Parent's Stories of You That You Can't Remember

[Zhyl]

We all have them; parents I mean. They have been with you for a long time, in some cases all your life. it is therefore of no surprise that they remember all the stories of when you were a tiny tot and pleasure in regaling these tales of past times at the most inappropriate and embarrassing times.

So what ones have you got?

My dad was telling me the other day of the time when I was in "one of those moods" when I was very young and was being naughty.

"William!" he said. "If you don't start behaving I will send you to bed"

Being in a mood I said back to him "Well I'll send you to bed!"

"If you did I'd give you a smack."

"Yeah, well I'd smack you back!"

"Well," my dad said. "If you don't behave I'll throw away all your videos."

"NO!" I screamed, bursting into tears.

And the strange thing was is that I can't remember it at all.

[Spacemonkey]

Apparantly when I was 3 I went to stay at my nans for the day.

When my mom came to pick me up, she was told

"Emily's cut her finger a bit, but I put a plaster on and she's ok"

When my mom took the plaster off, you could see right down to the bone.

I had to go to the doctors every day for a week to make sure there was no tendon damage.

All was well, and the only memory I have of it now is a small scar on my finger.

The mysteries remain:

How the fuck did I do it? (my nan was out of the room at the time so she doesn't know)

Why wasn't I screaming the place down?

Story makes me lol anyway :D

[Disgruntledgoat]

I took a shit on my Dad's lap.

Twice.

[Mash89]

I vomited in my Granddad's mouth when he picked me up as a baby once apparently, and it went straight down his throat. Or so I'm told.

I took a shit on my Dad's lap.

Twice.

Was this recently?

[RadioactiveHam]

When I was about 1 my parents were putting wallpaper up in the hall when I fell into an unattended bucket of wallpaper paste...

[Thomp]

I can sort of remember this, but it's only hazy...

I had gone the park with my parents and brother (my sister wasn't born then) and there's a small section of plants and trees from the Far East. There's a small pool in there with stepping stones, and I wandered off onto them.

They were wet and I slipped into the pool and fell onto my arse, into about 3 inches worth of water. I cried for about 15 minutes and all my trousers were soaking.

My dad kept reminding me about it whenever we went to that park ¬_¬

[Mercury126]

Apparently whenever I finished reading a book I would rip the last "page" glued to the cover on the back to see if the story went on any further, it never did :(

[Erskien_Parkour]

I made my mum pretend she was robin while I was batman.

I jumped off the couch then made her do it too.

Apparantly.

Yeah thats a pretty crap story... dont have any good ones D:

[Mat^]

Pissed from the top of a balcony.

Onto my grandad.

[flippinell]

When I was three or something we went to a wildlife park and I wanted to see a rhino, unfortunately they didn't have any so my Dad showed me a brown pig and told me it was a rhino. My logic was that pigs were obviously pink, so the thing that was there was definitely a rhino. I was a dumb kid.

[LeoZ]

apparently I once insisted on walking down the highstreet in my new superman costume.

[slush puppy]

I've been told that when I was 3 or 4 I stayed up the whole night before christmas on the stairs waiting for Santa, and the next day I fell asleep straight in my christmas dinner.

[Hitpoint]

When I was a toddler I was in marks and spencers with my mum, I hid in the big clothes racks and I used to burst out at people and shout "BLOOD!" at the top of my voice, I don't remember it at all but it sounds awesome.

[Midget]

when i was little, i got up at 7 in the morning, cut the floor length curtains to window length with scissors, sliced open the back of the sofa with said scissors, let the gerbils out of their cage, fed a stick of butter and a packet of cornflakes to the terrapins and emptied the entire contents of the fridge onto the living room carpet

it wasn't longer after they had to take me to the doctors about my behaviour, where i was banned from eating/drinking anything with sugar in it

[Qu1f]

Because my parents have RAF connections my parents and me were invited to a party. I was 2/3 and all i remember was that the tables were very low. Apprently there was alcoholc punch there, and i apprently mine sweeped everybodys drinks (ie I drank them all). I was so pissed that I kept puking and doing funny dances (apprently).

[ZekeyLizard]

fed a stick of butter and a packet of cornflakes to the terrapins and emptied the entire contents of the fridge onto the living room carpet


turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/

anyway.


apparently when I was a toddler, my mother took me into a salon in a mall. apparently there was a very meaty woman there of african american descent.

and apparently I pointed at her and asked "monkey?"

where my parents then rushed from the mall.

