100,000,000,000,0 Ways To get Kicked out of Wal*Mart

[Dodgecab]

Basically, You just Post Ways To Get Kicked out of Wal*Mart.

I'll Start:


1) Throw Skittles at people and Yell "FEEL THE RAINBOW,TASTE THE RAINBOW!"

[Paradigm^]

2) Fail to use commas to separate thousands properly.

[Zhyl]

3) Tell the manager that he's as good as that bloke from Woolies.

4) Ask the manager why the fuck he's in England and tell him to GTFO back to where he belongs. AMERICA.

[Kali]

5) set every computer in store to play meatspin at the same time

[Zebra]

6) come up with a game entitled: 100,000,000,0 ways to get kicked out of Wal*Mart and inflict the idea on other people

[Sheepshagger]

7) have prostitutes sexually attack employees

[Quintumply]

8) Rape someone.

[Shalashaska]

8) Switch organic bananas with normal ones. Then take a dump.

[Swirl]

9) Complain loudly about how your recent trip to Mexico was good, but you're feeling a bit queasy.

[Zhyl]

11) Strategically place tarantulas around the store, esp. in the clothing section.

[Littleshore]

15) Don't do step 10, 12, 13 and 14

[Hydralisk]

16) Approach the cashier girl, blind drunk, with a pregnancy test, a coat hanger and a bottle of vodka.

[Zhyl]

10) Don't do 15)

[Paradigm^]

1) jyfihp

[Luna_1985]

17) Walk around the store proclaiming how low the prices are like your pants will be in 3,2,1...

['Ello Guv'ner]

18) Let a hummer rigged to explode role down a hill and through the front door, then get a mod to close this thread.

[Dingo]

(Insert number) drop a deuce in the middle of the food court.

[Quintumply]

19, I think) Construct a large, swinging leg and foot. Ensure the pivot is loose enough to allow the leg to swing down at a high velocity. Hold the leg up with some rope, or chains, to allow you to get yourself into position. This hold needs to be strong enough to keep the leg aloft whilst you ready yourself. Stand directly in front of where the foot will come level with the floor, just above it. Once in position, use a lever or pulley system or however you've done it to release the leg from its chain/rope hold, resulting in the leg swinging down and kicking you out of the Wal*Mart store.

Whether you keep the doors open or not is up to you, although smashing through them will look cooler.

[Dakano]

394) Aim the tennis ball servers at the wine aisle and duck-tape it on Auto

[dead-smiley]

20) Hide in the broom closet and get found by a security guard.

Do they even have security guards at WalMart? Eh, it's in America... The guard would probably just shoot you on sight...

[Dakano]

21) Grab a shoe and get some one to kick you out of the door using it.
Simples.

[rachel ^_^]

bring meerkats

[bionic sheep]

29) shoot yourself in the fucking face in front of a crowd

[tom93]

30) throw up on a baby

[.max]

31) piss on a till worker

[bionic sheep]

45) shoot yourself in the fucking face whilst crying and screaming a guttural scream of regret which fades abruptly into a sigh as you collapse onto the floor, dead and lifeless

[Dakano]

79⅝) Put socks in the tennis ball servers
82⅓) Paint the bowling balls to look like basketballs.

[Kali]

30) throw up on a baby

Whatever number we're on now) Throw up a baby

[Dakano]

-2) Eat a baby

[Porphyrogenitos]

3.14159265) Ask to see the manager and accuse each staff member in turn of sexual harassment.
∞) Become the manager and sexually harass each staff member in turn.

[Dr Bender659]

9999999) bring in the wall

[Dakano]

∞³) Play Hole in the Wall
http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Galleries/Shows/G_L/Hi_Hp/hole_in_wall/Season1/hole-in-wall3.jpg

[friendly spoon]

just shoplift something, god

[harryashfield]

x) Walk up to the big fat security guard and tell him his 'momma' loved it last night

[Nimblewright]

x+1) hire someone to kick you out...

[Dakano]

7.588496463548e+095) Ram the trolley into the wine rack.

[Nimblewright]

e^(pi*i)+1) Go to the manager with a large kitchen knife, and ask if they have any Risperdal

[Dakano]

pi*r²) Poop in a saucepan

[Kamikazi spoon]

666) cream pie in the face

['Ello Guv'ner]

9/11) Play the sound of lesbians moaning over the loud speakers.

[Dakano]

7/7) Get lesbians to moan over the loudspeaker

[ObUk]

00000000000001) go in with a mockup explosives vest (jackass style) and ask where
the chapati flour is.

[friendly spoon]

g) kill yourself

[Dakano]

2009) Switch all the TVs on to porn channels

[Hydralisk]

i) Sacrifice a goat to your pagan gods

[friendly spoon]

eye) open a rival store

[harryashfield]

I honestly can't folllow) Destroy the heart of Wall*mart.

[AaronsOnCrack]

ive lost count) set fire to yourself and run through the flammable and clothing sections.

[Arfmaster]

Poo in their pies.

[Ryanstorm]

Set fire to the roof

[Magic Noodles]

Spray-paint the word ASDA on the roof in big letters, and strap a bomb to the manager, claiming your a British extremist.

