Internet Relationships

[Svelter]

A fellow forumite and I were just discussing the taboo subject of relationships over the internet and the stigmata associated with them. Although, they sound bizarre, we're sure they are more common than expected so I thought I'd make a closed, secret poll about them to see who has had one before. That includes meeting a partner over the internet, even if you met afterwards, so long as you were 'going out' before you did meet.

Go!

[Mat^]

I'm not a fan.

I was in one, essentially it was a glorified excuse to have a girl flash me over webcam, which is nice when you're 13.

Then you realise with the effort you're putting in you could see some tits in the real world!

[Ozzylator]

Don't really work. Inevitable amount of frustration, then a messy end.

[Mat^]

I am waiting for YLY to post.

Do not disappoint me Jon!

[ZOIDBERG]

I haven't had a relationship anywhere, unsurprisingly.

[Thunderjew]

I've done several.. 3 to be exact.

#1: We chatted for a long time, finally met, had a great weekend and then nothing more. Distance killed it.

#2: Basically the same thing as above, although no great weekend. She turned out to be a complete slut bitch, but her friend was damn sweet.

#3: She was actually #2's good friend. I was chatting with #2 and we had the cam going. She told me that her friend would come by with some smokes for her. And the friend did. And she was smoking hot, so i convinced her to try out this computer stuff (she had never really used one before, just to surf a bit around and e-mail and such), so she did. And we repeated that the next day. And the next day, and so on for about a month with webcam, text messages and phone calls. Then we finally decided to meet, and it was love at first (IRL) sight too.
We were together for 2½ years, and we have a daughter together.

So all in all, yeah i would go for an internet relationship IF it is taken to the real life step. I don't want silly internet girlfriends or Second Life marriages, but relationships that start online and go to real life is okay for me, and i would do it again if i met a nice girl online and there are chances that it would work IRL too.

[Svelter]

Don't really work. Inevitable amount of frustration, then a messy end.
This sounds familiar.

[Nuclear Spoon]

I haven't had a relationship anywhere, unsurprisingly.

Join the club.

Membership is all the dignity you'll ever have.

[Lucage]

I met a girl through IRC. We talked for a good couple of months just as friend before we admitted to each we thought the other was attractive. We met up and started seeing each other.
Only problem was, we lived about 5 hours apart by train and we both were working, we only saw each other on the weekend.

We lasted about 8 months before the distance/lack of seeing each other got too difficult. It ended quite badly, but we're good mates now.

[Dingbat]

I'm in a similar situation to Lucage, except the girl I met was on these very forums. We still talk, our relationship lasted over a year but in the end the distance proved far too much. That wouldn't entirely put me off, however.

[Pie-Badger-Man]

Same story with me.
For nearly half a year I Had an internet relationship
Met up with the girl, No problems..She wasn't a pedophile and she wasn't previously black (Jackson joke..Oooo!) Went VERY Well
And about alittle while after that She broke up with me because of the distance...Apparently

[Fraek]

I'm not a fan.

I was in one, essentially it was a glorified excuse to have a girl flash me over webcam, which is nice when you're 13.

Then you realise with the effort you're putting in you could see some tits in the real world!Thirteen? By Jove, I was still learning to consider hugs non-lethal at that age!


As for internet relationshipiness...
Ain't been involved in one, and I can't say I'd be interested in one. To date, I've never met up with an "internet person" in the flesh.

[WraithMaster]

The distance is ultimately what ended my 3-year relationship with my first girlfriend (non-internets) (she was at one Uni, I was at another about 3 hours away by bus). There were other reasons behind it but that's not the point. Distance is a huge factor in this type of situation.

I met a girl on another forum and we have so much in common, we became wonderful friends and everything through the net. We eventually both developed a "thing" for eachother and the only reason we haven't acted on that is because she lives in Australia and I'm here in the U.S. We came to the conclusion that when we first meet we'll decide where to go from there as we're both 20 and neither of us are planning on living where we do now later in life, so based on what goes on, I may end up living in Aust for a while after I graduate from Uni (which I was kinda planning on doing anyway), or she may come here (if things work out between us and her hopeful career path). It's all just ideas we've come up with beyond me going to visit sometime next year, of course.

