Destrukto's marriage thread

[Destrukto]

Yes, you heard it here, I may get married!

A few days ago, I got a mail from a likely lady which went:

Hello my friend! Can i call you “my friend”? I wished to be presented to the beginnings, my name - Nastya, me of 29 y.o.. I write to you with the purpose for creation of strong attitudes and marriage. I think, that you the interesting person. I would like to learn and understand you. I think, that it will be easier, if we can correspond with each other by mail. I think, that it is a unique and easy way what to learn and understand each other. You unique who has very strongly intrigued me. I do not wish to waste time in empty!!! If you really wish to learn and understand me and are ready on serious attitudes I with pleasure shall correspond with you.

My personal hidden e-mail -

something ;){at} g-o-o-g-l-e-m-a-i-l {dot} com

I wait your letter...

P.S As when you will answer me I shall send you the photo, think we shall like each other!!!

Naturally, as I immediatly caught on to that she was from the country "Gibberish", and I like Gibberese women, I replied! OH YES!!

I wrote back to her:

Hello, my friendess,

Thank you for your open beginnings. My name is Des, I change it for privaciness.
I am 32 year old and I would like to start strong attitudes of strongness.
Marriage is a big step so I would like to start to knowing you beforehand.
The picture would be a beginning, i should know my wife's exterior, should I not?!
haha!

Mailing is unique, you are too!

Your unique mail intrigues me to, very strongly, in a strong way.

I am sad to hear you are wasting time in empty. :(
Empty is a bad place.

I hope you will mail me back soon, as I am in empty too.

Please add a picture...

Des

Note my cunning way of learning here native tongue very quickly. I'm a natural at languages, of course.

Today, I got a reply from my true love, and a picture \o/:

Hello Des!

Des I am glad that you have answered me my small letter. I really liked your questionnaire, I search for serious attitudes if you on it are ready I shall be glad to correspond with you. I never before corresponded with anybody from other countries and in general it is my first experience of correspondence through the Internet. Now presently when high technologies are widely developed, speak much and write about acquaintances through the Internet. I too have decided to try to search for the happiness on the Internet. I have addressed in agency of acquaintances which has placed my structure on a site.

I wish to tell to you about myself and about that where I live. I live in the city of Moscow. To me of 29 years and I work as the doctor. I hope you know where there is my city?:) summer at us warm and sometimes even hot. But unfortunately winter at us cold. But we have already got used because people which live in Russia are accustomed to sharp changes of weather. I was born and have grown in this city. My parents have arrived to this city before I was born. Earlier they lived in city Ufa, but they have moved in MOscow because to the daddy have offered favourable work and it did not begin to refuse. My father works as the engineer on one of the enterprises of the heavy industry of our city. My mother simple

The teacher. I have not wanted to be neither the teacher nor the engineer and consequently when I have left school began to study in medical university and now I work as the doctor. My growth of 170 centimeters, my weight of 56 kgs. I was born February 1978. It becomes very interesting to me to correspond with you, Des. It is very interesting to me to learn about you and about your way of life. Des please send me the photo. I hope you, Des to me will write also it will be fast. I shall tell to you more about myself in the following letters. The best to you of wishes Des. Your tender Nastya!

So now I am going to marry "The Doctor", how cool is that?!
Must be the 11th one, by the way as this is her pic:

http://i17.tinypic.com/8fa02v8.jpg

WOO!

I am thinking of writing my next mail talking in the 3rd person referring to myself as "The Master", thereby being able to get some S/M in too ;)

I'll keep you posted, and you are all invited to my wedding! :D

[LemonadePudding]

She sounds great, I'm gonna need a new hat.

[LeoZ]

i got one of these once, when i replied she sent me a photo of her drumming. it was odd.

[Wishbone]

I love the way she refers to "the daddy" :D

She's a proper catch though Des.

[Scrumpopolis]

I am saddened to hear that her mother is simple. I do hope she doesn't make any faux pas at the wedding.

Enjoy your matrimonial bliss!

[Drattigan]

'Tender Nastya'?
TENDER LIKE THE HAM.

[lilparp]

Hope I create strong attitudes with someone :(

The photo requested of you could be special...

You could even dress up as 'The Master'.

Shame about her growth of 170cm. Maybe she could have it removed?

[Haroshi]

I just burst out laughing at this point:

My father works as the engineer on one of the enterprises of the heavy industry of our city. My mother simple

[FuriousPanda]

That sofa and her way of writing makes my eyes hurt. Wasn't there a forumite called Nastya once?