[maxxy_p]

When I was having my nappy changed once I weed into my own face and cried because I didn't like it. My dad thought it was funny so he let me empty my bladder doing it.

[by crikey!]

i have a couple of good ones.

i got a batman costume for one of my birthdays. i wore it to school wih the school sweatshirt over the top. black throusers and shoes, school shirt = school uniform. the mask, cape and gloves were extras. so it was allowed.

the other was when i got sun cream, put it on my feet and put prints on the walls all the way down stairs making it look like i had been walking on the walls. i got in big trouble for that.

good times.

[Monique]

i was deathly afraid of santa claus till i was about 5. my dad used to always take me to the shopping centre to get pics with me and santa.

when i was about 4, he took me to get photos and as soon as i spotted santa i started kicking and screaming and climbing up dads leg, making him carry me. so he just gave up and continued with the shopping.

still carrying me, he went to the butcher, bought whatever he had to get, and started back to the car. we got about 3 steps away from the butchers when i started crying and screaming again, yelling "dad run, santa is chasing me run run run" so dad, thinking "omg how embarrassing" takes off at a slow jog, trying to get me out of the shopping centre.

he gets halfway across the shopping centre when he hears "hey mate, would ya stop running?". dad turns around and sees the butcher, chasing us. dad had forgot to pick up the meat before he left, and i thought the butcher was santa.

he tells this story every christmas.

[Turkey Sandwich]

Apparently I once put my head between the trolleys at Tesco while someone was putting one back, thus squashing my head and giving me a scar which remains by my right eye.

I don't remember this, but that may be concussion rather than how young I was...

[lynzog]

Mine was apparently I LOVED stealing peoples drinks. ESPECIALLY alcohol.

Once I was about 3 and I was being held by my aunt, and in her other hand some sort of bacardi-type-drink. So I took it out her hand and poured it all over my face and drunk about half of it. She put me down and I just sat there dazed for a couple of hours.

Another time, I was around 5 and apparently stole my dads beer. Drunk it all, got dizzy, sung a bit and was sick. I then passed out. "Quietest night in a long time" my dad says.

...And they say children change...

[Ozzylator]

Apparently, one time I was lying on my back, and I sneezed, and it fell back into my face, so I ran to mum crying "No! Mummy! Sneeze-water!"

[renatzu]

The details are unimportant, but the story ends with my dad saying "Brendan! Get your penis off the table!"

[TheMattfish]

Apparently when i was quite young i managed to find my way to the roof of a hotel when my parents were unpacking the car. They managed to find me before anything happened.

Also, i was a bit older and i was sitting in my room just playing with some toy when my sister walked in and hit me over the head with a cricket bat for no reason at all. I first heard the story when i shaved my head to raise money for cancer and still have the scar on my scalp.

[Boyinabox]

I can vaguely remember this so it possibly doesn't count.

As a toddler I had the habit of destroying any technology my parents had managed to finally scrape enough money together for, the best example is probably when I found a fridge magnet and wiggled it around the TV and watched the picture become weird and distorted. My mum just managed to rush into the room to watch the picture finally vanish from the screen as I said "Mummy look at this".

Once I realised that I'd broken the TV I started to cry, because I knew that I wouldn't be able to watch any of the cartoons the day after (which was unfortunately saturday). :(

[FuriousPanda]

I love this thread.

When i first learnt to walk I used to go for a crap and hide it. I don't know why I stopped that game, it was fun.
Also I have a terrible story involving prune juice and poo.

[Hydralisk]

When I was a wee yin, I would go over to my granparent's on my mother's side every second week. One time my mum, gran, and sister had left to do some shopping [sorry feminists] and my grandad gave me and my brother a bottle of beer [grolch or something like that]. Our parents were back in twenty minutes [a world record for shopping] and we had downed two bottles of the stuff, and were laughing very loudly at some John Wayne movie on the TV.

Needless to say, we picked up where we'd left off a good 6 - 7 years later :D

[allfalldown]

Apparently I used to have an imaginary friend crocodile who lived behind the toilet.

[Super Weebl]

When I was 3 I used to pretend I was a Dinosaur and used to roar at teenage girls.

I did it once and scared a girl so much they nearly ran into the road and got hit by a car.