So what I'm trying to get across is, if you're gonna get in an internet relationship, plan something out which will allow you both to decide whether or not it's worth going through with it.

[Meatwad]

only once, when I was younger. and like Mattothepowerof, it was mostly just a good excuse for tits.

[terrorbite]

Using an online dating service to find someone in real life is fine.
Chatting to someone with the genuine intention of meeting up with them is fine.

Pure internet relationships are lame as hell.

And so concludes my thoughts.

[Disgruntledgoat]

Yeah, for a month, when I was 14.

She turned out to be a Lesbian.

We still talk occasionally, and have met up since.

She's probably one of my oldest surviving friends.

[Urlosenged]

(I'm ashamed to admit) I've been in 2. One with a girl in Canada and one with a girl in...err...I forget where, NSW somewhere though (both while I was living in Melbourne). They were both years ago, and basically I look back on them as confidence boosters - I was never the most confident person (and I'm still not), yet knowing that there was someone somewhere in the world who actually wanted to talk to me and apparently had some sort of feelings for me, that filled me with confidence I'd never had before. At the time they were more than that, but really now I see that they were never anything more than that.

Lame, I know, but there you go. Know what the odd thing is though? I'm not even just admitting this because it's the internet, and (semi) anonymous. I'd tell anyone this who asked me. That's the weird thing.

[Soapie]

Yes, and we've been together 20 months.

[DarkTrojan]

I went out with Lucage

[nataya_ivanna]

Guys in internet seem much nice than guys in real life=( maybe because guys in real life be WHORES! friend of mine, isaac, from internet very very sweet, maybe for is shy but is never disrespecting. guys in real life....argh. maybe is for i work in bar, or lived in bratislava, or bad luck, but i thinks boys online nicer for if want intimate bond. =) only my opinion

[captain canuck]

Internet relationships may well be just shit, but I only really figured that out due to actually having one ages ago, not just agreeing with general consensus to seem "cool" (for one thing I know I'm not, so I'd gladly deviate if I believed it). Early days of the modern internet even; so I bet I could blame the primitiveness of it all for being a big part of its inevitable demise. With all the modern social networking and multimedia technologies and the like, it might actually be slightly easier to deal with long distance stuff than it was back then.

Actually. I met a girl who lives in North Vancouver while I lived in Vancouver, who I've managed to keep in touch with solely due to all this newfangled technology, so I guess that proves my point. It's technically still an internet relationship, despite not starting that way, but quite unlike the standard version that progresses from online to offline-ness.

I recognize that, despite the origin, and my generally good intentions, it still seems lame as long as the online part continues; but I do have the intent of changing that when I can actually afford to do so.

If I were a total pessimist I'd suggest it will fizzle long before that. But I'm not. :p

[Monique]

The distance is ultimately what ended my 3-year relationship with my first girlfriend (non-internets) (she was at one Uni, I was at another about 3 hours away by bus). There were other reasons behind it but that's not the point. Distance is a huge factor in this type of situation.

I met a girl on another forum and we have so much in common, we became wonderful friends and everything through the net. We eventually both developed a "thing" for eachother and the only reason we haven't acted on that is because she lives in Australia and I'm here in the U.S. We came to the conclusion that when we first meet we'll decide where to go from there as we're both 20 and neither of us are planning on living where we do now later in life, so based on what goes on, I may end up living in Aust for a while after I graduate from Uni (which I was kinda planning on doing anyway), or she may come here (if things work out between us and her hopeful career path). It's all just ideas we've come up with beyond me going to visit sometime next year, of course.

So what I'm trying to get across is, if you're gonna get in an internet relationship, plan something out which will allow you both to decide whether or not it's worth going through with it.
No Wraithmaster, I will NOT go out with you. Stalker! lol. jokes.

No i would never. Theres really no point if you cant see each other and how you perceive people on the internet is usually different than real life.

[steffie]

i've talked to people online, then ended up dating them after we met up in real life. i even ended up dating a fellow forumite (those of you who were around 18 months ago might remember). it might just be that i have been unlucky, but for me, these relationships that i got myself into have never ended well because they have turned out to be very different to how i imagined them and vice versa, so it has been a disappointment. it has certainly made me very wary of getting involved with people i have spoken to online in anything more than friendship.

