Meeting New People

[Svelter]

I thought this might be an interesting topic to make into a thread. You see, I have to shamefully admit that I am rubbish at meeting and speaking to strangers and new people that I've never talked to before. I do it all the time as well, there's just something - some sort of barrier - that prevents me from being able to make a good first impression.

Do any of you have this problem? Or do any of you have any techniques, methods or standard lines you say to strike up a conversation with somebody? It's quite frustrating for me because I can talk about lots of interesting and funny details once I get familiar with somebody but I can't start talking to most people.

[rachel ^_^]

i usually just find something going on to comment on

i didnt know anyone in any of my courses at the start of term but got to know them by talking about what's going on and finding some common ground

also shaking people's hand always seems to work, they find it quirky and friendly :)

[da-geezer]

Set approaches and lines are the cheesiest of them all; and only the cheese fall for them. Throw that out of the window straight away.

If you want to meet and greet people, just be yourself. Find out something about them, then go and talk to them about it. If you just act naturally then things will work themselves out if it's meant to be. Try to stay courteous and open-minded, nobody likes an asshole or a bigot.

If ti doesn't work out, then it probably wouldn't have lasted long if it did given that you were acting like yourself. If it does work out, then you've hit the jackpot as you've not got to impress anyone, if they like you when you're being yourself then it's jackpot time.

[GorillaBearBear]

For me, there's the creepy way that works all the time, or the normal way that doesn't work that often.

The first one is, say you are in a pub or cafe or on the bus or anywhere really, and two people who seem pretty cool are talking, just listen to them for a bit until a suitable topic and moment comes up that you can say something interesting or funny. If they are friendly people, you can just hava conversation and if you impress them and you like them, just swap numbers or facebooks or whatever. This is a good way because if the time frame is long enough and they like you, they might introduce you to other one's of their friends which is how I know most of the people who are now my closest friends.

The other way is just to say is less viable now smoking is banned, and if you aren't a smoker, you're screwed, but it basically requires that you ask them for a light (there must be alternatives) and then make a comment about something (the music in the pub, how glad you are it's friday, whatever). Provided you give yourself a time limit to them, and don't seem too clingy or anything, you can over the course of the night make your chats longer until number swappage is reasonable again.

Of course these aren't the only two ways, and really they are just tactics to focus on so that you stop being nervous about anything. The only real way to meet people is to be confident and never take offence when people actually don't want to talk to you - always let them lead (within reason) - and don't take it personally if they are unfriendly, it's normally more their own hangups rather than you being weird and often they are not people you want to hang with anyway.

[Svelter]

Mmm, yeah. It's hard to be yourself when you've just joined a new school where everybody is really closely bonded and the only people who you know properly are acting like dicks to seek attention and making you out to be the same person you were when you started Year 7.

I often find it hard to move past 'hello' though. I'm not sure if that's me being lazy, unconfident or efficient - I just dislike small-talk immensely. It's always the same question, usually the same answer and just something that's there to fill in the gaps. And nobody even cares about it or remembers it! When was that last time you heard "right, once I spoke to this guy about what his day was like and he was like 'erm, good thanks'. It was amazing."

[GorillaBearBear]

Only one solution there mate; Get over it. Small talk isn't as small as people think, in my opinion. Body and facial language conveys a lot more emotion that people realise, even when just saying hello.

[wyrd_fish]

join a club of some kind

there's no doubt loads of sports, or other activities, clubs in and around your area

[Svelter]

Oh, yeah, I'm a member of loads of clubs. It's not so much talking to people that's the problem to be honest. It's the fact that I'm new to a school and need to somehow get the attention of a person who's been in the school for a decade and could easily go and talk to their own group of friends.

Btw, do you know any good books on body language?

[GorillaBearBear]

I could probably find some recommendations on body language books, I know a few people who are interested in that (psychology students). But seriously, don't bother. If you go down that route you would just be a social construct. It can help initially, but sooner or later people realise there's a roboticism to your actions.

[LeoZ]

he doesn't have a problem meeting new people, he just has a problem getting acquainted.

anyhoo, just be yourself bro. Ask questions about them and shiz.

[GorillaBearBear]

Oh sorry I have the wrong end of the stick I guess.

Asking questions without asking questions is a good way to get acquainted with someone. They feel less pressured and are more willing to open up to you. So instead of asking if they like x, you state that you like x.

Throwing out random tips on social interaction
But be aware of each person's reaction
Frontin niggas might consider you rude
the important thing is to be yourself dude
throw up ya hands! Raise da roof!

[Thomp]

Did you not get shown around the school by a fellow pupil? That's what my school did, and the new people fitted right in :)

[Svelter]

he doesn't have a problem meeting new people, he just has a problem getting acquainted.

Yes, that is indeed correct, fo' shizzle.

I didn't want to read a body language book in the hope of being able to read everybody's emotions and therefore understand what I would say. I use my minor skills like graphology, dream interpretation, dowsing, to create a conversation or get people interested in me. Saying things like "Oh, you have very assertive handwriting. Congratulations," gets people to want to know more about how I knew these things and therefore causes a conversation I can have loads of times.

[GorillaBearBear]

Demonstrations of Higher Value :eng101:

I know some good mind reading tricks in that vein.

Sorry, I'm not really helping at all, I'm just rambling.

[Svelter]

Demonstrations of Higher Value :eng101:

I know some good mind reading tricks in that vein.

Sorry, I'm not really helping at all, I'm just rambling.
Yeah, wtf are you talking about?

[allfalldown]

Been said already, but the best idea is to just be yourself, I reckon. I used to be extremely bad at talking to people (something I now attribute to hanging out with arseholes at school who did almost nothing but put me down all the time), but since moving to college and having new classmates and so on I found I could let go of all that bollocks. Now I just dive right in and most times it works out fine, I can't think of any example where I (or the other person) hasn't found something to talk about.

I could go on, but this thread isn't about me :p

[Feawen]

I find that I jumble up sentences and things a lot, but people get used to me like that - at least, the ones that grow a friendship do. There are some people I just can't go past "how's it going?" with. It's about not minding whether friendship starts straight away, because sometimes the best of friendships don't.

I know I'm useless at talking to people I don't know, or people who don't click, but once I get past that with others it's all fine. Maybe that's like yourself?