The Corrupt Wish Game

[Anchovy]

Carried on from the previous thread.

One person wishes for something and the next person grants the wish but with a terrible twist.


For Example

Person 1 : I wish I had a puppy.

Person 2 : Granted, but the puppy has rabies and bites you in a frenzied attack. I wish I was a little bit taller.

I shall start with:

I wish I had the most beautiful shoes.

[Luna_1985]

Granted but the shoes aren't in your size

I wish I could skip my next class again since it's only a work day and there isn't much point making an effort to go and it's a beautiful day out.

['Ello Guv'ner]

Granted, you fall down a manhole.

I wish for no more wishes that nearly kill this thread before it's started

[mat-tracteur561]

Granted but you are crippled in a cock fight and cant type

I wish the buzz of this PC would never go away

[[murray]]

Granted, but the buzz turns out to be a swarm of angry wasps that escape one by one and sting you.

I wish for someone to write my dissertation.

[Flying Whale]

I will. But I have no idea what one is.



i wish I was the worlds best drummer and I had the best kit in the world

[Anchovy]

Granted, but you have no legs.

I wish I could fly.

[magsie o skaw]

granted but you can't land due to being filled with helium

i wish i had a boat

[adrenaline]

granted, but the bost is made of jelly and situated at the bottom of the ocean

I wish my hair would always look cool

[Dakano]

Granted, but it is machine washable only and you can never shower, take a bath or go out in rain.

I wish I was slimmer.

[Mooke]

granted, but you become so slim you can only be measured in 2 dimensions, upon that, all major (and minor) organs pack in

i wish i was immortal

[adrenaline]

Granted, but the world ends and you are left for eternity in a black hole and unable to move.

I wish my wishes were uncorruptable

[Mooke]

granted, but you have used up your only wish

i wish i had a giant, tasty cake right next to me

[Luna_1985]

Granted but the giant, tasty cake belongs to someone who will kick the crap out of you if you even think about eating it. They're a psychic as well so seriously, don't think about it!

I wish my computer was a laptop.

[TheMattfish]

Granted, but it's my current laptop....trust me, that's the worst thing you can do to anyone.

I wish there was more time between now and when I start work so that I could get a decent sleep.

[Magic Noodles]

Granted, but you dream of John Barrowman.

I wish I had a Mudkip of my very own.

[arw360degrees]

Granted But The Government Hear About It And Perform Experiments On It... Sexual Experiments.

I Wish You Were Here

[Magic Noodles]

Granted, but I brought my Mudkip along and was hoping you could help rehabilitate it...

I wish I had £2.

[Anchovy]

Granted but a hobo steals your shoes and you have to buy them back for approximately £2.

I wish I had some ice cream to cool me down.

[TheMattfish]

Granted, but the flavour is "Urine of Cat"....yummy.

I wish that the shoes I bought were just a little bit smaller.

[magsie o skaw]

granted however they are now so small they are the size of this dot---> .

i wish i was on holiday

[Mooke]

granted but during your holiday you find your self trapped in a church with a priest who is a little too friendly for comfort

(am i allowed to say that?)

I wish i had a pet dragon

[Dakano]

granted but it's far from housetrained...

i wish it was christmas.

[arw360degrees]

Granted But You're Sikh

I Wish My Flies Were Done Up

[Dakano]

Granted but there's something in the way...:eek:

I wish there was no war.

[Advent Pie]

Granted but due to the Ex-Soldiers boredom they start to kill cute Lil'Kittens

I wish I had a PS3

[adrenaline]

granted, but a homeless man steals it from you as soon as you touch it then he self explodes.

i wish i didn't eat as many sweets as i did.

[Advent Pie]

You do but then it seems your contribution to the Sweet industry mattered and they stop making Sugary products, The public finds out it was you and they beat you to death...All for that sugar >_<

I wish my GOOD dreams would come true...Not the bad ones...