[Lewiji]

In a way? I knew a girl at school but never really talked to her, so I added her on myspace and started chatting to her through that and MSN over summer. A few months later we met up (as we went to different colleges) and have been together since, almost 10 months now. I don't know if that counts. But I suppose it shows that MSN etc is a lot easier to get to know someone's personality because there's nothing else there for you to take in.

That said I wouldn't ever have an "internet relationship" as you say. We see each other almost every day and it sucks when I don't see her for 2 days or more. Nothing beats the feeling of closeness you get from that.

[Smartie]

I met my last g/f through a gay website. We talked for a good few months before meeting, and I didn't fancy her through her profile.
But when we met it was different.
We were together just over 3 years.

To be fair, the internet is a brilliant way of meeting loads of people you'd never get the chance to, and if you end up going out with some of them there's no stigma in that.
However to conduct relationships entirely online seems a little odd, as there's nothing like intimacy and closeness to make you happy. Some pixels on a webcam I feel would be unable to fulfill that successfully.

[Mat^]

Guys in internet seem much nice than guys in real life=( maybe because guys in real life be WHORES! friend of mine, isaac, from internet very very sweet, maybe for is shy but is never disrespecting. guys in real life....argh. maybe is for i work in bar, or lived in bratislava, or bad luck, but i thinks boys online nicer for if want intimate bond. =) only my opinionCan I be your internet boyfriend?

[i_stalk_badgers]

I've met people online, but never done a purely online relationship - and never considered myself as "being with someone" before I met them.

1 - chatted to someone regularly on a messageboard, and met them at a general meet-up. We clicked, then started emailing more regularly before 'getting it together'. It worked really well, I moved down south to be with him, we were together for a good couple of years and then drifted apart rather passive-aggressively. However, he was also in love with someone he met online at the same time, and I'm fairly sure they had their fair share of e-shags.

2- Met online, met up, got together, eventually broke up because he was still in love with his ex.

Hmm, seeing a pattern here...

[albie_123]

I'm not a fan.

I was in one, essentially it was a glorified excuse to have a girl flash me over webcam, which is nice when you're 13.

Then you realise with the effort you're putting in you could see some tits in the real world!
Ditto, except replace the whole flashing / tits thing with a dignified relationship.

It's just too freaking hard, people.

EDIT: Just like to say, break ups are waaaaay easier in an online relationship.

I'm still friends with the girl I was with.

we haven't talked for ages, but yeah whatever

EDIT EDIT: Post below makes a fair point too.

I have good friends on the internet, and we've been good friends for a while.

[piemastermike]

yes I have. I have a relationship with Jimeh, amongst others.

Not a sexual relationship, but you didn't state that.

[BlueIncaPilot]

I think physical stuff is very important in a 'proper' relationship which is why an internet relationship will likely never come of anything. It's alright to have a bit of fun, but saying you have a girlfriend is going a bit too far. Sorry if I offend anyone.

[White Tiger]

There was a girl at school who gave her best friend my msn so i talked to this girl we started to like each other yadda yadda. Met up eventually after meeting her on a Saturday, asked her out on Sunday she said yes went out for 4 months with dodgyness. Just trying to see her even though she just lived up her hill. But was way to into her friends then the next 3 months started to go down hill, more weeks in a row without even talking to her and then eventually just wasted my time when i was very upset/sad with like everything, and she wasn't there for me and thought she really didn't need to help me. So led me on for a month until finally dumping me on the eve of valentines day.
Its also now made me lose chances with other girls, because of stepping back and thinking ''wait what if she's just like my ex who didn't like me?'' which has made me fail when trying to get other girls, because of just basically not having the balls.
Yet i still manage to 'get off' with some random girl i don't know in a tent, well i know her name, where abouts she lives, that she can't live without her phone and can squeeze the shit out of my hands. (seriously I'm sure she was cutting off the circulation, but thats because she was scared of these guying trying to jump over the fence)

In a way yes i did, don't really want to do it again.

[Thomp]

It's alright to have a bit of fun, but saying you have a girlfriend is going a bit too far.

