What would you do if you had a portal gun? [Archive]

pyromite

02-11-2007, 05:39 PM

I'd use it to rob a bank. Just set one portal somewhere far off and abandoned and the other after I grab the cash, and then just cancel them both out after I'm far, far away from the bank.

skoo

02-11-2007, 05:44 PM

I'd fire one on the moon and the other on this thread.

Midget

02-11-2007, 05:46 PM

one on my chair and another over the toilet

ultimate laziness

Rook

02-11-2007, 05:46 PM

What are you, stupid? (http://files.redvsblue.com/web/images/comic/20071016RT0183.jpg)

Probably, I'd mess with it for a week, then get bored and take over the world.

Chris

02-11-2007, 05:54 PM

I dunno... that's hard...I'd sell it and get billions.
Maybe...

Bar_Cek

02-11-2007, 06:11 PM

I can't name the specifics, but i'd go crazy and become a tyrant

Mystery Imp

02-11-2007, 06:17 PM

one at home the other one where ever i like, no more running for the train and never be late at work!

Slurp

02-11-2007, 06:28 PM

Pesonally, i'd fire it above someones head, and in the toilet. You can guess what happens next :eng101:

I certainly can't, do tell!

pyromite

03-11-2007, 02:21 AM

one on my chair and another over the toilet

ultimate laziness

http://files.redvsblue.com/web/images/comic/20071016RT0183.jpg

skoo

03-11-2007, 02:36 AM

What are you, stupid? (http://files.redvsblue.com/web/images/comic/20071016RT0183.jpg)

Probably, I'd mess with it for a week, then get bored and take over the world.

Read guud.

MeatwagonAction

03-11-2007, 02:58 AM

I'd ponder just how many layers of quantum physics are being broken, I mean there's two particles of matter occupying one space...

That's when physics occurs. Just look at car crashes: 2 objects trying to occupy the same spacetime.

woody_tng

03-11-2007, 03:00 AM

That's when physics occurs. Just look at car crashes: 2 objects trying to occupy the same spacetime.

Yes, but there is rather a catastrophic failure when it happens.

Mr.L.Xp

03-11-2007, 03:07 AM

http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/6671/pybc8.png

MeatwagonAction

03-11-2007, 03:10 AM

Yes, but there is rather a catastrophic failure when it happens.

Exactly.
Quite messy on motorways too... >< ouch.

Socks

03-11-2007, 03:42 AM

I would put them together. see what happens then.

Edit: Probably cause an implosion so massive it creates a blackhole.

woody_tng

03-11-2007, 03:43 AM

Exactly.
Quite messy on motorways too... >< ouch.

Ouch? More like splat. Not a nice thought. :(

TheMattfish

03-11-2007, 04:54 AM

I'd use it to terrorize my roommates. Oh the fun I could have.....

monkeyfingers

03-11-2007, 09:21 AM

I would buy four of them and put 1 to my kitchen , bathroom, bed and computer and the other sides on the couch so i just have to step into the right one ....Thats lasyness

Magicmonkee

03-11-2007, 10:47 AM

I, personally, would do what bob does in cube. It looks fun, might make you throw up and die of lack of food and water (you would be unable to get out of it)

Badg3r

03-11-2007, 11:15 AM

what whould i do with a portal gun?
well i would use it to get that cake that the game promises but cruley takes away at the end...:(

I, personally, would do what bob does in cube. It looks fun, might make you throw up and die of lack of food and water (you would be unable to get out of it)

you do that to some one you dont like and then remove the bottom portal, and well, same effects of falling from a very very large sky scraper (depending on how long they were falling)

Pkhunter

03-11-2007, 12:20 PM

that portal comic is a bigger lie than the cake. there is no "out" portal.
the toilet method stands!

Personally i'd use it to tap people on the shoulder on the other side of the room from me, then look innocent.