[magsie o skaw]

Granted but its all just a dream

i wish i had a penguin

[arw360degrees]

Granted But You Leave The Central Heating On And It Melts

I Wish I Would Stop Wasting Wishes

[magsie o skaw]

granted but you have just wasted one therefore making this whole wish redundant and now technically you have wasted it twice

i wish the f1 grand prix would start an hour later so i can have my dinner and not miss the start

[Mooke]

Granted, but then half an hour after when the race would of finished had it been an hour eariler, the worst weather imaginable hits and 4 drivers die, 8 become crippled, including Hamilton and the whole race gets called off

i wish i could sleep easier

[Pippynip]

Granted, but you get horrible nightmares involving Ron Jeremy and lube.

I wish my mum would stop 'singing' Take That songs at the top of her voice.

[Mooke]

granted, now she is singing 'holding out for a hero' by bonnie tyler over and over... with a megaphone!

i wish my foot wasn't hurting as much

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but now you have no foot.

I wish I had a ladder into space.

[Mooke]

granted, but if you tried to stand on it, it would topple over, due to lack of supports

i wish i could find the installation disk to my web-cam

[arw360degrees]

Granted But It's In A Safe Deposit Box Which You Have Lost The Key To And Even If YYOu COuld Find It, It's Scrathed Beyond All Recognition

I Wish The 'Making Up Wishes' Part Of This Was As Fun As The 'Ruin Other People's' Part

[Pippynip]

Granted, but you become horribly depressed as you realise that you can never make the wonderful wishes you have so much fun dreaming up come true, and you sit in a basement with nothing but a .44 revolver and a heavy heart.

I wish music today was as good as it was 40-50 years ago.

[Mooke]

granted, but because music remained totally fantastic, no one had need to listen to the old songs, so they all died out

i wish i hadn't lost all the data on my old computer

[Pippynip]

Granted, but now you've lost all the data on your newer one.

I wish... I wish I could think of a wish.

[Dakano]

Granted, but that was a wish so the magical genie refuses to grant your wish, you selfish little man.
Only joking.

I wish for a never-ending tube of Pringles

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but because it is never ending you can't reach the lid.

I wish I hadn't just lost the game.

[Pippynip]

Granted, but now you have to carefully avoid the game for the res... Oops.

I wish the cat that keeps attacking my cat would bugger off.

[Dakano]

Granted but your cat attacks you.

I wish I had super strength

[TheMattfish]

Granted, but it is super strength of the legs and you unwittingly jump, sending you into orbit and out of oxygen. You are then burnt up on re-entry.

I wish I had some sort of warm decorative rug in my room.

[Mooke]

granted, but that warm decorative rug is a polar bear, and no one checked if it was actually dead or not, oh and it's hungry

i wish i had better wallpaper

[TheMattfish]

Granted, but instead of putting it on the wall you accidentally put it on your mattress. Sweet dreams!

I wish I hadn't eaten that burger.

[arw360degrees]

Granted But In Soviet Russia, Burger Eats You! (You Are Now In Soviet Russia)

I Wish I Could Has Cheeseburgers Now

[Mooke]

granted, but upon picking up the cheese burger, you get assaulted by a small army of cats, all after said burgers

i wish i had ninja skill(z)

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but an army of Ninjas attack you and steal your kneecaps.

I wish I had some midnight ramen.

[arw360degrees]

Granted But I Don't Know What That Is So I Give You An Angry Scotsman Instead.

I Wish I Was Where I Was Wishing You Were When I Made This Wish

[Juraga]

Granted, you are now in Hell (A.K.A New Zealand)

I wish for 1 free incorruptable wish.

[magsie o skaw]

granted but its not included in this thread so dosn't count

i wish for some soup

[arw360degrees]

Granted But My Eyes Are Blurry So I Give You 7 1/7 Cans Of 7up.

I Wish i Was A Real Number

[Mooke]

granted, but you now wish you were a real boy

i wish i didn't need to sleep

['Ello Guv'ner]

granted, but now you have to stay up every night with nothing but shitty early morning TV to entertain you

i wish for the largest music collection ever

[Mooke]

granted, but you had to sell your house and/or car to get it

i wish it would rain

[Magic Noodles]

Granted. It would rain, but THE SKY IS ON FIRE!!!!!!

I wish.

[Arfmaster]

No.

I wish I was more awesome. But's it's pretty hard, 'cos I'm already as awesome as any one person can be.