Why is it? Does it mean that people who have met over the internet aren't allowed to love one another, maybe marry, have kids and have a perfectly good life with each other?

What you're implying is that if you meet someone in real life, you can call them your girl/boyfriend, yet if you meet over the net first, THEN meet up and let things progress from there, then you're not allowed to use that word? I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous. If two people are going out, whether they live within 1 mile or 200 miles, they should still have the right to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend

[Mat^]

Yet i still manage to 'get off' with some random girl i don't know in a tent,This is just braggery here ^.

[Kardum31]

Why is it? Does it mean that people who have met over the internet aren't allowed to love one another, maybe marry, have kids and have a perfectly good life with each other?

What you're implying is that if you meet someone in real life, you can call them your girl/boyfriend, yet if you meet over the net first, THEN meet up and let things progress from there, then you're not allowed to use that word? I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous. If two people are going out, whether they live within 1 mile or 200 miles, they should still have the right to call each other boyfriend and girlfriendI think she's saying that if the relationship is purely electronic (as in no actual physical contact ever) it shouldn't be considered a true boyfriend/girlfriend-style relationship. Personally, I agree.

[LeoZ]

There was a girl at school who gave her best friend my msn so i talked to this girl we started to like each other yadda yadda, met up eventually after meeting her on a Saturday asked her out on Sunday she said yes went out for 4 months with dodgyness trying to see her even though she just lived up her hill and was way to into her friends then the next 3 months started to go down hill more weeks in a row without even talking to her and then eventually just wasted my time when i was very upset with like everything and she wasn't there for me and thought she really didn't need to help me so led me on for a month until finally dumping me on the eve of valentines day.


You seem to have quite a rocky relationship with our friend the full stop.

Why is it? Does it mean that people who have met over the internet aren't allowed to love one another, maybe marry, have kids and have a perfectly good life with each other?


I think she's talking about internet relationships where the two have never met IRL.

Apologies if I'm wrong though.

[Garry3]

There was a girl at school who gave her best friend my msn so i talked to this girl we started to like each other yadda yadda, met up eventually after meeting her on a Saturday asked her out on Sunday she said yes went out for 4 months with dodgyness trying to see her even though she just lived up her hill and was way to into her friends then the next 3 months started to go down hill more weeks in a row without even talking to her and then eventually just wasted my time when i was very upset with like everything and she wasn't there for me and thought she really didn't need to help me so led me on for a month until finally dumping me on the eve of valentines day.



More than one comma required, that sentence hurts my head :(

[Thomp]

I think she's talking about internet relationships where the two have never met IRL.

Apologies if I'm wrong though.

I think she's saying that if the relationship is purely electronic (as in no actual physical contact ever) it shouldn't be considered a true boyfriend/girlfriend-style relationship. Personally, I agree.

If that's the case, then I apologise myself :p

[BekyLou]

I think its only right if you meet them in real life, before calling them a boyfriend/girlfriend. Otherwise I think it would be just plain weird.

[captain canuck]

I don't know if anyone over their (very) early teens would dispute that.

[White Tiger]

More than one comma required, that sentence hurts my head :(

Fixed a bit sorry, i was in rant mode.

I kinda agree with the whole its not a proper boy friend and girlfriend thing. Since theres no contact, and no actual face to face talking which is very important for relationships.

[archbishop_josh]

Only once and it wasnt really an "internet relationship". I was a "citizen" of this micro nation called lovely, (there was a tv show about it a while back with Danny Wallace who was the king). Anyway, it was mainly internet based and i was quite popular on the forums, sort of like one of the full pluss dudes here. anyway... got talking to a girl off there. Chatted on webcam and that, she was pretty hot, funny too. We met at one of the citizen meets at the Bull Ring and hit it off. we only lived about 20 miles away so that was all good. We were sort of officially 'going out' went too the pictures and that a few times...


'Bout a month later we broke up. Just didnt work out i guess.

Internet relationships = Generally rubbish. (But thats the same with normal relationships anyway really)

[Mittwoch]

I've met people I got to know over the internet, and must admnit that I've had an internet 'relationship' though tbh it was more just talking to each other a lot and having silly crushes on each other. I've never had a proper relationship with someone I met online, though I can see that, distance allowing, it could very easily work. That's the main problem though - I don't think fledgling relationships can survive long distances unless both people are very very serious about it, not something you're going to gain from chatting on msn and meeting up a few times.