[queenofself]

i did a few things, all when i was 2 funnily enough. i remember none of them.

im sure lots of people cut their hair...i cut a miassive v shape out of my fringe. obviously for a cutting edge style.

we had a neighbour that my mum would stop & talk to & i would always tell her "i dont like that lady" very loudly whilst they were chatting.

when my friends came round we would wash our hands in the toilet. ha.

also, i have saved the best til last....apparently...my mum took me along to a coffee morning one time & i threw myself down in front of all the mothers & started humping the floor. that mustve been embarassing.

[BekyLou]

My Dad loves to embarrass me.
Once I took my ex round to his house, he went and told him about me, at about the age of 2 maybe 3, taking one of his vinyl outside [this being a very expensive, Michael Jackson picture vinyl] putting it on the floor and dancing on it with a nappy on my head. Oh how happy he was.
He's never let me live it down.

[Preasure]

Apparently I once ran a bath entirely in my sleep, when I was about 5 and didn't even run my own baths anyway. Who knows what would have happened if my dad hadn't heard me.

Along those lines, I also tried to go to the toilet in my sleep, got stopped by the stairgate on my door, and peed through it all over the landing.

[crazy-eye0]

Aparently at my aunty and uncles wedding,when we all got passed the song sheets to sing from,I decided to say "i'll have chicken nuggets and cips".Since I was so young when I did so,my Mam was going on about it for years and years.

[Shalashaska]

apparently when I was a toddler, my mother took me into a salon in a mall. apparently there was a very meaty woman there of african american descent.

and apparently I pointed at her and asked "monkey?"

where my parents then rushed from the mall.


That made me laugh very, very hard.

Mine, when I got a piggy bank type thing in the bank I went around the local clothes shop asking for money. I got about 5 pound by holding up the piggy bank and saying, "Money please!"

[Midget]

im sure lots of people cut their hair...i cut a miassive v shape out of my fringe. obviously for a cutting edge style.
i did something similiar

i went in my mums room and plastered my hair in makeup (why? i don't know) then upon realising it wouldn't rub off, i cut most of it out with nail scissors

[Mr Salek]

I found my dad's porn stash.

He found out when he heard be shouting "boobies".

Must have been about 2 or 3.

[I Lion Heart I]

Well apparantly when I was young, my mum and me were at a clothes shop and she lost me. She later found me sleeping under a clothes stand thing. And I have slept in many other unusual places.

That's about it, although once, me and my 2 older brothers managed to get haribo stuck in the toaster, so my brother put his 2 little fingers in to get them out (why, I donno) and I turned the toaster on. He's got 2 scars to proove it, his little fingers are yellowey in some places.

[Qu1f]

Apprently when i was 2 me and my parents went to a shopping arcade (on sunday so it was full of people) and went to a salon type shop. I wanted to have a pee, so went outside the salon nd peed in the middle of the arcade, with lots of people watching.

Also i drew little mice all over the wall with my mums lipstick (when i was 4), my mum didnt seem to mind much as she found out i learnt how to spell my name (i signed every picture i did).

[Soma]

Firstly, at around 3 years of age I went up to someone who was smoking and said, "That's disgusting!" I did this to two different people on separate occassions.

Second, in a restaurant with my family, my dad had a beer and I had a lemonade, wanting what Dad had I said, "I want brown lemonade!"

Third... this one's a classic...

I was outside with my dad and he could hear a tap inside running, so he said "Someone's left the tap running." I ran inside, upstairs, turned the tap half-way off then came back outside. I said to dad, "It's just walking now."

Possibly more to come...

[AngryPaul]

On a bus. About 3.

Mentally disabled gentleman joins the ride.

At volume: "Mum, whats wrong with that wierd guy's face?"

Off the next stop.

[Lyricaus]

According to my parents, when we moved into our new house (I was about two or three) the grass was really long, and i ended up crawling off, they had to follow the trail in the grass. (As our garden has got to be about 60-70 feet long? unsure.) And then, in the same house when they were re-doing the wood floors, I'm told I got under the floor boards and crawled off, getting lost under there. Makes me doubt my parents in the fact they lost me twice, when I was that young. =/

[LeoZ]

Firstly, at around 3 years of age I went up to someone who was smoking and said, "That's disgusting!" I did this to two different people on separate occassions.


Quite a few adults do this as well tbph.