*sobs* We never get the extremists...

[Troll]

Go to those CD players they have on the wall and proceed to sing along at the top of your voice to every song.

[friendly spoon]

gouge out someones eyes and shove your dick in the hole
alternatively, insult the manager

[Hydralisk]

59) Approach cashier girl with vodka, a coat hanger and a pregnancy test.
60) Shoot watermelons with an airpistol.

[friendly spoon]

16) Approach the cashier girl, blind drunk, with a pregnancy test, a coat hanger and a bottle of vodka.

59) Approach cashier girl with vodka, a coat hanger and a pregnancy test.


yeah

[Dakano]

61) Ask to try on condoms in the changing rooms

[Felix Barry]

1337) Pour petrol over a cashier and set him/her on fire by farting over a lighter.

[Mooke]

63?) hang a banner over the wal-mart sign saying 'wal-mart for communism' during the night, then in the morning hand out leaflets about the benefits of said political system. (while wearing an imitation on the walmart uniform)

[Magic Noodles]

42) Lick all the utensils.

[arw360degrees]

Lick All The Staff

[Aerial]

Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a test drive.

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

[Dakano]

68) Cover the CCTV cams with brown ducktape.

[Magic Noodles]

69, tehe) Cover the brown ducks with CCTV tapes.

[Mooke]

70?) steal a pricing gun and try to take someone hostage

69, bah! :P curse you magic noodles

[Dakano]

71) Use the pricing gun to put pictures of dicks on everything.

[arw360degrees]

72) Use The Pricing Gun On Your Dick. Then Go To The Checkout. Insist That It's A Vegetable And Weigh It On The Scales. Then Rub It On Other People's Shopping/Husbands

[Advent Pie]

73) Sit it babys prams...Even if the Baby is sitting in it, then scream continuously and Insist that you're "Role-playing"

[Dakano]

74) Steal all paint and say "Send the bill to the Wood Preservation Society!"

[Advent Pie]

75) Steal all the paint and pour it over Shoppers/Staff members.

[Dakano]

76) Pour shoppers over staff members

[Advent Pie]

77) Cut yourself and force others to lick the blood X_X

[Smartie]

-292: Anytime soon this travesty of a thread will be locked *fingers crossed*

[Dakano]

^ has a point.

79) Post crap in a FGF thread.

[Magic Noodles]

Moose) Play Robbie Williams albums over the tannoy system, and run around the store with a rake, jabbing small children with it until they are herded into one corner.

[arw360degrees]

80) Unplug All Electrical Appliances On Display And Charge Your Phone Instead

[friendly spoon]

ejaculate. everywhere

[Magic Noodles]

Go to the stereo section with several pendrives, and play Bananaphone on full volume on every stereo, synchronised to perfection.

[arw360degrees]

84) Dent A Can, Make A Fuss Over It, Saying That They Shouldn't Sell 'Tampered-Food'. Insist That You Speak With The Manager And Persist In Stealing Their Nose, Followed By Everyone Elses In The Store. Refuse To Leave Until You Have Returned All Noses To Their Rightful Owners Along With A Formal Written Apology.

[Magic Noodles]

Check the clothes for lice. All of them.

[arw360degrees]

Steal Thing By Putting Them Down Other People's Trousers

[Kinpower]

Steal other peoples trousers

[Dakano]

88) Put extra items into people's baskets when they're standing in the ten items or less line

[Magic Noodles]

Hire 40 people, ten of them rather large, to dress in white and position themselves in the aisles. Then put on a yellow suit and run around pushing them over, until a bunch of people dress in random colours find you, and push you over. However, when you push over one of the rather larger white-clothed-people, have the randomly-clothed-people put on blue clothes, and push them over. Thus inventing supermarket Pac-Man.

[friendly spoon]

Watch it...

[dinnerordie]

When they make an announcement on the PA drop down on your knees and shout "IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN"

I don't know if that has been posted previously, it's just that I couldn't be bothered to look

Edit: Oh yes, It has. What about this one:

Open a can of soup and make a trail of soup leading to the ladies' loos.

[Dakano]

92) Paint golf balls brown and put them in chocolate boxes.

93) Paint your balls brown and put them in chocolate boxes.

[TheHat]

Eat. Everything.

[T-Bear]

420) smoke weed in the changin rooms

[woobi]

96) Sneak around the shop humming the Mission Impossible theme

[Klefter]

91) Firstly become a male Jew. Then walk up to the cashier, throw down your trousers and say

"Roll this one back then"


(If you don't get it then you shouldn't)

[Magic Noodles]

Walk around the shop cataloguing EVERY item, including the staff.

[Lfoggy94]

57,238,750,026) freeze a panda, and throw it down the stairs onto a trampoline, bouncing across the store and happy slapping an old lady buying deterdrant

[thepiethief]

Rick roll everyone over the speaker system

[pinkfakecheez]

Roll backwards through the aisles, then when a member of staff comes up to you ,point at the signs and say that that's what you thought you had to do in this store.

Keep walking through the automatic doors and try to keep them open at all times. Especially if it's cold. Even more especially if it's snowing.