[captain canuck]

I suppose the bottom line is you need a way to confidently ascertain that the other person is basically who they claim to be; and no, I don't mean in the sense of wierdos pretending to be 16 year old girls (from California :p) online. Someone who's pretending to be something they aren't (in a general personality/life history sense) is harder to catch in a lie online than when you're around them in person often.

[matt bird]

i got busy with a beautiful canadian girl

then i got too heavy and she ran away

[BlueIncaPilot]

Why is it? Does it mean that people who have met over the internet aren't allowed to love one another, maybe marry, have kids and have a perfectly good life with each other?

What you're implying is that if you meet someone in real life, you can call them your girl/boyfriend, yet if you meet over the net first, THEN meet up and let things progress from there, then you're not allowed to use that word? I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous. If two people are going out, whether they live within 1 mile or 200 miles, they should still have the right to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend

Yes that's all well and good I would read it all if you didn't say people who have met, because that's not what I'm talking about.

[sushi.]

I've met all my relationships online except for the current one.

The first one I had remains my best friend and probably always will be.

[Dude]

Me and Alsieboo who I met on these here forums many years ago had an internet relationship. When we finally met like years later we couldn't help ourselves... She's my best mate and we've both got partners that aren't each other.

Also met up with another girl on these here forums.

Internet relationships are ok when you're young and can't really get a girlfriend/boyfriend because you're not cool enough. But nothing can beat the real thing :D

[Taysmith]

It depends what constitutes a 'relationship', which is a word that almost everybody defines differently. As long as the internet meeting/discussions transfer to real life, I feel that's a relationship. But just some intimate webcam moments, no, I don't feel that is one.

I think the other question this poses is about long-distance relationships and whether they truly work (as most internet relationships appear to take place across many miles). Take, for instance, one of my friends. He only seems to get girlfriends when he goes to his holiday home in Norway, never in England (surprising, because he's a pretty incredible guy). Most of these only last the duration of his stay in Norway, but one lasted for 6 months, 4 of which he was in England. They seemed pretty close but apparently the distance got to HER, not him. Hm...

[CoX]

I've never had a long-distance relationship, as I don't think they would work for me. However, if they work for other people, then I don't see why they shouldn't go for it.

[sarahcyanide]

I had one. Never again, I mean, he was a lovely guy, still is, but it was way too hard on us, and the distance forced us apart.

[Hydralisk]

I've not had much luck on the dating circuit - I'm considering utilizing some internet date cafe thingmybob though, any tips would be appreciated.

[captain canuck]

Internet dating sites don't work.

They promise you too much then fail to deliver, or charge too much then fail to deliver.

That's general consensus I'm drawing from, not just personal experience.

[BlueIncaPilot]

Internet dating sites don't work.

They promise you too much then fail to deliver, or charge too much then fail to deliver.

That's general consensus I'm drawing from, not just personal experience.


My mum found and married someone off one of those.

[danny boi]

ive never done internet dating since 1. if you meet someone they probably live bloody miles away 2. they could be pedophiles :eek:

[Smartie]

Internet dating sites don't work.

They promise you too much then fail to deliver, or charge too much then fail to deliver.

That's general consensus I'm drawing from, not just personal experience.

Well, I'd disagree.
After using a site I have met several people from, one I had a rel/ship with for 3+ years, and another one I'm hopefully just starting.

Those sites only fail when users don't spot the warning signs and avoid the people who are crazy/ liars/ on day release.

Also the site I use costs about £40 per year. Whereas others (like the Guardian Soulmates site) is more like £200. Now that's daylight robbery!

[f-oli]

I feel like I've never had an online relationship, although there are probably girls out there who would disagree. I'm currently in a long distance relationship (thanks to university locations) and I can't see it lasting to the weekend, she just told me she wants to spend LESS time with me.. in a long distance relationship. Yeah, I couldn't work that one out either. :(

[Urlosenged]

2. they could be pedophiles :eek:
Hello there big boy ;)

Whereabouts do you live?