WhatsMyName

03-11-2007, 02:24 PM

I would use it to be really good in the olympics...
Finish the 1500 meters in less than a second
0wn the Highjump
Throw things extremly far

And a hell lots of other stuff

Robbing a bank was a good one

Also I would use it to explore all of the known universe.

Nuclear Spoon

03-11-2007, 02:34 PM

I'd cockstab myself in the face.

the architect

03-11-2007, 02:41 PM

i'd use it similar to ceiling cat, except it would be in the girls lockerroom

Kaveman

03-11-2007, 03:31 PM

i'd use it similar to ceiling cat, except it would be in the girls lockerroom

HELL
YEAH

fleisch

03-11-2007, 05:17 PM

that portal comic is a bigger lie than the cake. there is no "out" portal.
the toilet method stands!

ah...true but both ends of the portal can be in and out. Since the toilet end of the portal is on the bottom (so to speak) of an object and the orange end is at the bottom of an object (again...) anything placed into the portal at either end would keep jumping out of the other side and dropping back into the portal again. Therfore...since there is always water (amongst other things) in the loo, the loo end (blue) would keep pouring stuff out of the orange end more than the other way round. If you were sat on the orange end you would have the contents of the toilet splashed back on you....otherwise you'd get what i call a see-saw portal. DAMN I LOVE THAT GAME. So in conclusion, toilet method busted. Unless the intended exit portal was on a vertical surface so anything coming out went out for good.

....ouch my brain just burst.

Ryanstorm

03-11-2007, 08:36 PM

See sig :)

Bar_Cek

03-11-2007, 09:57 PM

I've given it some thought and I think I would become a superhero.....(slash villian)

Soon all will revere (or fear) SuperSpecialAwesomeSexyPortalControllingGuy!!!

Kaveman

03-11-2007, 10:17 PM

1: Your face
2: My fist
:D
P.S: I'd be far away...

pyromite

03-11-2007, 10:42 PM

ah...true but both ends of the portal can be in and out. Since the toilet end of the portal is on the bottom (so to speak) of an object and the orange end is at the bottom of an object (again...) anything placed into the portal at either end would keep jumping out of the other side and dropping back into the portal again. Therfore...since there is always water (amongst other things) in the loo, the loo end (blue) would keep pouring stuff out of the orange end more than the other way round. If you were sat on the orange end you would have the contents of the toilet splashed back on you....otherwise you'd get what i call a see-saw portal. DAMN I LOVE THAT GAME. So in conclusion, toilet method busted. Unless the intended exit portal was on a vertical surface so anything coming out went out for good.

....ouch my brain just burst.

It's just a damn comic. Get over it. All it's good for is a cheap laugh and then you go on with your life.

the last sheika

03-11-2007, 10:53 PM

Hmm... there's just a blue glow coming out of the toilet. It isn't neccisarily pointing up- it could be on the walls of the toilet, so it just falls down there. A bigger problem is how to avoid falling into it.

Boyinabox

03-11-2007, 11:44 PM

I'd fire one on the moon and the other on this thread.
"What would you do if you had a portal gun?"
"Harvest moon rocks!"

http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/9087/skoosdumbideaqn0.png (http://imageshack.us)

Please don't.

Pkhunter

03-11-2007, 11:54 PM

lol'd

Agent Pie

05-11-2007, 03:39 PM

Ahh..what I would do. Probably shoot portals after I steal stuff, become a mass criminal and rule the world with it? Any more questions???

thunderbal33

08-11-2007, 08:40 PM

plant one portal by my school, the other next to the nearest KFC

the last sheika

08-11-2007, 08:53 PM

plant one portal by my school, the other next to the nearest KFC
I think that's the best option. What'd you do about the hundreds of people interested in this bizarre glowing circle that end up at your school, though?

Drop a weighted cube on them?

thunderbal33

08-11-2007, 09:29 PM

I think that's the best option. What'd you do about the hundreds of people interested in this bizarre glowing circle that end up at your school, though?

Drop a weighted cube on them?

Distract them with a angry KFC employee chasing me for the napkins i stole.