Keep playing with the same 20 Questions toy and whenever you complete a game, turn to the nearest person and say either "I was thinking of _____ and it TOTALLY READ MY MIND." or "It didn't get it, stupid thing."

Stand near people with children and then shout swear words at the top of your lungs.
If you want, take pictures of their reactions as it will only aggravate them further.

[thepiethief]

start a mosh pit right in the heart of the wal mart

[arw360degrees]

start a mosh pit right in the heart of the wal mart

That might just work... especially in conjunction with

Rick roll everyone over the speaker system

Take things off the shelves and stack pyramids in the aisles with them

[Magic Noodles]

Run to the clothes section, dress as a member of the opposite sex, and try to convince the staff you're hiding from a "m-m-m-monster!".

[Spirit]

Run up to a random person, jump on their back and yell GIDDY UP BITCH.

[Magic Noodles]

$/. Steal the lids on the felt-tip pens, you miscreant.

['Ello Guv'ner]

Get a bunch of people to dress up in anonymous masks and run around the aisles turning everything into memes

[Zebedee]

5+3i) Release the Rancor.

[Magic Noodles]

J2O/. Pee on their chips. Literally.

[Spirit]

Take the labels off everything, and then put them on random customers.

[Magic Noodles]

Steal food from the meat desk, then eat it and pretend to die of food poisoning, while pointing an accusing finger at the butcher.

"The... the butcher did it..."

[kikumbob]

Ask if you can get thrown out of walmart.

[Mooke]

wearing a turban, strap smartie tubes painted red around your waist, and a fake detonator in your hand then walk up to the most crowded part of the store

[Magic Noodles]

Buy a High School Musical DVD.

[Mooke]

buy the complete high school musical series

you might get dragged to a nut house though...

[Magic Noodles]

Buy a Wal Mart employee.

[Elbowman-iac]

Try to turn it into a pirate ship.

[Mooke]

try to turn a pirate ship into it

<crashing noise>

[Zippy]

get a jew to go to customer service, pull his dick out and tell him to say, ROLL THIS BACK

[Scruff Dog]

Get a job working there then do a really half arsed job of the work you have to do there and generally be rude to the boss, employees and the general public.

[Magic Noodles]

Sacrifice a cat to the Ancient Gods.

[Cpt.Killeman]

Walk in wearing only a pair of y-fronts, preferably with a yellowish stain on them, then stand in the women's underwear section and look as suspicious as you possibly can.


That probably isn't a very good one, i mean, everything after walking into the store with your ravaged undergarments depends entirely on if you can actualley get that far...

Oh and also sorry if something similar has already been posted, i didn't read the rest of the thread.

[No Minor Threat]

cheese) Sit in the toys aisle, or in the childrens changing room, with a video camera, furiously masturbating and whispering "come to daddy"

[BobbyNoShoes]

R) Stick your fist in your ass, flop your cock out and piss on passers-by whilst singing, "i'm a little teapot" if that doesn't work just go wearing some one elses skin

[No Minor Threat]

Peen) Tell the security guard you've seen an old lady stealing things by hiding them in her ass, then sit back and watch the poor old biddy get cavity searched

[Cpt.Killeman]

Purchase a pair of latex gloves and make a seabiscuit, bucket it and smear the word's 'RELEASE ME!' on the walls.

[Socks]

100) Eat Someone in the Gardening Section.

[arw360degrees]

i) Eat parts of all the chocolate bars. Insist that you don't have to pay because it's 33% extra free and you're only eating the free bit

[Scruff Dog]

i) Eat parts of all the chocolate bars. Insist that you don't have to pay because it's 33% extra free and you're only eating the free bit

I've seen someone on TV actually try that. He was accused of being thick. It did work though.

Here's how to get kicked out of McDonalds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr1JQpqQlsY&feature=related

[Magic Noodles]

Snap a kitkat in half and throw it down an aisle, before jamming your fingers in your ears, jumping to the ground and screaming "GRENADE!".

[Dakano]

Go to the rugby balls section and charge down the aisle with one. If anyone tackles you, take a blood capsule and bite it, claiming you're bleeding and require compensation.

[dinnerordie]

If this hasn't been posted before (I thought this up at school. either that or I had deja voo)

Dress up as a tic-tac. Look at someone and shout 'Need a little lift?' at them. No matter what they say, go and lift them up

[Felix Barry]

Go to the biscuit aisle and grab a packet of biscuit's and do your best impression of the cookie monster. Repeat as necessary....

[Magic Noodles]

Bring some friends, and start dragging small children down the aisles in a bizarre game of curling.

[Alec1887]

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/collecting_double_takes.png (http://xkcd.com/236/)

[Agressive Fork]

Try and put things in peoples trolleys without them noticing, I managed to put an ironing board in someones trolley once.

[JCM]

Sing a Green Day song. (Don't you just love old news?)

[dinnerordie]

This one sprang to mind, as I had done it before, but I didn't get kicked out :p

You know they have telephones and other things in the toy section that you can record and play back messages, while they're still in the try me packet? Go up to one, and record some abuse/swearing/threat/anything you can think of

DISCLAIMER: Don't come bitching to me if you got kicked out for that