[Soma]

Quite a few adults do this as well tbph.
My father is one of these adults. Once a friend of mine was at my house and had a ciggy outside, then came in and dad was like "ah whatdaya somking for ya silly boy!" I'm like, "Dad! It's his choice!" And my friend is saying, "It is actually silly though."

[Small Fry]

We were in some park somewhere and I undid the clip on my pushchair and slid out, resulting in my mum running me over. I also trapped my fingers and head in our car boot and have scars to prove it. I can remember these though so they don't count. Very recently, my mother pinned me down (weighs a lot) and my sister shoved vanilla ice-cream down my pants. The front. I have a weird family.

[midas22]

turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/ turtles \o/

anyway.


apparently when I was a toddler, my mother took me into a salon in a mall. apparently there was a very meaty woman there of african american descent.

and apparently I pointed at her and asked "monkey?"

where my parents then rushed from the mall.

I got a similar story, when i was about 3 or 4 me my mum and my brother were going down a street and a african american person passed us and i asked my mum why that man didnt take baths :P

Oh oh!!

I also went over to my aunts rent a house which just so happened to be a manor house with huge white walls, i drew a continuous line on the wall in red crayon...

[captain canuck]

I spent more time during my really early childhood naked than in clothing. My parents have all kinds of embarassing photographic evidence, including a few that suggests that I used to take baths with the neighbour's daughter.

I have no idea how I managed to get into that situation. Though I doubt that whatever I did or said would work anymore.

[Mash89]

My parents have all kinds of embarassing photographic evidence, including a few that suggests that I used to take baths with the neighbour's daughter.

You win.

My parents have a picture of me in the bath with my female step-cousins. That always embarrasses the fuck out of me, especially [sp?] in our circumstances.

Now, a moral issue: Is a relationship with a step-cousin acceptable? Because as we grew up and passed puberty we both kinda started to like each other and we're not technically related...

[LeoZ]

Yeah I used to share baths with my parents' friends' daughters.

What is this sick obsession parents have o_O

[ZekeyLizard]

Yeah I used to share baths with my parents' friends' daughters.

What is this sick obsession parents have o_O

So many terrible jokes.....bubbling up in my brain.....must....resist....

[midas22]

Go on!! you know you want to!!

[Mash89]

Don't encourage him!

[Small Fry]

Now, a moral issue: Is a relationship with a step-cousin acceptable? Because as we grew up and passed puberty we both kinda started to like each other and we're not technically related...

Yes it is - according to the law. Even a relationship with your cousin is alright - as long as it isn't brother or sister (or parents obv.)

[Mash89]

But morally... That's the problem I have.

[AngryPaul]

My mum got a call from school saying that I was doing PE in my underpants and a t-shirt. Which was normal

But there was a hole in the front of the pants.

Pen0r peepage.

I hadn't noticed y'see and was running around scaring everyone.

I was 6.

[Small Fry]

Morally, Mash, if you like/d her, tough shit to everybody else. She isn't even a blood relation - like you said.

[Martinus]

My mum works nights and has done for the past 30 odd years, when I was two or three she found me in the kitchen one morning attempting to dismantle a cassette tape player with an 8 inch breadknife whilst munching on a Farley's rusk.

The part that I consider interesting is that I managed to get through two child security gates, a bolted door (by pushing a trike up against it apparently) and clambered up onto the kitchen bench to loot the rusks and retrieve the knife. I may have made an adept burglar had my disposition been more of a negative one.

I still take things apart to understand how they work.

[Some Random Kid]

When i was younger i was in my mums room with my brother, then he set the room on fire with me in it. I was only like 3, my brother 5. When i think about it now I feel lucky to be alive.

[doctor_fruitbat]

When I was three I got separated from my parents at some Sea World-type place. I spotted them on the other side of the pool, so I clambered through the railings and ran around the edge to get to them. Apparently all the dolphins were swimming after me in case I fell in. Awesome. :D

[Disgruntledgoat]

I used to smash my Mum's expensive ornaments together and break them.

Stupid Ornaments.

[Small Fry]

Dolphins are the smartest animal on the planet - humans included.

[captain canuck]

Yeah I used to share baths with my parents' friends' daughters.

What is this sick obsession parents have o_O Actually, I'm pretty sure it's solely and exclusively due to their need to create a scenario they can drag up in conversation some time in the distant future in order to totally embarass their kid. Any other reason would just be creepy :p

[Teri]

lol its not my story but its one of my friends brothers..