Or just put the portal where no-one will look e.g. the PE store cupboard

the last sheika

08-11-2007, 09:48 PM

Distract them with a angry KFC employee chasing me for the napkins i stole.

Or just put the portal where no-one will look e.g. the PE store cupboard
...So people walk from KFC into yoour PE store cupboard? And then they just stand there?

thunderbal33

08-11-2007, 09:50 PM

Yes, and then i shoot the portals elsewhere resulting in trapping them in the cupboard >:]

the last sheika

09-11-2007, 03:51 PM

Yes, and then i shoot the portals elsewhere resulting in trapping them in the cupboard >:]
Eh?

So then how would you get to KFC again?

I don't think you thought this through.

If they're trapped in the cupboard, then it must be locked. If it's locked, how would you get into the cupboard to shoot the portal there, and then get back into it whenever you wanted a KFC?

Maybe I'm thinking too much into it...

Lyricaus

09-11-2007, 04:09 PM

ray

09-11-2007, 04:13 PM

Drive by shootings would be hilarious.

Rhiyo

09-11-2007, 04:15 PM

Get High?

thunderbal33

11-11-2007, 06:08 PM

Eh?

So then how would you get to KFC again?

I don't think you thought this through.

If they're trapped in the cupboard, then it must be locked. If it's locked, how would you get into the cupboard to shoot the portal there, and then get back into it whenever you wanted a KFC?

Maybe I'm thinking too much into it...

Unless i change location.

And i didnt think it out much, im tired and talking out my arse here lol

Kaveman

11-11-2007, 06:19 PM

One on my body and the other at some random place. then I'd just run into people. :D
awesome no?

crab

11-11-2007, 06:26 PM

I'd place a portal on the motorway, then another on the other side. They'd soon find themselves heading home. ^_^ Until the other traffic interlock in the portals and have car wreckage popping in and out of the portals.

You'd have to have some sort of thick board in the motorway... and you'd need two guns. What I'm thinking is, you set up a large block right across the road, then shoot both halves of one side with one gun, and the other side with the other gun, so people go back the way they came with no crashing or anything. However, you'd need a car-sized-portal gun or they'd crash into the sides.

[edit]One on my body and the other at some random place. then I'd just run into people.
awesome no?

Portals need FLAT surfaces. Also, am I the only one that is reminded of a certain crystal-maze-ish show with a disembodied head in an elevator, where they had to cross this chessboard and there was a hooded figure that tried to catch them and sent them to the Dungeon through some kind of portal in its chest?

Kaveman

11-11-2007, 06:35 PM

Portals need FLAT surfaces.

Yeah, I thought of that, so I'd devise a cardboard thing to keep the portal on which would go over me.
Happy now?

thunderbal33

11-11-2007, 06:55 PM

You'd have to have some sort of thick board in the motorway... and you'd need two guns. What I'm thinking is, you set up a large block right across the road, then shoot both halves of one side with one gun, and the other side with the other gun, so people go back the way they came with no crashing or anything. However, you'd need a car-sized-portal gun or they'd crash into the sides.

[edit]

Portals need FLAT surfaces. Also, am I the only one that is reminded of a certain crystal-maze-ish show with a disembodied head in an elevator, where they had to cross this chessboard and there was a hooded figure that tried to catch them and sent them to the Dungeon through some kind of portal in its chest? oh crab you party pooper :O

skoo

11-11-2007, 07:03 PM

Also, am I the only one that is reminded of a certain crystal-maze-ish show with a disembodied head in an elevator, where they had to cross this chessboard and there was a hooded figure that tried to catch them and sent them to the Dungeon through some kind of portal in its chest?

http://www.knightmare.com/

the last sheika

11-11-2007, 09:13 PM

oh crab you party pooper :O

Hadn't I already pooped the party?

Scribbly

12-11-2007, 07:17 PM

Oh the possibilities are endles.. one at home and one at the pub

one at home and one at my friends'

next to the couch and next to the fridge

one at home and a hidden one at the Grolsch factory storage (I've seen it, it's big, totally plausable)

one at home and one at school (lame, but saves me a 2 hour trip. Yes.)