[Zhyl]

It's nataya ivanna trying to get unbanned. Don't fall for it, des, she's using you for your mod powers!

[Mat^]

Get her to write something on her.

[Charming]

Hehehe can I come to le wedding? She should be a lot more skeletal and dead looking in le photo if she is 170cm and 56kgs... but no matter! I am sure she is the perfect Gibberese bride for you!

[dinnerbone]

Ask her if she has a sister. A 2-for-1 deal or something.

[Littleshore]

By some strange coincidence i got somewhat of a similar letter the other day!


From July P <gibberishaddress@ccb:pie:.com>
Hi, dear!

This morning I read my horoscope for a day, just for fun. And I was
promised to have a romantic date, which will have a very serious meaning for
me and will lead to long-term relations. Well, I thought to myself, this
can't be anything else but my destiny! However no one tried to get
acquainted with me, and in the elevator there was no Handsome guy, and no
one would "accidentally" step on my foot to apologize and smile, and no one
disturbs me with a simple question: What time is it now?
However I won't give up that easily. I've decided to make a first step! I
will be happy to get acquainted!! Dear, you already know a lot about me to
like me, and that is why I am waiting for your answer at http://somethingsomethingrussianbride.infooo/adressthatlookedmuchlikeareferencethingandnotasapa ge
and will be more than happy to start communication for serious relationship

Sincerely

Sabri

What do you say about a double-wedding des?

[Destrukto]

UPDATE

sent:

Nastya, let me first compliment you on your picture. :)
It looks absolutely adorable!

I am humbled you would even speak to me.

This is your fist time speaking speaking to someone outside Russia?
This is not my fist time. But fist times are times of opportunity!

You are a Doctor, I am a director of theatre, a Master you might say. Haha ;)

I live in Amsterdam, and i work as a Master right there :)

We do not get winters like we used to, but we get along. Glad we do not have them , to be honest.

I would very much like to talk more to you, you're picture is great :)

Des

[Digga]

shotgun best man

[livewirekitty]

Have you gotten anything about having to provide a dowry?

[Mr_Moo]

Awww congrats Mr.Des! May you both live long and happy lives.

[carrotcake]

Des, remember not to email her while drunk, too many a men have lost fine girls by that.

Also, I am pleased for you, I hope this goes far.

[Smartie]

I swear I had a message from this woman a few months ago - this was on gaydar though, meaning she is probably a dirty bisexual, and once you are marrieds she will steal all your monies and will leave you for her butch Olympic shot-putting lover called Olga.

Life can be so cruel sometimes.

[Stig]

Am I invited to the wedding?

[FuriousPanda]

are y:)u sure :)

y:)u used en:)ugh :)

smiley faces :)

in that email? :)

P.S. plz don't ban me

[Sebas]

YES! She replied! :D

[woody_tng]

This is your fist time speaking speaking to someone outside Russia?


Was this a deliberate slip Des?

[midas22]

1. Make her take a picture with a sign saying "Hai Cheese Bear"
2. ???
3. Profit!

[Destrukto]

UPDATE TIME! :D with pics too!!

And more Gibberish

Des very much it was pleasant to me that you have written me the reciprocal letter.

It is very interesting to me to learn more about you and your country. In general it is interesting to me

That we with you correspond because I for the first time communicate with the person from another

The countries.

I am interesting in a general way and live in a place called "The Countries" now...

hope that to you as interestingly to correspond with me? To me

You are interesting to learn wrote somebody except for me before? And still you now with

Somebody except for me you correspond? In our country there is a general problem many men drink vodka and it is very awful! I not when shall not communicate with such men and I at all would not want that they surrounded me! On mine it is the general problem of Russia. For this reason I

Has addressed in agency. I know that you do not have such problem and the man

Concern to women more validly than at us in the country.

If only she knew :trex:

As I to you have told I

I write to you from the Internet-cafe. It is usual library in which, except for books still

Some computers cost.

First, she hasn't told me that, also :confused:

I work as the doctor and it as you
You know a trade which it is paid from the budget of the country. And for the country it is complex
To pay work of doctors because as explains our government the budget
Russia are tested with deficiency. It is interesting to me to learn what hospitals from you and as Financing hospitals is arranged. It is simply my professional interest. Not Looking at that that we have some problems to me all the same I is pleasant Work. Because I in the childhood dreamed to treat people. I the doctor-anaesthesiologist and My duty consists in that that I should support viability Human body during a narcosis. And consequently it is frequent in my hands is Life of the patient. Certainly it on would be much easier if our hospital was It is is better supplied by technics. But it is not present besides because of bad financing. But we have already got used to it and we do all that probably with that that we have. II work during various time basically certainly in the afternoon, but once in three daysI work at night in a night shift. Sometimes there are very complex days when much hard Patients. In such days very strongly you get tired.