[Mooke]

granted, but you become so awesome that you get banned from the internet(z), isolated by your friends and made an outlaw to anywhere anyone speaks english

i wish i had a better internet connection

[Arfmaster]

Granted, But people get attracted to your awesome internet connection and steal it. Now you don't have teh webs.

I wish the madness would hurry up and play the songs I actually know.

[arw360degrees]

Granted But You Have A Magnetic Field Which Will Destroy All Technology You Attempt To Get Close To

I Wish I Didn't Have Said Magnetic Field

[Dakano]

Granted, but the grammar police confiscate your sentence because of the lack of nouns.

I wish it was August 8th

[arw360degrees]

Granted But It's In A Year That's Too Early To Celebrate The Anniversary Of Whatever It Is I Assume You Want To Celebrate.

I Wish I Would Write More Comprehensibly

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but you can only speak foreignese now.

I wish I had fooooooooooooood

[babyyke]

Granted but the food is a dog poop and honey sandwich

I wish i wasn't soooo bored!

[Mooke]

granted, you have been sent to a slave labour camp, where you are being made to work for 12 hours straight and only allowed 11 hours rest (you get a 10 minute break for food, before being made to work for the remaining 50 minutes)

I wish it would be really windy tomorrow at, ooh, about 7:00pm to midnight

[babyyke]

granted but it is soo windy your house blows away and you end up floating in space

I wish, i wish i was a fish

[Mooke]

granted, but you turned into a fish while on a trip to the sahara desert and fail to find any body of water, cooked fish anyone?

i wish i could swim, like dolphins, like dolphins can swim
i wish i could sing

[babyyke]

Granted but now you are such a good singer that a psychotic fan kidnaps you and keeps you tied up in their basement for all eternity

I wish that we had not run out of OJ

[sulta]

Granted, but now we have way, way too much OJ.

I wish I had just enough soda to quench my thirst for said beverage.

[Mooke]

granted, only i gave you baking soda (bi-carb) and lemon Juice.... i don't need to explain the rest, do i?

i wish i could remember what this part of the forum used to be called

[babyyke]

you now remember the name of this area of the forum however you now forget the web address and will never be able to get back in again.

I wish my house was already decorated for me

[arw360degrees]

Granted But It's Reet Tacky

I Wish I Could Smell Pancakes

[Nimblewright]

Granted, however the smell comes from the rich psycho behind you, firing at you with his Pancake Bazooka

I wish I had a Pancake Bazooka

[crazzycat]

But then this game stop and you won't have fun;)

I wish i had winngs to fly to the Moon

[Cpt.Killeman]

Granted, but the wings are attatched to your head, so you now look like an idiot.

I wish i had some tobacco.

[Mooke]

granted, but it's laced with rat poison

i wish i had some rat poison

[No Minor Threat]

Granted, but the rat poison poisons you before you get a chance to use it on any rats or other animals.

I wish I had a job

[Cpt.Killeman]

Granted, but the job involves Stephen Seagal, his member, and your sphinctre.

I wish i had some vodka.

[No Minor Threat]

Granted, but the vodka is severely diluted with cat wee, making it little more than 2% alcohol

I wish there was something good on TV

[Cpt.Killeman]

Granted, you are now watching the music video of the song 'Something Good' by the Utah Saints.

I wish i had a 1965 Ford Mustang.

[No Minor Threat]

Granted, but you live in Liverpool, so it has no wheels or chassis.

I wish my house was clean

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but now the world is messy. Thank you very much.

I wish that dying spider thing would shut up

[No Minor Threat]

Granted, the spider thing is quiet. But a thousand, even more noisy ones, come to rescue it.

I wish I had some orange juice.

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but you are the orange juice, so you will be drinking yourself.

I wish I had some new music

[Cpt.Killeman]

Granted, but the music happens to be 'Do you believe in life after love?' By Cher.

I wish Jamie Oliver never appeared on TV... Ever again...

[No Minor Threat]

Granted, but due to his unemployment, he gets a job as your co-worker, so you now have to spend 8 hours a day with him.