RobDonkey

12-11-2007, 09:39 PM

One next to my bed and one above my bed so if I fall out of bed I land back on it. :D

Or one at mine and one at my bird's.

Or one next to my bed and one next to the fridge.

Or fire one randomly under a teacher's feet and make them pop out onto a grid of chainsaws.

Or do evil stuff to take over the world.

Or any other clichéd ideas...

albie_123

13-11-2007, 05:19 AM

fire a portal through another portal

HeavyT

13-11-2007, 06:35 AM

with correct postioning

you could have sex with yourself

albie_123

13-11-2007, 06:48 AM

heavyt's idea is the best one so far

ZekeyLizard

13-11-2007, 10:06 AM

I'd steal.

Jesus.

I would steal so much.

noidtluom

13-11-2007, 11:10 AM

with correct postioning

you could have sex with yourself

That just scarred me for life.

I get scarred everyday though, so oh well.

I would become an awesome new superhero, then I'd have an excuse to run around wearing tights and seriously vivid colours over my pants.

...and whilst still getting a lot of money from helping the police.

Then when I'm old, I'll sell it on ebay.

david22

21-11-2007, 10:55 PM

i use it as an aid to get me out of bed and down stairs be for i changed my mind

Urlosenged

21-11-2007, 11:04 PM

One portal in the side of a volcano, one beneath Steve McLaren's feet.

charlieman

22-11-2007, 12:31 AM

with correct postioning

you could have sex with yourself

Im not sure if would actually be possible. Surely as you thrusted everything would move forward...

Midget

22-11-2007, 01:15 AM

^ has quite obviously thought about this before :p

he is right though i believe, everytime you thrusted, your butt would move out of the way

[murray]

22-11-2007, 01:27 PM

http://www.knightmare.com/

It wasnt Knightmare, this program was on Channel 4. I think it was set in a hotel and there was one game where kids had to go round in a giant bowl of alphabet soup to find certain letters.

Kaveman

22-11-2007, 04:21 PM

;1777357']It wasnt Knightmare, this program was on Channel 4. I think it was set in a hotel and there was one game where kids had to go round in a giant bowl of alphabet soup to find certain letters.

OMG, I remember that but alas I could never remember the name of the show.

jimmy0001

22-11-2007, 09:39 PM

^

he is right though i believe, everytime you thrusted, your butt would move out of the way

actually unless you found a very narrow corridor, but... eww i just had the worst possible thought...
if you put yer nob into a portal, then shot the entrance portal somewhere else O.O i say we speak nufin of this agen.

Chris

22-11-2007, 10:41 PM

Nursery + Firecracker = Priceless

Urlosenged

22-11-2007, 11:09 PM

actually unless you found a very narrow corridor, but... eww i just had the worst possible thought...
if you put yer nob into a portal, then shot the entrance portal somewhere else O.O i say we speak nufin of this agen.

But even then it'd just sort of...materialise where your arse is. So that wouldn't really work.

And no I didn't want to be thinking about this but damn it you all forced me to.

Erskien_Parkour

22-11-2007, 11:14 PM

You know everyone would try it once
its not gay if balls dont touch

Haroshi

22-11-2007, 11:30 PM

Surely you would have to place one portal behind you and then place the one in front on a surface that could be moved back and forth...

Oh god why am I thinking abut this.

Kaveman

22-11-2007, 11:35 PM

Surely you would have to place one portal behind you and then place the one in front on a surface that could be moved back and forth...

Oh god why am I thinking abut this.

Because you know you want to.

Lyricaus

22-11-2007, 11:38 PM

Surely you would have to place one portal behind you and then place the one in front on a surface that could be moved back and forth...

Oh god why am I thinking abut this.

Nope. If a portal is placed upon an object which moves, said portal will void itself and disappear. Having to be recast when said object has ceased moving.

APERTURE SCIENCE!