He used ot have this plastic race car thing he could ride, right? and He was only like 4 at the time and his mum told him to go in for a bath. He didnt want to go in so she said if your quick he could come back out to play. Now obviously trying to be quick as he could he decided he'd be faster if he DIDNT put clothes on.

He jumped on his plastic car and was riding down the hill naked cause my other friends mum to faint. Lol.

Same kid got his head stuck in a gate.

As for me the only thing I can think of is kinda shit. I had a chocolate digestive and it had melted all over my hands so I decided to wipe it on my face :) Mmm chocolatey

[XtremeNL]

I was once playing with my brother and sister, my sister said "Booh, I'm a spirit!". My brother went "I'm a ghost!".
To wich I responded with "I am the Holy Ghost!"

After being told that God/Jesus is everywhere, I quickly caught on: My mother took me along with shopping, me sitting in the shooping cart. Suddenly i flailed my arms around, making a catching motion and exclaimed "I caught Jesus!".

Being raised a Christian adds humor!

[Beef Magic]

Oh man, my mum drags out stories of me every three months

- My mum was awoken one morning to the smell of toast. It had become apparent that I have climbed out my cot, over the stairgate, crawled downstairs, got some bread and managed to work the toaster at like the age of 2, or younger

- My mum was doing something and heard a "SMASH! SMASH!" sound coming from the kitchen. She entered the kitchen to find me sitting on the floor, smashing dinner plates, while my dad stood and watched.
Mum - "WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?!?"
Dad - "...well he likes it..."

- There is a photo of me where I am sitting on my brothers lap on christmas. About two seconds after the shutter clicked I promptly vomited onto my brother.

- Another vomiting one - after me and my brother were hidden upstairs while my mother was entertaining some guests, I, once again, had vomited. My brother rushed downstairs to my mother and said "David spewed!", in front of all the guests.

More when my mother brings them out again.

[codename_47]

Ah, I have one probably lame one.

We were driving through the town of Harlech in...I think it was Wales (given that we only ever used to holiday in either Cornwall or Wales it has to be one of the two, and Harlech sounds more Welsh-er than Cornwall-ian...)
and my dad, having seen that movie with it in, began reciting the song "Men of Harlech" which I listened to intently, being 2 or 3 and worshipping anything that the father-type creature said.

Anyone, on the return journy we again passed through Harlech and I thought it was my time to sing the Harlech song, which I sung like this

"MEN of Harlech...
DER DER DER DER
DER DER DER DER DER DER DER DER
*pause*
MEN OF HARLECH
DER DER DER DER
DER DER DER DER DER.."

The funny part (if there is one) was the fact that the old me (which was in fact, the young me...arf) thought that those were the actual lyrics for a year or two and would recite them for any family member whenever asked about the "Harlech Song"

I hear that story about once every 6 months....

[codename_47]

Eyyyy....a story so bad it killed the thread...

I'm sorry! I don't want to be known as thread killer_47 so...so

I'M SORRY!!

[Monkey fun]

Oh dear, better re-start the thread with a good'un.

When I was in nursery I was supposedly quite naughty. One particular day the head of three of these nurseries came to visit ours. When my mother came to pick me up, she was asked whether she was indeed my mum by this woman. When my mum said yes, this woman became quite stern.

"I assure you, he was quite naughty today. And when I told him to go and sit in the naughty chair, HE PICKED IT UP AND THREW IT AT ME."

Damn, I wish I'd been there.

[midas22]

When i was about 2 or 3 in my nursery i told the teachers to "piss off!" i learnt that from the robin hood men in tights movie aparently :D

[Martinus]

Oh dear, better re-start the thread with a good'un.

When I was in nursery I was supposedly quite naughty. One particular day the head of three of these nurseries came to visit ours. When my mother came to pick me up, she was asked whether she was indeed my mum by this woman. When my mum said yes, this woman became quite stern.

"I assure you, he was quite naughty today. And when I told him to go and sit in the naughty chair, HE PICKED IT UP AND THREW IT AT ME."

Damn, I wish I'd been there.

You should work for Microsoft. You'd fit right in at the highest levels.

[LeoZ]

At nursery I punched some guy and knocked him out. I was not allowed to make banana split that afternoon.

Although, that story doesn't really count because I remember doing it :x