I wish I could sleep more

[ReaperBallz]

Granted, but you have the same recurring dream that your an insomniac

I wish i was Jesus

[No Minor Threat]

Granted. *crucifies*

I wish I were thinner

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but now you are so thin nobody can see you.

I wish I was more comfy

[No Minor Threat]

Granted, but now you are so comfy you can't move, and die of dehydration.

I wish I had more monies.

[Cpt.Killeman]

Granted, have a tuppance.

I wish i had an afro.

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but now you only consist of afro

I wish I could think of a wish

[Mooke]

granted, unfortunately, it wasn't a very good one, so everyone hates you.

i wish i hadn't picked physics and maths for 6th form

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but now maths and physics pick you. Just like in soviet Russia.

I wish I could make minecraft skins

[No Minor Threat]

Granted, but now you can do nothing but make Minecraft skins.

I wish I had another pack of Maltesers

[Mooke]

granted, but i was never too good at reading so i got you Malteasers...
(which are like bad strippers, only worse)

I wish i could afford a certain book i want

[No Minor Threat]

You can afford the book, but just as you're half way through, it spontaneously combusts.

I wish I had some chicken and stuffing sandwiches

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but now you are so filled up with the sandwiches you explode in a bloody mess on the floor.

I wish this coursework would be done

[Cpt.Killeman]

Granted, although it then is stolen by your friend who goes on holiday to Australia, he then misplaces it and it is found by an australian truck driver. He then travels to portugal and sells it to a strange man for some magic beans.

I wish i had a bag of tobacco that was invincible and constantly replenishing and could not be hindered in any way...

Yeah i know whats coming.... 'Granted, but you die of cancer.'

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but, you no longer have a mouth to put your tobacco in.
Then you die of cancer.

I wish

[Quintumply]

Granted, but you now can't

I wish that I'll pass my driving test next week.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but you crash very unimpressively on your way home. So unimpressively that the person you crashed in to laughes at you so much that in your embarrassment you punch the steering wheel causing the airbag deploying and knock you unconscious. You die from asphyxiation because everyone around you is too busy laughing at you to deflate the airbag.

I wish I had a banjo.

[Mooke]

granted, but it's now impossible to play it

i wish i didn't keep making life to complicated for myself

[Cpt.Killeman]

Granted, but now you are so simple you have the brain power of George Bush on white rhino.

I wish i had my mouth back.

[No Minor Threat]

Granted, but it came back with AIDs! And now you die.

I wish my hair looked half-decent.

[Mooke]

Granted, but that's all i did, so now it looks worse than it before...

i wish KotOR (old game) worked on my computer still :(

[Cpt.Killeman]

Granted, although now no other games work on your computer, and you get a virus which is a loop of a guy headbutting a wall.

I wish Enter Shikari wasn't so overrated...

P.S KotOR was a good game... A very good game.

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but now everyone thinks you are overrated and you die of loneliness.
(Ps. They're not overrated)

I wish that that girl would stop ringing me

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but she's found the keys to your house and has started watching you while you sleep at night as she tries on all of your socks and keeps one sock from each pair. You roam the earth wearing odd socks for the rest of your days...

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller etc...

[Pie hunter D]

Granted, But Kanye West interupts every one of your conversations.

I wish I lived in Ireland.

['Ello Guv'ner]

Granted, you move to Ireland just in time for the entire country to be struck by poverty, then you loose all your moneys and can't even afford a ticket back to wales

I wish to breath underwater

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but now you look even more like a fish.

I wish that I could find a comic book so awesome my head would explode.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but your head gets put back together by a retarded and blind 4 year old and your face looks like Jeremy Beadle's right arm. You spend the rest of your days ringing the shitty bells in Notre Dame because Quazimodo doesn't want you anywhere near him.

I wish I could play the accordian...

[Pie hunter D]

Granted, but it takes up so much of your life you forsake work and all social relations and end up having to play it all day on a street corner, full time, for pennies and sexual favours from pensioners who dig dat 'ccordion.

I wish I was a really good ninja.

[Mooke]

granted, unfortunately you are the bad guy, so the less skilled ninja will come along and kill you


i wish AS maths didn't have so much homework


Granted, although now no other games work on your computer, and you get a virus which is a loop of a guy headbutting a wall.
.

still so totally worth it...