It was easier just to make the weird parts bold here :rolleyes:

Here is the cracker!

My mum very much, worries for me Because it loves me. It always brought up me and spoke me what not Looking on what it is necessary to help people. I completely with it agree

She is now referring to her mum as IT, yesterday she was just "simple". What a nice daughter...

What attitudes at you with native to you people? Whether there Are at you brothers and sisters, How it is frequent you with them meet? I have a senior brother to it of 30 years and at it There is a family. It married two years ago and one year ago at them the son it was born have named Pasha. It such interesting. When my brother come with the wife and small To us home I am always pleased with the son because I very much love of children.

Her brother is an "it" too! :eek:

And you, Des love Children? Except for that it is interesting to me as you spend the free time and whom you You work? It is very a pity to me, but I should finish the letter. I am very strongly tired and should take a cold shower. I hope that you will be is in earnest to me and You will answer me soon and you will answer my questions. With impatience to see your letters

Your friend in cold Russia Nastya!


Well, at least she needs a cold shower! :D

Oh yeah, pics:

http://i1.tinypic.com/8fcdnva.jpg

http://i8.tinypic.com/6tx7m9y.jpg

[dinnerbone]

Now now, this isn't fair on her Des - you need to send her some pictures too!

[Destrukto]

Was this a deliberate slip Des?

Very, and I am glad you noticed.
I wouldn't repeat "fist" three times in a row unless I meant it! :D

[Roxsie]

I'm more concerned that she's "at it" with her brother.

[argh]

The poor girl, she's using he basic knowledge of English and a translating dictionary to try to find love somewhere where it is less cold and you toy with her emotions? For shame.

She sometimes has lives in her hands, and you have her heart in yours, poor, poor woman.....or 12 year old Nicaraguan scammer.

[HeavyT]

send a picture of me in my blue suit

[woody_tng]

Very, and I am glad you noticed.
I wouldn't repeat "fist" three times in a row unless I meant it! :D

hooray. Fistings for all?

[Rhiyo]

I :love: you destrukto.

[FuriousPanda]

send a picture of me in my blue suit

This. And make her get a tattoo!

[Bappel]

This was a really good read. Invite me to the wedding Des.

[Lestat]

http://i1.tinypic.com/8fcdnva.jpg


Anyone else find it strange how she looks like Gray from Gray's Anatomy there, and she's also pretending to be a doctor? I think this "russian" thing could be a guise to protect her fame.

[GorillaBearBear]

Wouldn't you feel like a plum if it turned out to be an actual attractive doctor with an inexplicably good camera who wants to escape a life of hardship in russia for a slightly less difficult life in Holland.

[Chris]

I hope you're have a pleasant cerremony It.

[Niamhel]

i have never read as slow in my life.

Very funny reading, well..the parts i understood.

[rachel ^_^]

aww i find it so sweet when people attempt english, you can tell what they mean but it comes out sounding so funny!

[Pie hunter D]

Ok ok, the simple genius of all this was amazing.

but THIS!

Wouldn't you feel like a plum if it turned out to be an actual attractive doctor with an inexplicably good camera who wants to escape a life of hardship in russia for a slightly less difficult life in Holland.

Just made me keel all the way over! I'd so love that to be the case man XD

[hynzytheweirdo]

I'm more concerned that she's "at it" with her brother.

She finds it hard to speak english, yeah? She probably means she's seeing him at his home (or her's, or her parents', or actually at her mother "IT"), rather than actually being "at it" with him.

Alas, if you are right Roxsie, I hope they're like rabbits.


Anyways, I can't help but laugh at my own post! How self-obsessed!

*keels over*

Shame on you, Mr D., for taking the piss out of a Gibberussian woman who's only want in laugh, sorry, life is for her mother not to be simple anymore!

Sorry, I just have to laugh!

*runs away laughing his head off*

[Dibbie]

Anyone else find it strange how she looks like Gray from Gray's Anatomy there...I was thinking Fergie (Black Eyed Peas not gompin' ex-royal attention seeker) before the surgery.

[The Grim Reaper]

send a picture of me in my blue suit

Best idea ever.

