worldwide attack.
I must leave you now, a report has just been intercepted that a large tuna shipping vessal passing near the Artic Circle has been hijacked. Terriorists my ass....
The problem was first brought to my attention about three years ago. With the rising sea levels in the Artic, I had to ask myself why this was happening. Yes, our scientists will have you believe it's the hole in the Ozone layer, or its CFC gases building up and trapping heat, but lets look at this from another angle. The seas rise. Things that swim in the sea have a more convient mode of transport than spending the next few thousand years evolving. No respect for Darwin. Pengiuns can already walk on land but they are super fast and much more dangerous in water. More water = the opportunity to invade the White House. Or take up residence in a council flat and secure a night cleaners job. These are just examples, it could be much worse.
During my investigation I visited many zoos across the world, always undercover. Belfast Zoo in Northern Ireland. Edinburgh Zoo in....Edinburgh. Wellington and Auckland Zoo's in New Zealand. These "zoos" (oh how naive we are, how better to disguse a tactical miltary base than publicly display your army, and CHARGE people to look at them, obvilious to the fact they're plotting against us as we stare. It's a twisted genius) are piviotal to the spread of Penguin invasion. The master stroke is how they've manipulated US into building them for them, and providing not only food, but care as well!
At each of these places I managed, disguised as a small inflatable beach ball, to get close enough to the Penguin enclosure, and evesdrop on their conversations. Using my Websters Pocket Penguin to English Dictionary, I managed to deduce they are planning world domination, and some herring for dinner. Don't believe me? Ask a Penguin. Seriously. Next time you can, go up to a Penguin and casually mention world domination. They will look at you for a moment, then run to the colony leader, give you a shifty look, then leg it.
We also believe they've recruited the previously neutral badgers to be their land army. These burrowing, once peaceful creatures can inflitrate many crucial government buildings from underground, and no one would suspect a thing until its too late. It's the colourings you see, its an automatic affliation.
It's not just the direct approach either. They've already established a publishing giant to spread their evil message across the world. Pengiun Books? It's subliminal messaging gone mad. Children all over the world being brainwashed, ready pickings once the Penguin Overlords lauch their simultaneous
worldwide attack.
I must leave you now, a report has just been intercepted that a large tuna shipping vessal passing near the Artic Circle has been hijacked. Terriorists my ass....