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but you nearly get run over by a bus and winding up shitting yourself. The physical act of shitting yourself winds up killing you as your insides fall out as well as various bits of poop.

I wish I had more pringles...

[Pie hunter D]

Granted, but it's the new shit flavoured pringles. Voted for by YOU the twisted people of the world...And you have to eat them all.

I wish I didn't have to wait another week and a half to talk to my significant other.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, you now have to wait 200 years. You did say you didn't want to wait a week and a half afterall :P

I wish someone would commission me to write a piece of music and give me WAY too much money for the load of crap that I actually present them with.

[Pie hunter D]

Granted. An eccentric old man with a fuck tonne of cash pays you far too much for an electronica/Elvis fusion piece. Unfortunately, our government cottons on and taxes you at 99% for the job since it's such a high pay scale they haven't even invented a band for it. Naturally, they want to capitolise. You are left with enough for one toilet roll and a pot noodle.

I wish I only had to wait an hour to converse with my significant other. Eat that, bucko!

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but the telephone line goes dead right after you say "hello". Why? BT, Eircom, O2, AT&T etc all got into a huge argument and accidentally shut down all of the telephones in your area. Sucks huh... :P

Speaking of pot noodle, I haven't had one in ages, do they still taste like rehydrated zombie bits?

I wish I didn't have to pay any taxes and therefore got the whole sum of money from the electronica/Elvis fusion piece.

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but the amount of money is only 1p as you write the worst piece of music ever know to man. People in their masses now hate you.

I wish these graphs were finished.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but the moment you finish it, you get killed by an elephant that fell from a hot air baloon passing over your house.

I wish I had a bacon sammich, with YR sauce...

[Pie hunter D]

Granted, but the moment you finish it, you get killed by an elephant that fell from a hot air baloon passing over your house.

I wish I had a bacon sammich, with YR sauce...

Granted, but you choke on the first bite and cannot dislodge it, you run to the bathroom to try and hawk it up in the toilet, but you end up sitting on it gasping for air. Forever remembered as "that guy that died like elvis, on the pan".

I wish I had a real lightsaber...that would be so cool.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but you accidentally decapitate yourself trying to do a fancy jedi move.

I wish I could think up of a good wish...

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but when you wish it something unbelievably funny and ironic will happen.

I wish those days could come back once more, Why did those days ev-er have to go?

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but there was a clerical error in the time-travel department and all of the horrible memories from your childhood came flooding back e.g. the time you were bothered by a load of geese and chased into a beehive where you were stung by a load of disgruntled bees before landing in a big pile of shit.

I wish college was a little bit more interesting...

[fishman]

Granted. Your college is painted many many different colours and filled with arts students. They have arguments on composition en masse, and you are hit by a rocket from the constant bloodshed.

I wish I had some noodles.

[Pie hunter D]

Granted, but due to global warming there's a water ban and you can't cook them. Further to this, you're so frustrated you eat them dry. They expand horribly in your stomach and asphyxiate you from the inside as your stomach pushes up agains your lungs.

I wish this wish didn't have an inevitably ironic twist.

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but now you must twist again forever.

I wish this wish could not, in any way, shape, or form, become ironic.

[Pie hunter D]

Granted, but not really. You got played by the gene, son.

I wish I wish upon a star.

[fishman]

Granted. You are blinded because the star hates you.

I wish for a record deal.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but your album doesn't make any sales due to the fact that they accidentally printed the album graphics onto the playable side of the cd resulting in EVERY buyer asking for a refund.

I wish I had a glass (made of some form of unbreakable crystal) of wine (really tasty wine) that would never go empty the moment it got close to being empty it would refill again.

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but eventually the wine evolves into a creature which sues you for war crimes against its people. You go to court, a criminal, and the trial drags on...and on... for 4 years. You are found guilty and the A Team bust you out of jail. You are then hit by a car.

I wish, I wish, I wish a fish

[Pie hunter D]

Granted, you spend the rest of your short life swimming about in your own piss and shit eating flakes of (what appear to be) colourful paper. I didn't even have to twist that one, wow!