[Darkeye]

You are the master Des' .

[Seriphyn]

Why don't fit Slavic women ever email me? :(

[Youlikeyams?]

Give it time, young'un. Give it time.

[Erskien_Parkour]

This is pretty awesome so far

keep it up Des :D

T's blue suit idea seems good see what she/he says

[Vercci]

Good read is good, make me for fun time laugh.

Allow continuations of fun correspondance, for humorously intrige writings is of rarity.

[Mr.L.Xp]

Blue suit must be done.

[Bappel]

Hmmm, no updates in a while.
So it didnt work out? Did you guys have different opinions or did you cheat on her?

[brabbus]

i bet £10 shes using babelfish on altavista, my german assignments came out just like that.



"fistings" for all! lol! :D

"youlikeyams?" first... :D

[woody_tng]

Random post much brabbus?

[Turbocharged]

No updates at all? I need to get suited and booted if I'm gonna be page boy at my forum daddy's wedding!

[adcoolguy]

I'd SO tap that.

[Destrukto]

Right, I decided to let the last one go, as it was getting creepy, but I got a new one today! \o/

Not answered yet, but I wanted to let you know the yummy goodness of bad grammar. No one can object to feeling superior, right?

Here is my new gem :

hi I have not disturbed you? I write to you now with the certain intention at me there is a dream to find clever, kind, careful the man,
Which could become the good and loving husband, I like to learn something new, I am open for dialogue but a same minute I feel lonely, I want to find that person who will be really expensive to me and to which I can give all love and I speak it absolutely seriously,
If you decide to answer me I shall necessarily send you the photos
For that that you could communicate with me I leave to you the email xxxxxxxxxx(at)gmail(dot)com!!!! аываы
074;аыва

Let's see how this one pans out...

[Shiyiya]

Des, you get the most fantastically hilarious women after you. I'm tempted to dig up that site that sends a message through a translator and five languages and send you an email like that :P

[Niamhel]

Pics?

get em'

[Tweekish]

I want to find that person who will be really expensive to me

This looks like a job for Heather Mills!

[Martinus]

hi I have not disturbed you? I write to you now with the certain intention at me there is a dream to find clever, kind, careful the man,
Which could become the good and loving husband, I like to learn something new, I am open for dialogue but a same minute I feel lonely, I want to find that person who will be really expensive to me and to which I can give all love and I speak it absolutely seriously,
If you decide to answer me I shall necessarily send you the photos
For that that you could communicate with me I leave to you the email xxxxxxxxxx(at)gmail(dot)com!!!!

Des, this lonely soul is specifically seeking 'the man'. Now tell me honestly, are you 'the man'. If so, the hippies talk about you in a disparaging fashion.

[UMIST_For_Ever]

Congrats Des, but PLEASE BE CAREFUL... this could be a new branch of the Russian Brides thing.

[crab]

hooray. Fistings for all?
LET'S ASK STEALTH CHIMP
I guess this is one of those situations fisting won't solve.
Apparently not!

[Smartie]

Phew, and there was me, worrying that dress i'd bought specially was gonna go to waste...

[scram]

I miss hot doc. :(

[Destrukto]

I'm not even going to reply to these anymore, I keep getting them and posting them for your delectation :D :

New one:Hi! My name is Anna.
I live in Russia.
About myself I can tell the following:
Young, moderately amorous, romantic and serious girl. I conduct a healthy way of life and I consider it very correct!
It is at present lonely. In search of new emotions, acquaintances, and there can be that that of greater who knows?
I search only for pure, sincere feelings.
I have found your structure and it became interesting to me to learn, who behind it disappears.
I wish to learn about you more! If you have become interested in me, I shall be glad to our acquaintance!
I hope acquaintance will be pleasant!
Successful day, Anna.

SHE FOUND MY STRUCTURE!!!!

omg! :eek:

[Martinus]

I can't wait until she starts an email with 'Greetings and Salutations'...

[esquilax]

SHE FOUND MY STRUCTURE!!!!

omg! :eek:

Who's disappearing behind it?

[argh]

So....could it be possible that you drunkenly signed up to a Russian bride site one night and forgot about it, and now your profile is becoming poopular?

[The Grim Reaper]

Ask for pics.

Reply with blue suit.

Hilarity ensures.

[Kali]

Wow... These emails keep getting better and better, i reckon you should send her a picture of the Eiffel tower or another large structure and ask her if this is the structure she means

[crab]

I love the "Moderately amorous"
That's on a par with "P.S. I have a medium sized penis"

[BritishHobo]

Only moderatly amorous?