[Smartie]

Hello there big boy ;)

Whereabouts do you live?

Must spread rep etc.

[::MTV::]

e relationships never work out is what i say!

[captain canuck]

she just told me she wants to spend LESS time with me.. in a long distance relationship. Yeah, I couldn't work that one out either. :( I think there's only one obvious conclusion.

She has been secretly drafted by Al Quaeda. I'll alert the authorities.

[Youlikeyams?]

I think there's only one obvious conclusion.

She has been secretly drafted by Al Quaeda. I'll alert the authorities.

You didn't include a sentence to replace your scored-out one.
Post is incomplete. :(

[Smartie]

Wouldn't be annoying, having an e-relationship to not be having actual sex with the person.
That's kinda rubbish.

[Martinus]

I feel like I've never had an online relationship, although there are probably girls out there who would disagree. I'm currently in a long distance relationship (thanks to university locations) and I can't see it lasting to the weekend, she just told me she wants to spend LESS time with me.. in a long distance relationship. Yeah, I couldn't work that one out either. :(

Tell her it's ok, you didn't picture it working out anyhow. Move on before she does. It'll really bother her.

[Taysmith]

She just told me she wants to spend LESS time with me.. in a long distance relationship. Yeah, I couldn't work that one out either. :(

Post of the year!

[gembird]

I knew my current boyfriend from an open mic night we used to go to at uni, but we never really spoke to each other until I was introduced to the stuff he did for YouTube with his mates. We had spoken to each other via Facebook before, but we started up another conversation which led to him asking to meet me. I figured it couldn't be too dodgy seeing as he was only 18 months older than me, and things went well- we've been seeing each other for over a month. The long distance thingover the summer is gonna suck (he's in Reading, I'm in East Anglia) but seeing as I'll be living there full-time from September I think we can cope.

So yeah, the internet helps geeks like me and Ed to get together, but I think it's probably best to just be friends until you meet for real and see if there's a spark.

Jesus Christ, I don't half ramble.

[captain canuck]

You didn't include a sentence to replace your scored-out one.
Post is incomplete. :( Actually. It was intended to be complete.

The one conclusion is just meant to be obvious...



Though I've already forgot what it was, so you might be right after all.

[Littleshore]

I know ONE couple who have successfully found their significant other on-line. All the other "from internet to irl relationships" ended either with a horrible break up, that one of the persons are whacked up crazy, that one have internet disease, or two or more of the above..

The worst thing happened to a mate of mine a few years ago, the girl he met had every one of those "attributes" and also 0 personality.. Ended with him sending an text message to us pleading to come rescuing him..

I believe in meeting people in real life first, THEN start to talk with/stalk them on line.

[Hiddenpower]

Stigmata can be caused by internet relationships? OMGWTF!

On a serious note though, I see no reason why two mature adults could found a relationship online and move on from there. Long distances however make it very messy indeed but if you're patient enough I don't see why not.

[DangerMouse]

What's wrong with internet relationships?

I've been in one for 6 years now. After two glorius years of bandwidth bliss, we decided to make the jump and have a cyber-wedding. We now have 3 beautiful little megabit-babies and despite our occasional arguments, i know that all i have to do is block her for an hour or so until she chills her CPU.

It's not without it's troubles though, she went on webcam the other day and her eye was bruised. She said it was because i'd nudged her one too many times, i said it was because she ROFL too much. I don't want her going out looking like that, what happens next time she goes into the chat-room? Sxi-Babi2352 and Litlprincess2k7 will talk, and we all know how much of a gossip they are, it's like a sewing circle with them two.

[Svelter]

Guys in internet seem much nice than guys in real life=( maybe because guys in real life be WHORES! friend of mine, isaac, from internet very very sweet, maybe for is shy but is never disrespecting. guys in real life....argh. maybe is for i work in bar, or lived in bratislava, or bad luck, but i thinks boys online nicer for if want intimate bond. =) only my opinion
I was actually thinking of going to Croatia to live in later life. It seems like there's loads of really nice women around there but all the men are rubbish. Although, I'd have to learn the language first, which I don't know how I would, because I can't stand being the type of person who speaks their own language in a foreign country, and most of my girlfriends have gone out with me because they liked talking to me.