I wish, I wish, I was a GOD! The most powerful god, naturally.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but seen as the existance of a god is based on faith rather than fact you wind up ceasing to exist due to someone sticking a babel fish in their ear while you were busy creating something. The conversation went as follows:

Pie hunter D: I refuse to prove my existance, for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.
*enter some guy with a babel fish in his ear*
Guy: But the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. Q.E.D.
*Pie hunter D vanishes in a puff of logic*

I wish I was invincible and immortal. While we're at it, I wish for superstrength and the ability to fly!

[Pie hunter D]

Granted, but you still age. By the time you reach 200 your super strength barely allows you to open a jar on a good day, since you become a decrepit old man locked in the fleshy sarcophigus of your immortal frame. Your pleas for euthanasia are lost since you cannot be killed and you slowly degenerate until you're a babbling old shit machine who can barely lift yourself with a fart, driven insane by long years trapped in that one chair.

I wish I was gangsta , yo

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but you get killed by a rival gangster who has held a grudge against you since that time you ate all the biscuits the last time he invited you over for tea. YOU ATE THE LAST HOBNOB DAMMIT! :mad:

I just ate an amazing sammich. I wish someone would make me another :)

[fishman]

Granted. You die of sammich fever.
I wish for an awesome drumbeat.

[Agressive Fork]

Granted, but you become deaf.


I wish I had some damn fried chicken!

[mr jones]

Granted ~ but you find a deep fried Foot right at the bottom of your bucket as you finish.

I wish I was back in London NOW

[ReaperBallz]

Granted ~ But you will remain on the tube in a non-working un-air conditioned carriage for the rest of your life, one stop short of your destination standing next to 20 sweaty fat sumo wrestlers on tour ...

I wish i was batman

['Ello Guv'ner]

Granted ~ You end up having homosexual relations with the boy wonder then it gets out and you get arrested for paedophilia

I wish for a kick ass Harley Davidson

[blipflip]

Granted - but you can't quite ride it, and you manage to run yourself over. Smooth.

I wish I didn't have to do this damn respiration poster.

[Agressive Fork]

Granted - but you can't quite ride it, and you manage to run yourself over. Smooth.

I wish I didn't have to do this damn respiration poster.

Granted, instead you have diabities.



I wish I had some pizza!

[Arfmaster]

And your wish is?

[Agressive Fork]

And your wish is?

Sorry, forgot to post one, it;s there now.

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but however, as soon as you take once slice into your mouth, YOU ARE TRANSPORTED TO SOVIET RUSSIA. And pizza eats you.

I wish there was more Bakuman to read.

[Pie hunter D]

Granted, but it's by a proxy writer and turns out to be really piss-poor. Not only that, it's illustrated by his son, who is 2 years old.

I wish for world peace! HAH!

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but you didn't say which world. Mars is now a utopia.

I wish I could just leave school for a while

[magsie o skaw]

Granted but when you return you have permanent detention and have to stay over night and weekends.

i wish i had some explosives

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but the moment you get them you don't know what to do with them. Instead of using them for what they were intended, you decided to build a house with them. You invite all your friends around for a house-warming party. A friend lights a smoke and tosses the lit match away accidently lighting one of the fuses. The house explodes, talk about starting the party with a bang eh? :P

I wish I had some curry sauce.

[Arfmaster]

Granted, but this curry sauce was actually made of poo. Nobody tells you, and you lap it up. You only begin the realise that it is made of poo after a lump appears

This smiley is your face after finding the poo lump :eek:

I wish this work was done

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but more work promptly follows. You wind up in an endless cycle of working.

I wish I could sleep...

[Nimblewright]

Granted, but you can never wake up from your horrible nightmarish sleep.

I wish I hade more internets.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but someone with less internets gets disgruntled by your sudden wealth of internets that he/she decides to hunt you down and kill you in a mildly amusing fashion. He/she kidnaps you and on the way to the secret lair where you'd meet your demise (most likely involving getting several large ducks shoved up your nose), you get in a car crash and your head gets stuck in the mangled remains of the car. The fire team there to rescue you are all idiots and cut off your head thus freeing your body but killing you in the process. St Peter then decides he doesn't like you and you go to hell...