How's she measuring that?

[Kakarrrrr]

These keep getting better and better. Fistings for all!

[hynzytheweirdo]

New one:
I hope acquaintance will be pleasant!



Hmm, sounds to me like this "Anna" calls sexual intercourse 'acquaintance'. And if it's only 'acquaintance', then there's no serious want for love is there?

I bet she just wants a one-night stand with "The Master".....

A pleasant one night-stand......


@Urethwee ("Uwthree", for the pedantic little ninja apprentice") - I agree, fistings for all!



Whatever "fistings" are.....




hynzytheweirdo apologises for his OTT use of "....." in this post.....

[Kakarrrrr]

1: It's Uwthree :p
2: It's... erm... I think it's best you ask one of the older members, I'm too young to be talking about fistings x]

[Cydonia]

Aww........ you made me look it up on wikipedia. Nothing like getting it explained on WIKI.

[Kotihyttynen]

Now, I presume you all feel very pleased.

[hynzytheweirdo]

I haven't actually looked yet, but will do.

When my PC is completely back to how it was, 99%ish.

[Yes! Stars!]

Daddy, what's 'fistings' mean? "Look it up on wiki".

Seriously, your many acquaintances with gibberish women is impairing my development as a young forumite.
I hope you strong acquaintance will find in soon, for I as it forum daughter wish it daddy will be happy.
:D

...I wonder who these people are...

[hynzytheweirdo]

My god, Des, what has happened?

You've fathered a child, who now walks the very same corridors of this institute for the crackups (me) {and all the other twallocks who come here} with a Gibberish woman?

My God, you do amaze me, Mr. Destrukto [Esquire], Sir! I salute you! I salute you muchly!

[patch]

in the same vein as destruckto, has anyone else received weird personal ad like messages to their facebook or bebo accounts? I got a couple last week, and thought they were a little odd, but i followed it up for a laugh, and I'm still waiting to find a catch. Hopefully i've not derailed the thread!

[nub]

Yeah I just recieved a message on bebo half an hour ago. They called me studmuffin :\

[NarkAgent]

It's been hard to stealthily read this thread because I kept laughing loudly and uncontrollably.

What's worse is I get these spam emails too... but I'm female! *cries*

[Cydonia]

There's a Tatyana, who wonders if I drink much, and wants to come live with me... She has also sent pictures..


I showed my husband the pics and emails, and he smiled and said he wouldn't mind her coming to live with us at all..

[Syl]

No russian whores in my mailbox. Just "truly guaranteed success in organ enlargements".

[Sypho]

Well, I get ad's for breast enlargements, viagra, Tjechie-Slowakie-ish brides and FreE p0rn SITES!! WITH YOUR FAV MILF!!!!!!!!

And I get proposals on this community site. Too bad the letter is in English and the site is Dutch.
But hey, those Russian crooks *couhgs* ladies can't speak English, not mentioning Dutch

[Shiyiya]

I want spam emails from fit slavic women who can't type english, it'd be far more interesting than all the 419-type spam I get.

[Kakarrrrr]

Bloody googlemail's auto-spam deleter's stopping me from recieving these messages from sexeh russians :p

[Syl]

Bloody googlemail's auto-spam deleter's stopping me from recieving these messages from sexeh russians :p

Sign up for this (http://www.russianeuro.com/?ovchn=GGL&ovcpn=English+Netherlands+russian+marriage&ovcrn=russian+marriage&ovtac=ppc). I'm sure you'll get loads of messages from any kind of russians.

[NarkAgent]

Gotta love this one I got today...

Hi, Helmut

I am writing to you because I want to tell you that I am lonely! I am lonely
like a desert without a rain, like a bee without a flower, like a sky
without a star! I am a little girl in this big-big world and all I need is
love! All I need is a strong man's shoulder. All I need is a warmth of man's
hands. I couldn't find love in my native country, therefore I am writing to
you! I hope my words will touch your heart! If they do, please write to me
http://inspiredlove.net/7800/

The best of luck
Anuta A

One day they'll figure out I'm a girl... and my name isn't Helmut. :p

[Smowy]

like a desert without a rain

Because all normal deserts have rain.

[NarkAgent]

Indeed!

[hynzytheweirdo]

I am that type of people who are looking at this world with the widely opened eyes

"the widely opened eyes"?

Goodness, more Gibberish!