I wish I had more tshirts.

[JackCopsey]

Granted, but all of them read "I <3 Hitler".

I wish that this wish is never granted.

[Felix Barry]

A void opens in the space time continuum. While it doesn't act like a blackhole, the nothingness of the void envelopes the universe and everything in it leaving a little windows popup warning window saying,
"Updates complete, your computer will restart now". God is furious and once the computer has finished rebooting he kills you much in the way someone kills villagers in Black and White. This starts off a cycle where he kills you, then reserects you, then kills you again, then reserects you and this goes on in a loop for about 2 years. He reserects you for the final time, then tattoos "I lick babies!" on your forehead. You spend the rest of your days being ridiculed and insulted.

I wish I could get the motivation to write more music and end this compositional dry spell forever!

[GazzyW]

Granted, but the next song you write is about licking the hairy fluff off your bon bons.

It is an instant failure, and is used in the next Twilight Saga film.

I wish for a sandwich.

[Mooke]

granted but it's a sandwich of DOOM

i wish i had a copy of 'City of Glass'

[Nimblewright]

Granted, but instead of the Book/Band/Song/Movie/Graphic Novel you get an actual city of glass...

Sharp glass at that...

And you don't know that it's glass...

You just think it's a normal city...

You decide to live there...

In short, it ends quite messy... and bloody.


I wish I had more money.

[GazzyW]

Granted, but its Euros. ITS USELESS HERE!

I wish for a new laser gun.

[Magic Noodles]

Granted, but the gun is a laser, and vanishes instantly.

I wish I had a magic fish with an elegant and sophisticated name.

[Nimblewright]

Granted, but its Euros. ITS USELESS HERE!

Yay I'm Dutch, so it's useful here!

anywho:

Granted, but the name is so elegant and sophisticated you can't possibly pronounce it. Ever.

You are so very ashamed you sell the fish for -£20,-


I wish my Megadeth cd would finally arive.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but due to the postman hating your guts, he decides to deliver it by clay-pigeon shooter. This is done by setting up the clay-pigeon shooter in your front garden, then ringing the doorbell. When you answer the door he fires the cd out of the clay-pigeon shooter and it winds up cutting your head off. You wind up too dead to listen to the cd.

I wish I had pancakes.

[Magic Noodles]

You have pancakes, however, this turns out to be slang for an STI so disgusting and gut-wrenching that if I told you it's real name you'd faint.

I wish I had a salmon called Slappy Fin Boy.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but it's an emotionally scarred fish that used to belong to Troy McLore. As a result, whenever you go near it, it thinks you want to have sex with it. It bits you and you die of fish-aids...

I wish I had a big bowl of stew. The kind my granny makes.

[hcm2009]

Granted, but instead of putting it on the wall you accidentally put it on your mattress. Sweet dreams!

I wish I hadn't eaten that burger.

Thank you so much for the post. It's really informative!

[Trickian]

You get your bowl of stew, but halfway eating the stew you find out that the meat is made out of human flesh and your granny actually is a cannibal!

I wish I was a rockstar!

[Nimblewright]

Granted, however you become a star made of rock, which makes you basically a very big planet. Now be happy with it.

I wish I had a fish

[Trickian]

Granted. It's a Coelacanth and since it can't live in your enviroment, you get transported to his. You Implode!

I wish I was you

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but you can't handle being me and explode, normality gets restored and I continue about my day as if nothing happened.

I wish someone would do my assignment for me and that I'd get 100% and become a professor in a music department of a college somewhere in New York.

[Luna_1985]

You get 100% on your project and become professor at the music department at a college in Brunswick, New York, where your entire class is filled with spoiled jerk-offs who are only taking the course because it's easy and don't know the difference between a whole note and a zero on their exams.

I wish I was better at grammar.

[Felix Barry]

Granted, but you become a grammar nazi and start correcting people when they say something the wrong way. You get shunned from all forms of society to such an extant that you get exiled from the earth and explode in the vacuum of space.

I wish my little sister would stop reading those twilight books and start reading something good!

PS. Has anyone else noticed that in all of my posts in this thread, someone dies as a result of their wish backfiring?